Prophecy Approved Companion

BEGIN GAME

Loading … … …

[Input player name]

[Name accepted]

Welcome, CHOSEN ONE! Oh boy, it’s sure a hot day today, isn’t it? Far too hot to be staying home! It’s a good thing you and your friends are going to the beach, isn’t it? You should get ready! Make sure to pack your [swimsuit], [sunscreen], [water bottle], [towel] and [hat]!

> Look around

You look around your bedroom! There are several items strewn about. A pile of laundry, an open closet, and a depression nest on your bed. What a mess! Don’t forget to pack your [swimsuit], [sunscreen], [water bottle], [towel] and [hat]!

> Take bed

You… take your bed! It’s very heavy!

> Take closet

You… take your closet! It’s very heavy!

> Eat bed

Processing … … ...

Oh look! It’s your childhood best friend, QUBE! She’s got a tote bag filled with fun things for the beach! She’s looking very cute in a white sundress.

QUBE

Chosen One! Why aren’t you ready yet? Were you sleeping?

> Say hi

QUBE

Oh dear, looks like you haven’t packed anything at all!

Qube, being a good friend, packs all your things for you.

QUBE

Did you want to [drive] or [walk] to the beach?

> Fly

QUBE

Tee-hee! We can’t fly, silly!

Qube gives you a very understanding smile. What a lucky guy you are, to have a friend who puts up with your terrible jokes.

QUBE

Since it’s such a lovely day, let’s walk!

> No. Fly!

You start to walk to the beach. It’s very hot, almost hot enough to make you regret not driving. However, you soon walk past a pop up ice cream stand. A handsome man with a magnificent hat is busking in front of it. His song is haunting and lyrical, evoking summer romance.

> Take hat

You take the man’s hat. He looks upset.

MYSTERIOUS STRANGER

Sir! I must protest! Please, return my hat!

QUBE

Chosen One! That’s not very nice! Give him back his hat!

> Eat hat

You eat his hat. It is a very large hat, with a big feather in it. It’s uncomfortable, but you eventually manage it. It takes an awkwardly long time. No one looks happy about this development.

MYSTERIOUS STRANGER

I’ve heard of someone vowing to eat their own hat, but this is the first time I’ve seen someone eat another person’s hat! Against all odds, I’m impressed! Allow me to introduce myself! I am…

[Input name of MYSTERIOUS STRANGER]

> Sewer Bard

[Name accepted]

SEWER BARD

Sewer Bard! …Really? And where are you two going on such a sultry day?

QUBE

We’re going to the beach!

SEWER BARD

Ah, the beach! A place of sun and fun, where all people become one with nature. I would love to join two such spirited beings on this journey. May I accompany you?

[Yes/No]

> Stand on Sewer Bard

…

[Sewer Bard has joined your party!]

SEWER BARD

Fortunately, I just so happened to have some aqua-appropriate clothing to hand. Make sure not to fall in love with me~!

Sewer Bard takes off his outfit, revealing some revealing~ speedos underneath. He winks at Qube and you. He’s very handsome. Would you like to [wink] back?

[Warning: Not winking back will permanently close Sewer Bard’s route]

> Look around

You’re still standing in front of the ice cream stall. Sewer Bard had packed up his lute, and small pouch people were throwing coins into. Sewer Bard is still winking at you. Would you like to [wink] back, or [dismiss] him?

> Examine ice cream stall

A very grumpy looking older man is selling all different flavours of ice cream. He keeps looking at you.

1. IGMA

You looking to buy or sell?

> Pick up ice cream tub

You don’t have enough money to buy a full tub of ice cream!

> Pick up. Ice cream. Tub.

You pick up the ice cream tub.

> Put in Qube’s bag

You put the tub of ice cream in Qube’s bag.

QUBE

Chosen One, please take this tub out of my tote.

MR IGMA

You take it, you bought it.

SEWER BARD

Please, allow me to cover for my new friends! Maybe even… more than friends?

Sewer Bard is still winking at you. He’s very persistent. Will you [wink] back, or [break his heart]?

> Eat ice cream

You eat the ice cream. It tastes like betrayal. You finish walking to the beach, skipping past a scene where you could have rescued either Qube or Sewer Bard from a dangerous spider. What a pity you decided to steal!

SENSUAL GODDESS

Well hello my little lovelies. I’m glad you finally made it. I’m not used to waiting.

In front of you is a sensual goddess. Long brown hair flows down her back, tendrils of it curling behind her—

> Eat goddess

[error] [ErroR] [eRrOr]

—many arms. Her spider fangs glisten at you, and the eternally screaming children’s faces stitched onto her sides already have their sunscreen applied. Her string bikini leaves little to the imagination, and everything to sensual-isation. Her many bare feet, ending with cute claws, dig into the sand.

[Input SENSUAL GODDESS name]

> Sexy Screamy Spider Lady

[Name accepted]

SEXY SCREAMY SPIDER LADY

Looks like everyone’s ready for our beach date.

She winks four of her eyes at you. It’s obvious she’s into you. Are you into her?[Yes/No]

[Warning: Saying no will permanently close Sexy Screamy Spider Lady’s route]

> No

You have selected yes! She will now be available for private dates.

> nonononono

UNKNOWN PERSON

Excuse me, you are standing in the way of my experiment.

A hot young man with hot red hair and hot red eyes is glaring at you all! He’s also covered in tattoos, so you know he’s hardcore! He’s busy frying ants on the beach with a magnifying glass.

UNKNOWN PERSON

I’m trying to introduce fire resistance, so they can become fire ants.

QUBE

Oh dear! Do you think I should tell him that fire ants already exist? Since we’re at the beach, maybe he should try and create water ants?

UNKNOWN PERSON

Water ants? Hm. They could be useful for marine-based battles. What do you think?

> Take his magnifying glass

You take away the stranger’s magnifying glass. He looks upset at this theft.

UNKNOWN PERSON

Give that back!

> Take out bed

Somehow you still have your bed with you. You gently place your bed on the beach. The waves are crashing and the sun is hot. It’s perfect for a summer snooze! The unknown person is still upset. He has taken off his robes, and is now wearing a deep v-cut UV shirt and knee-length swim shorts.

QUBE

I’m sorry, sir! My friend can be a bit silly sometimes, tee-hee! My name is Qube, what’s yours?

[Input UNKNOWN PERSON’s name]

> Definitely Bad Guy

[Name accepted]

DEFINITELY BAD GUY

I am known as Definitely Bad Guy. Since you are all here, I request that you help me with my water ant experiments. It may be the key to winning the next war.

Definitely Bad Guy is looking right at you! Will you [help him create aquatic insect warriors]or [decline]?

[Warning: Declining to create wet soldiers will permanently close Definitely Bad Guy’s route]

> Eat fried ants

You eat the fried ants. Now you have ant-breath. No one will ever kiss you.

QUBE

I’m going to go swimming! Look, our good friend SQUIGGLES is already there!

> Get into bed

You get into your bed. All your friends, old and new, go swimming without you. You don’t even get to see Squiggles. None of them date you, because you are undateable.

GAME OVER

***

The Chosen One pulled away from the strange tome he’d ordered Qube to take from Mother Gothel’s cottage. He’d already tried burning the book once or twice, but somehow it always survived. And every time it showed back up, it had a new, horrifying thing to show him.

Maybe he should try burning it again. You know what they say, third time’s the charm.