Path of Wizardry

Having eaten a small meal at her inn in silence, Amy returned to her room alone. If anyone were to look at her they would see a serene young lady sitting neatly on top of her bed, magic flickering in her eyes. A small magical creature spun itself into existence by her side, accompanied by a strange surreal sound of the breaking of chains, as a Tier 5 Familiar touched down upon the plane.

"You shouldn't be casting Spells like that," The cat reprimanded his apprentice. "You should be resting, not reaching for higher Tiers."

"I was bored, Felin, and you were long overdue for an upgrade," She smiled at him in a way that didn't quite seem to reach her eyes. "I had a bit of a bad day anyway. Just a way I thought I'd cheer myself up."

"How so? Was it those 'friends' you were meeting with?"

"Not... entirely," Amy hesitated. "It was awkward and there was definitely something going on with them two that I want no part of, but it was mostly Beatrice honestly."

"Did she push you away?" Felin cocked his head.

"...Partly, but it was my fault as well. I- I couldn't really... behave properly when I was around her, Felin. I felt just off."

"Oh!" Felin perked up. "Well, you probably should be having this conversation with your parents and not me, but at your age you really should know the birds and the-"

"Not like that," Amy rolled her eyes at his teasing. "Felin, I- I felt inhuman."

"Oh," He said again, solemnly this time. Creeping up beside her carefully, he positioned himself to be rubbing against her side. "I had hoped it wouldn't have already begun yet I always do seem to underestimate your affinities."

"I guessed it was something to do with them," She sighed, stroking the cat's fur gently. "It was like I couldn't quite feel properly and had to fake a lot of it. And honestly, what really disturbed was that I faked them pretty damn well. It was only the more complex stuff that I struggled with and... Now that I'm thinking about it, I reckon I faked almost the entirety of my meeting with my School friends. I probably only noticed it truly with Beatrice when I got more emotional."

"Well, it's good that you still have some semblance of feeling-"

"Some semblance?" Amy repeated his words, incredulous. "Felin, I didn't actually feel anything! How is that a semblance of anything at all?"

"You didn't notice it at first, no? To me that means that you did indeed feel it at first."

"In the moment it seemed like I felt something but it was more like... I don't know how to describe it properly; I wasn't feeling emotion, rather my brain was telling me to act a certain way because of the situation and I acted that way, not that I actually, you know, did feel that way."

"Isn't that emotion, at a rather base level anyway?"

"When can I fix it?" Amy responded with a question of her own. "Will it be with the rest of my problems? Or earlier if we can?"

"No."

"No? What do you mean?" Amy asked, taken aback.

"This... Cannot truly be rectified. It can be fought back against, but it will never truly disappear."

"...Why?" Amy tried not to let the devastation creep into her voice, surprised that it was even there in the first place. I'm supposed to be shocked and scared so that's how I'm... feeling. Not that I actually feel that way. It feels so wrong.

"I said before, didn't I? How not every Mage is destined to reach the pinnacle? Not because their path is insufficient or incomplete, rather because they couldn't handle what happens as they ascend. This is it. When you become less and less mortal, and more and more mana, you start processing things differently. Emotion transforms from hormones and signals in the brain to patterns in your mana and Concepts that you control."

"So you yourself don't actually feel anything? It's all faked, just like this?" Amy frowned, baffled.

"Of course I feel emotion, Amy, just not in the same way as you. But I was born an Ascendant and as such it's not like I've ever known anything different. All self-made Ascendants endure what you're going through, likely at a higher mana portion than you however. Your portion is already poor for your Tier and yet this degradation is already occurring."

"My mana portion is poor too? What's the next surprise in line," Amy chuckled joylessly.

"You didn't expect that ascending without preparations in the middle of combat would have no consequences, no? This isn't like Mageling where you ascended during your embodiment, you ascended because it was needed of you, not that you wanted it. As such, you're starting off weak for your Tier. Quite the reversal from Apprentice, no?"

"As if it couldn't get any worse."

"I wasn't done, my dear apprentice," Felin looked at her with pity. "A large amount of your ascension mana is corrupted, as you know, and must be made Pure. In doing this, you will lose even more mana which will take a long time to recover naturally. So, your mana portion is actually set to become even lower by the time you are, for lack of better word, 'cured'. And since some of the mana is lost, you will be physically weaker too, as that replaced fleshy mass doesn't suddenly return with the exorcizing of the mana."

"Just... great," Amy cast her gaze downwards, looking at her lap. "You... You mentioned that other Ascendants deal with it. How?"

"That requires explaining what is the affliction you are suffering from, which has a rather enlightening name. Well, two names if you want to be technical with it."

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

"What are they?"

"For your own sanity, let's not cover the latter. For now, we shall describe your affliction as... Inhumanity. All sorts of variations of that name exist for the other races, but you're human so let's keep it simple with just that. This is... mitigated using a sort of cultivation of one's self. This doesn't garner you extra power or strength or mana or anything like it. It's merely an understanding of what you are at your core and how you view yourself. One could argue that in itself grants you strength, even if it isn't something that can be wielded."

"You make it sound like what you put me through, when I was- was losing myself," She tripped over herself at the memory, a quiver forming in her lip. "You- tried to make me remember who I was, not who I had- had become."

"It is similar, albeit one could call this method a more comprehensive version of that. There are three pathways to this cultivation of self, in which you decide what you are and prune away the rest."

"Prune away? You make it sound rather ominous."

"As beings of mana, we quite literally decide what we are, flaws and all. This is simply deciding upon what we actually wish to be, for better or for worse. The first pathway is for those who struggle the most with their inhumanity, where they practice the mantra of 'I am Human'. In meditating on and considering it carefully, one can eventually come to a consensus with themselves of what it means to be human and artificially recreate it."

