Paragon of Weaponmasters

Meet the Paragons Completed! Experience gained.

Paragon chat unlocked.

Leaderboard unlocked.

Title earned: Weaponmaster (Name)

Title earned: (Name), Weaponmaster.

Title, huh? I open my character menu and select the first option. Presumably, above my head now says "Weaponmaster Earl" for other players. I open Next Steps, looking to the very bottom of the list. I'll deal with the Thunder God ones later.

Uniting the Forces

Meet with the Honorlord 0/1

This guy again. Peter told me we'd be killing him someday, and that day can't come soon enough if you ask me. I make the short walk from the hall to the Honorlord's keep. The interior is unchanged, though I look at it differently after being in the authentic Halls of Honor. It seems like a poor imitation by comparison. I find my way to the throne, in front of the Honorlord and his first son yet again.

"Speak" says Wauktug, the eldest boy of the Honorlord's children. Never "hello!", or "how are you?".

"I have journeyed far and wide, lending my aid to the peoples of the labyrinth, the beastmen, and goblinkind." I say, impressing myself with how fantastical I sound. "I have made them ready for what comes next."

"As you were meant to." The son says, unimpressed. "Now we take the fight to…"

"This guy's cheating, Honorlord." a newcomer says, standing next to me.

Boogerbear. Level 40 Druid

"Do you mind?" I ask. The player flashes me a hostile grin.

"Quite the accusation," The Son says, completely detracted from our previous conversation. "what proof do you have?"

"He previously wore the armor of a great hero he had stolen, lord." the player tells him.

"He does not now, though?" Wauktug asks. The player's eyes go wide, realizing his mistake.

"No, lord, but…"

"The only way to settle this matter, to prove the validity of your claims," Wauktug stands to his full height. The orcs in the dining hall stand, all hundred of them, and surround the player and I. "Is a duel to the death."

"That's not nes…" the player begins, backing up into the wall of flesh boxing us in.Wauktug draws his axe, eyeing him.

"An accusation made in deceit is an admission." Wauktug tells him. The player turns to me, clearly unhappy with current events.

Boogerbear has challenged you to a duel. [Accept] [Decline]

I look over the player, noting his class, Druid, and his armor, shitty. I can take this guy. I hit accept, readying myself for combat. That's when the player transforms into a bear, and knocks me across the room. I get back to my feet, barely upright as he swings again, trying to maul my face off. I get Bolt between us, shocking them. I use my offhand sword to take a few stabs at his gut, landing several blows before he backs off.

He changes back into a bear beastman, clearly there is a theme here, and starts casting a spell giving off a soothing green light. Healing, I presume. I throw the lighting bolt at him, dismayed as he dodges the weapon. Remembering, however, that I have my abilities again, I grin. Casting Recall Weapon, I watch the player jerk forward onto his knees as the spear plants itself deep into his back.

I use Tornado Edge next, watching as the lightning bolt turns into a cloud, hovering over the player in a round thunderhead, sending bolts of electricity down on him. That's a neat alternative form of that ability, typically it makes my weapon spin around like the blades of a blender. The player weakly stands up, the brown hair on his body blackened and smoking. He moves to attack me again, before Bolt, held by an illusion, stabs him through the back and out of his chest.

You've won!

The bear man collapses to the ground as the illusion withdraws the spear, vanishing. The weapon returns to my hand. I look around at the surrounding orcs, following their gaze to the Honorlord. He sits, quietly watching me. He nods, subtly.

You've gained 100 honor!

Unsure of what that means, I watch as the gathered orcs cheer and pound their chests for a few moments before returning to their seats. I make my way back to the front of the throne, waiting to continue the quest I came for originally.

"Now we take the fight to the Humans." Wauktug picks up where he left off. "Find my brother, Woghuglat, on the field of battle."

"Yes sir." I say, suddenly nervous. Does he know one of his brothers is dead? Does he know we killed him? Maybe the pocket dimension of the fae dungeon hid that from them, or maybe it didn't really happen at all, a trick of the fae. It felt very real to me.

Peter has logged in.

Earl says: Hey, you ok?

Peter says: Yep. What're you up to?

Earl: Uniting the Forces.

Peter says: not before 50 you're not.

We form a group as I walk out of the Honorlord's lair.

