Paragon of Weaponmasters

Helga arrives at the location the quest sent her to. Unique quests aren't unheard of, but they are extremely rare. When she logs in and sees a new quest in her Next Steps menu, she jumps at the opportunity.

"Welcome to today's stream everyone." she says to her viewers. They rapidly pile in, flooding the chat with greetings and the typical jargon. "I had a new quest called 'Born a Crime' when I logged in. Has anyone heard of it?" she asks, knowing full well they haven't. Just something to get them talking.

Near the border of the Ganalam Highlands and The Kingdom of Man, three heavily armored orcs stand watch outside of a cave. They all straighten when they see Helga approach, relaxing when they realize it's her.

"She's inside" One of them tells her.

"Who?" Helga asks, more for her audience's benefit.

"Honored Daughter Lagakh." the honorguard responds.

"Guess I ought to head in then." Helga says.

She walks past the three of them, and finds Lagakh and her fourth guard as far back in the cave as they could go. She kneels before her.

"Honored Daughter." she says, playing it up.

"Please, Paragon Helga. stand." Lagakh tells her. She does.

"You called on me?" Helga states.

"Yes. I'm sure you can guess why." she responds.

Helga, moving her streaming eye as slowly as possible, pans down to Lagakh's swollen belly.

The chat goes ballistic. Immediately, some viewers are quick to announce that they already knew. They could have guessed, sure, but claiming certainty is just their vain attempt to be the smartest person in the room.

"I am with child," Lagakh announces. "and I need your help seeking shelter."

"May I ask why, Honored Daughter?" Lagakh continues the role-play. Her viewers eat it up.

"My father and brothers would not see this development favorably. In fact, were they to discover my condition, I would be slain. They would likely go so far as to remove the child to be certain of its passing as well." Lagakh says solemnly.

"That's horrifying." Helga tells her.

"I cannot seek shelter with our people, so I must find it elsewhere. We need your help to arrive safely." Lagakh stands with the assistance of her guard.

Escort Lagakh to Revinia 0/1

"Revinia? Isn't that the human capital?" Helga asks. She already knows.

"Yes. The human princess and I have been friends since childhood, when my father kidnapped her and used her for leverage." Lagakh explains.

"Leverage? For what?" This time Helga asks in earnest.

"For two purposes. First, to safely traverse human territory to arrive here in the highlands. The humans would not dare stop my father from claiming his trophy with a knife to her throat. Second, he had a theory that the gods would not interfere if their favored child was in harm's way. His theory may have been incorrect, but since he was not smited as all Honorlords before him, it was never disproven." Lagakh tells the tale.

"What a lore dump, huh chat?" Helga asks, inaudible to the N.P.C.s around her.

"So you got to know each other while your father held her captive." Helga guesses.

"Correct." Lagakh nods. "She has agreed to shelter me until the child is born. I just need you to get me there."

"Of course." Helga draws her axes, ready to fight her way to and through the city.

The three of them join the other outside and begin the trek to the human capital. Lagakh rides on a warg, the saddle padded for increased comfort. Helga and the four honorguards walk on foot.

"The N.P.C.s set the pace during escort quests." She tells her viewers that start complaining about her slow travel speed.

They make it less than a mile before they are ambushed by orcs. A warlock accompanied by two roguish types block their path.

Weaver Melpo. Level 91

"Honored Daughter, Paragon. What a surprise to find you here." The warlock begins feigning ignorance. "The Honorlord personally tasked me with removing an errant branch of his family tree. I did not dare ask what his most well-loved child had done to earn such a fate, but seeing your round belly…" His sharp tusks make his already malevolent smile disturbing. "I know why."

"Here we go." Helga announces to chat. They rattle off combat strategies, assuming Helga doesn't already have something in mind. amateurs.

Helga casts Berserker Rage, increasing both her damage dealt and damage taken by 100%. using an over-the-shoulder throw, she sends one of her axes flying through the air at the warlock. true to his title, the Weaver moves his hands in intricate patterns to create a barrier. When the axe impacts it, one of the orcs at his side erupts blood from his face.

Every know-it-all in chat informs her that the warlock is using the other orcs as human shields, and every other know-it-all is correcting them that they're not human shields. It's a pseudo-intellectual ouroboros.

