Rising Shards

I was trying very hard to keep my composure as we finished up our brunch, got our books, and left. I didn’t want to ruin the good mood with me being emotional by very kind things, so I was able to carry on regular conversation for the rest of our little date, but it hit me like a ton of pent-up emotional bricks as soon as we were back to the apartment. I had already excused myself to the bathroom, so I sat in there with my hands clasped over my mouth as I bawled.

My last girlfriend, really my only longtime partner prior to Evy, didn’t care too much for Zeta. Not that she disliked her, but I could tell she resented the idea of me raising her once our parents got lost in the void (long story). She kept saying I was ‘effectively’ her guardian, and that always upset me.

“It’s not ‘effectively,’” I’d say every time. “I’m her guardian.”

“Sure, but,” Lys would say something like that and then roll her eyes.

I made sure Zeta never saw that side of Lys. But in doing so, I kind of distanced Lys from myself more. And that helped things go not so great for us.

I knew Evy cared about Zeta, because when I talked to my little sister about school, she’d always bring up her favorite teacher, Dr. Diast. That care Evy had for helping Zeta out with all her big Cani life changes while still being a good teacher probably made her even more attractive to me. So Evy thinking of Zeta out of the blue and getting her a present just hit me hard. I didn’t want Evy to worry, so I tried to clean up and not spend forever in the bathroom.

Another thing I had to contend with while I washed my hands: the realization that Evy had done enough searching to find out what theater group I’ve been doing plays with, and actually went to see me perform. That was mind blowing, and if I told myself a few weeks earlier that I would not only get to have sex with Evy, but that she had already seen me act, I would have probably passed out on the spot. Evy kept saying how creepy she felt for doing it, but I didn’t find it creepy at all. She didn’t find any info I was keeping hidden; I used my socials to promote my acting, so it was sort of nice they actually worked in a way. I sniffed as I left the bathroom, my eyes still watery and the rest of my face still feeling the effects of tears, but I did the best I could. I left my bag of books on the kitchen table before retreating to the bathroom, so I picked those up. As I stepped into the living room, I heard a slight sound from Evy the bedroom. She didn’t hear me approach, and for a second I saw her with her face buried in her hands. Her head whipped up when she realized I was there. She wiped her eyes as I stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do.

“Oh. Hey.” Evy said. “This isn’t, not about you so don’t, ah…worry.” She sniffed.

Seeing Evy in a vulnerable state like this was surreal. My caring instincts took over, and I sat down beside her, putting my head on her shoulder again. Evy reached out to hold my hand. I really liked when she did that.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.

Evy let out a soft breath. “Today’s just been really nice. And that’s a lot for me right now.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Me too.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Evy asked.

“Maybe in a sec,” I said. “I want to make sure you’re good first.”

“Aw, Stel.” Evy said. “I’m just. It’s stupid, I dunno.”

“Even if it is, you can tell me,” I said. “I’ve been told by at least two people that I’m a very good listener when they need to cry.”

“One of those is Zeta, right?” Evy asked.

“Uh huh, and my bestie Pippi.” I said. “But if this feels like something you don’t want to talk about, no worries.”

“I kinda…want to talk about it,” Evy said. “I love talking. As I’m sure you’re probably aware.”

“Uh huh,” I grinned. “I like that about you.”

Evy got the gift card out. “I got this for Caya, a long time ago. She didn’t even have enough interest in me at that point for me to even have time to give it to her.”

“I’m sorry, Evy…” I said. I knew Caya slightly from Zeta’s descriptions and of course the Kilander show. I couldn’t picture her and Evy together.

“I’m sorry for using a hand-me-down gift here,” Evy said. “But then you were counting out the prices out loud and then you did that little pose, and it was seriously. The most precious thing I’ve ever seen. And you were receptive to going to the bookstore with me, you didn’t shut me down, and…” Evy shut her eyes. “It…I’m feeling a lot.”

“I get that,” I said. “And don’t worry about the hand-me-down, you said you didn’t give it to her, so it doesn’t count as a gift to her. And honestly? I was just in the bathroom crying from how nice today’s gone so far. My last partner, she also…didn’t have a lot of interest in the end either. So um, thank you.”

“Thank you too, Stella.” Evy said. “I don’t want to sound like an ass for saying this, but I don’t have a better way to phrase it: I’m glad you were just crying too. That like. The mutual…”

We each gripped our hands tighter. “I get you.” I said. “Say, Evy?”

“Hm?”

“Could I kiss you right now?” I asked. “I think I could use a kiss.”

“I think I could, too.” Evy said.

Even with us just sitting, Evy had a height advantage on me. I gently grabbed her collar to pull her closer to me, so our lips could meet.