"How do you mean?" I ask in voice chat.

"You don't have the best equipment in the game anymore. You'll get slaughtered the second you step foot onto the battlefield. We need to get to level fifty before we stand a chance out there." Peter informs me, much to my dismay.

"How do we do that?" I sincerely hope it's not time consuming.

"Remember when we grinded elves on the way back to the Honorlord? That, except dinosaurs would be appropriate for your level. I won't be much help until I catch up to you, though." Peter arrives next to me, mounted on his armored black warg. "What's with the crowd?"

"They chased me all the way to the Halls of Honor. Apparently, that jackass Thunderspank sicced them on me. He calls them his spankies. Could you imagine yourself associating with a guy who calls you a spanky?" I remark, eyebrows raising as I notice the embarrassed look on Peter's face. "You?"

"He has an entertaining stream!" He half shouts at me, containing himself.

"Well his stream is going to feature him harassing me for the foreseeable future." I nod at the gathered masses. "Maybe I don't get the prime time slot but he's devoted a lot of energy into making my life hell."

"I'd probably just quit the game in your position." Peter says, watching the spankies. "They're probably going to give me grief too if I hang around you."

"I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want the trouble." I tell him, unsure if I mean it.

"No." he responds, making eye contact. "I'm with you." we share a smile. "Wait, did you say the Halls of Honor?"

"Yeah" I say, almost laughing at the shocked expression on his face. "What?"

"That means you're a Paragon! You really are the only Weaponmaster, huh?" he practically vibrates with excitement.

"Hey, I could just be the best Weaponmaster, you know." I scowl.

"Did you meet Archlich Pelgingose?" He ignores me.

"I did. He's a skeleton." I nod.

"I know, right? Isn't he cool?" his eyes sparkle, like we're talking about an international celebrity. oh, duh, we are.

"He wasn't very cool when the paparazzi showed up." I tell him. "Let's get going, I'm tired of them staring."

"What do you mean?" Peter moves to follow.

"Thunderspank and a bunch of recording players burst into the hall and slung mud at me. The other Paragons just stood out of the way and let it happen. Something about not wanting to be associated with a hacker." I recount

"That's a shame. I really look up to the guy. You know, he's not just the number one necromancer, he's the highest ranked intellect class player. No wizard, or mage, spellblade, or priest…" Peter goes on listing what I presume to be every intellect based class in the game. I mount my warg, not wanting the added attention of spankies seeing my new ride.

We leave the city, ignoring the elephant in the room, never mentioning what happened with The Monitor. I doubt that's the end of it for Peter, but he was genuinely spooked, so I don't force the subject. We pass through the Masstaoir Lumbermill, I fondly recall the simpler times I had here. Go there, kill a boar. No bigger picture bullshit. I had even fewer memories then too.

We head south for hours, not stopping until we reach the Kangegaban Wild. It did not escape our notice that we're being followed, though we ignore them. The numbers dwindle the longer we ride, by the time we reach jurassic park, only one stalker is left. He stands out from other players, wearing a smart suit instead of armor, and riding a huge chicken.

"I'm impressed, sir. You stuck it out until the end. Really working for the spank bucks or whatever, eh?" I jeer him.

"I'm not affiliated with Thunderspank." he tells us.

"Well then why are you following us?" I inquire.

"I'm only following you, Mr. Earl. I believe there is more to this story, I aim to find out what." It's after he says this that I notice his one smokey eye.

"Ah. Well, sit back and enjoy the dino-cide we're about to commit." I turn away, following Peter as he guides me to the best grinding spot he knows of. It's a raptor nursery, though thankfully we are killing adult dinosaurs and not newborns. Even if they're not humanoids I don't know if I could do that, especially not for long enough to level. We find the nests, I get into a battle stance, ready to charge in.

"Hold on." Peter says, opening a trade window.

Deviled Eggs added to inventory.

Learning Potion added to inventory.

He trades me two consumables that increase my experience gain by a further five hundred percent each. With my rested buff that still has four and a half hours left, I'm going to level up at two thousand percent speed.

"These are delicious," I tell him, biting into my second egg. "Did you make them yourself?"

"No, I bought them off of the auction house." he tells me, eating another.

