Passion (BL Novel)

I had once wondered why I felt angry. It wasn’t just because the man had embraced Shinru─though that might have been part of it. Perhaps because I had never really had a proper relationship, I wasn't particularly concerned with my partner's chastity. Besides, Shinru hadn’t gone to that man.

After thinking about it repeatedly, the conclusion remained the same: it was because of the look that man had shown me. What exactly the look meant, I still couldn't tell. But when that man embraced Shinru, he kept looking at me. With a faint smile. For some reason, that look made me extremely angry.
‘Haha, Tae, I already told you about this. You heard it that day, but I never forced that brat into my bed. He came to me willingly.’
"Yeah, I know. But you still just left it at that, didn’t you? I never promised I wouldn’t get angry about it."

‘Ah… you’re right. I didn’t make the promise carefully enough.’
The man chuckled as if he had made a mistake. Jang Taeo grew more anxious as he still didn’t understand the purpose of the man’s call. The atmosphere of searching for something without knowing the reason made him uneasy.
“There’s no need to apologize about that now. Why are you calling me to explain this?”

‘Ah, that’s obvious. The reason for the delay is that I’ve been busy with work, and now I finally have time. I’m calling because we’re friends, after all.’
Taeo nearly dropped the receiver. In fact, it would have been better if he had dropped it. Should he pretend to drop it now and hang up? He felt like he’d heard something he really shouldn’t have, something that wouldn’t benefit him at all.
He truly couldn't understand the man's intention, his face turned pale. What on earth did this crazy person want by calling him? Beyond anger, it had reached a point of ◈ Nоvеlіgһт ◈ (Continue reading) fear. He hadn't expected his uncle’s advice to still hold true—never get involved with a crazy person, never even show up in their line of sight.

He was about to ask when exactly they’d become friends but decided to keep silent. There was no point in making unnecessary arguments. But even so, what he had heard was bizarre. Taeo could no longer hold back and said, trying to phrase his words carefully:
“For someone who’s supposedly a friend... you left without even saying goodbye.”
The previous night, I had clearly gone to say goodbye, although I didn’t manage to do it, he added. Ilay responded with a casual “Ah,” as if it didn’t matter.

‘Well, I thought we’d meet again soon. It didn’t seem necessary to say goodbye over such a brief separation.’
The sweat on the palm of his hand intensified. He really wanted to hang up this time. The ominous feeling that had been building up since he received the call only grew stronger.
“Why do you say we’ll meet again?”

His heart raced. The anxiety made his chest tighten. He couldn’t even guess what this man was trying to say, which only intensified his anxiety. Why on earth was he calling?
‘Why, of course. If people want to, they can always meet again, as long as they’re not dead.’
“I don’t want to.”

When Taeo answered immediately, a low laugh came from the other end of the line. It sounded as though he had made a funny joke.
Taeo remained silent for a moment, pressing his forehead. His face felt hot. He no longer had the energy to circle around and explore the meaning of the words, and he had grown tired of doing so. His voice softened involuntarily as he muttered gloomily:
“Why did you call me? You can’t really think of me as a friend.”
‘Hah, why would you think that?’

The fact that the man wasn’t getting angry or even changing his expression, reacting as though he found it amusing, only confirmed Taeo’s suspicions.
Taeo didn’t respond, waiting for the man’s next words. Conversations with unexpected people were more draining than he had anticipated.
Realizing that Taeo wasn’t going to answer, Ilay chuckled lowly. He then dropped the playful tone and spoke more seriously.

‘I don’t have anything particular to say. I just called because I remembered. During our conversation earlier, Jeong Jaei’s name came up, and I thought I’d ask.’
Ah, so he’s still treating me as a set with him. It was so familiar that it didn’t even bother me anymore.
“Then call him. Don’t call me.”

‘Jeong Jaei is currently missing. Do you know where he is?’
At that moment, Taeo could sense it. Maybe this was the real reason he had called. Even if it wasn’t the main reason, it was clear that from the moment he made the call, he had been planning to ask this question.
“We spent several days together, didn’t we talk about this then?”

