Play Test: Stuck in Another World as a Reality TV Contestant

It was a hot, late summer day the first time she met James Li. One of those days when the ocean decided to spit back at the city, a black mar on an otherwise pleasant coastline, and smother it in vicious humidity. It was muggy, intolerably so, not even nine and her shirt was already sticking to her skin. She was going to drown if they didn't get inside soon. If only the others would just switch to vapes already, but that was a lost cause, no one ever listened to her. They were all addicted to spending thirty bucks a week to look cool in front of a bunch of people who didn't give a shit.

Jade was a born loser. She came from loser blood; her friends did too, but they were still afraid to admit it to themselves. Her mother was a Tiger widow. Her late father had his head blown off by private security while trying to knock off an armored bank van. He'd died like he lived, as an idiot.

Philip, Dubs, Evie, and Caroline were in similar situations to her, though not all for the same reasons. The Tigers were helping out their families with groceries and rent with the tacit understanding it would be paid for in favors later. All four of them were planning on joining just like her once they'd graduated. Then there was Gweilo. He was a spaz they let hang out with them. She wasn't sure why, probably because it would have been too much effort to make him stop.

"It's only two bucks, Phillip. Don't be a dick, I'm fucking starving."

"Actually, Jade, it's not only two bucks. History shows that it's two bucks, once to twice a week for the rest of the school year. No way, I'm not doing it this year."

They were posted up by the exterior wall of the gym, everyone but her and Evie smoking cigarettes. Evie was graciously letting her hit her strawberry vape because she was a generous friend and not a penny-pinching pill like Phillip. If he was serious about becoming a captain one day, then he would do well to learn that the best way to keep your subordinates happy and loyal was to throw money at them.

"It's two dollars, Phillip."

"Closer to a hundred twenty-ish a year, by my reckoning."

"You're going to let your friend go hungry over two dollars?"

Phillip looked to the rest of the group for help. "Why am I always the guy buying Jade breakfast?"

Dubs and Caroline busied themselves taking long drags of their cigs and shrugged. Evie rolled her eyes. "You're the one with the cushy sales job, hot shot."

Gweilo grinned at Jade. "I'll give you five bucks right now if you call me Gus for once."

"Ew, no."

Phillip held his arms out affronted. "Are you serious?"

"Would you do it?" she asked petulantly.

"No, but I'm not the one who forgot to eat breakfast."

Caroline crossed her arms and gave him an icy look. "Wow, I gave you a blowjob last week and you won't even give my best friend two dollars for vending machine breakfast. Hm. Pretty shitty of you, Phil."

The taller boy's jaw dropped. Dubs and Evie started cracking up, the former choking on his smoke as he did. Jade gave Caroline a grateful look and mouthed 'Thank you', receiving a blown kiss in return.

Phillip began grumbling as he started to take out his wallet. "Christ, Caroline, if I'd known—" he paused mid-gripe, spotting a group of three freshmen headed their way with their gym bags. Checking out what the facilities looked like at their new school, she imagined. "Oh shit, look at that. Hey, Jade, want to make some money?"

She was immediately suspicious. "Why and how?"

He gestured with his head at one of the boys, noticeably more cut than his friends, walking with the telltale swagger of a young martial artist. "I'll give you twenty bucks to start a fight with that kid."

"Why? Who is he?"

"You want the money or not?"

"Do I look fucking stupid to you, Phillip?"

He sighed and did his best to look put upon. "That's Lily Li's kid, alright? I want to see him in action."

"For twenty dollars? Are you out of your mind?"

"Call it fifty."

"Call it a hundred, asshole. All I wanted was a goddamn pop tart. Why don't you go fight him? Oh, that's right, because you want to look all mysterious and cool leaning against the wall, smoking your twenty-five-dollar cigarettes, and playing pretend gangster."

He brushed off her acerbic tone and pointed insult with a chuckle. Phillip was good at brushing her off. Everyone was, but he excelled at it. It was because she looked like a boy, a little boy to be exact. Jade was short and slender, and all the weapons work she'd done had given her well-developed shoulders that made what curves she did have look nonexistent at first glance. Caroline and Evie had tried to help with her wardrobe, but while skirts and blouses could keep people from misgendering her, they made her look even younger than normal.

