Rising Shards

“Stel?” Evy called out as she entered their apartment. She hadn’t heard from Stella in a few hours, which wasn’t the most unusual thing, but the plan for Fridays was for Zeta to come over and she hadn’t heard anything there. She half expected to see Zeta waiting for her in the kitchen as the Faleur sisters prepared dinner, but there wasn’t anyone there. She could hear the TV in the living room on, with Stella’s workout video going. Evy approached the living room and saw that Stella was lying down on her yoga mat with her arms spread. But instead of keeping up with the poses, she just stayed there, unmoving.

“Um, hey you good there?” Evy asked. She got closer and saw tears streaking down Stella’s face. “Hey, it’s alright…” Evy sat down by Stella and grabbed the remote. “Let’s…do you wanna stop?” Stella nodded and after Evy paused it, a bawling Stella rushed into her arms. “It’s OK…”

“It wasn’t the yoga,” Stella said. “Like not a bad workout or anything. Sorry, dumb time for a joke.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m just glad I didn’t say a dumb joke about it.” Evy said. “If you wanna talk, I’m here. Otherwise if you just wanna cry this out, no worries.”

Stella cried as Evy rubbed her shoulders. They got situated so Stella was basically sitting on Evy’s lap as she gripped her shoulders, sobbing as she rested her head on her chest. “I…wanna tell you.” Stella said after a big sniff and a heave.

“Sure, take your time, babe,” Evy said.

“The retention sprite,” Stella said. “Caya told her. Or made me tell her.”

Evy tried to think of what retention sprite Stella would be talking about. “Oh! Duh, the one Zeta saw…”

“I knew what it was though,” Stella said. “Like from the second I heard about it. I could’ve…it’s…”

“It’s alright, Stel,” Evy said.

“It’s our father,” Stella said. “The retention sprite was…ugh. I know he…sent it. Can I start over?”

“You’re doing fine, I’m keeping up.” Evy said.

“I told Zeta I’d tell her everything tomorrow,” Stella said. “But I can’t even…maybe it’ll be easier if I tell you.”

Evy nodded, her own eyes welling up seeing Stella like this.

“Just please, let me be the one to tell Zeta when I’m ready.”

“Of course.” Evy said.

Stella took some heaving deep breaths.

“I’ve only ever talked about them with Pippi.” Stella said. “And my therapist. Lys was so mad I could never say anything.”

“Lys…that was your last partner, right?” Evy asked.

“Uh huh,” Stella said. “I just couldn’t tell her. So if I clam up…but I don’t want to do that with you.”

Evy let Stella talk out her thoughts without interrupting. They both had the thing where sometimes they just needed to think out loud to figure out what they really needed to say.

“My parents sucked,” Stella said. “That’s the start of it. And the root of it. I mean, they probably still do suck. It was a void storm. I should probably put that in an order that makes sense.”

“I’m so sorry,” Evy said. “They were void born?”

Stella nodded. “Zeta and I weren’t. Thank god. But…it’s not just that. Like I said, they suck. Textbook narcissists. Nonstop noise, nonstop begging for attention, never sleeping. So much more. I could go on and on and on and my poor therapist still hears about it. Only my therapist, my psychiatrist, uhh, the social workers I had to be in contact with to get custody after…Pippi knows, but I don’t vent to her too much about them—god, I’m not making any sense.”

“Just talk it out, I’m listening.” Evy said.

“Kay,” Stella said, shuddering as she wiped her tears. “They were so bad, Evy. I hated every second when they got bad. But they weren’t always bad. But they steadily got…more regularly bad. They got big into Endora business.”

“Oh, Stel…”

“They tried the beast thing on me a few times. But I never took to it. And I knew they hated me for it. Everything about them was worse when they drank, so weekends were just gone growing up. At least on the ones where they were actually around and not out in the void. They’d leave for months and months, once almost a whole year. Sometimes just one left, sometimes both. I…liked it better when they were gone.

“When Zeta was conceived, they both cleaned up, and it felt like things were finally turning a corner. No more shouting matches, no more slamming doors. OK, they still shut doors and cupboards loudly, but it was less. They still mutually wanted all the attention on them at all times, all control. But I was going to have a baby sister. I put a lot of hope on her to fix it, poor thing. Then a few months after, maybe half a year…it was like they never stopped. I’d spend some nights in the middle of it just in her room at her crib, holding her ears so she wouldn’t hear them. Zeta was so young when the storm hit. But. There’s more.”

