Reincarnated as a Phoenix

“…Oi, foul creature of darkness and disgust, I’m going to have to cleanse myself in heavenly light to get your stench off me”

“Pay it no attention brother, this pile of dung isn’t worth our time, we’ve got places to be”

“Urgh, you’re not the one to bump into it though brother… feel violated knowing I’ve breathed the same air as that… thing”

As soon as we step into the packed-out tavern, we come across two angels, full of disgust and looking at me like I’m a piece of trash. Both of which look much younger than they probably should look and have that handsome pop idol kinda vibe that only money can buy apparently.

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‘Eh, expected some angelic hatred, maybe not this fast… should probably try and calm the other half though’

It doesn’t take much to understand Petra is really wanting to decapitate both of these annoying bastards right now. Normally, I’d be completely for it, shouldn’t we try and remain on the down low, at least for the time being? Not sure if Zeus even knows we’ve arrived up here yet and hearing of two angels losing their heads might give away our arrival… probably should’ve gone through the marketplace a little stealthier thinking about it. Even just some hooded robes would’ve done the trick.

Thankfully, my slight shake of the head towards the wife gets through so she’s able to hold back… only by keeping her blade sheaved though.

“Heh… would recommend you choose your words very carefully in future. Right now, the only thing keeping you breathing is my wife’s merciful nature”

‘Merciful nature? That sounded sarcastic… she really needs to cool it though’

(Brown) “You’re married to that thing!? What self-respecting God would decide to marry a creature that sinister!?”

(Blonde) “Clearly her soul has been tainted brother, must be as foul and ugly as the demon itself”

…

Within a spilt second, my calm and composed nature completely fucks off when they decide to call Petra foul and ugly. Sure, you could’ve continued to berate me, claimed I’m spawn of the devil or even been homophobic, but these fuckers have now crossed a line that shall never be crossed. No one calls my sexy but annoying wife ugly!

Thankfully, neither of the dragons nor Dio decide to hold me back so this unfiltered rage is getting released one way or another. It just so happens, this rage manifests itself in an aimless kick that strikes with full power without an ounce of compassion…

“Arghhh!”

“What th-…”

Reacting to my moment of weakness, Petra takes this as a sign to do want she wants, so an angelic head flies across the room as the guy I’ve just neutered also drops to the ground. Maybe that was overkill but don’t be insulting the wife, damn it!

Erm… I think both of them might be dead now, my guy is probably passed out but a little part of him is definitely dead. Eh, guess he doesn’t have to worry about ever paying child support now.

“*Sighhh*… we probably shouldn’t have done that, right? Not sure if I can live with myself knowing what I’ve just done”

“Heh, they had it coming Ikarus… nice work showing off that ‘merciful nature’ of yours. Couldn’t have done it better myself”

‘Don’t praise me for destroying a guy’s thing Petra! Huff… blame her for my moment of weakness. Think I feel more guilty about this than I ever would nuking an city’

(Dermakvar) “Don’t worry about it so much little one. The likelihood is, we were never going to remain anonymous for too long”

(Dionysus) “Also, take a quick look around Ikarus, nobody seems to care. Demons and angels fighting is basically the norm around here”

To be fair, Dio has a decent point. No one around this full tavern even cares about the rolling head and nuts crushing that just occurred. Angels must be irritating even to the majority of Gods, or this just happens so frequently this isn’t a big deal.

Without any warning though, the headless body starts to fade into nothingness, while an onlooker begins to sarcastically applause that display. Didn’t think a lady of the night would be interested in witnessing something like that but, the horns on her head might say otherwise.

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‘Huh, is this woman a demon or something? I think they might be fake though, why would anyone want fake horns?’

“My my, what are the chances of this!?! I should’ve chosen you as my champion if were into that sort of thing orange phoenix! That kick was inspirational, he’ll be feeling that a generation from now!”

‘Urgh, feel even guiltier now… is this supposed to the one and only Loki then?’

Despite not actually knowing what he or she looks like, I’ve definitely heard that voice once before, coming from a crystal ball a very long time ago. Not particularly sure why the horns and the revealing red dress, whatever floats his boat, I guess? The nut crushing thing definitely gives him away though.

(Ikarus) “Wait… you just said something about that guy reviving?”

“Oh… you haven’t been told about that little thing just yet? Buy me a glass of wine and I’ll spill everything”

(Dio) “Get me something as well if you’re buying Ikarus…”

Looking around to my party, Petra gives me a nod and it looks like both the parents want a quick trickle as well but are conflicted about asking.