"Would that be what I would practice then? I'm sorry if I am a bit hesitant but that sounds like a quick way to become a monster, especially with how distorted I know my way of thinking actually is. How could I even decide on what it means to be human?"

"Who knows?" Felin smiled cryptically, moving on without answering her question. "The second pathway is for those who struggle the least, with the mantra of, in your case, 'I am Amy'. As they don't actually need to build a basis of their own humanity, they simply need to decide what they consider to be their own values, based upon their own name and not infringed upon by the mana, and cement them. This pathway, which at first may sound like it coexists with the first, could not be more opposite. Those who need the 1st and practise the 2nd will find themselves making more and more concessions on what it means to be 'Amy', folding in the parts that belong to the mana and not your self."

"I see. And the third?"

"The third is for those who accept their inhumanity and wish to form an equilibrium with it; or, if one is so inclined, be subsumed by it entirely. This mantra is 'I am Me'. One accepts whatever they consider themselves, the good and bad, and tries to decide on the exact structure of it. Unlike the 1st and 2nd, either practitioners of those mantras can eventually fall to this one. And, Amy, if you thought the 1st created monsters, then you'd be mistaken. It is this 3rd path that creates the true monsters and I do hope you never meet one."

"...Why would anyone choose that? And why even present me with that as an option?" Amy scowled.

"Ultimately, my dear apprentice, it is your life you must lead, your own path, and as such you must make your own decision on it. I doubt you will ever genuinely choose the 3rd path, but it is my duty as your master to at least inform you of it, both as a warning and a lesson. Also... the 3rd path is the path all natural born Ascendants follow without them knowing. For it is all that they know, and as such, they are simply themselves, nothing else."

"Does that make people on the 3rd path more likely to become Ascendants then?" Amy asked, not liking the implications of such a question.

"No, it is not. In fact, despite the 1st being the most prevalent path, it is the 2nd with the most Ascendants, but even that is somewhat debatable. This isn't due to the 2nd being safer than the 1st. Rather, those who follow the 2nd path have fewer issues to grapple with in the first place and as such have less obstacles on their way to ascension."

"...Alright then. When do I start this?" Amy creased her brows in consternation, still not entirely pleased with the options available to her.

"Whenever you want," Felin surprised her. "This isn't magical as I've already said. Its consequences indeed affect your path and mana but the process itself does not have anything to do with it. So, whatever path you end up choosing you can start it today, even if you should probably prioritise other matters."

"Other matters?"

"Well, you still have your attunement to fix, no?"

"I know that, but it's not like I know how."

"You do, partly, as I said earlier. It's the same method you concocted of the filter and you simply apply it to your brain enhancements. Only, this time, you permanently erase those corrupted enhancements and rebuild them out of your purified mana."

"That sounds... easy. Why couldn't I have done that at Apprentice?"

"You should've," Felin said blandly. "You didn't give yourself much of a choice though when you advanced to Journeyman before you could. At least, now, it's going to be far easier. Rebuilding enhancements at Apprentice would be a long and tedious task that would've delayed your ascension by at least another month. Now, with your heightened influence and mana control, it should be something you can accomplish in a couple weeks. Now, this isn't to say all your problems would've been resolved at Apprentice, that is still a definite no. It would've just meant you had an easier time when you do advance with less corruption to handle in general."

"Okay," Amy nodded. "I have nothing better to do so..."

"Begin whenever you feel ready. I'll be watching over you to correct any of your mistakes."

Nodding once more to herself, Amy closed her eyes and looked inwards, her Sight conjuring up the perfect image of her brain inside her head. Mana curled around every nerve and sparked on every signal they sent, constantly crackling with possibility. Shadowing it all was a slight tint of green, barely noticeable and only there if you paid attention. And, on an even closer look, a grey static seemed to obscure the finer workings, hiding it behind a veil of mystery.

At least the Fae and Unknowable is very easy to spot, Amy remarked. Still, where do I even start? I guess I can try examining my enhancements from the top. Let's start with what I had begun with originally, the occipital lobe. Her focus drifted to the back of her brain, where the oldest and most concentrated of her enhancement lay. Much to her surprise, this portion was mostly clean of corruption, only inheriting some from its neighbours which practically oozed with the hostile mana. And all because of my stupid affinities.

Sighing deeply, Amy couldn't help but let her thoughts drift to what Felin had talked about. Deciding what I consider to be human? That's a job for philosophers not Mages. How the Hell am I supposed to do that? I'd have a much easier path with the 2nd one but from the sounds of it, I have no chance with that one. The 3rd one isn't even on the table for consideration, yet that seems the easiest. I suppose that's one of the draws to it... You don't need to worry about the corruption if you simply accept it as another part of you. Still, to be human, huh?

Caught in a daydream, Amy shook her head as she realised how distracted she had become, focusing back onto the task. The next section of her enhancements shifted into view, and it was obvious how drenched in her affinities they were. Without hesitating, Amy already began to construct her filter and readied herself for the boring job of redoing all her hard work all over again.

Felin watched his apprentice dutifully follow his instructions, having already started replacing some of her mental enhancements. This new Tier 5 form for him gave him an even greater insight to the workings of the mana inside her and it did not garner any confidence in him.

Amy Wachlund truly suffered from the curse of affinities, far more than he had seen in a very long time. Should I have even told her about the 3rd path? Felin frowned subtly to himself, his tail curled around his legs. I doubt she's genuinely considering it and yet... her affinities would certainly like the sound of it and steer her that way. No matter, what's done is done. All I can do is hope she follows the right pathway, and not fall to inhumanity and become a monster.