Stella clamped her eyes shut, as if she couldn’t stand to see Evy’s reaction to what she had to say.

“They were gonna take us.” Stella said. “They had this machine, it’d go…god knows where. Some place deep in the void we’d never come back from. They knew the storm was coming, and…”

“I’ve heard of those machines, yeah.” Evy said. “The kind that void borns will use to just drop everything here and leave. They make it so the users can't come back without a huge cost.”

“I…couldn’t let them,” Stella said. “To her. So when the storm was about to hit, and our parents were asleep…I didn’t break it…I just. Made sure it didn’t take her. I couldn’t leave her alone either. So I fixed it so I wouldn’t go too. I brought Zeta to a bunker in our apartment for void storms. Zeta slept through it. And when I got back, they were gone. I hate it, but…I was so relieved.” Stella threw her hands up. “So there it is. You probably hate me for basically. Stealing her.”

Evy had heard lots of stories of families like that. And for so many of them Evy wished they had a Stella to try and save the parts of the family that didn't want to be thrown into some unknown and highly dangerous pocket in the void. 

“You didn’t steal her,” Evy said. “With everything that Endorans tend to put their kids through…I think you saved her. And that’s on top of them being abusive narcissists.”

“Evy, I…” Stella trailed off, her lip quivering. “Thank you.”

Stella needed to sit in silence in the dawning realization that she actually told Evy all this, and that Evy hadn’t just gotten up and left immediately.

“I’m just glad I was old enough that getting custody of Zeta wasn’t a huge thing,” Stella said. “Well it was a huge amount of paperwork. I…didn’t want her to know about them. I put all the family photos with them that they didn’t take along with away in a storage building that I just let payments lapse on so they’d get rid of them for me. Oh, and my last name wasn't Faleur originally, it was Kathron. I wanted to...get rid of as much of them as I could."

"Oh, wow," Evy said.

"I'm sure you're pissed that I lied to you about that last part." Stella said. "I get it."

"I don't think you ever said anything like 'my name was always Faleur,'" Evy said. "And even if you did, I have plenty of near and dear friends and a few students who've changed their names, so it's never something I'd judge someone for."

"Th-thank...you..." Stella licked her lips, which had gotten dry. "And then Zeta, that poor girl, the first person she dates is that Jeans. I’m scared it’s in our blood to find people like that. I was so relieved when she got away.”

“I'm glad she got away too,” Evy said.

“With this retention sprite thing, I hope it’s just some old memory dug up in her jump fifteen and not actually from them.” Stella said. “I don’t know what I’ll do if it’s really from them.”

“We’ll make sure Zeta stays safe.” Evy said

“I can’t…I don’t know…” Stella trailed off and cried deeply once more, finding solace being so close to Evy. Once she’d cried for a long while, she looked up at her, eyes red. “You’re not void born, are you?”

“No,” Evy said. “And if I was, I’d find you.”

Stella wailed and fell against her once more, hugging her tightly. Once her tears had run out, she sighed. “I’m sorry. That was a lot.”

“Don’t be,” Evy said. “I think it’s good you told me. I should probably vent to you about my family sometime soon.”

Stella sighed again, the sigh of a long crying session finally winding down.

“Would you really find me if you got swept up in a void storm?” Stella asked.

“Yep,” Evy said. “If I just completely breached your trust a minute ago and was actually lying about being void born then got swept up in a void node, I’d go through like twelve of the most hellish void nodes to get back to you. I wouldn’t stop until I could see you aga—”

Stella pressed her lips against Evy’s. The two said a great deal to each other wordlessly with their lips together, with Stella pushing ahead with a combination of gratefulness and a desperate fear that she’d vented too much, but Evy responded with warm support, quelling that desperate fear. Stella held Evy’s hands and met her eyes.

“Thank you for listening to me,” Stella said. “I can’t…put that into words. What it means.”

“That’s OK,” Evy said. “I talk literally all the time and I still can’t put into words how much you mean to me.”

The two stayed silent for a long while, rocking back and forth and supporting each other. Stella moved from sitting on Evy’s lap to resting her head on her thighs, looking up at her.

Stella’s phone on the living room table vibrated. She got up to go check it, and from the color immediately leaving her face, she wasn’t looking forward to answering from whoever was calling.

“It’s…Caya.” Stella said as Evy felt a deep pit in her stomach.