Still remember the days where mother first hated the idea of me drinking but that idea flies out of the window when I saw how much dragons can damage their livers. Barely remember that night, do remember a slight tree burning incident though because the fucker flirter with my girl!

‘Huh, guess I can finally give that fabled ambrosia a try today. Doubt it’ll be anything like that sweet stuff back on Earth, might as well have a glass…’

__________

“So… let me get this straight, no one can die up here? How the hell does that even work?”

Having just bought us all drinks, we’ve all grabbed a seat at the counter and are drinking whatever it is we’ve all bought. Sure, the only alcohol this place sells is mead, ambrosia and wine, I’ve never been one for being picky though. I am picky on the prices though; it was a freaking gold coin PER drink! Being up here too long will bankrupt me if this is what the inflation is like around here. Meal as well cost an arm and a leg.

Anyway, this ambrosia comes in bottles, has a gold like tint and colouring to it, has a slight sweetness similar to honey, the thickness of a badly blended smoothie and packs a punch you really couldn’t imagine. It’s really peculiar, especially the fact you can taste it’s been fermented… definitely an odd delicacy that sounds disgusting. It’s definitely drinkable, or chewable at times though.

(Dio) “That’s not how it completely works Ikarus, although you’re mostly on cue”

(Loki) “Yup, old friend Dio speaks the truth, the way it works is pretty simple really. Technically, no God, demi God, or angel is allowed to die up here, but there are exceptions, mostly if the grumpy guy Zeus deems it so. Demons in particular, your race never agreed to the terms so there’s no death truce”

Most of what Loki said can be ignored if you couldn’t give a rat’s arse about Olympian politics, that ending part cannot be ignored though.

“What kind of bullshit is this!?! What idiot agreed for demons to still be able to die? Doesn’t this basically fuck up any kind of plan we might’ve had going forward?”

Seriously though, Zeus is untouchable like this. He can kill whoever the hell he wants and under these current conditions, us majin basically invited him to do so? Where’s Asmodeus when you need him? He desperately needs a kick in the groin for pissing off so abruptly like this.

“I wouldn’t worry about it too much little one. If I remember correctly, the one who rules all isn’t exactly subtle when it comes to matters like this. We’ll all see it coming from a continent away”

“Yeah Ikarus, your father’s memory may be fading but he still remembers anything important. Besides, we’ll rip him apart before he even gets the chance”

“Father’s subtleness was only ever reserved for matters of marital affairs, not for taking care of enemies. Unless he thinks you’re worth sleeping with, we’ll most likely be able to run beforehand”

I’m surprisingly liking the confidence of everyone around us considering it’s probably delusional. My parents may be strong but if they could do it themselves, then Asmodeus would’ve gone down that route long ago. No, they’re just doing that protective parent thing.

“You know… do we actually have a plan for this or are we just planning to wait for the demon to return? Unless meeting you was the plan Loki?”

Funny how that got a little eyebrow raise from Petra, I can sometimes think intelligently. If this was something I could just brute force or nuke my way out of, I’d have done that already. Destroying this agora is technically an option, just coming into Olympus and instantly smashing it to pieces sounds idiotic… would be pretty fun though.

“Don’t look at me, Hephaestus considered me a liability ages ago so I’m basically just his info gathering bitch! Though… I don’t think even he knows where the rebellion headquarters is located”

(Ikarus) “Anyone else have any ideas then?”

…

Even with Gods or creatures thousands of hundreds of years old, all of us are now stuck. Most of this world just want to keep to themselves so that fated bar encounter that leads us forward, turns out to be the God with the genital removing fetish and nothing else. Gods might as well be humans, just with a fuck tonne amount of power to spare. That’s really not a good sign…

“Heh… we could look around the market Ikarus and see if there’s anything else there. Encounters do tend to happen more when you’re up and about, not actually looking for them”

‘Looks like we’re heading back to that weird place then… after I’ve finished this weird concoction though. For a price of a thousand coins, you best bet I’m not wasting a single drop… fuck!’

And of course, I accidently knock the glass when my eye-hand coordination decides to stop working at this very moment, shattering it on the floor.

“Let’s just get a move on… I want to go home already…”

__________

Getting back into the where all the ‘action’ is going down in this strange world, darkness is already starting to set and the atmosphere around this small marketplace is already starting to heat up. Not necessarily in a bad way, just clearly these Olympians have distinct adult taste.