It wasn’t unreasonable for Taeo’s voice to carry an edge. He had definitely talked about this with Ilay. He didn’t know.
Ilay laughed. Then, in an entirely nonchalant tone, he responded:
‘Well, it’s been a while, so I thought I’d ask. There are quite a few people around me looking for his whereabouts.’

“Right. Tell them to hang in there. There’s no one in his family who knows where he is, so they’ll have to figure it out on their own.”
“Alright, I’ll let them know,” Ilay responded, his voice tinged with a smile.
From the sound of his voice, he seemed like a very pleasant and kind man. His voice was soft and pleasant to listen to, with a fresh and straightforward tone. If he hadn’t met Rigrow, Taeo might have found Ilay to be a genuinely likable man, just like the first time they talked.

‘Alright, take care. I hope you stay healthy until we meet again.’
Ilay chuckled softly and then bid his farewell, while Taeo, who had grown exhausted from the call, mumbled, “Yeah, you too.”
“Until we meet again,” his words lingered in Taeo’s mind after the call ended.

“Hmm.”
“Hmm?”
Taeo muttered in surprise, pointing at himself, as he echoed the sound in a questioning tone. But his expression wasn’t one of curiosity at all; it was flat and uninterested.

Touw glanced at the clock and then walked over to Taeo. It was still not yet 6 AM. Taeo nodded slightly as he noticed the cigarette Touw was holding. So, that’s why he was up this early—he had come out for a morning smoke.
“Why are you up already?”
Touw, still with a cigarette in his mouth, asked as he flicked a droplet of dew off a blade of grass with his finger. He surprisingly liked things like flowers and plants, even though his rugged appearance would have made no one guess that at first glance.

“Mm… I got a prank call earlier.”
“Just cussed them out and hung up.”
“Mm… They were persistent.”

“Next time, just yank out the cord.”
“Guess I’ll have to. Or maybe just cut the outside line completely.”
“Who the hell is making prank calls to the UNHRDO office? Ugh, people like that should be tracked down by their number and just beaten.”

“…”
Taeo stared at Touw blankly. When Touw looked back at him, confused, Taeo simply shook his head, signaling that it was nothing. "If you’re going to risk your life doing something like that, I’ll be the one cheering you on."
Taeo crouched next to Touw, who was crouched down, brushing the dew off the grass. He let his fingers touch the dew at the tips of the leaves, feeling the moisture cool his skin.

After the call, Taeo still couldn’t fall asleep. There was still plenty of time before the start of the day’s duties, but even though he lay in bed with his eyes closed, sleep just wouldn’t come. He gave up on trying to sleep and decided to go out for some fresh morning air.
The fog was thick near the building. It was going to be quite hot during the day, judging by the weather.
As Taeo took a deep breath, inhaling the cool air that had been tinted by the distant fog, Touw came out, still holding his cigarette.

“Why are you up so early?”

“I usually wake up at this time for a smoke. You’ve never come out at this hour, so I guess you didn’t know.”
Taeo asked, and Touw answered casually with a little chuckle. Taeo thought about it and realized Touw was right. While he had woken up this early plenty of times, he had never actually come out. It made sense that it was the first time he had run into Touw at this hour. Although Touw was a bit addicted to cigarettes, he was actually one of the more diligent people among the group.

“Why do you look so troubled?”
Touw glanced at Taeo and asked, exhaling a puff of smoke while looking up at the sky instead of the grass. It was a small act, but it showed that he had some semblance of conscience.
“The prank call was too persistent.”

“What?”
Taeo gave a vague response and rubbed the dew off his fingers. He felt Touw’s gaze on him, asking what that meant, but his mind was too tangled to respond properly. During the call, it seemed like every little thing that was said had stuck in his mind, and it made him feel uneasy.
“Here, I’ll give you one.”

