Romantic Gangster

#49

Choi Young-jae, who had just put the last piece of his precious rib patty in his mouth, tapped Ji-woo’s tray as he watched him barely eating lunch while constantly looking at his phone.

“Why are you so worried? It’s not like it’s the first time Hyun-joon hasn’t come to school. He’s probably just blowing off steam somewhere because PE class is so annoying.”

It should have been easy to just think like Young-jae and wait for a message, but it was too difficult. Ji-woo sighed heavily and looked at Hyun-joon’s last message from the morning.

[Sorry]

[I’ll call you later]

Hyun-joon had sent these messages shortly after leaving school. As soon as Ji-woo got to the classroom, he had been writing and erasing messages to Hyun-joon, trying to figure out what to say, when these messages arrived. Since then, those two words, “Sorry,” had been etched in his mind and heart, making it impossible for him to concentrate on anything else.

He felt sorry for Hyun-joon, who had left school alone carrying all that unfairness, and he was also very worried. Hyun-joon’s expression had been terrible when he left the school gate, and the situation itself was so awful that calling it the worst would be an understatement. Ji-woo was curious and concerned about where Hyun-joon was and what he was doing alone, likely hurt by the situation.

So he had asked where Hyun-joon was, if his face was okay, and if he could be alone, but there had been no response from Hyun-joon yet. The only consolation was that Hyun-joon had read his messages.

“……”

Ji-woo hadn’t realized it because they were always together, but with Hyun-joon suddenly gone from school, the school felt incredibly empty. And it was less fun than before. Even though Hyun-joon being at school didn’t mean they were doing anything special or having particular fun, it was surprising how empty it felt without him.

Young-jae kept saying there was no need to worry so much about someone who wasn’t a child anymore, but Ji-woo couldn’t stop thinking about Hyun-joon. He felt he would only be at ease if he could see Hyun-joon’s face.

But even when school ended and it was time for Ji-woo’s convenience store part-time job, Hyun-joon hadn’t contacted him. Although Ji-woo was the one who had to go to work, so Hyun-joon didn’t necessarily have to come, going to work alone and sitting alone at the counter felt lonely, perhaps because Hyun-joon had been there with him for a while.

Every time the door opened, Ji-woo would quickly look up hoping it might be Hyun-joon, only to be disappointed when it wasn’t. This cycle of hope and disappointment continued as time passed.

He was so curious about where Hyun-joon was, what he was doing, and if he was feeling better, but he couldn’t send a casual message for fear it might remind Hyun-joon of the morning incident and make him feel worse. Ji-woo kept looking at the two characters spelling “Sorry” left in Hyun-joon’s message window.

Then, as the messages scrolled up, a new message caught Ji-woo’s eye. Startled, Ji-woo straightened his back and picked up his phone.

[Hyun-joon: No troublesome customers came, right?]

Even in this situation, Hyun-joon was worrying about him, which made Ji-woo’s nose sting a little. Ji-woo shook his head as he typed his response, his actions synchronized with the content of his message.

[No, none came]

[Where are you?]

[Have you eaten dinner?]

[Hyun-joon: I should come, but I’m too embarrassed to see you]

[Hyun-joon: Sorry]

There was nothing for Hyun-joon to be sorry about, but he kept apologizing since the morning, which kept bothering Ji-woo. Every time he saw those two characters for “Sorry,” his heart would ache a little, and he also felt he had been too indifferent just watching Hyun-joon leave school alone.

Maybe it would have been better to just skip school together for a day and stay with Hyun-joon… A belated regret followed.

[Why do you keep saying sorry]

[You didn’t do anything wrong to me]

[You must have felt so wronged this morning, right? I know you’re not that kind of person.. I don’t know if this helps, but I hope you feel a little better]

[And I’m sorry I let you go alone instead of staying with you]

[I thought if it were you, you would have followed me out, and that made me feel really sorry]

[You don’t have to come here, but please make sure to eat dinner and if you’re still feeling bad, don’t stay alone, meet other friends at least]

[Let’s definitely see each other tomorrow]

After typing the last message, Ji-woo realized he had sent seven messages in a row and bit his lips hard. It seemed all the worry and thoughts about Hyun-joon that had been building up all day had burst out without him realizing.

Reading them again, he felt a bit embarrassed as they seemed quite emotional, but he decided to leave them as they were, not wanting to delete them now. Besides, Hyun-joon had already read them as soon as they were sent, so deleting them would be meaningless.