"No, it's because you're the strongest one here and I'm pretty sure that kid could beat my ass. But, fine, a hundred it is." Phillip tried to look chagrined.

Great, he was taking the high road. Now she was the asshole even though he was the one who tried to lowball and trick her into fighting the Eagle School brat. The jerk thought he was so clever because he could sell life insurance in three languages. She'd eat her shirt if ever he made captain. There were two things she knew for certain, one, that if Phillip could become a captain then so could she, and two, she sure as shit couldn't become a captain.

Jade scoffed. God, what did Caroline see in this asshole, other than the good looks, that was. "Thanks for the cash, I guess. I don't know what the fuck you think you're going to get out of this, Phil. Neither of us are even in the top twenty strongest in the school, dumbass, and we don't have any real connections. You think you're going to make a few wry observations and suddenly be running ops? You're delusional. People like us don't climb ladders, Phillip, we stay on the ground and hold them for others so they don't fall from the top."

He peeled off five twenties from his wallet and held them out to her with an easy smile. "Have a little faith in yourself, Jade. I believe in you. Shit-talk me all you like, but I don't like hearing my friends get bad-mouthed."

She snatched the money out of his hand and stuffed it down her mostly pointless bra. "You're fucking insufferable, you know that?"

The boys were close enough that she could hear their nonsensical chatter now. They were arguing about Jarritos flavors from the sound of it. Only one of the three appeared worried about passing so close to their large group of senior delinquents, but one look at his two friends quieted his uneasiness. The Li kid hadn't noticed them at all, seemingly too taken up with defending the superiority of Jarritos's guava flavor versus their tamarind. Unlike the other two, he had no bag on him at all, neither gym nor school; that implied he had no extracurricular sports and no particular interest in academics either, very much your typical kid from a martial arts family then.

"This is so stupid," she grumbled to herself, stepping out in front of him. All three freshmen were already taller than her. She hated that. "Hey kid, what's your name?"

"Me?" He asked, pointing to himself. There was a light dusting of pink on his cheeks that she found equal parts cute and annoying. "I'm James Li. The lanky guy's Hugh and the ginger is—"

"I don't care. Give me your money."

"Why?"

"Tch. Because I'm telling you to, you little shit."

He laughed. "My bad, I meant to say, if you want to fight, you can just ask. We don't really need the pretext, do we? There're two things I love," he proclaimed, holding up two fingers in a peace sign, "cute girls and fighting. That's two reasons I wouldn't turn down a fight with you!"

The fourteen-year-old gave her a cheesy smile that may have been charming on an older man. She couldn't tell if he was making fun of her or not.

His taller friend groaned and covered his face with his hand. "We're sorry, he's, uh, just like this...all the time."

The ginger gave her an apologetic look. "Yeah, you're a tomboy who's bullying him, so you're kind of like his ideal woman."

"Hey! That's slander, O'Reilly."

"Where's the lie, James?"

Li had turned almost completely away from her to glare at his friend. She'd make him pay for that mistake. Jade may not have been in the running for strongest in the school, but she could hold her own, and she'd been trained by hardened criminals. The boy was four years younger than her and had grown up in the cozy little bubble that his mother provided for him, what did he know about the streets? Evidently, not enough to know not to look away right before a fight.

She circled into his blindside as best she could with his other friend standing there and reached to grab the back of his neck to go for a sweep. A little ground and pound would do wonders for her bad mood and his smug attitude.

Then, she was on one knee, grimacing in pain as he held her in a joint lock. It had happened faster than she could rightfully track.

"Knew you'd fall for that," said Li, holding her arm behind her, putting quite a bit of stress on her elbow and wrist. "One day I'll meet a thug who doesn't immediately try to attack once they think I'm not looking at them, and then I'll be really fucked." He paused, running a finger down a scar on her forearm. "Jeez, is this from tonfa training?" She felt his finger trail along the mess of callouses on her hands. "Man, you sure love weapons. Who's letting you train like this? Your knuckles are way underdeveloped compared to your palms."

