Chapter 13: Natasha
We emerged outside the sky above us, still a deep blue. The sun was just beginning to set, and the orange sky painted a beautiful picture of hope in my heart. I took a deep breath of fresh air as Natasha smiled and pointed to a nearby park.
"Let's go there," she said softly.
What happened to the nervous wreck I'd been talking to before?
I followed her with a brief moment of hesitation as we made our way to the park. It was surprisingly empty, even for this time of day, but that only added to its calming atmosphere. We walked side by side for what seemed like forever until we finally reached the swing sets at the end of the park.
Natasha sat down on one of them and beckoned me to join her. I complied, carefully sitting down onto it beside her before letting out a sigh of relief. She smiled at me warmly from behind those thick glasses.
It was a nice smile.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that," she murmured. "I know we're not close, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry, okay? Nobody deserves to get locked up in the dark and tormented like that."
I could only blink in response to that. Truth be told, I'd be glad if I didn't develop something like a fear of the dark or floating after that experience.
"I'm erm, really sorry about what happened too. You didn't deserve that," I said softly while gently swinging back and forth. "Anyway, I've had worse than that. My dad and I were held up at gunpoint by scavengers back on Earth, you know? It wasn't as personal as getting floated in a pitch black room, but I was twelve when it happened."
Her eyes widened at that. Then, she looked down with a blush on her face. Her eyes were fixed on the ground, and her fingers slowly wrapped tightly around the chain of a small silver heart locket that hung from her neck. The locket was made of metal and had a small pink gem in it.
"That's... really bad," she murmured. "I'm really sorry that happened to you. What did you do afterwards?"
"I uh, I guess I just... kept living?"
She laughed at that and nodded her head. "I guess that's all you can really do. I..." she pressed her lips together, then turned to me with a soft smile. "I did do wrong to Willis and Carrie before."
I stopped fidgeting, giving her my full attention. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, I just want to make you feel better." She smiled sadly before looking at me with concern. "That must have been a harrowing experience for anyone."
It looked like she was carrying a lot of weight on her shoulders.
I bit my lips before saying, "Look I... it's okay if you don't, but I promise you I'm fine. I also promise you I won't judge your story. I swear on it. "
I stared at her with genuine concern and worry in my eyes. Truth be told, I was lying a bit. That experience in the back room had me on the verge of having a panic attack, but I had one hell of a poker face.
She stared at me for a moment, then sighed. She looked at the sky before speaking, "Alright, then. Um. How do I do this... uh."
Natasha froze for a second, breathing heavily. Then, she reached into her bag and pulled out her violin case. Natasha carefully plucked each string with her bow, creating a beautiful sound that filled the air around us. She took a deep breath, and I saw the tension leave her shoulder.
"Well um. Carrie Kong and I were best friends when we were little kids. We were closer than sisters, and we did everything together from the first day of Kindergarten to middle school. From playing on the playground to going for ice cream after school, talking about boys, and pushing each other to be the best versions of each other we could be. It was an unbreakable bond and friendship that only got stronger with time. I thought that, at least."
As she continued to play, I found my gaze transfixed on her movements as she visibly relaxed.
"But then, to put it really simply, I made a mistake," she said softly, her eyes opened, focusing on the instrument in her hands.
Natasha paused, her eyes glistening with something between nostalgia and heartbreak.
"Four years ago, I was supposed to watch over her little cousin when we were on the road and make sure she didn't get hurt. But, I didn't, and now both she and Carrie's mom... they're not around anymore, from a spur of the moment decision," she whispered, her voice barely audible.
She shook her head and continued, "I was a bad friend. I made a choice and wasn't there for her, and I will always regret that. Carrie's mom — Mrs. Lam was a second mother for me, too."
"So, I deserve everything Carrie's done to me, because the only reason she hates me is because I am directly responsible for the death of her loved ones."
I didn't know what to say to her, so I said nothing for a moment. I hesitated for just a brief moment before hopping off the swing. Then, I walked over and gave her a firm but heartfelt hug.
She gasped in surprise but didn't push me away. She seemed a little rigid, but her body relaxed as she accepted it.
"Why would you do that for me?" she asked softly.
It broke my heart that she would even say that.
"Because you're not a bad person, Natasha," I murmured in response. "I don't know the specifics of what happened then, but all I see is a big hearted person who made a mistake and is searching for redemption."
I saw her looking at me for a second in surprise. Then, she flashed me a shy smile, "You're really strong, Ikazuchi."
I shrugged, "I don't know about that by any stretch. I mean, I just lost my temper and fell face-first into a magic trap by King fucking Kong and flailed helplessly in the air for two hours. I even missed two classes, with that."
I laughed almost self-deprecatingly at that, and Natasha laughed as well after a moment of hesitation.
"You should be careful about calling him that," she said softly.
"What?"
"King Kong," she said with a smirk. "He hates that nickname and throws a tantrum over it."
I tilted my head slightly in confusion and shrugged. "Well, alright then, I'll be more careful about the nicknames I give him in the future! Totally! Anyway, uh, speaking of nicknames. Please call me Ikki. All my friends do."