Touw, seeing that Taeo looked visibly disturbed, offered him a cigarette. Taeo took it and inhaled deeply, feeling the sharp scent of the tobacco fill his lungs.
At that moment, a sound came from behind them. Touw was the first to turn his head, and Taeo followed his gaze. Through the old, cracked window of the building, a man could be seen striding into the instructor’s office.
“It’s Golding. That guy’s up early too. But why is he in his uniform this early in the morning…? Going on a business trip or something?”

Touw muttered casually. Before he could finish speaking, another instructor appeared at the end of the hallway, looking just like Golding—dressed in his regular uniform. He entered the instructor’s office, just like Golding had.
Not long after, a third instructor appeared. It was Taeo’s uncle. He must have woken up from sleep and rushed to get ready, as his uniform was neat, but there was still a hint of drowsiness in his eyes, which made him look displeased. As he walked toward the instructor’s office, he glanced out the window, and his eyes landed on Taeo and Touw, who were standing outside smoking. He furrowed his brow as if he was about to say something but stopped after a brief moment of thought and entered the office without a word.
“…?”

“What’s going on? It’s really busy this early. Did something happen overnight?”
Touw muttered. Taeo tilted his head slightly as he watched his uncle and the other instructors.
A string of instructors followed behind Taeo’s uncle. Shortly after, the vice-directors also appeared. Though there were still about three hours before the official start of the workday, seeing them up and about so early felt strange.

The expressions of the people entering the instructor’s office were odd. None of them looked particularly happy or sad. Their faces were a mix of emotions that couldn’t be read clearly.
What could be something that wasn’t definitively good or bad, but just in-between? It would be nice if it wasn’t something that would affect the whole branch.
At that moment, Taeo noticed Shinru walking down the hallway. Even the security team was mobilized this early in the morning. It seemed like something had definitely happened.

Before Taeo could call out to him, Shinru noticed him first, even though he had been looking outside casually.
“Taei-hyung! What are you doing out here so early?”
Shinru opened the window and greeted him cheerfully, causing Touw, standing next to Taeo, to grin meaningfully. “You’re lucky. You’ve got someone wagging their tail happily every time they see you,” he teased lightly, but Taeo pretended not to hear.

Even though the instructors had serious, almost expressionless faces, it seemed like the strange tension hadn’t extended too far. Shinru was smiling with a perfectly clear face.
 
"I couldn't sleep, so I just came out for a bit. But why are you already out here at this time? The guards are moving around too... Is something going on?"

"Oh, we got a call from the headquarters this morning. It seems the new instructor assigned to our branch has been decided."
This morning...
Taeo felt an uncomfortable premonition gnawing at him. Today, an ominous and unpleasant sound had woken him up in the early morning. Maybe that was why everything happening today felt like it would be plagued with bad luck.

"On days like this, I should just bathe, stay in my room, and avoid going out."
"What?"
"Oh, never mind. So, who is it?"

"Well, I don’t know."
Shinru awkwardly laughed. After all, as a newly recruited assistant, he had no way of knowing such details. He’d probably find out quicker than anyone else once the short meeting among the guards finished, but for now, there was no way of knowing what was being discussed in the instructor's office.
"Something feels... off."

Taeo muttered, feeling uneasy. His mind was tangled with minor clues that didn’t seem to lead anywhere. But even if they did, it didn’t seem like they would lead to a favorable outcome.
"A new instructor, huh… I just hope it’s not some weird guy."
Taeo sighed, muttering to himself. He wasn’t planning to stay here much longer—just a few more months before returning. But he still wanted to avoid having a difficult superior for the remainder of his time. Touw let out a puff of smoke, casually murmuring as he blew it toward the sky.

"Depending on who they bring in, the deputy head's future could either get easier or more troublesome. But I doubt they’ll bring in someone too weird. Plus, if they’re coming in as a UNHRDO instructor, they’ve got to be capable. Not to brag, but this place isn’t somewhere just anyone can walk into… well, except for you. You’re an exception, falling in through the parachute system."
Touw added hastily when he caught Taeo’s silent stare. Hearing the excessive praise for someone with great skills felt a bit awkward, but he certainly didn’t enjoy hearing it said bluntly that he was a parachute hire. Taeo reached over and grabbed Touw’s ear, pulling it down.
"Ouch, what the hell? Did I say something wrong?"

