Reborn as the Clown Prince

"Look, what's going on here?" Harley questioned the only person in the room who was acting normal.

"I don't know, Miss Quinzel," Alfred replied, carefully arranging his notes with plans for the future celebration on a low table by the sofa, "Master Bruce has been much more welcoming in the past.

Until then, there had been an oppressive silence in the mansion's living room, punctuated by the quiet rustling of paper. Wayne Jr. glared at me with a sullen, disgruntled look, clearly unhappy that I hadn't come alone. Or was it because of the "drug" he'd gotten, the one I'd taken in a briefcase from the treatment center? Hmm, probably shouldn't have peed in an empty vial. Heh-heh-heh, you shouldn't be trying to steal compensation for the victims of crazy doctors!

And he can't even charge me with anything, because breaking into a locker is a criminal offense. Of course, arresting various gangsters and beating them up beforehand is also an illegal act, but Bats doesn't touch law-abiding citizens, which I've been doing for a while now.

I'm kind of curious what he thinks about this whole situation.

***

Although Jay's joke was a little offensive, and the case that had appeared was quite suspicious, Bruce Wayne's mind was on something else at the moment. Looking at the couple who had arrived and were practically clinging to each other, the man pondered the effectiveness of the algorithm he had written. That's why he was busy all day yesterday, testing the work of the program on the previously filmed videos. In the tests it showed itself quite well and today it worked perfectly, although the superhero was still not in a hurry to trust it completely. As it turned out for nothing, because jumping out of bed after a sleepless night to watch your old enemy having a good time in the company of a girl dressed in a racy outfit is not what the billionaire had hoped for.

The presence of Harleen Quinzel in the living room of the Wayne mansion was also a little tense, but not to kick the guests out? Alfred would definitely be upset, because he had already planned so much and had even made prior arrangements with some people. Bruce didn't want to offend the man who had replaced his family. The Wayne Biotech hired Pamela Isley had shown a remarkable efficiency in cleaning up and planting greenery in contaminated areas, so while he could, he had to find a suitable job for the dryad. Jay and Harley were keeping the green protector in check, but increasing the amount of meth in the city wasn't in the superhero's immediate plans, especially given the increased activity of Penguin's handmaidens around Blackport and the old docks.

***

"Mr. Arkham," I was distracted by the butler's soft voice, "here are the estimates for the planned celebration. I want you to check it over again, and you may want to add something of your own, but I must warn you that large cakes are forbidden.

"No problem. - I wasn't going to add anything, having decided to rely entirely on Alfred in this matter, the available budget is not rubber, and even the saved two thousand eight hundred and forty-two dollars, if you believe the final sum, does not really brighten the overall picture. Eh, what's wrong with big cakes? He could put a stripper inside... or a couple of bandits with machine guns... Ha-ha, it would really be a big surprise.

I shook it off.

Man, why do I keep getting this stuff in my head? I let out a short chuckle after smoothing out the emotional peak and dipped into my notes.

"Fine, then I'll get the tea. - The elderly man stood up and silently headed for the exit.

Harley moved closer, determined to help me, and the first thing she did was to take some printouts with information about the hired staff. Looking at all this waste paper, I could not help but admire the work done, but the only question is: why couldn't it have been done electronically?! There are a hundred pages, no less, and now I have to go through them all in good faith.

Eh, I could do a quick flip through, but I didn't want to offend Alfred. He's a funny guy, and he's the only one who got Bruce to come to the charity dinner. I think if I had tried to organize something like that at the Iceberg Club, it would have cost me a lot of money and I would have had to do it all myself from scratch, or pay for more competent people to do it, which wasn't cheap either.

"Oh, I know him. - My companion said, breaking my concentration and making me look away from the appetizer menu. - He's the guy who tried to join our gang four months ago, but it was a tough competition and we didn't take him because of his retarded laugh. - She shoved a form under my nose with a picture of some puny kid who was going to be hired as a waiter. Now the idea of a little dossier on each contestant didn't seem so silly to me.

"Let me take a look. - Bruce Wayne asked, stepping silently toward the couple.

Look who's talking, a billionaire who wears a latex suit at night and goes after men of gangster appearance.

