Picking Up Girls With Game Exploits! (Yuri)

A perfectly normal, totally average goat, standing there in the middle of a barely-lit chamber on the second floor of the Worsetingale Tower.

The stone ceiling above us had caved in long ago, and stray beams of light leaked through the cracks, striping its white fur in neat little lines.

"Have you ever watched those Gravity Falls fan theory videos?" I whispered,

Rina blinked. "What?"

"You know, the ones with the triangle dorito guy, the six-fingered book cover, CalArt style, gay-looking cast?"

"Dude…" Her face was blank, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh my god," I muttered, gesturing broadly with my sword. "Okay, so listen. Goats are fucking weird. They've got these rectangular pupils, like, what the hell even is that? What caused that? Evolution? Sorecery? It's just unnaturally creepy, and sometimes, they just, like, fucking- like, stare at you without moving as if they knew what I did in 2012."

"..." Rina took a careful step back down the stairs. "What did you do in 201-"

"No, no, seriously," I continued, cutting her off. "People in the fandom used to say the goat in the show was the main antagonist, or, like, a conduit, an avatar, a security camera for him. The fucker can be occasionally found just hanging around the shack of the protagonist's group, doing nothing and just watching in the background. And I swear to fucking god I saw it looking at the camera once."

I jabbed my sword toward the goat in the room.

"And now look at this. We find some random goat sitting on the second floor of a haunted wizard's tower in the middle of buttfuck nowhere, and you want me to believe that's just normal?"

The goat blinked.

"Stop cursing so much, geez." Rina stared between me and the animal, looking more exasperated than scared. "It's probably just… Wandered in here, I saw a deer earlier."

"Yeah, sure," I said, "Just a random animal AI until it turns its head a full 180 and asks if you've accepted Baphomet to be your lord and savior today."

"I'm going downstairs, let's see what the guys outside want to do," Rina announced flatly.

"Wait, wait, hold up." I held her shoulder with the hand holding my sword, the other still on my torch, "If we go back down, those three moron are gonna want to come up here."

"... How do you reckon?" Rina asked.

"Think about it, Hailie's gonna be the first to want to pet the thing, trust me, when we first played together, she didn't even know if a grey wolf was dangerous or not, got her arm bitten."

That was when she still had her invulnerability though, so no damage was done.

"Sounds like her…" Rina commented.

"Akira's like, too focused on quests and duties, she'll definitely try to confront the thing head on and make sure it's safe, probably continue to the third floor with her back turned."

"You really don't think highly of this team, do you?" Rina pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Oh, I do," I said with a grin. "Just not their survival instincts."

"And Marc can be a bit too reckless at times, righteous, too… He'll want to go on." Rina added.

I nodded,

"Which means we have to…"

Before I could answer, another bleat echoed through the chamber.

I waved my torch, trying to see more into the room.

The goat's head tilted slightly as it looked right at me.

For a second I swore its pupils stretched, warping into thin vertical lines before returning to those eerie rectangles again.

"..." Rina drew an arrow. "Cory…?"

"You saw that too?" I murmured a question, my sword rose.

The goat bleated again, louder.

It took a step toward us.

I didn't even register the sound of Rina releasing the bowstring. All that remained was one sharp thwip, and the arrow buried itself clean between its eyes.

The animal crumpled instantly without as much as moan.

A quiet thud echoed through the room, followed by the sound of a single pebble rolling across the floor.

RinaWenswood shot the goat dead.

Neither of us moved for a few seconds.

"…You shot the goat," I said quietly, "I hope you're not livestreaming that."

"I'm not, don't worry…" she replied, lowering her bow but keeping another arrow ready.

"It might've just wanted to ask for a petting session."

Rina gave me a side-eye glare.

"You were the one calling it Baphomet two minutes ago."

"Fair point," I conceded.

We approached cautiously, stepping over fallen masonry and the occasional chairs, logs, pebbles.

Up close, the goat looked entirely normal, no dark aura and no drops.

Just a corpse, I reached my hands out to feel; its fur was soft, still faintly warm.

The thing dissolved immediately after that, despawing like a lot of animals do, even though animals usually drop meat… I guess the game just didn't have goat meat?

Rina crouched, retrieving her arrow tip on the floor, then wiped the blood off.

"Nothing. It's just… a goat." She said,

"See, this is how horror movies start," I said, crossing my arms. "You find something weird, it looks innocent, you kill it, and then next thing you know the tower starts transforming into the tree in that one animated movie that I forgot the name of involving three kids."

"Don't," Rina warned, standing up. "Don't jinx it."

Now that we're able to see the entire floor. I looked around the chamber, pretending to count the cracks on the wall to distract myself from the creeping unease.

The floor was littered with smashed bottles and burnt scrolls. Shelves tilted against the far wall, their contents half-buried in frost and dust, not just a simple sleeping quarters, it seems.

There were even more signs of a life once lived here. A table with rotten fruit, an extinguished lantern, a chessboard with pieces mid-game.

The goat must've wandered in here ages ago, maybe spawned intentionally, because something about it felt intentional… Can goats climb stairs?

"Let's check the next three floor and then head back down." Rina sighed, slinging her bow over her shoulder. "Tell the others what we found, then we still need to scout the surrounding areas."

"Yeah," I said, still looking at the floor where the goat died. "Marc is probably really happy right now just having two women on two shoulders."

She started toward the stairwell.

I lingered a second longer.

"..."

Something felt… Off, I thought.

"Cory," Rina called from the stairs, "you coming?"

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered, giving the entire floor last look before turning away.

I do not wish to freak anyone out, but… I swear I still hear the goat.