As Touw yelped, Taeo released him and caught Shinru’s gaze from across the room, where he had been standing by the window, watching them.
"Aren’t you busy? Shouldn’t you be going?"
Seeing Shinru standing alone in such a bustling atmosphere, Taeo asked, and Shinru broke into an embarrassed smile.

"I should go, but I’m just happy to see you, Taei-hyung, as soon as I woke up."
"… Me too."
Taeo immediately regretted his response to Shinru’s unplanned words. His face warmed again, and despite managing to prepare himself in advance lately, he still couldn’t control his emotions when unexpectedly hearing something sweet.

Ah, this young man is really special. There had been some moments of confusion and discomfort, and things still weren’t settled, but he was still lovable and adorable. If it weren’t for the surprising gap between his appearance and inner nature, Taeo might have hugged him tightly by now.
But, what could he say, sometimes that aggressive and greedy look he occasionally showed left him feeling confused. It felt like stopping just before taking a step forward.
While Taeo was lost in his thoughts, Shinru was being called by one of the assistants from the instructor’s office. Shinru waved and hurriedly turned to go, and Taeo, still watching him, found himself thinking that his feelings for this young man were still far from clear. He had been feeling conflicted lately.

Touw, noticing Taeo’s gaze, clicked his tongue and muttered to himself. "This is why workplace romances are banned," he grumbled.
"If you’re so unhappy, you should hook up with someone too."
Taeo calmly replied, lifting his chin and lowering his gaze to look at Touw with a knowing look. Touw, feeling a bit offended, tried to grab Taeo’s ear again, but Taeo stopped him with a swift slap to the face. He then turned his gaze back to the sky, which was still hazy with fog.

Just like my feelings... nothing is clear and refreshing.
"The fog is pretty thick. But on days like this, it’ll clear up by noon."
Taeo didn’t know exactly what Touw was thinking, but hearing those words made him feel a bit reassured. He nodded without speaking. Yes, since coming here, things had been rough, but after some time, the weather—and maybe his luck—would clear up.

After finishing the cigarette and chatting a little, Touw lit a new one. It seemed the rumor was true: whenever Touw went out for a smoke, he would never return until he had smoked at least three cigarettes.
As they idly stood in front of the building, dropping dew off the grass without saying much, they heard someone call Taeo’s name.
"Taei."

Taeo stopped in his tracks, a wrinkle appearing on his forehead. It wasn’t that he disliked the person calling his name, but his gut told him that something wasn’t right.
The voice was oddly clear and sharp in his ears. The ominous feeling that had been lingering in the back of his mind suddenly surged up in his chest.

He turned around and saw a man in a uniform staring at him. Something about this was off. Whenever someone in uniform had called him over, it had never been for anything good. To give an example, the last time someone in uniform had come to his house, it was with his uncle, and it certainly hadn’t been for anything pleasant. He had narrowly avoided ruining his life countless times because of those moments.

This time, the feeling was eerily similar. Following that uniform would not lead to anything good.
"Please come to the instructor's office for a moment. Instructor Jeong Chang-in is calling for you."
The man in the uniform who conveyed the message seemed familiar. He was one of Taeo’s uncle’s subordinates. Though he belonged to the same department, he rarely interacted with the other staff, always shadowing the instructors and attending their meetings. He had a slightly distant presence among the team.

"I don’t want to go."
Taeo grumbled, just as he had when he had spoken to his uncle earlier. It felt like he shouldn’t go instinctively. But the subordinate, smiling awkwardly, said firmly:
"You have to come, whether you like it or not. Or I’ll drag you along."

