NOVEL NEXT Chapter 15, Part 1 - Optimizing Your Isekai
We didn't have this.
As we peeled off the second to last caterpillar, I began my typical process of smashing legs. But I assumed they all fought the same way.
That was my undoing.
And nearly my death.
I took down the three rearmost legs on one side, expecting the caterpillar to topple over and moved to get into position for the final blow. Instead, the beast moved faster than I could imagine, getting down on all of its remaining legs and whipping its hind quarters at me, multiple dagger-like points looking to pierce or slice me to death.
This time, Vidas put his arm up to stop his brother as Pavel went to dive in front of me again with his shield.
Time slowed. I felt like I could see the individual hairs on each of the legs that would take me from yet another world, another life. Realizing what was happening, I tried with all my might, all my concentration.
Not to block. Not to dodge.
To access my ring.
As the flying wall of impending death was about a foot away, my salvation emerged directly in front of the swinging abdomen of my destruction.
Oh yeah, decomposition is accelerated in there I thought as a mangy corpse exploded.
My mouth filled with rotting wolf parts as it rained across my face. Luckily, I had thought better raised my shield in time too.
Between the corpse and a sane person's protection method, I merely broke my shield support arm.
Too stunned to care about my arm, I went berserk with my morningstar, essentially turning the back half of the caterpillar to mush in seconds. Long after it was dead, I kept swinging.
Even after the group had finished off the final beast, I kept swinging, making a slurry of my would-be executioner.
Inara came up behind me and put a hand on my shoulder, eliciting a swing of my morningstar that Pavel easily blocked.
"Down," was all Vidas said and pointed to the ground.
Maybe I'm not taking this isekai and constant threat of death stuff as well as I thought…
I simply laid down and curled into a ball, putting on music, turning off AAI communication, and dulling any outside sounds.
***
Inara Maric, Lead Field Tactician and Debilitation Specialist, Aspirations of Ascendancy
"Uh, should we wake him up?" Inara said, looking to the rest of the group.
"Nah, this is his first real big scare. Or at least it should be. Idiot keeps getting overconfident. Needs to realize that to actually finish the fight, you don't let your guard down until it's over, not just kill the maimed beast now rather than later." Vidas crossed his arms and shook his head.
He's clearly not having it. Still, gotta stand up for the guy, he's been more help than hindrance so far and that's a new one for us.
"Look, we need to have a chat with him but I still think he's likely to be one of the best people we've worked with, maybe the best, if we train him up right. This is an exceptional circumstance. Terry's been even thinking about fighting for less than half a month and he's already this good and brave. If he just stood in the back this delve, he'd almost certainly be dead and probably at least one of us would too." Inara cast her gaze down at the comatose man in what she considered essentially a big boy's body.
I wonder if that impacts his thinking? Probably giving him too much leeway but Tiesa and Jasna seem to really like him and he's been here for less than two weeks. His selflessness was misguided but appreciated, ha.
Pavel shot his betrothed a strange look as she was giving her lopsided grin at Terry. She caught his eye and stuck her tongue out, just like she usually did.
"Well, let's let him rest for now since we don't have a door forward and I really don't want to open the door to the acid room," Pavel said.
"Agreed," Romie chipped in and took out their self-cleaning water bucket and started to strip to their underclothes and wash their soiled clothing and armor.
"Oh god, I just realized my bag doesn't have good isolation. Now everything is gonna smell so bad!" Inara whined.
"Give it here," Romie said and quickly stowed the awful-smelling bag Inara was waving around like it was a bag of literal urine.
Inara started taking things out and luckily, they didn't smell too awful according to everyone in the group.
"Look, I know we are distracting ourselves from the moderate horror of charging in the room but what's up with this dungeon? We finished the challenge room. We've searched everywhere here. It hasn't created a door for us to advance. The entrance is presumably still blocked. What are we thinking?" Vidas asked the group, likely trying to keep them all calm.
"Shouldn't we have this conversation in AAI?" Pavel asked.
"Honestly, it hasn't behaved when we've tried to bargain with it so I question if it's actually sentient. Or if it is, it's a bag of kuracs and we're not going to get anywhere being nice to it." Vidas shrugged.
I don't agree but Romie is our dungeon expert.
"Romie?" Inara poked, trying to get something out of the laconic archer.
"Never heard anything like this. Can probably read our AAI." They looked slightly confused and scared but didn't say anything more.
The dungeon floor moved slightly, vibrating in a rhythm for a few seconds.
