Painful past
I apologize for the delay in submitting this chapter, I have been checking and preparing to correct errors in all the chapters I have written so far due to which I did not manage to prepare the chapter in time .
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Blake pov
Looking at the hotel staff leaving my room right after helping me clean up the mess that Yang made , I sit back down on the now freshly dressed bed wondering what just happened .
'Luckily I saved my dinner .'
I think looking at the plate of unfinished fish lying next to me on the bed . Taking the plate to finish eating I notice that I am alone again .
' So I should do it now before Lappland gets home .'
I think looking at my scroll lying on the bedside table . Taking the last bite of food I put down my plate and pick up the scroll . Walking to the window with the scroll in my hands I sit down on the window sill .
' If I don't do it then my aunt will do it for me .'
I think while dialing the number for my mom . I was going to call my parents earlier however I didn't want to do it with Yang in the room , I honestly thought Yang would stay until Lappland returned which would make me have an excuse not to call again . However , now I have no excuse .
' Now or never .
I think while waiting for someone to answer .
Kali : " Hello ?"
After a moment of waiting through the speaker I hear my mother's voice . In a moment of hesitation I fell silent not knowing how to start a conversation . Sitting on the windowsill I draw my knees to me and taking a deep breath I get ready to answer .
Blake : "Hi mom ?"
I say uncertain of my mom reaction after all I ran away from home and since the " disappearance" of Lappland we have not been in very good contact with each other .
Kali : "Blake ? Is it you are you okay ? Where are you ? If your disappearance is Adam's doing again then I swear ..."
Hearing my mom words I am a little overwhelmed by her questions and not a little surprised by her explosion of anger when she mentioned Adam .
Blake : " Mom calm down, I'm fine . I am in Vale together with .... Lappland"
I say stopping my mother from further anger by mentioning Lappland to her .
Kali : " Lappland is with you ? Is she okay ? Can you give me her to talk to ?"
Says mom again throwing me into a whirlwind of questions when she apparently returned to an even better mood than after starting the conversation with me .
Blake : " Lappland is with me and she is dooing well at least for her . And now she is not with me she left to do something ."
I say leaving out Lappa's visit to the doctor so as not to worry her .
Kali : " Why did you run away ? Is it related to Lappland ?"
Asks mom hitting straight on the point . Since Lappland disappeared mother has always together with father searched for her with the help of many people . But there were not many willing to help them because of Lappland reputation .
In all of this I knew what had happened but I remained silent looking at the worry of my mom and dad as they continued to look for her .Thinking about that day about what I did , I recall the sad state in which I met Lappland less than a few days ago .
'If I wasn't so stupid and selfish '
Thinking about it, I can't help but cry.
' I am a common traitorous whore . Lappland gave me all her heart and do things that no one should willingly sign up for . It is because of me that everyone sees her as a monster .''
Kali : "Blake is something wrong ?"
Asks mom shaking me out of my thoughts as I gather myself .
Blake : " No , nothing mom I was thinking " .
I say trying to control the tremor in my voice .
Kali : " Blake what's going on , are you crying ? "
Asks mom with worry in her voice . But hearing this makes me feel worse than trash because I remember many unkind things I said to her .
'More than once I ran away from home to be with Adam on missions . Even though my parents didn't want me to be in white fang anymore because of Lappland I just laughed at them . I don't deserve this worry '
Blake: " Mom it's nothing I have a cold ."
I say wiping the tears that have gathered in my eyes. Somehow hearing Mom's voice makes me feel even worse about myself.
Kali : " Blake turn on the camera ".
Says mom seriously when a video call request appeared on my scroll .Confused with my trembling finger I decided to accept it which made me see the image of my mom who was looking at me with seriousness .
Kali : " You are not crying ? "
Asks mom looking at me through the camera . Looking towards the window I see in its reflection myself drenched in tears as the makeup I always try to put on runs down from my eyes .
Blake : " Blake tell me what is going on ? "
Asks mom with seriousness in her voice . Knowing mom she is ready without a boat to cross an ocean full of grimm to be with me now . She has always been like that with that look I knew she would give her life for me , those eyes the same care that Lappland shows me so often despite her character . At that time I felt the guilt eating me up from the inside ,something inside me broke I felt like I had to tell everything .
