Paragon of Weaponmasters

We emerge where I had left, instead of Moose seated across from me, Köln sips at a Mocha Frappe.

"Your taste in beverages is strange, child. I find this drink overly cold and sweet." he tells me.

"Yeah, different strokes." I say, my attention elsewhere. Moose? Offline. Peter? Offline. Helga? Offline. Wantstobelieve? Offline.

What the fuck, did armageddon strike while I was away? Where the hell is everyone?

…how long was I gone?

I check my time remaining, the only reference that matters…

9 days, 23 hours remaining.

A chill crawls up my spine, my heart stops, my face flushes, my hands sweat and go numb, my back itches, and my balls recede, all at the same time.

I stand straight up, knocking over my chair and the table. Köln reacts quickly to save his drink.

"Short on time?" he asks before taking another noisy sip of his beverage.

"Why didn't you save me soon?" I scream at him.

He takes a long, exaggerated drink.

"Perhaps, it was beyond even my nearly limitless power." he shrugs. "Perhaps I just didn't feel like it."

"I am of your clan, you ancient blowhard. It is your responsibility to ensure my safety, is it not?" I push my finger into his chest.

He stares at me, more surprised than angry.

"I did, didn't I?" he asks, drinking some more.

I slap it out of his hand, staring him down. Challenging him.

He looks down at his spilled drink, then up at me. He could kill me with a thought. He knows it, I know it.

I just don't care.

He laughs, genuinely. If he had a stomach to speak of, it would be a belly laugh.

"This is why I recruited you, Earl. You've got will." he calls me by my name for the first time.

I walk away.

I have less than ten days to reach max level and have access to the latest and greatest in financial potential. There's two whole expansions in my way, not including whatever's left of this one.

Depose the King 0/1

Remove the Honorlord 0/1

Two different objectives, two different dungeons, one huge pain in my ass quest.

Earl says: looking for group king dungeon

Olliollie says: do you mean the Kingdom of Man dungeon, KOM?

Richard says: nobody's doing that, it's friday night. Try tomorrow.

Pillsbury says: you're only 66.

Earl says: whatever.

Peter said we were lucky to have completed all of the quests leading up to the final dungeon on a Saturday last expansion. As per usual, the kid knew what he was talking about. It's a shame I'm going to have to leave him behind. I turn to the guild chat.

Earl says: anyone for KOM?

Levi says: too high level, sorry.

Duke says: same.

So there's nobody. Great. I could try to solo it, but either miracles or disaster will determine my success. I'd rather get as close to a sure thing as possible. Maybe if I travel to the dungeon arch, there will be players waiting nearby…

"Hey!" someone calls to me.

I turn, and find a female jaguar beastwoman with green spots. That's one of my kids.

"hey…" I respond, pulling out the journal… "Naexi."

"What happened? Where'd you go?" she asks, walking up to me. She's all grown up now, last I saw her, she was a mere cub.

"I was… trapped somewhere. It's hard to explain." I tell her.

"Well, it's good to have you back, dad." she says, sending a shard of ice through my heart. "Do you want to come see the family?"

I take a deep, calming breath. "I'd like that."

She leads me to the throne building where the queen sits and hosts weddings. The throne itself is empty but chatter like a cafeteria during lunch echoes from the right side.

As if my return at this moment was prophesied, all sixteen heads present turn to me.

Wait… there should only be fifteen.

The new addition must have read my mind, jogging up to greet me before the rest get a chance. "Hey pops, how's it hangin'?" a massive, ten-foot bipedal orca asks me.

"Uh, fine." I respond. "I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met."

"Right! I'm kind of the new kid in town, and the youngest. They told me you can see our names above our heads, right?" he asks.

Oorrcca the Revolutionary. Level 66.

He must have caught my look, he laughs.

"Yea, my names a bit of a joke. Just like my existence!" he continues laughing, clearly amused by his own joke.

"Where did you come from?" I ask.

"Well, when a mommy orca and a daddy orc love eachother very much…" he waits for me to react. I don't. "Artificial insemination. Scary robot told me so."

"That's what he did with it?" I wonder out loud.

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"Yup." he nods.

"Hey dad." a white-haired orc greets me.

"Hello," I pull out the journal again. "Samblar."

He smiles. It looks strange to me, on an orc face. I haven't seen many orcs smile.

They're all here. All of my game-born children, even… Earlgor.

Who's staring at me with pure hatred in his eyes.

"Is something wrong?" I face him, worried.

"You're the reason my mother's dead." he shatters my heart.

"Hey, wait…" several of his siblings try to stop him, clearly this isn't the first time this has come up.

He ignores them, and shrugs off those who reach out.

"By orcish law I challenge you to a duel to prove your guilt!" he announces, sword drawn.

Some of them gasp, others shake their heads. I don't know how to react, I only know how to feel.

"Son." I start responding.

"No! You don't call me that!" he screams. "Not until you beat me! Prove that it wasn't your fault!"

I don't know what else to do, he's convinced this is our only way forward. If I refuse him, that makes him right. If I fight him… don't I have to kill him?

"I won't fight you to the death." I tell him.

"You don't have to, I'll kill you!" he swears.

I walk to the center of the building, and he follows me there.

"Do what you have to do." I tell him, drawing Thozur.

He doesn't charge me, he doesn't move at all. He extends his hand, and Apaki flies from it.

What?

I deflect the opening strike, but the blade begins twirling in a wide circle, cutting into my legs until I can get clear of it. Tornado Edge.

"You're a weaponmaster?" I ask rhetorically.

"Yes! I'll end you with your own blade, your own skills, too!" he snarls at me.

The blade stops spinning suddenly, then splits into a swarm of needles. They puncture me, like I fell face first into a cactus, burning through my health at a terrifying rate. When the spell runs its course, I task Thozur with keeping the blade off of me.