Thankfully, Helga is used to this and is not distracted when assassins appear near Lagakh. Using Burning Chains to recall her other axe, she uses both blades to cut down the would-be killers.

The four guards finally react, forming a shield all around Lagakh. They have to pull her down from the warg, who joins the fight.

With Lagakh secure, Helga closes the distance to the warlock with Charge. When she reaches the barrier at blistering speed, it drains the other sidelong orc of his life force to prevent a fatal blow to the warlock. With his meat shields extinguished, Melpo has to rely on his own strengths.

He uses Eldritch Blast, the staple spell in every warlock's grimoire. It sends Helga flying back with concussive force, and knocks off half her health to boot.

The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

"Ouch." she says, spitting blood.

Spinning on her toes, she whirls her axes using Storm of Blades. A few assassins still waiting for the perfect opportunity nearby get shredded as she approaches the warlock like a 2008 beyblade.

Chat is flooded with viewers screaming "LET IT RIP!!!" with a custom Spinning Helga emote.

Weaver Melpo attempts to stop her with a Wall of Fire, but she spins through it heedless of the damage.

"Dumbass. Now he's got a FLAMING beyblade coming at him!" Helga pokes fun at the warlock with chat.

When she finally reaches him, it's a quick and bloody execution. The axes catch him like the teeth of a gear, making him spin in place, sending blood spraying across the grassy highlands. Helga loots the bodies and rejoins the procession.

"Well fought, Paragon." Lagakh compliments.

Helga simply blows her a kiss, earning a sultry smirk.

Chat explodes with excitement. Round two?

"Not today gooners" she tells them, meaning it as an insult. They still love it.

The six orcs continue on their way, stopped again by another orc ambush.

"These escort quests are kind of the worst." Helga comments. "Slow, repetitive…"

Alimplem, Honorlord's Last Resort. Level 92

"Raaaaaarg!" roars Alimplem, barely restrained by ten orcs holding him in chains. The orcish beast is more gorilla-like than pig-like. It reminds Helga of a minotaurus.

"Giant women!" Chat screeches.

"Alright alright, you get what you pay for." Helga watches as donations roll in, paying for her to use a fan-favorite ability.

As the orc handlers release the beast, Helga uses Giant's Growth. Her armor shreds cosmetically, leaving scant cloth to preserve her modesty. Now instead of towering over her, the 10-foot-tall Alimplem is at eye level.

She chooses to lock hands with him, wrestling the monster to the ground. she purposefully angles towards a muddy ditch, covering her body yet somehow appearing less decent.

"You like that?" she asks to chat. Of course they do.

Laying on her back with him over top of her, she presses her knee into his gut and uses the leverage to roll them over. Enraged, Alimplem uses unrestrained strength to throw her off. landing next to the handlers, she grabs two of them and attaches their chains together.

"Orc-chucks!" she says, spinning the orc around her stomach and shoulder like a karate master. She lashes out, using one of the chained orcs to smack the beast across the face. "I'll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker!" she quotes a meme so old it could vote.

Activating Burning Chains, Helga wraps the links around Alimplem's neck, pulling him to the ground face-first. She runs around him and sits on his back, using both hands to strangle him. When he finally stops struggling, she notices the orc guards and Lagakh have dealt with the other handlers.

"Ready to move on?" Lagakh asks.

"Sure" Helga, says, running a hand over her face and through her hair. If she wasn't so often drenched in muddy blood, this would be torture. Without a good opportunity to wash off, she continues in this state. Thankfully it's a short, uninterrupted trip to the city and Helga can use the moat to clean off.

Helga does not give in to chat's demands for a 1-women wet t-shirt contest. Nor does she invite Lagakh to join her.

"There's plenty of old content for you horn dogs if you really want it." She tells them, considering upping the price tag on the pay-per-view videos. She loses quite a few viewers for that one. Whatever, who needs them?

In the shadow of the castle outside of the city walls, a hooded figure waits for Lagakh's party.

"You made it." they say in a small, feminine voice. pulling back the hood, the human princess is revealed.

Princess Rosalie Lambert. Level ??

