Chapter 19: Empty Thoughts
It was a moment of silence, broken only by the sound of his labored, uneven breaths and the relentless patter of rain against the shattered ground. The storm drenched him, soaking his torn clothes until they clung to his skin, heavy and cold. Blood and grime washed away in thin streams, swirling around his feet before disappearing into the cracks of the rubble-strewn ground.
Ezra shivered, his muscles aching with exhaustion, adrenaline still humming faintly in his veins. He looked around, his surroundings unrecognizable. He was farther from where he had started—much farther than he should have been. The storm had reduced the world to muted grays, erasing any sense of direction or familiarity.
It was just him, the corpse, and the rain.
His hand tightened around the object in his grip—the creature's heart. It had grown colder now, its once-warm, alien texture slipping slickly against his trembling fingers. He stared at it blankly, his vision hazed by exhaustion and the relentless onslaught of rain. The grotesque organ no longer pulsed, no longer carried the terrifying energy it had wielded moments before. Now, it was lifeless, no more threatening than the creature's corpse sprawled on the rubble a few feet away.
And yet, it felt heavy.
Not in a physical sense, but in a way he couldn't put into words. It felt alien and wrong in his hand, slick with dark blood and no longer beating. He stared at it, unblinking, as the rain washed over him, mingling with the sticky warmth of the monster's blood.
He didn't know what he felt. Was it fear? Disgust? Satisfaction, even? Was he supposed to feel proud of his first kill? Or was it regret? Shame?
No.
None of it.
In truth, he felt empty—like a hollow shell. His emotions seemed stripped away, leaving nothing but a void where fear or joy or relief should have been. The warmth of adrenaline and survival had faded, leaving only the cold, damp chill of the storm and the hollow weight in his chest.
The corpse lay a few feet away, its grotesque form contorted and lifeless. The rain poured relentlessly, pooling around its body, mixing with the dark ichor that seeped from its wounds. Ezra's eyes lingered on the twisted creature, but his expression remained unreadable. He didn't flinch or recoil; he simply stared, lost in the stillness of the aftermath.
The storm's unrelenting downpour masked the world around him, reducing the sounds of destruction and chaos to a dull background hum. Ezra's gaze drifted down to the heart in his hand, his fingers slick and trembling as the organ glistened faintly under the rain.
It was strange. Only minutes ago, it had been alive—powerful, commanding, threatening. Now, it was just a piece of flesh, drained of its vitality, no different from any other lifeless thing.
Was this what victory was supposed to feel like? Ezra's brow furrowed slightly as the thought crossed his mind. Wasn't there supposed to be some kind of triumph? Some sense of accomplishment? But all he felt was a numbness so profound it threatened to consume him.
He inhaled shakily, the cold air stinging his lungs. The rain pelted his face, mingling with the faint metallic taste of blood still lingering on his lips. He felt the ache in his arms and legs, the sting of scratches across his skin, the dull throb of bruises forming beneath his soaked clothes.
But none of it compared to the emptiness inside.
Ezra turned his gaze back to the corpse. Its six eyes, now dull and lifeless, stared back at him with an accusatory stillness. He tried to feel something—guilt, relief, anything—but the numbness persisted.
He swallowed hard, the lump in his throat refusing to go away. This is what survival looks like, he thought bitterly. It's not glory. It's just… nothing.
The heart slipped from his trembling fingers, landing with a dull, wet thud on the ground. He didn't flinch. Instead, he took a step back, his legs unsteady. The rain continued to wash over him, cold and relentless, soaking through to his bones.
For a moment, Ezra thought about collapsing—just letting himself sink into the rubble and rain and letting it all disappear. But the thought passed as quickly as it came. There was no time for rest.
He forced himself to look away from the corpse, his eyes scanning the desolate landscape around him. The emptiness gnawed at him, but he pushed it down, burying it beneath the faint flicker of resolve that remained.
Ezra took a shuddering breath, his fingers clenching and unclenching at his sides. The rain washed away the blood on his hands, but it couldn't wash away the weight pressing on his chest.
He had survived. For now.
But at what cost?
He turned his back on the corpse, the image of its lifeless body burned into his memory, and began to walk. His steps were slow, unsteady, each one requiring more effort than it should have.
The rain continued to fall, the sound of it filling the silence where his thoughts should have been. But Ezra wasn't thinking anymore. He was just… existing. Moving forward because there was nothing else left to do.