"Here. - The blonde handed over the printout, switching to the next questionnaire. She didn't like Wayne much either, because his whole speech at the meeting was limited to a formal greeting, and after that he just sat staring at us, practically unblinking and creeping us out. We need to fix that.

"Bruce. - I tried to take a stern and serious look to match Bats, who, seeing my mood, became even more collected. - I tried to take a stern and serious look to match Bats's, who saw my mood.

Glaring at my smiling face, Gloomy Mouse turned around, and at that moment Harley showed him her tongue, rolling her eyes and pulling back her left eyelid. I was in complete agreement with her on that point.

Returning to his couch, the billionaire opened his laptop and began typing something quickly, checking the form and occasionally frowning.

My beloved at this time decided to make herself comfortable, for this she took off her shoes and lay down on the couch, using my knees as a pillow.

Damn it, I was gonna do it, but I got beat! Well, I got a nice consolation prize.

My free hand began to stroke the girl's light, soft, silky hair. The silence was broken only by the rustling of pages and the quiet voice of my assistant, questioning some of the items on the menu, like zucchini caviar.

"Please. - Alfred appeared silently, as always, placing the tray with the tea service on the surface of the low table by the sofa, where there were no notes. At the last moment, I managed to hold back a jump. Damn ninja, you can't scare people like that!

And if I had gotten used to the sudden appearances in a couple of visits, my faithful companion did not have the same equanimity and equanimity as I had.

"Fuck!" The girl launched herself from a lying position behind the nearest chair, plopping it on the floor to hide. When she carefully looked out, she saw a calm butler pouring tea.

"Oops, sorry. - The blonde stood up and picked up the fallen furniture, coming back to my side. It was good that the carpets in the living room were thick and soft, or she would have shattered the expensive parquet with her back or the back itself, and instead of a charity event I'd have to pay for antiques repairs. Oh, no. I have already advised this Brit about bells or rustling clothes, so he is his own evil Pinocchio for not following my advice.

"You're the second, Ms. Quinzel, to react so violently to my appearance, so that's all right. - The gray-haired man replied calmly, continuing to pour the tea.

"Oh... Who was the first?

"Mr. Arkham, he managed to jump to the chandelier and grab hold of it. - Alfred said with a smile.

"Wow..." Harley looked up, gauging the distance. - Wow, Mr. J is jumping high.

"I'm afraid not," I got the feeling that the man was amused by the whole situation, "He was a little short of flight, but managed to get a hold of her with Master Bruce's gift.

"A gift?" The girl asked, looking at me suspiciously.

On automatic, my gaze fell on the recovered cane.

"Wait a minute, didn't Batman give it to you... Wait... - Judging by the blonde's thoughtful glances, who looked at me, at the tense owner of the mansion, and at times at the chatty Alfred, all that was said did not pass her attention.

"Never mind. - The butler tried to distract Harley, but it was too late.

"No way... Bruce Wayne is Batman!" My companion looked at the billionaire with shock, then at the surrounding wealth in the room, fixing her gaze on the painting depicting the family portrait of the Wayne couple. In a second, the surprise and shock completely disappeared from my lovely assistant's eyes, and she calmly continued to sort through the papers. - I see... - She took one of the sheets with the list of musicians. - Oh, I know them too, I've seen them playing power metal on classical instruments, very unusual and cool sounding. Will they be playing that at the fundraiser, too?

Only now I noticed that everyone in the room froze, hesitant to move, but my companion's behavior was confusing.

"I'm afraid not, Miss Quinzel. - Surprisingly, Alfred was the first to come to his senses, outraged by this sacrilegious attitude to the planned celebration. It would be a trampling of tradition!" Classical calm background music and, of course, a waltz.

"Boring, though I wouldn't mind waltzing with Mr. J. - My beloved pressed even closer to me, a penetrating look in her eyes.

"I wouldn't mind dancing with you. - I can drown in her beautiful blue pools, but I can't keep pretending like nothing happened. - Ahem... You reacted so calmly... Well... Did it surprise you? Did you have any questions?

"About what?" The girl looked at me in surprise, and then at Bruce, following the direction of my gaze. - It was just a bunch of bullshit. - She waved her hand as if nothing had happened. - I thought Batman was someone more mysterious, but now I knew Batman was just a boring rich guy with a messed-up childhood who dressed up in a latex bat suit at night and got into trouble with various criminal elements. Hmm, now I see where he gets the money for cool gadgets and equipment. Honestly, you can guess if you know what to look for. Hell, if he was some kind of acrobat avenging the gangsters for the burned circus, it would be a lot more fun.