Her eyes watered, from the humiliation as much as from the pain. Not only had she effectively lost the fight before it had started, but now the child she'd lost it to was dissecting her martial arts like he was remarking on the weather. The truth was that no one was 'letting' her train like she did because no one was really 'training' her to begin with. She'd been forced to rely on her father's old friends to teach her what they could, and they only made time for her once every few weeks.

He let her go, but not before kicking her in the back of the leg and giving her a push towards the wall, making her fall to her hands and knees in front of it.

Jade pushed herself up to her feet. "I'm too hungry for this bullshit."

Li put his hands up and took a step back. "Woah, wait, if you need the money for breakfast that's totally different. I'd love to get breakfast with a girl like you!"

She rushed him, going for a tackle, but missed when he side-flipped over her and hit the grass instead, completely ruining her new white blouse. It had been thrifted, but still, it was new to her. He was smiling, hands in his pockets, and rocking on his heels when she stood back up.

"This is going to sound patronizing, but you've got a lot of potential, you know. There's a lot of power and speed in your small frame. With a proper diet and good instruction, you'd be a real problem."

"Quit enjoying this, you little fuck."

He frowned. "Of course, I'm enjoying this! I love spending time with sexy older women!"

His friends groaned in unison. "Oh my god, bro," said the taller one, "we cannot take you anywhere."

Modern Day

"Anyway, it went on like that for another minute or so before a teacher came by and broke it up. Jade kept trying and Li kept shutting her down while flirting. It was pretty cute honestly. Sorry, Jade. I don't think we ever really interacted with him again, did we?"

Jade shook her head. She'd have responded verbally but she was busy biting down on the stick Madame Wang had given her. The little, old medicine woman's moxibustion had to be the most painful in the neighborhood, but it worked well enough that they were able to avoid hospitals for all but the most serious injuries.

"There, done," said Madame Wang, snubbing out her lit incense. Jade took that as permission to collapse jellyfish-like onto the bed. The hunched elderly healer pointed a demanding finger at Pastel. "Absolutely no strain on the arm for at least one week."

"Got it. Thank you, Madame Wang. I'll have the cash sent over to your granddaughters' place. Caroline, you're on Jade duty. Jade, if I hear you left your apartment for any reason other than to relax or eat, I'm docking your pay."

Madame Wang bowed, neatly packed her belongings away, and exited without another word. That left the three alone in the apartment she and Caroline shared, just the two of them and their captain.

Jade spat out the bite-stick. "I don't need a babysitter."

"Too bad, you're getting one."

"Awwww," said Caroline, hugging Jade's head to her chest. "I can't wait to pamper you for a whole week."

Pastel opened the window wide and sat on the sill, hanging a leg out of the building. She lit up a cigarette and closed her eyes in thought. "God, I hate the smell of Madame Wang's incense, reminds me of all my worst injuries."

Shelley 'Pastel' Chan was the only person in the world allowed to smoke inside their apartment. That was half because she was their boss, and half because she had never asked for permission before lighting up. Jade knew it was a power move, and if anyone else tried it she'd have been pissed, but she didn't mind when it was Pastel. The older triad was everything she'd ever wanted from a captain, a badass bitch who she could genuinely trust to look after her, not the sort of person who would throw away her subordinates without good cause.

"James Li, what am I going to do with you…" said Pastel to herself.

Jade gave Caroline a questioning glance. She knew some things had been kept from her while Madame Wang had been working. Shocks to the system could cause 'catastrophic Qi cascades', or so said the healer.

"He burned down Junior's counterfeit liquor operation," explained Caroline.

"What?" Jade sat up, wincing as the movement disturbed her cast and bandages. "Not on purpose though. There's no way he came there to fight a ghost and burn down a warehouse."

Her captain flicked some ash out the window. "Won't mean much to Junior."

"Fuck Junior. That New York asshole's the reason the Li's are mad at us in the first place." Pastel only smiled in response. Jade knew she was as angry as anyone that Guangzhou had sent someone from New York to replace Boss Gao after his death. "How…burned down are we talking?"

"Just enough left over for the DA to put together a pretty strong counterfeiting case once they get a name they can attach it to."

"Thousand-foot fire tornado burned down," added Caroline.

That idiot, what was he thinking? Junior would be forced to respond to such an overt display of defiance. Great, just fucking great. "This sucks."