"..."
Taeo made a face full of displeasure. He wanted to tell the man to have his uncle come instead, but there were people watching. It wouldn’t be polite to speak out of turn in front of others, even if they were alone together later. Besides, if he refused, it seemed like he’d be dragged along anyway. He didn’t want to lose face.
Taeo sighed and muttered, "I’ll be back in a moment," before standing up quickly. He then followed the man, who turned and started walking toward the instructor’s office.

 
“That’s about it. You can think of the assistant as the one who handles all the dirty work.”
“Dirty work? Why would you do that?”

Being an assistant didn’t mean it was better than being a regular member. Both had the same rank by default, so their treatment, including salary and rights, was the same. In fact, assistants were often stuck staying behind after the regular work hours if the instructor had additional tasks. The assistant’s work was often more exhausting. And unlike a hierarchical system that promoted people gradually, just staying for years didn’t guarantee that an assistant would eventually become an instructor.
Without hesitating or showing any sign of deep thought, Officer Kang immediately answered Taeo’s question.
“Because we can see things from different perspectives. Plus, since I’m always with the instructor, there’s a lot I can learn by being close to someone I respect.”

He added with a slight grin, “Your uncle has a lot to teach you,” and Taeo nodded, thinking that his uncle had made a good choice in assigning Kang. However, he couldn’t help but feel that Kang might not have the best judgment when it came to people.
Taeo followed Officer Kang to the instructor’s office, where four instructors were present. He had seen the deputy head leave earlier, and it seemed like he had already returned. The only other instructor missing was the elderly man who was responsible for teaching the cadets. He was usually someone who didn’t linger in places like this, so Taeo paid no mind.
Taeo gave a formal greeting as he entered the instructor’s office. His uncle was standing by the window, holding a coffee cup, staring outside, while the other instructors turned their attention to Taeo.

“Come in. Sit there.”
It was Instructor McKin who gestured for Taeo to sit. Taeo had seen McKin speaking with his uncle in the hallway occasionally. He always seemed friendly, but if you crossed him, life could become a real hassle. McKin was slightly older than his uncle and ranked under Rudolf Jantil. Taeo nodded politely and sat where he was told, giving a casual glance at the four instructors in the room.
It was Taeo’s first time seeing all the instructors together, except during general gatherings. Even if he looked at each person individually, they each had a distinct sense of authority. Some had a softer, more approachable air, while others gave off a strict, almost blade-like aura. Yet, regardless of their demeanor, they all radiated an overwhelming energy that set them apart as leaders of an exceptional group.

Looking at them, Taeo realized that the name “UNHRDO” wasn’t just a title—it was something that truly meant something.
“You’re the Taeo from Instructor Jeong Chang-in’s team, right? You were involved in that incident during the joint training with the European branch and went to the cadet’s facility.”
Instructor Golding, who had been standing a little farther away, spoke up. He hadn’t been present at the time of the joint training since he had been assigned to the South American branch. His eyes scanned Taeo, giving him an odd, almost intrigued look.

It wasn’t the first time Taeo had seen people who had gone to the cadet facility, so why was he so curious?
“You were quite close with Rigrow, weren’t you? And you were also together at the cadet facility.”
“Ilay? I don’t know if I’d call us close, but yes, we were together at the cadet facility.”

Taeo added under his breath, “I didn’t stay there because I wanted to, but because the old man put me there.”
As soon as he finished, an awkward silence fell over the room. Taeo could hear his uncle chuckling from the window, though he didn’t turn to look. He quietly reflected on which part of his response had caused the strange tension in the room.
After a brief pause, the eldest instructor, Grimson, spoke up.

“Ilay, huh. So, that’s how you call him. Have you kept in touch with him since the training?”
Taeo felt a bit taken aback. His voice was calm, but the way he phrased it made it sound like he was being interrogated. What’s more, the sudden mention of Ilay by the instructors, who had just held a meeting this early in the morning, made him feel even more uneasy.
“Yes, he contacted me early this morning.”