Was it just me or did Bats' eye twitch?

"Well, it makes sense. You realize you shouldn't talk about it, right?" I asked.

"You bet! I'm afraid if the truth comes out, some villains will have a stroke, and I'll be indirectly responsible for the death of a man, and now we're for the good ones... Hee-hee-hee-hee, those assholes always attributed some mystical powers to him, and they were just beaten by a man in tights, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

While we were having a nice conversation with the girl, a real drama was unfolding very close by.

"Master Bruce..." Alfred felt as if he were going to fall through the ground. Of course, his master's greatest secret had been given away in a random and ridiculous way because he wanted to brag about his silent traveling abilities. - I have no forgiveness, I will leave you tonight...

Hey, that wasn't the deal! Who's gonna help me with the fundraiser?! Even with the materials I've been given, I won't make a fool of myself, and if the butler leaves, Bruce won't let me back in. Why did I look at the cane?

"Stop. - I stood up, drawing attention to myself. - There's no need for anyone to go anywhere. Bruce, you do realize I couldn't keep that fact from Harley for long, right? It just happened a little earlier, that's all.

"You've kept this secret for over half a decade. - The billionaire replied. He just couldn't be angry at the only person close to him, but he could be angry at the situation as a whole. Too many people suddenly found out about his secret identity.

"See, that took so long. I'm sure a couple more days and I would have told her myself. I love her, and I can't hide such important things.

"Oh, that's so sweet. - My faithful assistant was immediately at my side, looking at me with loving eyes.

The arrow of my mimimeter approached the critical mark, and this resulted in a sensual and passionate kiss with a lovable and desirable cutie.

Breaking away from my assistant's sweet lips, I looked at Bats carefully.

"Anyway, don't worry. The secret's not going to get any further than my lover. Right?" The last question was addressed to the girl, whom I was in no hurry to release from my embrace.

"So I shouldn't worry about Pamela Isley?" There was a great deal of doubt in the hero's voice.

"Uh-huh. - I was confused, not knowing what to say to that.

"She won't give a shit, and neither will I. If we were villains, this information would be more relevant, although now we can discuss some superhero stuff. - Harley calmed everyone down.

"There's nothing you can do now anyway. - The master of the mansion walked over to his butler and touched his shoulder gently. - Don't worry, it was bound to happen sooner or later. - He sat back down, once again staring at the laptop screen. - And Alfred, please bring some chocolate cookies for tea.

"Right away, Master Bruce. - The older man bowed briefly and went to the kitchen.

Surprisingly, after a kind of kamingout, Bats seemed to thaw, beginning to behave more naturally. It was as if he had expected something like this, and when it happened, it was as if a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders. I decided not to miss the chance and asked what I could get for the sorceress. At first, the superhero was surprised by my question, but after explaining about the ruined cylinder, he gave me a good idea: a replacement gift. And I know who can make a beautiful headdress from the best materials in less than an hour, given the speed at which my clothes are made.

The rest of my free time was devoted to finalizing the arrangements for the future fundraiser. We checked the musicians and their repertoire, cleaners, cooks, food, drinks, decorations, security, and partially compiled a list of the main guests, all of whom I would have to personally sign invitations, which I would do shortly.

We also chose the date of the holiday, which we decided to hold on a significant day - December fifteenth. It was on this day that the Bill of Rights was adopted at a meeting of the first U.S. Congress in 1791. A piece of paper that enshrined the basic rights and freedoms of man and citizen. I guess you could say it's the one that made the difference between me being free and sitting in some creepy prison for super criminals.

Having finally sorted out what Alfred had suggested, I wrote a check for the correct amount and left the Wayne mansion with Harley.

Whew, I can breathe.

It went pretty well. Of course, there was a hitch, but it was for the best, because I didn't have to encrypt myself, and I was able to find out the information about the sorceress.

"Where to now?" The girl asked, as soon as we were out of the manor.

"Hmmm... Let's visit the library and talk to another Mouse.

"Great. - My assistant obviously liked the offer, so we set off briskly towards the nearest public transportation stop.