PTSD Military Chaplain of the Academy

The merchants, eager to sell for the highest price, raise their voices to haggle.

Brightly smiling children run around, while those simply shopping, or curious tourists visiting from afar, survey the area with fascinated eyes.

“There are so many people!”

“…Indeed.”

The weekend in the city was bustling with people out for the first time in a while. The city’s lively district was usually like this.

As I walked with Sofia Sub-priest, I frowned at the chaotic sounds echoing from various directions. Certainly, noisy places were not my cup of tea.

On the other hand, Sofia Sub-priest seemed thrilled, constantly smiling as she explored here and there. The lively district must have seemed quite fascinating to her.

“Isn’t it amazing?”

“What are you talking about?”

Sofia Sub-priest looked up at me.

“There are so many people!”

“…Is that amazing?”

“I’ve never seen something like this in the Holy Empire.”

Come to think of it, Sofia Sub-priest was from the Holy Empire.

People from the Holy Empire generally like to be humble, so a scene like this wouldn’t have been created there.

“Well then, where shall we go first?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Hmmm…”

Sofia Sub-priest stared at me intently. Feeling her gaze, I unconsciously turned my head.

“First, let’s get your hair sorted!”

“Yes, well…”

I followed Sofia Sub-priest’s steps. Her footsteps were light, almost as if she might fly away somewhere.

My footsteps felt heavy and rigid. I gazed at her figure for a moment.

Suddenly, I tried stepping out of rhythm. It wasn’t a mistake; it was entirely deliberate.

I didn’t know why I did that. Even I couldn’t understand the reason. Perhaps it was a light mood changer? I felt a strange sensation.

It was simply stepping out of rhythm. What was this indescribable sense of liberation?

This time, I tried moving my right foot a beat slower. My irregular steps became a bit more natural.

I then walked as I usually did.

“…….”

My usual gait resembled that of soldiers marching, stiff and precise.

I didn’t want to see that. Not at all.

Yet, there was a sense of comfort and stability, making my mind restless. I turned my gaze away from my footsteps.

“Head Priest! Over here!”

Sofia Sub-priest, who had been ahead, waved her hand. Her vibrant smile was truly bright.

As I approached her, perhaps I walked a little differently than usual.

* * * * *

Sofia Sub-priest was in high spirits. How long had it been since she went out?

Usually, she would be reading in the staff dormitory, reading the Bible, or cleaning the seminary main chapel.

But today, she couldn’t dare waste the weekend like that. Yesterday, Head Priest Antoinneri had quietly asked her.

– Can you make me feel human tomorrow?

Head Priest Antoinneri, who usually maintained a gloomy and downcast demeanor, had made Sofia Sub-priest ponder about his state.

Previously, it had been an outing for the Sunday worship service, but hearing about an important appointment made it all the more unbearable.

“Let’s do your hair like this… raise this part a bit…”

“How about like this?”

“Yes! Wouldn’t this be better?”

“Oh my, indeed. You look so much better.”

The barber marveled as he cut the hair. Sofia Sub-priest eagerly nodded.

“Miss, why not work at our barber shop? You have a good sense.”

“Um… I appreciate the offer!”

The barber expressed a tinge of disappointment. In the meantime, Head Priest Antoinneri’s messy hair was being neatly arranged.

“You look different… Head Priest.”

“Really?”

“Can’t you see how much you’ve changed?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Oh, are you someone important? Considering they call you Head Priest.”

“…I’m not that kind of person.”

Sofia Sub-priest poured tremendous enthusiasm into Head Priest Antoinneri. Since becoming a sub-priest, had there ever been a time she was more passionate?

After about thirty minutes, her dedication and zeal, along with the energized craftsmanship of the barber, finally revealed the outcome in the mirror.

“Guest, your hair looks great. This is the best I’ve done for anyone I’ve had so far.”

“Wow, wow… Head Priest?”

The expression of Head Priest Antoinneri gazing into the mirror was not particularly bad.

* * * * *

“Hmmm… something feels lacking.”

Sofia Sub-priest licked her lips and scanned me up and down. I absentmindedly fiddled with my hair and asked.

“What do you mean?”

“The clothes. It would be nice if you wore something other than the priest’s robe.”

“…I still think the priest’s robe is better.”

Wearing a priest’s robe at a veterans’ gathering meant something more to me than just showing my face.

It was the robe I always wore even on the front line. It was a mark of my involvement in the great war, a symbol of my past self.

Meeting old comrades dressed in anything other than my priest’s robe was unthinkable to me.

Though Sofia Sub-priest looked at me with disappointment, I had no intention of compromising on this matter.

“Well, if you’re okay with it, then that’s all that matters!”