"These were in an envelope?" He laughs at the disgusted look on my face. I shrug, finishing my portion. Osmosis Jones, here I come. Facing our foes, I activate Thunder God and dive into the raptors, fatally electrocuting one after another. I also use the ability on my unique crown, adding three assistants to the fight.

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"So are there other buff foods?" I ask.

"Yep. There's one for every stat, better ones every ten levels. You can also get buff food for movement speed, and experience, like I got for us." He answers.

"What kind of food?" I inquire.

"Strength is protein, Agility is sugar, and Intellect is fat." Peter tells me while counting on his fingers. "So a Strength class might buff up with a nice lean steak or protein shake, an Agility class like mine would get into some candy, and an Intellect class would pair a fine wine with some fancy cheese." he chuckles at the last bit.

"This fantasy video game has protein shakes?" I ask, eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, sometimes the setting gets a little confused. There's dragons, but also mechs." he shrugs.

"The only thing I've had to eat since I started playing is roast boar from the inn and those eggs." I mention.

"Remind me to take you on a food tour one of these days. With the immersion rig, it's like getting into a 5-star restaurant for free." he pauses for a moment. "Here, try this." he hands me a brownie from his inventory.

I wipe the blood from my hands before taking it. My cloak has seen better days anyways. Tasting the brownie is like finding something I'd been missing all my life.

"Honey I know you don't like it when I police your eating, but you really shouldn't eat that." Trinee says, eyeing my gotta-have-it size birthday cake remix.

I sigh, pushing the bowl away.

"I'm not saying you can't have any, just maybe not the largest size they offer." she adds, noticing my disappointment.

"They offer a triple pint." I respond.

"You know what I mean." she says. "Don't you want to live a long life with your daughter?"

I look at Millie, currently eating her fourth sample spoon in front of a worker who's struggling to maintain their cheerful demeanor.

"Of course I do." I say.

"Then you need to take care of yourself." she tells me.

"I could get hit by a truck when we walk out of this place, and the last thing I'll feel before the impact is the disappointment of not eating this ice cream I paid an arm and a leg for, and the shame of wanting to treat myself despite shaving off a few years of my life." I almost growl.

I see tears forming in her eyes, but she looks away before any fall.

I sigh again.

"I'm sorry." I tell her.

"No, you're right. Enjoy your fucking ice cream and I'll raise Millie myself." She says.

Now it's my turn to start tearing up.

"What's wrong?" Millie asks me, having finally decided on her flavor. Birthday cake remix.

"Nothing sweetheart, the ice cream is just really good." I say, pretending for her, not for the first or last time.

I laugh at the terrible irony of the memory. It's sad, sure, but I was right. My worst impulse is to rub it in her face, but I know that's just cruel. I wish I did better when I was alive.

You've reached level 44!

Strength increased by 32%!

Agility increased by 32%!

Intelligence increased by 32%!

Another point into Thunder God and it reaches tier two, unlocking an additional spell.

Chain Lighting - A Lightning Bolt that will strike multiple targets one after another over short distances.

That's awesome, and perfect for killing raptors by the handful. The dinos are only a challenge in numbers, but now, as long as the spell isn't on cooldown, any number of them is a walk in the park.

"Peter, don't say things to deliberately hurt your future husband's feelings." I tell him.

"Okay…" he raises an eyebrow. "Where did that come from?"

"I wasn't the best husband. Sure, I was the breadwinner, and I was involved in my daughter's life, but that shouldn't be the bar. Too often I justified bad behavior by comparing myself to worse husbands." I explain.

"Did you just have some kind of revelation mid-dinocide?" Peter asks, leaning over the body of a raptor to loot it.

I shrug.

"Millie says I'm too nice, I have the opposite problem." He tells me.

"That can be a problem too. You'll get walked all over and never get what you need out of the relationship." I say.

"I don't know, both of my parents are strong willed. My mother is creative, but doesn't think any other point of view is worthy except for hers. My dad on the other hand only accepts stone cold logic." he breaks down his parents relationship.

"That sounds like a recipe for disaster." I tell him.

"It helps that they're both so busy." he says, shrugging. "I try to take in the best of them and leave the rest."

"That's what everyone is trying to do. Learn from your parents, both what to do and what not to do." I nod sagely.

"What were your parents like?" he asks.

"Undiagnosed." I laugh, he raises an eyebrow.