"Earlgor, please! I'm sorry for what happened to Lagakh! I blame myself already, you don't need to prove anything!" I yell.

"Yes I do! If it's not your fault, then who's is it, huh?" He's not listening to me.

"You can't blame yourself, Earlgor!" one of his female siblings shouts over the clang of our weapon's fight.

"I blame him!" He points a finger at me.

"Fine!" I yell, opening my arms. "Come get me."

Before he makes a move, he uses Circular Saw, and I use it in return. Our weapons grind together, sanding sparks flying, burning the wooden ground beneath them. While I'm distracted, Earlgor crosses the room and tackles me to the ground.

"Say it's your fault!" he yells down at me.

"Earlgor, please." I beg him.

He hits me with a right hook in response.

"Say it!" he bellows.

"Son…" I spit out a tooth.

Left hook. Right hook.

"Say it!" his voice cracks.

Right hook, left hook, right hook, right hook. Right… right… right…

"Earl…gor" I strain to speak.

"It's your fault!" he lifts off of me, and his blade descends into my chest.

You've died.

"God damn it!" I yell.

Millie cries, harder and louder than I've ever heard. Trinne runs into the room, eyes wide.

"What happened?" she asks.

I reveal the gash on my forehead, letting blood run into my eye. I hiss, grabbing the nearest cloth to stem the flow. It happens to be Millie's blanket.

"Luke!" Trinee tries to stop me, but it's too late. Millie's favorite blanket is stained red.

Millie sees it, and cries even harder.

"Luke, I'll get you a towel, please put the blanket down." Trinne says.

"Fine, but I'm taking this." I grab the hard plastic dinosaur out of Millie's grasp.

"No!" she cries, trying to take it back from me. I hold it over my head, well out of her reach.

"This is going in the trash!" I scream. "Get off of me, I'm throwing it away!"

"Nooooo!" Millie wails, coughing from crying so hard.

"Luke, what are you doing?" Trinne asks me.

"She threw this at my head and it did this" I point to the gash. "It's going in the trash."

"Luke, she's three." Trinne almost has to yell to be heard over Millie's screaming.

"She hurt me, Trinne!" I tell her.

"So you're going to hurt her back?" She asks, arms crossed.

"No, I'm going to make sure she can't hurt me the same way again." I explain.

"It seems like you're throwing it away out of anger, Luke. Anger is not the answer." she reminds me, leaving the room.

I look down at my daughter's face, her eyes are puffy, her whole face is red, and she's choking on sobs. She's still reaching for her dinosaur.

"Here." I hand it to her. "Daddy's sorry, Millie."

She runs away with it, hiding in her closet.

Trinnee returns with a first aid kit. She doesn't say anything, she just removes what she needs and starts tending to my wound.

"Trinee, I…" I begin.

"I don't have anything new to say. We've talked about this. The yelling, the threats, all of the anger. It needs to stop." she stares me down.

"I know." I tell her.

"Do you?" she asks, putting away the supplies she didn't use. I watch her leaving, shaking her head.

Little whimpers echo from the closet. I hang my head, my own tears falling to the floor between my feet.

"Angers not the solution" I remind myself, standing before Bert. The inn is quiet, only my two 'people' N.P.C. friends are present. "I've been gone for a while. I'm sorry I missed tuesday. I hope I'll be able to make it for the next one, but I have to rush to ninety in the next nine days."

Bert nods. Toebark just stares listlessly out into the street.

Helga is online.

Paragon Earl says: Helga!

Paragon Helga says: holy shit where have you been?

Paragon Earl says: Trapped in purgatory.

Helga has joined your group.

"Hold on, I'm going to call Peter." She says.

"Does he even want to talk to me?" I ask. She doesn't answer.

Peter has joined your group.

"Earl, are you okay?" is the first thing Peter asks.

"I've been better. How are you holding up?" I answer and ask.

"He's been a nervous wreck." Helga tells me.

"You haven't been any better!" Peter accuses.

"What did I miss?" I wonder.

They both start talking simultaneously, I can't understand either of them.

"One at a time, please." I request.

"The only thing you missed was you being missed, really." Helga goes first. "Moose approached me, I tried to explain what was going on, she didn't believe me…" she pauses. "She called me a whore…"

"That doesn't sound like her." I defend moose.

"I think she was just really hurt that you ghosted her." Helga says.

"I didn't ghost her, the Monitor kidnapped me." I explain.

"The whole world was looking for you." Peter exaggerates. "The whole player base, at least. I even heard from your kids."

"Speaking of them, I need to go make sure they're not killing each other." I say, entering the portal to Foundation.

"What?" Peter asks.

"I returned to the game in Cumbergoine and I ran into…" I pull out the journal. I'm terrible with names. "Naexi. She brought me to see the rest, Earlgor blamed me for Lagakh's death, he killed me in a duel."

"How long have you been back?" Helga asks.

"Maybe thirty minutes." I check my time again. It hasn't changed yet.

"All of that happened in the last thirty minutes?" Peter interjects.

"I also slapped a mocha frappe out of the Master of Spell's hand." I admit proudly.

"I'm sorry that happened, with Earlgor." Helga gives me sympathy.

"You did what to the M.o.S.?" Peter's mic cuts out from his volume.

"Also, Apaki, my sword, was never actually a sword. He's a god pretending to be a sword to hide from the monitor. Now he's loose in the world." I mention.

Peter's mic doesn't even transmit what he says, it's simply too loud.

"I'm going to check on them. Give me a minute of silence, or I can leave the party." I request.

"Ok. you don't want us to come?" Helga asks.

"Not yet." I tell her.

I take the portal to Cumbergoine, and brace myself.