Blake : " Mom I'm sorry .It's my fault .... What happened to Lappland is my fault ."
I say fearing my mother's reaction when I stopped trying to stop crying .
Kali : " Blake what are you talking about ? What is your fault ?"
Asks mom when I don't dare to look at her .
Blake : " A year ago I ,Adam and others caught Lappland..... He said he knew a place .... A clinic where they will help her where she won't hurt anyone ....It was me who made Lappland disappear for a year "
I say wiping more tears from my face smearing all my makeup all over it .
Kali : " Blake ..... You."
Says my mother with disappointment in her voice , to which I could only curl up inside myself yessir tightly drawing my knees to my chest .
Blake : " I believed Adam , I put Lappland aside even though she was the one who always gave me everything .... I believed Adam , I betrayed Lappland ."
Blake : " Mom I .... was ready to kill her for this idiot .... I set her up by sending her a message .... I knew she was injured from the last mission . I believed that Adama would catch her without any problems and transport her but this asshole with others almost killed her...... and I like an idiot looked at it and believed it was the only way ."
I say confessing the deepest nightmare of my heart . I thought Lappland would have died that day if I had not stepped in .
Blake : "But I stopped it ..... hitting her in the back of the head she turned around and I could see the conflict in her eyes ...... she could not defend herself from me . She did not defend herself when I knocked her down , she just smiled at me .... Her words her tone ..."
I say unable to catch my breath any further I continued crying as I curled up shaking on the windowsill having memories of that night in my head .
Blake : " Not until ... A year later when things between me and adama deteriorated I had the courage to look for her . Adama lied ... When I found her ... She was chained up in a dark cell . In the darkness , naked ... Mom ... What have I done ....."
I say in a whisper without having the strength or courage to say it out loud.
Kali : " Blake why didn't you tell me about it earlier ? All this time you knew where Lappland was yet you never mentioned it ?"
Asks mom after a long silence from her tone I couldn't tell if she was disappointed or sad .
Blake : " I didn't know either , I thought I knew , only when Lappland disappeared.... I started to notice .... What we were doing was not helping anyone .... I started to think and ask .... Then I doubted Adam he said he didn't know anything .... I had to search myself to find her they kept her on the Menagerie ."
I say , having difficulty in forming a sentence .
Blake : "I didn't know what to do .... I continued to believe in Adam I ... I was afraid ... Adama talked about how Lappland is dangerous to herself and others .... He talked about how she almost blew the mission and tried to kill him ...... I ..... I ...I ...... I'm sorry mom ."
I say trying to calm down . I sincerely regret everything I have done I don't deserve mercy from mom or Lappland . If I'm honest I wasn't even sure if Lappland would actually come back to me after all this .
But in her cell in her eyes I saw this joy at the sight of me , this ray of hope in her eyes . I didn't have the courage not to take her with me despite the fact that I counted on insults from her , I wanted her to leave me .
Kali : "Blake calm down tell me everything that happened , but this time calmly and with details ."
Says mom in a calm tone however I knew that the storm would start and my parents do not forgive Adam .
Blake : " Mom I can not , he will hurt you."
I say knowing that I already screwed up anyway , just looking at mom I couldn't .
Kali : " Blake Belladona . I love you because you are my daughter however I also raised Lappland you both are important to me. But I'm not afraid of Adam. Together with your father we started to fight against the whole kingdom. If you think that some kid with a savior complex is able to threaten me in that case I guess you don't know your father and me well enough."
Kali : " If you don't tell me everything in detail I swear I will be in Vale in an hour ."
Says mom in a tone so serious that I know that holding my tongue is pointless because she will surely keep her word .
Blake : " Mom just please don't do anything that will endanger you I won't be able to live with the knowledge that something happened to you or dad ."
I say looking at the picture of mom who only smiled at me . Taking a few breaths I gather my thoughts into words to tell everything as I remember it . At the time mom was listening to me and despite the fact that it is memories from a year ago I remember everything as if it was yesterday .