"With what?" He wonders.

"Mental illnesses and disorders." I say. "Dad had obvious hyperfixations and rigid thinking. Mom couldn't pay attention and had the memory of a goldfish."

"That also sounds like a recipe for disaster." he tells me.

"Sure was." I state.

I hadn't thought about them very much since I was reborn here. I wonder how they're doing? My death was probably devastating for them. Are they even still alive?

"Does Millie ever talk about her grandparents?" I ask Peter.

"Not often. She mentioned that one of her grandmothers went crazy and blamed her dad's death on her mom. Apparently that's why they moved across the country." he tells me.

I stop.

"'Virginia is for government employees and painful memories' is what she says whenever someone asks about her home state. I think it's a play on the slogan 'Virginia is for lovers'?" he adds.

You've reached level 45!

Strength increased by 32%!

Agility increased by 32%!

Intelligence increased by 32%!

One point Thunder God. One more and it's maxed out. Peter struggles along in combat, but the higher level monsters pay off big time. For every one level I gain, he gains two. At thirty seven, he's finally dealing at least some damage. My area option for Telekinetic Taunt has come in real handy, along with most everything in my toolkit. Absorbing and avoiding damage while I dish it out in equal amounts.

"Let's talk about something lighthearted." I say.

"Alright, what do you want to talk about?" he asks.

"Hmm." I think. "If you could be any class in the game, what one would you pick?"

"In real life or in game?" Peter asks

"Either, both." I clarify.

"Hmm." now it's his turn to think. We kill a few raptors before he comes up with a response. "In-game, I have always wanted to play a Death Knight."

"What's that?" I ask.

"It's a heavy armor strength and intellect blended class. It's like a necromancer and a knight fused together. Raising the dead on horseback, looking good while doing it." He explains.

"That does sound cool." I admit.

"The Paragon is this minotaur named Toll. He's got blue hair and is the 'strong silent type'. Usually that kind of thing makes me roll my eyes but he pulls it off." he adds.

"Maybe I'll meet him some day." I say.

"Who have you met so far?" Peter asks.

"Uhh… Pelgingose, Helga…" It takes me a while to remember the other one. "and Oreskos." I pause again. "Also Tim."

"Tim?" Peter questions.

"Yeah, Tim the Alchemist." I respond.

"Alemist? that's a profession not a class." Peter tells me.

"I dunno man that's just what they told me." I say, shrugging.

"Oreskos too, huh? He's… one to look out for." Peter says with a tinge of nervousness.

I raise an eyebrow, encouraging him to go on.

"It's all rumors, but he's gunning for the #1 Paragon slot and he's been going out-of-game to improve his standings." Peter tells me conspiratorially.

"Is that against the rules?" I ask.

"No, but what I mean is he's apparently been making life more difficult for other Paragons. Like having them swatted." He explains further.

"That's still a thing?" I ask, disbelieving.

"Yeah. It's really only gotten worse." He frowns.

You've reached level 46!

Strength increased by 32%!

Agility increased by 32%!

Intelligence increased by 32%!

Peter and I take a short break, relaxing under one of the enormous ferns providing shade near the nest.

"You know the t-rex actually lived closer to our time than when the stegosaurus was alive?" Peter asks me.

"I did not know that." I admit. I look around at the raptors slowly repopulating the area, not by typical reproduction but through video game logic. They just appear, fully formed. I notice the guy who followed us is still nearby. "Hey!" I shout at him. "You can join us if you want. I can't imagine standing there watching is very interesting!" To my surprise, when Peter invites him to our group, he accepts.

Iwanttobelive has joined your group.

Media Iwanttobelive. Level 90.

"It doesn't say what class you are." I mention, inspecting him, finding missing details.

"I don't have one." he says, walking his chicken mount over to us. "I'm media. We are given premade max level characters with access to every item in the game."

"Can you get Esquire, the legendary sword?" I gasp out. I guess I really do miss them.

Way to make me jealous.

"Sure." he holds his hand out, the blade appearing in it. "I can't use it, and I can't give it to you, though." at his words, I deflate like a balloon. "Could I ask you some questions?"

"Daylight's burning, and I won't promise you answers, but sure. fire away." I tell him.