Cap and Caroline shared an amused look. "You've got it bad, don't you, girl?" asked Pastel. "When did he win you over, when he flashed his dick at a ghost, or when he kicked you through an A/C unit?"

When he saved her life, probably. "Oh, shut up. He's a privileged, pretty boy, dumbass, wannabe influencer, arrogant dickhead. I can't stand guys like him."

Maybe if she said it a few more times she'd start to believe it, she thought sardonically. What a sad joke, falling for a guy she'd met twice and got her ass kicked by both times. She was such a loser. What was she even hoping for, what was the best-case scenario in her mind? A whirlwind romance, her own Romeo and Juliet story except with a happy ending – God, she really was a fucking idiot, wasn't she.

Fuck! Why couldn't Caroline or Pastel have told her about the warehouse before she'd spent six hours lying still for Madame Wang? And why had Jade let herself get her hopes up in the first place? So stupid…she really couldn't think of why she thought she had a chance with him to begin with. She saw one man, shining, golden, fighting a ghost, and her idiot brain started believing that heroes were real. His stupid, beautiful eyes must have tricked her into thinking that they could be together, that he wanted her.

Caroline, predictably, saw right through her bluster. "Aw, Jade, don't be like that. Pastel, there has to be something you can do for him. It's not like Junior can just assassinate James, right? I mean, a lot of the younger generation like him, and everyone knows it's Junior's fault to begin with. If he didn't want all of our armored cars or his counterfeit operation to get wrecked then he shouldn't have sent Tanaka to poke the hornets' nest."

Pastel sighed. "He did want that, maybe not specifically, but he wanted the chaos. Junior wants to put his mark on Black Harbor, and he can't do that by maintaining the status quo. Lily Li always responds when provoked. He knew what would happen, probably disappointed by the lack of bodies."

"But there would be riots in Chinatown if James Li was murdered by a Triad."

"And Junior would love that."

"So, that's it? We're just going to let that greasy nepo-baby kill the man who saved Jade's life, Chinatown's beloved son?"

"Forget it, Caroline. It's whatever." Jade pulled the pillow over her head. She just wanted to forget all this and move on.

Jade felt Pastel walk up to her bed. The older Tiger was silent, her clothes didn't rustle and her footsteps didn't make a sound, but Jade had learned to recognize the dime-sized faint static buzz just underneath the skin on the back of her neck as Pastel's Qi signature.

Her captain grabbed the pillow off her face and tossed it aside. She held Jade's chin with her thumb and forefinger, expression carefully neutral. "Jade. How long you worked for me? Eight years?"

"Almost."

"Other than training, you ever ask for anything? Vacation in Cabo? Help paying for a car?"

"No, ma'am."

"That's annoying," she said flatly. "I like when my subordinates ask me for things. I want them to know I'm the sort of person who can get them what they want. What do you want, Jade?"

"I…" Pastel tightened her grip on Jade's chin ever so slightly. "I don't know. This job is all I ever wanted."

Pastel rolled her eyes. "No, this job is the only thing you want that you believe you can get. I'm asking you what you want that you believe I can get. And think carefully, 'cause I'm prone to take it as an insult if you underestimate me."

"I guess, I...don't want him to die, if you can swing it. He did save me and all."

"That's what you don't want, dumbass."

Caroline interjected, "She wants—"

"I want to hear her say it."

There was a long silence. Jade knew what Pastel was waiting to hear her say, but it felt…wrong to even think about. Just like she didn't let herself fantasize about going to Disneyworld when she was a kid, or fantasize about dating the hot guys that hung around Caroline – these things weren't ever going to happen, so why bother torturing herself wanting them to?

Pastel started leaking a bit of her fighting spirit, not enough to wither the flowers in the room, but enough that the both of them definitely felt it. The assassin and Triad Captain had a particularly corrosive fighting spirit. "You aren't doubting me, are you, girl?"

The words sprang out from her, from where she couldn't say. "I want him." Jade froze. Why had she said that?

"You want the Li scion? You want James Li?"

"Y-yes." No, no, no, what was she doing? This was going to end badly; she just knew it.

Pastel patted her on the cheek. "Okay, I can make that happen."