Taeo let go of his polite façade and showed his irritation in his expression. The room fell silent again at his response. His uncle, who had been facing away, turned around and stared at him. Taeo noticed, but his uncle soon broke into a small smile and spoke simply.
“Taeo, you’re going to be an assistant.”
“I don’t want to.”

Before Taeo could even fully process the words, he immediately rejected the idea. The moment he heard the term “assistant,” an ominous feeling washed over him, making his hair stand on end. The whole conversation felt eerily wrong.
He hadn’t considered wanting to see things from a different perspective than the regular members, nor had he ever thought he wanted to always be by the instructor’s side. As for learning from a respectable instructor, sadly, none of them seemed worthy of that honor.
However, before he could protest further, his uncle smiled and immediately said:

“Do it. Starting today, you won’t be in my team anymore. You’ll join the new instructor’s team and take on the assistant role there.”
“I told you, I don’t want to!”
Taeo no longer cared about appearances or whether his reputation would suffer. He felt as if his refusal would lead him to be dragged away by this misfortune. He couldn’t bear the thought of doing it, but his uncle’s determination was unyielding.

“You know who the new instructor is, don’t you? Tell me, do you still refuse?”
“I refuse because I know who it is.”
Taeo shot back at his uncle, glaring fiercely. His uncle, however, showed no sign of surprise. The moment Taeo met his gaze, he felt as if his worst fears were becoming reality. The chill running down his spine was unmistakable.

“Wasn’t it impossible for a direct transfer between the European and Asian branches?”
Taeo desperately clung to his last hope, muttering, “I heard that wasn’t allowed. There’s no rule about it, but it’s a custom that people don’t directly transfer between the two branches.”
“It’s unavoidable this time. Normally, we would have decided on filling the instructor position right away, but there have been many complications. That’s why it’s taken much longer than usual to settle. But now that it’s decided, it can’t be undone. The issue affects both the branch and the headquarters.”

Taeo stared at his uncle with resentment, though he knew his uncle wasn’t at fault. Yet this decision was nonsensical. Even if they could bring anyone here, that man couldn’t be the instructor.
“It’s absurd. You want to appoint the man who killed Instructor Kipfenhan as the new instructor?!”
Taeo couldn’t hold back any longer and jumped up, shouting.

The meaning behind the conversation was clear. Ilay Rigrow. That man was going to be the new instructor at their branch. And he was taking the position of Kipfenhan—whom he had killed.
Ethically, this was a nightmare, and the backlash from the members would be unimaginable. Just the fact that he was coming from the European branch was enough to make people furious, but the fact that it was him—the madman Rigrow—made it even worse. He was the man that everyone in the Asian branch hated and feared.
“Yes, exactly. So, of course, there’s no one among the long-standing members here who could take on his assistant. The person who’s been here the shortest, with no deep history with Rigrow, is you, Taeo. And, for some reason, you seem to have made a good impression on him.”

“That never happened! I don’t want to! I have the right to refuse!”
Taeo’s voice was loud and clear, but his uncle and the other instructors remained unfazed. This absurdity couldn’t be real. If these people weren’t all out of their minds, there was no way this conclusion could have been reached. How could they possibly pick that man for this position? If the members knew, they might even revolt and turn this small island upside down.
“Taeo. You don’t have the right to refuse. This is not a suggestion; it’s an order. Unless you quit UNHRDO, you cannot defy the orders of your superior.”

“…Can I quit?”
“No.”
At least not yet.

Taeo, still looking at the other instructors, nervously asked. His uncle immediately shook his head and added with his lips, We haven’t even finished the promised half-year yet.
Uncle! Why are you pushing me further into a corner! Isn’t it enough that I’m already struggling through this cursed life in the branch?!
The words were stuck in his throat. If there hadn’t been other instructors around, he would have yelled at the top of his lungs. He wanted to scream that he was quitting, that he didn’t care about his uncle, father, or anyone else, and just leave.

But he couldn’t. Not in front of others. His uncle, with a wave of his hand, dismissed him, signaling the conversation was over. Officer Kang quickly ushered Taeo out of the instructor’s office.