"You maintain that you did not hack the game, however, much of your activities defy other explanations. Could you explain how you came upon the same equipment as Thunderspank, seemingly in connection with his loss of said equipment?" He rattles off.

"Like he said, he sold them to me." I shrug. "Doesn't require hacking."

"I'll grant you that, Mr. Earl. However, equipping it at level one seemingly would."

"Can't explain that myself either. My friend showed me how to equip items, and it worked."

"I see." He pauses, seemingly focussed elsewhere. "How did you unlock your class?"

"Don't tell him," Peter interjects. "as soon as other people know how they'll be coming for your spot as Paragon."

"What if I don't want it?" I ask, seriously.

"Why wouldn't you? You'll get paid to play the game when you start streaming, and make more money than any normal nine-to-five would." Peter questions me.

"I don't think I can take advantage of those perks." I tell him.

"Why would that be?" Iwanttobelieve asks.

"I'll tell you if you turn the camera off." I propose. He thinks about it for a few moments before his foggy eye becomes a dull green.

"Whenever you're ready." He says, dismounting from his chicken. Even as slender as he is, the orc would crush a normal chicken, even an oversized one. The image is funny, though.

"Peter, can this stay between the three of us?" I turn to ask him.

"Sure, I won't tell my mom." He states. Then adds, "Or anybody else."

"I'm in witness protection." I test out the lie I've been cooking up. "I can't show my face on the internet, or my whole family could be in grave danger."

"Plenty of streamers use vtuber models." Iwanttobelieve informs me. Shit, think… think…

"My voice could also give me away." He gives me a look like he's going to counter that argument too. "They could track my I.P. address."

"They already have, Mr. Earl." Iwanttobelieve says.

"What?"

"One of the news outlets got ahold of it, and it matches the address of the Knuckleheads campus. My colleagues are workshopping an insider angle."

"That's…" I start to say, without knowing how to describe it. "Weird."

"Indeed it is, Mr. Earl. considering anyone on the game while inside of the developer's office would be playtesting. Your behavior does not indicate that you're looking for bugs, and your personality profile does not match anyone currently employed at Knuckleheads." He watches for my reaction. I'm just confused.

"How do you have their personality profiles?" I ask, needing to understand that point before I can move forward.

"Journalism A.I. is a very powerful tool, Mr. Earl. Only surpassed by law enforcement models." He pauses, watching to see if mentioning the police gets a rise out of me. It does not. "In fact, our model insists that your personality most closely matches with a man named Luke Walton." That one gets me. Invoking my real name startles me, I know he must have noticed my reaction. "We have told it time and again that Luke Walton is dead, so the match must be a mistake."

"Right." I say, trying not to give anything away.

"However, if Luke Walton is in hiding, using a new identity…" he points out.

"Right." I say again. I don't know what else to say.

"Mmm. Well, as this is a delicate matter that could land me in court if I were to reveal it, I will keep this conversation off the record. I warn you, though, others are looking. It will not take long before someone else puts the pieces together, whether it is another outlet, or whoever you're hiding from. I have enough from our previous conversation to put something together that will make my editor happy, so I'll leave you for now. I'd like to keep in touch, would you add me as a friend?"

"Sure, I guess." we add each other to our respective friends list. He leaves, a long moment of silence passing before Peter speaks up.

"Does Millie know?" he asks, ripping my heart from my chest.

"No." I say, not facing him.

"So she thinks you're dead?" He sounds angry.

"I assume so." I inhale through my nose, trying and failing not to cry.

"That's fucked up, dude." Peter says. He doesn't say anything else for a time, letting me cry quietly. "I have classes with her, how am I supposed to keep this to myself?"

"I don't know!" I shout, openly weeping now. "I don't know, Peter! How am I supposed to do this?"

"Do what? Hide from your kid? Your wife, your whole family?"

"No…" I whisper, choked up.

"What?" he asks, not hearing me.

"How am I supposed to live in this game when I know she's out there, missing me? Mourning me? I'm right here!" I gesture to my body. "In this game! Trapped in this fucking game!"

"What do you mean trapped?" He asks, but suddenly goes very still. I look over my shoulder to see what's arrested his attention. A spinosaurus towers over us. How did such a massive creature sneak up on us? Once I notice them, the glowing red eyes tell me everything I need to know.