There was no reply from Hyun-joon. But Ji-woo felt a little more at ease. Even though the content wasn’t great, he had received a message from Hyun-joon, and Hyun-joon had read the messages he sent.

Ji-woo got up from his seat and started cleaning the convenience store, seeing that there was about an hour left until closing time.

He hoped that the hurt in Hyun-joon’s heart would fly away like dust, and that he would be able to see Hyun-joon’s smiling face again tomorrow.

The entrance to the alley leading to his house was unusually dark. Ji-woo looked up and saw that both street lamps at the entrance were off, and let out a small sigh.

After passing through the dark alley entrance and taking a few steps in, his vision cleared thanks to the lit street lamps inside the alley. Ji-woo saw someone standing by the wall in front of his house further in.

“…Oh.”

It was Hyun-joon. With that immediate certainty, Ji-woo started running. Tap, tap tap, tap. The sound of his sneakers hitting the ground echoed through the narrow and quiet alley.

“Hyun-joon!”

It felt like if he didn’t run, if he arrived even a little late, Hyun-joon would disappear. Ji-woo quickly ran up and grabbed Hyun-joon’s wrist with both hands.

“Haa… Why, why are you here?”

“I was thinking of going to the convenience store, but the timing was awkward, so I just came here. I didn’t want to get annoyed if we missed each other.”

“Are you, haa, are you okay now? Is it okay to see me?”

“…I’m still embarrassed. But I have to do the pheromone thing. We can’t skip it and have you get sick again.”

“…I hadn’t thought of that.”

“It’s okay since I did.”

Hyun-joon was standing in front of him, but he couldn’t meet Ji-woo’s eyes properly. Ji-woo, who had been quietly looking at Hyun-joon like this, caught his breath and opened his mouth while still holding Hyun-joon’s arm.

“What was so… embarrassing to me?”

“…Everything.”

Hyun-joon’s gaze fell to the ground. Ji-woo’s gaze slowly followed downward. Hyun-joon unnecessarily moved his foot, rubbing the ground. Each time he did, small stones and dirt made a gritty sound as they were rubbed.

“Becoming an idiot in front of you, that bastard doing that… it’s not like it’s the first or second time, I should have just let it go, but I couldn’t and ran away from school.”

“……”

“I’ve never been embarrassed about this kind of thing before.”

“……”

“The teachers don’t mess with me, so other bastards can’t treat me carelessly either. So it was comfortable, and I didn’t care if anyone called me a gangster or a thug. But, but now…”

His words stopped, and Hyun-joon’s breath flowed out. Ji-woo quietly looked at Hyun-joon like that. And he took in all of Hyun-joon’s words, and even his breath, with his ears and heart.

“Now I’m embarrassed. Hearing that kind of talk in front of you, it’s really fucking embarrassing.”

“……”

“I think I… really like you.”

Although his speech wasn’t smooth and he paused occasionally, Ji-woo liked Hyun-joon’s unpolished confession. He hadn’t been able to imagine what kind of feeling it was for Hyun-joon to like him, but seeing Hyun-joon unable to meet his eyes and saying he was embarrassed, his heart felt full.

He felt like he understood Hyun-joon’s feelings. Those feelings that seemed no different from the worry he had felt for Hyun-joon all day.

“Hyun-joon.”

“……”

“Today, I’ll hug you.”

Hyun-joon’s gaze, which had been directed at the ground, lifted in surprise. Ji-woo smiled at the finally met gaze and stepped closer, narrowing the distance. Hyun-joon’s shoulders flinched.

Ji-woo, with his arms spread, moved even closer and hugged Hyun-joon. He wanted to hold Hyun-joon completely in his arms and pat his back like Hyun-joon did when hugging him, but it was a bit disappointing that he couldn’t do that because Hyun-joon was too big. Still, he hoped that his pat could be even a small comfort to Hyun-joon.

“You had a tough day today.”

“……”

“I was worried…”

“……”

“It felt so empty without you. The classroom was empty, the cafeteria was empty…”

“……”

“My heart was empty too…”

Ji-woo calmly conveyed the words in his heart. It wasn’t a sudden outpouring of words upon seeing Hyun-joon, whom he had been worried about. It wasn’t impulsive speech, nor was it exaggerated. It was just the honest feelings he had experienced all day.

“Earlier, when I was going home after school ended, I saw the PE teacher in the hallway but didn’t greet him. We made eye contact, but I was so annoyed that I just went down the stairs.”