Sofia Sub-priest smiled brightly and nodded. It felt as though a cheerful energy was radiating from her, lightening my steps.

Breaking that atmosphere, I spoke up.

“Let’s head back to the dormitory.”

“Ah….”

Sofia Sub-priest’s expression seemed somewhat disappointed. She looked as if she wished to stay a little longer. I glanced at my wristwatch.

The hands pointed around 7 PM. It was surprising how quickly time had passed since I’d left the dormitory with Sofia Sub-priest around an early lunch.

I too was satisfied with the day. I couldn’t remember the last time I had laughed this much in my life. However, it was now becoming too much.

There were too many people. Despite my efforts not to consciously notice, it seemed that the human perception tendency to exaggerate would increase the more I intentionally tried to ignore it.

I felt sorry for Sofia Sub-priest, who still seemed reluctant, but I desperately wanted to return to the dormitory.

Perhaps my expression showed that, as Sofia Sub-priest nodded and smiled.

“…Yes. As you say, Head Priest, let’s head back. That sounds good.”

I sighed in relief inwardly and nodded in satisfaction. I was grateful for her understanding.

“Yes. Then, let’s go back to the dormitory straight away….”

But I then realized.

Why had I not noticed it sooner?

– Bang—! Crash!!

I realized I didn’t deserve this happiness.

I had always been unlucky.

* * * * *

“Gah…! Huff…!”

I just ran. I ran without thinking.

I was dashing through the middle of a battlefield. The worst slaughter scene, resonating with dirt, dust, gunpowder, and the stench of blood.

Why was I here? Why?

My brain experienced cognitive dissonance. It felt as though my thoughts were being blocked by an invisible wall. I bit my lip tightly.

The body of Helena, whom I held close to me, shook uncontrollably. I hugged her tighter and muttered.

“Please… please keep safe… please….”

This time, I would definitely protect her. I wouldn’t let her die.

The loud sound I heard moments ago was undoubtedly the firing of artillery. I understood. I was not mistaken.

A trip with Sofia Sub-priest? The veterans’ gathering I planned to attend looking clean on Sunday?

It was all a dream. It must have been a dream. It couldn’t have been real otherwise. It was an illusion, and perhaps I had gone mad.

I just kept running. My heart felt like it would burst, and my head spun while I dashed thoughtlessly.

“…Sir! …God, please…!”

Helena, held in my arms, shouted something. I wiped my blurry eyes with my sleeve, desperately shouting.

“Are you safe? Huh?! Are you safe?! Please! Please respond that you’re safe! Helena!”

This time, I would protect you. By any means, I would ensure your safety. Even if God were to take you away, I would stop it without hesitation.

No one would harm you. No one.

“I will… you!”

I didn’t want to lose you again.

I pulled Helena even closer. She struggled even more fiercely, but I felt resentful toward her for that.

Surely, she was trying to save a wounded fellow soldier while being isolated, running back to the dangerous battlefield. I would not tolerate such actions any longer.

It was enough to dive into danger. So now, it was time to…

“Helena! Just hang on! We’re almost there!”

It was finally time to think back to when I lost you.

“Huff…. Ack…!”

How long had I been running? Soon, the sight of the familiar friendly position came into view. I rushed in without thinking.

It was the familiar trench passage. I kept running without stopping. The smooth sensation of the floor was transmitted through the soles of my shoes.

Yes, the inside of the trench was clean, without any dirt. The lights were neatly on. There was no filthy mud, stagnant puddles, or rotting corpses.

I kept running through the trench. I spotted stairs ahead. Stairs? Were there stairs inside the trench?

I didn’t know. I didn’t have time to worry about such things. Cautiously, I ascended the stairs one step at a time while cradling Helena. If I stumbled, she could be harmed.

There, I could see the medical station. The medical station had seemed simple and shabby, yet it had changed more than expected.

It looked like the academy’s dormitory…

…Oh.

“Huff…. Huh….”

I was.

I was now.

Where is this place?

In the trench? In the middle of a battlefield? Or…

“Head Priest….”

Caldera Imperial Academy, staff dormitory.

I looked down at Helena, whom I had been holding tightly. Her golden hair and emerald eyes were indeed Helena’s.

However, Helena did not have a bob cut. Moreover, Helena was not a sub-priest.

“Sof… ia Sub-priest….”

She was Sofia Sub-priest.

My vision faded. A ringing began in my ears.

Beeeee———.

Sofia Sub-priest opened her mouth, but I could hear nothing.

“…Ah.”

I always wondered.

Why is it like this?

The memories of the battlefield, the unfortunate memories, the damn aftermath. Even my feelings of missing you at any time.

I had thought they were changing little by little.

But I had not changed at all.

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