Scent Of Time

Chapter 40

Seeing that the lantern in my hand went out, Zhong Xiwu took the lantern from the attendant beside him and walked towards me alone. It took at most a dozen steps to reach me.

“How long have you been here?” I subconsciously ask.

“Not long, just half an hour.” Zhong Xiwu answered.

I had been dazed for too long and hadn’t noticed the movement on the other side of them, “How did you know I was here?”

“You’ve always had a hard mouth and a soft heart, although others thought you were heartless towards Hua Shen, you never stood idly by when he caused trouble, and you even resisted Royal Brother’s sword for him, so I knew …… that you would come here.”

Zhong Xiwu looked at me, his gaze as gentle as the moon color, only to hear him speak again, “I’m late, Qianqian.”

My nose was sore; I don’t know why my tears almost fell. I hurriedly turned away my eyes and spoke, “Why did the Emperor appear here?”

“To deliver something to you.” Zhong Xiwu pulled a scroll-like object from his pocket and handed it to me.

I reached out to take it and opened it – it was the divorce decree.

Carefully closing the scroll, I looked at Zhong Xiwu: “The Emperor can send a eunuch to deliver it; why bother making the trip yourself.”

Zhong Xiwu looked at me; the lantern’s firelight reflected red on his face, “I want to see you.”

My fingers tightened, scratching a mark on the imperial decree brocade.

“Emperor, this sentence is too out of line; it’s getting late; I’d better go back to my house early.” With a hasty salute, I passed him and walked towards the bottom of the hillock. Zhong Xiwu unhurriedly followed behind, carrying a lantern for me.

Qian Zhi and Yin Xing saw this and didn’t dare to step forward, following a distance behind us together with the people Zhong Xiwu brought with him.

I couldn’t chase him away, so I changed the topic again: “Are there any results from the assassination at the banquet on that day?”

Zhong Xiwu walked to my side and answered: “Not a clue. The assassin’s after-handling is extremely clean. Those who all arrested bit their tongues, leaving no survivors at the scene, and did not leave half a trace, but the capital has begun to tighten security in the past few days.”

“Arrested assassins’ clothes and swords are all uniform?” I frowned and spoke.

Zhong Xiwu’s footsteps seemed at a standstill before he asked, “How could you have such a doubt?”

Without stopping, I answered, “I saw the men in black at the banquet that day, and they didn’t match each other.”

After a long time, Zhong Xiwu laughed softly before his voice rang out, “Qianqian, you have always been unperturbed by events; it made me can’t stop admiring you.”

His sentence was so ambiguous that it made me no longer pursue the question. I said: “It’s fine if the Emperor doesn’t want to say it; why take this kind of words …… to divert me.”

However, Zhong Xiwu held my right hand, and I met his eyes. I struggled hard, but he held tighter.

“Even if there is no one here, you can’t overstep your bounds like this; what…… do you take me for,” I brought annoyance to my tone.

“Don’t you always know? You’re still using the rules to pressure me.” Zhong Xiwu did not let go of my hand because of what I said. The grip on the holy decree in my left hand grew tighter. After a long time, I spoke, “When did the Emperor change your goal?”

“It never changed.”

“En?” I was surprised and looked at Zhong Xiwu. I only saw his burning eyes, “It’s always been you.”

Hearing these words, I subconsciously drew back my hand with force; this time, Zhong Xiwu did not exert any more force; I smoothly retracted my hand. Facing Zhong Xiwu’s unwavering gaze, I felt my throat tighten and stabilize my emotions before saying, “Then Mu Yao ……”

Zhong Xiwu frowned and asked, “Why do you always bring Mu Yao to me?”

I looked down at the shifting light on the ground before speaking, “You’re the one who said you look at her differently.”

“Of course, it’s different.” Zhong Xiwu’s voice rang low, “Because I like you, so the way I look at you is different; the person that has been married but I still miss is you; the person I want to make clothes for is you. From the beginning, it’s only you.”

The hand holding the imperial decree was almost unsteady; I felt my heartbeat so loud that my eardrums were echoing: “I…I but …… ”

I couldn’t say ‘Princess Consort Jin’ these three words when I saw the imperial decree in my hand, and my voice ended abruptly.

Zhong Xiwu seemed to have read my mind and said, “I’m afraid that your identity made you burdened before, so I’m only coming to tell you now, but as smart as you are, how can you not see what I have in mind? Still using Mu Yao as an excuse to reject me in the great hall politely.”

“Since the Emperor had already heard my meaning at that time, why do you need to come …… today?” I think I will ruin this imperial decree in my hand; I have heard that it is an imperial gift, and one will be heavily punished if it is damaged.

“Because I can’t let go.” Zhong Xiwu ignored my resistance and said, “That’s why I want to ask you one more time, to ask you personally if you are willing to follow me?”

My heart ached a little, and I spoke, “Is the Emperor joking? The status between you and me is not appropriate, even now.”

What do you want me to do? Enter the palace as a concubine?

“Perhaps this time and this place are not suitable to say this now, but I still can’t help it. I only ask if you are willing. If you have half of me in your heart, leave everything else to me, and I will let you stand by my side honorably.”

Zhong Xiwu’s eyes were full of warmth and sincerity, utterly devoid of the tentativeness and wariness I felt when I first met him. He held the lamp in his right hand and extended his left hand to me, his white and bony palm shining in the moonlight, illuminating my eyes with pain: “Qianqian, there is me for everything; as long as you are willing, my hand is right here.”

Zhong Xiwu’s words and the feelings in his words are clear to me, but can I hold this hand?

I would hold it without hesitation if I were a teenage girl or a genuine ancient person, but I am neither. I’m no longer at the age where things are done based on emotion; there’s too much between Zhong Xiwu and me. He and I have different values. I once married Zhong Yelan; in what capacity can I enter the palace now?

Zhong Xiwu is fond of me, but I’m not sure how much of his affection will remain after long years of harem life. Even monogamy in modern society is subject to many divorces. I dare not think how long he can like me in the face of the increasingly renewed beauties in the harem. Greeting Zhong Xiwu’s eyes, which are as serene and gentle as pools of water, made me clench my hands tighter, and I was about to pierce the palms of my own hands.

How can I deal with myself if the feelings are worn out over time? My mind, willingness, or unwillingness, under the weight of this difficulty, all seem less important. I wanted to walk towards and pull him in, but it wasn’t easy.

The empty hillock suddenly sounded a rush of footsteps; I turned around and saw Cui Zhu with tears running over to me and kneeling; my heart jumped, and I heard her say, “Miss …… Miss, please go and see Hua Rongzhou! He has so much blood ……”

Hearing her say many garbled words, I tried to stabilize my mind, picked her up, and spoke, “Speak properly; what happened to Hua Rongzhou?”

However, Cui Zhu stammered for half a day, crying and saying gibberish. My heart became annoyed, and I pulled my legs to leave. After I walked a few steps, I turned back to see Zhong Xiwu at the same place holding the lantern; he already put back his extended hand and only looked at me without changing his gaze.

I took a deep breath before I spoke, “Today, thanks to the Emperor for coming to send the decree. I’ll assume that I have not heard anything else, and there is no need to mention it again.” I bowed and turned around, not daring to look back again.