That almost felt like it was laughing at us.
Vidas slapped his knees, clearly coming to a decision. "So, we're agreed? Plan 13 is a go? Pretty clear there is something going on here."
Vidas is less asking than telling but he likes to give the illusion of choice… Still, he's right, this dungeon is a danger at best. We have to destroy it.
***
30 minutes past the start of my meltdown, I woke suddenly to a light brush against my mind. It wasn't quite like an AAI connection but it wasn't far off.
The only thing I could equate it to was the cries of the husky puppy I tried to foster for a local shelter and lasted all of two days. It was cute but waking up every hour to take it out, trying to prevent it from destroying everything at all times, and listening to it howl when I left – okay, the actual last straw was the noise complaints from the neighbors – just made it not a fit.
It was a weirdly animalistic call for help.
No, no refence to the Leia hologram.
I sat up and wiped away the snot, quickly realizing my arm was still broken.
"Uh, my arm is broken. How many healing potions is that to fix?" I asked to the group who were sitting in a circle a small way away.
"One should do it, especially since we aren't in any hurry. The dungeon hasn't provided us with a way forward. We might have to tear our way forward but we're okay to relax for a bit and recover our— OW!" Vidas said as a coconut fell from the ceiling onto his head.
"I swear you little shit, when I get to your core, I'm—" Pavel covered his brother's mouth and the two wrestled for 20 seconds before calming down again.
"Why don't you wash your clothes and armor, maybe change into a new set while we wait," Inara suggested.
[Incoming Message from Inara Maric: You can wash your face too.]
I nodded and took the bucket to the other side of the room and began washing everything. I even used some of the soapy water in my mouth to get the taste of decomposing wolf out.
Wow, brings back memories of my parents washing my mouth out with soap when I swore. Jebbie that sodus!
The pang of homesickness was less every time I remembered something from my past life. Which was a blessing but also worrying.
Am I losing my old self? And do I really mind?
Upon returning with the bucket, hopefully much less smelly, I motioned to the side for Vidas to chat.
"I'm sorry. I got too cocky. Again. I thought I knew the pattern. I don't want to, it's like there is an arrogant gene or something that activates. I won't let it happen again." I gave an awkward half bow.
He just looked at me funny then clasped a hand on my shoulder. "Look, I'm pretty pissed at you for that. But at the same time, you shouldn't even be fighting. I've told everyone else to behave in a battle like you are cannon fodder who won't do the job right. Basically, protect themselves and not save you. With that knowledge, you can do what you think is best for you. And I don't know that I actually expect them to follow-through on my order…"
He seemed to be expecting me to protest and fight back in some way, that I might yell.
"Hey, can you forward me your contract? I need to see exact wording on some things."
Sighing, I received it via AAI shortly thereafter. He stood awkwardly while I skimmed it.
"Ah, okay. Your AAI is still recording right? By the way, I want to know more about storage capacity and all that for AAIs but let's discuss that when we both make it out."
Vidas nodded at me, looking confused. "It's been recording this entire time, as per the contract."
"Yeah, yeah, just making sure. Okay, as per article 14, section six, subsections one through seven, I hereby release you from your 'protection at all costs' orders for the duration of this delve. I am not making this under duress. I am sending a signed AAI message of the same."
Vidas looked confused. "Uh, what just happened?"
"Are you not the one that handles contracts?" I asked. "You're the leader."
"Pavel! Get over here!" he called to his brother. "It's actually Romie but Pavel is the backup and he's easier to actually get information from."
When Pavel arrived, I sent him the same AAI message and gave the same declaration.
"What the jebbie did you say to him?" Pavel rounded on Vidas, true fury in his eyes.
"That I'm not his number one priority for the rest of this delve. And I agree, I shouldn't be. There is something truly wrong here and trying to focus on protecting me will probably get us all killed. So I need to look out for myself and you all need to finish the damn delve." I smiled at Pavel and walked away before he could say anything.
Isekonsultant Tip to Thriving #5: Sometimes, you just need to be the cool guy walking away from a conversation after a mic drop. And it's okay to call what you did cool.
Just as I did, there was a rumbling noise and the door came into being on the far wall.
Video-game ass cut scene ending. Nice.
I felt a slight bit of mirth touch my soul.
Okay, what the damn hell?
Everyone started to group up and get ready for the next room. The door was positively enormous which was a worrying sign.
