Phagocytosis

3rd October 2029
They had us assemble and strip a GPMG at cadets tonight. Out of thirty, I came second fastest. Peter only beat me 'cause his gas compensator wasn't knackered, mine took an extra five seconds to wrestle out.

6th October
They're saying Riga and most of Latvia's been turned into radioactive ash, but it's been weeks and, apart from a few villages and some town in southern Lithuania, there's been no real victories. I keep refreshing the LiveUA site every hour. Other than the government trying to shut it down, there's nothing. "For the safety of our boys," the police had plastered across the page for the two hours it was offline. Lmao, as if the crabs can even read a map. Doubt they've got fibre or Wi-Fi either. Easier to take the site down than admit we're not winning as fast as we wanted to.

9th October
Why do Poles stare? You'd think the more of them around here, the less they'd bother, but no. Oliwia, or however you spell her name, just stares at my face like there's nothing better to do. Funniest thing is watching them wave off the teachers during break, fag in hand. Their English is alright, but the second you tell them to chuck the fags in the bin, not a single word of the King's comes out.

11th October
Mom found the draft notice, well I actually went to her with it in hand. She deserves to know. Handled it better than I thought she would, until I got asked at school why my mate's favourite history teacher spent the whole afternoon crying in her office. Peter called me weak for not volunteering for the Paras, he was joking of course. I could tell how worried he really was when I explained. Oliwia, weird I know but she lets me call her that, told me her dad was in a tank unit too when the shrimps first landed and that's where he was killed. Yeah, didn't really know what to say to that.

13th October

The Spurs jersey I ordered finally turned up in the post, along with a letter apologising for losing it for over three years. Poor bloke's name on the back died six months ago if I remember right.

15th October
Was waiting at the kebab for my dürüm when some lads walked in. They told me and Peter to fuck off before going after the guys behind the counter. Went on for five minutes. Pretty sure they stabbed one of them too. By the time the police showed up, the whole neighbourhood was there, except the ones who did it. Some reckon it was over protection money the kebab refused to pay, others say it was an anti-immigrant group. Fucked me over because I'd already paid before the clowns turned up. One kebab a month I can afford and this happens.

18th October
Some moron at a press conference, think he was ex-Labour or UKIP, I'm not sure, slipped that there's a fifty percent chance we might not even clean up the Baltics or northern Poland. Last Russian, Finnish and a few other divisions bit the dust at the Estonian-Russian border. More nukes just wiped out four months of push and pull. The Poles and whatnot are talking about a million-man march in London.

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Drill sergeant gave us some pre-war beer during cadet training last night.

21st October
Yeah, London's on fire. They've shut down the internet, and it's been off for twelve hours now. But before that, it was nothing but images of officers on horses charging protesters, bottles, bricks and Molotov cocktails flying at the riot police. When one of the cops fired his pistol at two men, the footage spread like wildfire before they finally turned off the damn internet.

22nd October

Dad's birthday. We all got so drunk he let us write our names on his prosthetic leg. Uncle Jerry tried to run off with it until Mum and his wife called him back to order. Dad was laughing so hard trying to catch up with him, like a one-legged pirate using me for balance as he chased him across the garden.

25th October
Was supposed to volunteer at the church tonight with Mum, but Olivia invited me over to her place. Her mum, aunts and uncle have gone to London to make soup for the protesters or something. Thought we were just going to watch a movie, but I got the surprise of a lifetime.

Jesus Christ…

5th November
Finished "Shock" training week last night at the cadets. Drill instructor firing over our heads with a GPMG as we crawled through mud with bits of pig guts lying around. Why they wasted meat, I don't know. At first, seeing the lads scream and the mud mixed with guts made my stomach turn. But after a while, it barely made me flinch. Sergeant Morley said that was the right attitude.

Had a warm shower and barbecue waiting once it was done. The sergeants explained they fired blanks, but still, half of the other lads were crying and screaming. They weren't offered any meat as punishment,ust a tap on the shoulder and an early ride home. Can't say I blame them.

The only reason I got some was because I crawled and cried at the same time. Sergeant Morley said he knew I cried, but as long as I kept crawling while doing it, I was alright in the eyes of His Majesty's army. Felt strange, but the fear mixed with that tiny reward made me feel… sharper somehow, like there's a right way to suffer. I'm starting to see why he keeps saying, "No flinch, no fuss, survive." It sticks, even when you don't want it to.

6th November

Talk around town is that the main American effort will be an amphibious landing. That's apparently why their forces are so limited. I'm tired of explaining that they're shooting draft officers back home in the US, and on top of that, both the Americans and the Chinese are starting to run thin on manpower. Makes you wonder how they even expect to make a dent over here.

It also makes me wonder how the hell we even managed to capture most of Europe. I think I understand now why some people just want to nuke what's left and call it a day. Why should millions die so that six or so million people can go back to their homes? Harsh, I know, but it feels different when it's your own arse that's going to be in a flak jacket over there someday.

Part of me feels guilty even thinking that way, but another part can't help it. I keep replaying Sergeant Morley's words about no flinch, no fuss, survive. It's like a small voice in my head telling me I'll have to make the same cold calculations one day. I hate that I already understand the logic of it, that war isn't about right or wrong, just about who lasts longest.

14th November

Gave Oliwia my sister's necklace for her birthday. Not like she's using it either way. She's doing fine over there in Australia, though she blames never calling my parents on internet problems or whatever. Anyway, Oliwia liked it. Felt nice seeing her smile. If anyone asked, I paid for it.