She looked at me for a long while, trying to decide whether she should.
Then, she beamed at me. "Alright, Ikki it is!"
I beamed at her, "So uh, how long have you been playing the violin? You're really, really good."
She blushed and looked down at the ground in embarrassment. "I, uh, I've been playing since I was six years old, mostly because my mom wanted me to. But it… it became a lot more than that. I-I know it's a weird thing to say, but it really did start to feel like a friend."
"I think that's beautiful," I murmured.
"Heh, thanks," she smiled softly.
"You know, I think this is the longest I've ever talked to you, isn't it?" I said with a chuckle.
She blushed again and tilted her head in agreement. "Yeah. Yeah, it is."
After a long pause, I nodded and asked, "So, uh, I've been wondering. What's that thing around your neck? The locket?"
She bit her lip and looked at me, holding it between her fingers as she said, "Oh. It's um, a locket that was given to me by Carrie's mom. She called it a muse locket and said it would help me find success and fortune in music, or something. The usual stuff people from the Qing Republic believe."
"A muse locket? Does it do something for you?" I asked.
"Well, I do think it brings out the musician in me sometimes, so to speak," she said with a little smile. "It makes me play better, in my opinion. I don't know if that's true or not, but really, it's just a hand crafted necklace. I wear it because it's a reminder of Carrie's mom. Even with what's happened between us, I do cherish those memories."
I looked at Natasha as she spoke. She seemed tense again, and I just couldn't understand why. "So you want to be a musician?"
She took in a deep breath, then let it out in a long sigh. "Yeah… I mean, that's my dream. I've been working really hard towards that. I just hope what I'm doing is right."
"Making music is right," I replied instantly. "You have a gift, don't let anyone tell you it's not. No one can take that away from you, no matter what else happens."
"I hope you're right," she said. I could see the doubt in her eyes.
"Hey Natasha," I said, "How about we take a walk around the park? Cool our heads off?"
"I feel like that's a good idea," she said, smiling warmly. "Uh, but first, can you help me put this away?"
She pointed at her violin and the case. I nodded, then picked up the case and brought it over to her, taking the instrument and putting it inside. I carefully adjusted the angle and helped strap it on her back.
We hopped off the swings and spent the rest of the day in the park, just talking and enjoying each other's company. I felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and I also felt like she had managed to raise some of the fog off of my own.
I learned a lot about her, from her favorite color (pink) to her favorite type of ice cream (strawberry).
The two of us strolled through the park, stopping to sit beside a bubbling pond as ducks glided along its surface. I watched her eyes finally show some light with each story as we shared our childhoods, and we laughed until our stomachs hurt at every dumb or silly thing we did.
From the time we met, Natasha always seemed to be the solemn, quiet, and somber type. But, from spending the evening with her, I saw that she was a lot more playful when she let herself be. It was hard to see any of the pain she was feeling from our first encounter, nor the extreme anxiety from yesterday.
Instead, she transformed into a much more light-hearted version of herself. She was smiling more and laughing more freely than I had ever seen her do before. She didn't seem anxious, worried, or sad.
Before I knew it, the sun had set, and it was evening. I knew we should've wrapped things up, but a part of me was reluctant.
"Well, getting shoved into a closet aside, that was a fun day," I said brightly.
"It was. Um. Thank you for the talk and for bringing me along," Natasha said softly. "I really needed that."
"Hey, I'm always happy to lend an ear," I said with a grin.
I smiled as I stood up and stretched. I felt terrific, too. My day was long (Seriously, fuck Willis), but I was glad I could help Natasha out of her rut.
"Well, we should probably get going soon."
Natasha nodded, sighed, and started to gather her things.
I turned back towards the subway station when she grabbed my wrist and gently tugged my sleeve.
"Hey, um, you should give me your number or something. So we can, uh, do this again sometime," Natasha said, her cheeks glowing red.
"Of course! That sounds like a lot of fun."
I pulled out my phone, and she did the same. She handed me hers, and I saved my number as she did the same. I handed her back her phone, and she looked at it before flashing me a shy smile.
"Maybe, after all of this is over, we could-" she paused, her eyes widened slightly before she grimaced and looked away.
"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, um. I just... I'm sorry, I can't even have friends. Just... forget I said anything. I'm being too brazen," she said quickly.
I considered letting it pass for a second and just being an awkward turtle, but I thought about how nice this day was. I didn't want it to be bittersweet.
"Hey, that's fine. But, you know, I wouldn't mind if we were friends. I'd like that," I said with a smile.
She looked at me in surprise, her eyes widening. Then, her lips curled up into a big smile.
"Really? You'd really want to be my friend?"
I laughed and nodded.
"I… I'd really like that," she said, her voice soft and full of emotion.
She smiled and let out a long sigh, looking relieved.
I turned and started to walk towards the subway station. I noticed that Natasha hesitated for a second before she followed after me. I was glad to see her lighter side, but I knew she was still hurting. Hopefully, she could work out this whole thing with Carrie. One step at a time.