Even at maximum level, Helga still can't see the faction leader's level.

The chat demands she either lay or slay the princess as recompense for refusing them earlier. Helga quietly tells her mods to start banning people who are being disruptive.

It's almost dead silent when they're done.

"Thanks to my honorguard, and Paragon Helga." Lagakh says by way of introduction.

Rosalie nods in greeting to Helga. She returns the gesture.

"Hopefully your journey was not… too dangerous." the princess comments as Helga squeezes water out of her hair, running red into the moat.

"Walk in the park." Helga tells her.

She just nods, unwilling to question her.

"Follow me." Rosalie guides them into a sewer tunnel that drains into the moat.

Chat has a lot to say about that, Helga ignores them.

After many twists and turns, the princess guides them to a set of stairs. At the top, she lifts a storm door that opens into a basement. inside is empty but a few pieces of furniture, a curtain, and a single bed.

On que, Lagakh groans as a splash of water hits the floor.

What remains of chat gasps, excited to witness the birth. Those select few who don't demand that Helga point her recording eye down.

"What is this?" a voice calls from another entrance.

Sinclair, the Hand of God. Level ??

"Uh oh. Another faction leader." Helga says to chat. "Looks like a supposed-to-lose fight."

"Defend us while I help Lagakh!" the princess yells at Helga, blasting her with some kind of spell.

Helga's body, armor, and weapons are suffused with light. She can feel strength coursing through her veins, a roaring flood of divine power. A pair of perfect white wings spring from her back, as her character level ascends.

Helga the Bloodthirsty. Level ??

"Oh ho ho FUCK YEAH!" she cheers, gliding through the air with a flying Charge at the priest.

He uses divine protection to block her attacks, similar to the warlock but without needing living sacrifices.

"You heathens will be driven out!" Sinclair declares. He uses a holy fire spell to ignite Helga's skin.

she hisses in pain, but smiles as she notices her viewer count skyrocketed.

"Welcome back, cucks. Get a load of this!" she launchers herself at her enemy, spinning in the air and becoming a double-axehead torpedo, ending her flashy move with a cross-chop. The divine barrier flickers, and a single bead of sweat forms on God's Hand.

"Begone!" he cries, casting a spell that forces the guards to cower in fear. With her blessing, Helga is immune. Lagakh and Rosalie take no notice.

"Push, Laggy. Push!" Rosalie commands her lifelong friend.

All Lagakh can do is scream as she tries to obey.

"You're kind of interrupting a tender moment." Helga tells the priest, who sneers in response.

"And you are desecrating this place with your presence, orc filth." he spits at her.

Chat demands the priest be cancelled for racism. Helga agrees, as long as 'cancel' means 'chop him into tiny pieces'.

Without enough room to use her area of effect spells, Helga uses her more mundane spells like Slam, swinging with both axes, and Headbutt to interrupt his spell-casting. The priest shrugs them all off, his barrier holding under her assault.

"The unclean could never hope to overcome divinity!" he proselytizes.

"Oh yeah?" Helga takes it as a challenge. She uses both Berserker and Giants Growth, even without donations. Her head scrapes the ceiling as she brings her axes down on the now diminutive priest.

With the additional damage and weight behind her attacks, Helga finally breaches the barrier and gets a clean hit on the priest. He howls in pain and fury, holding his bloody robe with one hand as he casts divine fire spells with the other.

"Die!" his insults and superiority have left him, all that remains is righteous fury.

Helga's health drops precipitously, reaching zero before she has a chance to react to the onslaught.

Chat holds its collective breath in anticipation. They know what's about to happen.

To Angry To Die activates, temporarily restoring Helga to a single point of health, and making her immune to damage for a short period. Every missing point of health is converted into damage.

"Raaaaah!" Helga roars, bringing her axes down like a drummer performing a solo. Chop, chop, chop. She cuts his arms off at the shoulder, jagged wounds spurting blood all over the room.

"No…" the priest whispers, staring at his severed arms on the floor. "No!"

As he screams, a beam of light envelops him, blinding everyone in the room. When their vision returns, he is gone.

Helga turns to the bed, just in time to see the princess hand Lagakh her newborn baby. It's a healthy baby boy.