By the looks of what’s going on now, at least by those odd tables all around the place, large betting rings are starting to take place and I’m pretty sure some of those scenarios are now hitting a mature rating if you catch my meaning. By my meaning, I mean sex, lots and lots of sex. The fact there’s little model hotels with Gods getting down and dirty… ah, that looks a little similar to that hotel me and Petra stayed in back on Earth…

A-Ah, less if that quickly… there’s also roaming dancers, strippers and hookers all around the place. Zeki would like it up here but he doesn’t deserve nice things. His duty in life is to be the bitch to the dryad, a toxic love story that could rival Romeo and Juliet! Is poison play a thing? Probably is with them two.

“Thief! That malaka just stole my coin purse!”

A hooded figure starts to flee from one of the betting crowds as a merchant looking guy runs off towards him. Except, he’s way too unfit to do such a thing, not obese or anything like that, said merchant just looks pretty young all things considered.

‘Hmm… guess I could get lend a hand here. Kinda need to do a good deed now considering I may have made that angel a eunuch’

Quick form change into the chunky bird we all know and love, getting off the ground and within a matter of seconds, I’ve already caught up with the criminal scum trying to get away with that that merchant’s money.

“Ooaf!”

Basically gliding into him with a force I’m surprised doesn’t destroy every bone in the thief’s body, the pouch flies a slight distance away from us both, presenting me with a choice. It’s not really a choice because I could just sit on the guy while Petra goes to grab the purse, but I’m feeling slightly merciful now. Guilty conscious and all from earlier… I’ll just let him run off since he’s long abandoned the idea of taking that purse now.

“Petra… I may have made a little cock up”

Now holding the purse within my beak, I almost want to hide under my wings while the wife catches up to where I’ve landed. A decision I made earlier has backfired a little.

“Heh, what’s the problem Ikarus?”

“Probably shouldn’t have given my dress to Zeki… I freaking loved that hoodie”

That black hoodie I’ve basically been living in recently, completely forgot it wasn’t enchanted! Sure, I have more hoodies and skirts in storage, that one was the GOAT though. Can already tell there’s pieces of it all over on the concrete, just sitting there mocking me. This is why good deeds aren’t worth doing, I just wanted to up my karma a little but clearly the cure for that kick is becoming a nun or something.

‘Eh… maybe they sell enchanted clothing up here somewhere? Have to keep an eye out in future’

As I’m finding a little alleyway to strip down into, then quickly changing form and getting something else on, I can’t help but start to grumble when Petra stands by to watch. The issue is, she should be looking the other way in case anyone wanders over. You can guess exactly what she’s looking at, I swear she’s more into bottoms rather than boobs at times… that wasn’t me admitting I’m a bottom! Erk, you know what I mean…

“*Sighhh*… Sorry dude, the pickpocket got away but I got your money back at least”

Returning to where the scene of the crime took place, the parents, Dio and the merchant looking dude are nattering to each other while the crowd appears to have grown even more still surrounding these tables. The atmosphere around here really is strikingly similar to how a red-light district can sometimes feel but don’t have too much experience with that fortunately. I was boringly vanilla before Petra came along.

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---All the named Gods are getting AI so if the descriptions suck, then it’s on purpose… I think?

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“No worries friend, you’ve already done me a huge favour… oh my, you two are the new Gods! Please, if you have the time, you must help me with something else!”

Having just received this merchant’s stolen coin purse, he seriously has the audacity to ask for another favour? Guess this is just the burden I must bear for destroying a guy’s crotch… I promise I’ll let it go in a minute but it’s traumatic for me, alright? I’ve finally become as wicked as I first feared… Ikarus, the crotch destroyer. It would sound cool if it didn’t sound like a nickname a slut might get.

“Fineee, spill the beans. What do you want stranger?”

“Well friend, the epic fight off that happens once a generation, it’s basically ruined! You’ve obviously shown that you can handle yourself so please, volunteer for it and you’ll be rewarded handsomely”

…

All of us start to look slightly puzzled from this job opportunity, this really wasn’t what I was expecting. Stop a pickpocket and get invited to a fight off?

“Dio… you have any idea what this guy is on about?”

“Ah, this’ll be Plutus, son of Demeter and God of anything regarding money Ikarus. Also entertainment for the agora apparently”

“Don’t be like that Dionysus, you can always have this role back if you want it. Believe me, it’s not worth the time nor money… I could think of a thousand better ways to make some coin”

“That’s not the reason Plutus… your mother always leaves a bad taste in the mouth”

You can already tell there’s some bad blood between these two, honestly couldn’t care that much because Plutus is a God I haven’t heard of yet and there’s going to be way too many stories involving Gods up here who don’t get on.

Sure, I may be a Greek mythology nerd but the Underworld was my cup of tea. I do know Demeter was also Persephone’s mother and now that she has beef with Dio meaning… we don’t like her. Friend bias and all that, alcoholic Dio needs to be treasured.

(Ikarus) “Can we get back on topic now though? This thing you’ve invited us to, what actually is it?”

“Ah, it’s the grand battle that unites the four factions and keeps everyone nice and happy. Problem is, how can you have an epic fight when all of Ragnarök won’t stop attacking Zeus’s palace, and the angels refuse to fight anything that hasn’t got horns! It’s going to be staler than a Spartan loaf of bread if it’s just Olympians there!”

‘Hmm… think I can the point of this now’

A fight that apparently works as entertainment for the masses and would probably end up toxic if no other faction gets involved. Not sure if this is the way forward considering the fact no one can die except demons apparently, I’m clearly going to be at a huge disadvantage.

“Need a little more to go off than just this. How many participants, the format, the risks involved. Point being, you can see Ikarus is partly demonic so any harm comes to her, you’ll be facing my full wrath”

‘U-Urgh, protective Petra. Ignoring my sarcasm, I really shouldn’t be that turned on by this’

“At the moment, we have nine signed up already, it’s a tournament of one vs one fights in a knockout format and, there’s zero risks! Killing is an automatic disqualification so being demonic doesn’t matter! It’s just for show and entertainment really, no one important has ever died!”

‘I should be fine then, I’m pretty important, right? This guy is a right idiot it seems’

In all honesty, I still can’t get over the fact the way forward is a freaking tournament arc! I seriously thought I’d get to skip this cliché but I guess it’s a chance to show my sword arm once again. Me and Petra still train a lot even if that gets overshadowed by a load of sexy times…

I wonder if we could make it a sexy time though. Fighting in the nude perhaps, maybe with an unconventional type of rubber sword that likes to droop around a bit? You’ll have to get back to me on that, my creativity only flourishes and thrives when explosion magic in in sight…

A-Anyways, Petra gives me a questioning look, thankfully not sensing the filth I’m having on my mind and I assume she wants to know if this guy can be trusted or not. I don’t think he’s lying but he’s a shady merchant so who knows?

“He seems to be telling the truth at least… guess this could be somewhat interesting. I’m not doing it if I’m the only one entering though, you’re coming as well Petra”

“Heh… am I Ikarus? Didn’t know I was”

Instead of just appreciating what I have, I can’t help but eyeroll when she decides to be playful and dirty minded. That was such a ‘that’s what she said moment’. I’d normally be into it if that wasn’t so unnecessary, can’t blame her considering what I was just thinking about though. We’re both sinners deep at heart.

Clearly, just seeing my bare ass has corrupted her again so we best just move on. Thankfully, no one else seems to pick up on her clearly being childish but instead, father seems curious on this. Obviously in his own grumpy way.

“Hmph, God of shiny trinkets, what’s your opinion of dragons entering? Are there any rules against such a thing occurring?”

…

The God Plutus pauses for a minute, then shows a subtle grin than can only be seen by people who are business savvy. Seriously though, it’s like an evil looking thing all merchants get when they see huge opportunity in something, makes me want to smack it off his face but only because I’ve probably had the same grin looking at my parents stash before. Minos himself gets that stupid grin… I miss my little bro now.

“A dragon? Hmm… that sounds brilliant if you’re offering! Imagine the income this’ll make; you’ll all be relatively compensated depending on results of course”

“What about two dragons? If Dermakvar, Ikarus and Petra are entering, it’s okay if I enter as well then, right?”

Mother steps up surprisingly basically all of us, when does she ever entertain a little fighting? Other than the odd daughter rescue from a corrupt empire, still hate myself for getting captured way back then, mother’s always been against fighting of all kinds. Ironic considering she’s the personification of death if dragons had such a thing.

The merchant’s smile begins to grow even more while I look towards Dio to see if he wants to get involved. He clearly has no interest in this so no point questioning him on it, think there might be someone else who can help on this recruitment quest though…

“So, that’s four people for your competition then… you want us to go fetch Loki as well? You did say Ragnarök can’t contribute right now and he doesn’t seem to be doing much”

A look of extreme distaste completely removes that guy’s grin when Loki is mentioned. I can already tell he’s going to be the black sheep around here all Gods seem to dislike. I can see why people might not like him due to his unique ball removal tastes, but still! He means well at heart, I think? He’s seems nice to Ariza at least.

“Already asked that piece of work, my demonic friend. Said something about not wanting to clean the blood off, ruining makeup and breaking nails. That malaka will probably find some way of pranking the crowd. He’s already banned from even watching the event in the first place”

‘Called it, we really do have the dopiest of allies apparently. Oh well, it’s now time for a little competition… whenever it’s supposed to take place. Should probably ask more about that…’