"Romie, I need you ready. Probably a fire arrow if you have one. Fire rarely can spread from room to room and this floor doesn't seem flammable. So we should prepare for a big monster that's hard to kill. That's a wild guess though of course, nothing about this place makes any sense." Vidas motioned for Inara to check the door for traps.
Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
At her shake of the head, he looked to his brother. "Same as usual, I open you are there to the side to deflect anything that might come hurtling through. Ready? Let's count it down, 3, 2—" he stopped as the door slid to the side on its own.
We all saw inside; in the middle of a spacious chamber was a truly massive entity made of a Frankenstein's monster-like amalgamation of many of the insectoids and plants we had fought to date. It had an expressive face but simple voids where its eyes should be.
"Romie, fire!" Vidas called and the arrow sailed up to land on its face, catching fire midflight. It struck true and the beast started to catch ablaze. It tried beating at its own face to put it out but was clumsy and ineffectual, spreading the fire more quickly to its own body. Over the next 15 minutes, it slowly burned to death, howling the entire time.
"What the jebbie just happened?" Inara asked and then gasped, looking like she'd been suddenly punched in a sensitive area as an absolute truckload of essence filled my core. It felt amazingly pure too, no taint of green in it at all.
Looking at the rest of the team, she seemed to be taking whatever was happening to them the best of any.
"Uh, yeah that was a massive inflow of essence but… isn't that good?" I asked.
"Too much null essence. The ratio feels like it changed or the bracelets didn't do their job. I don't think it did damage but it was close. Babe, you okay? My essence channels feel like they were scoured for all they were worth. If there's another one of those, we might need to retreat and figure out a way for you to kill it." Pavel was shaking his arms out.
"The door disappeared," Romie said in a confused voice.
"What are you talking about Romie? It's right here." Vidas pointed to the door into the room. Romie just pointed to the far wall. "Are you kidding me! Another room with no exit? What the jebbie, this place has gone insane. I'm glad it's barely sentient. We have to—" He stopped suddenly and looked guilty.
Confused, I went to say something. [Incoming Message from Vidas Lysenko: Don't say a jebbie-ing word.] At my confused look, he simply held a finger up to his lips.
We entered the room, the stark white walls of the weirdly chalky material we'd seen before creating an ominous atmosphere.
I felt a rumbling, almost a grumbling, touch my cores.
"Hey guys, are you feeling anything strange with your cores? I have felt it a few times and—" What felt like someone saying shush drifted over me. Then a happy noise.
"What are you talking about? Are you sure you're okay? Maybe we should leave him in the room when we fight the next monster." Vidas looked to the rest of the group.
"I vote we continue forward as we have," Inara said, raising her hand. I did the same as did Pavel.
"Door's back," Romie added, then raised their hand.
"Okay, but if this goes south, the blame isn't on me. Got it?" Vidas said, poking his brother's chest.
"Whatever, you are so uptight. Have some fun! It's just our lives on the line!" Inara jumped on Vidas' back and gave him a noogie and affectionate peck on the cheek.
The door slid open as we approached. There were three smaller amalgamations similarly made up of random limbs and other parts of monsters from the dungeon shuffling around aimlessly. The room was about as large as the last though none of the monsters could fit through the door. This room was back to being covered in vines and made of the softly glowing stone.
"Uh, so we should get less essence from each one so it shouldn't hurt as bad, right?" Pavel looked around like someone would have an answer to his question. At four confused shrugs he clearly gave up and turned to Romie. "More fire arrows?"
"Eh, mundane fire. Don't want to waste," they said and took out some rags soaked in oil but kept two very separate from the other that they tied around the end of an arrow and had Inara light while they made ready to shoot. The flaming arrow again landed on one of the horror's face.
It only took 5 minutes for the rush of essence. The rest of the team reacted like it was uncomfortable but not dangerous.
"Man, I wish we had more items to channel this into. Still, my spell is getting leveled up pretty well. Romie, light up the next one!" Inara called and the process repeated twice more.
As the essence zoomed into my core from the last of them, an opening appeared in the back wall with a large glowing crystal orb beyond.
"Uh, I guess that was the boss? What the jebbie is going on here?" Pavel asked.
"This might be a trap. Everyone be cautious. Terry, at the rear. If this is the end, once we touch the crystal, it will take us into a separate space briefly to reward us individually. Inara, at the front checking for traps." Vidas snapped out commands and I slightly expected some grumbling from Inara. Instead, everyone moved forward in a loose but clearly rehearsed formation.
I felt a gentle giggle, like it was a friend laughing while holding onto the back of my shoulders.
All four of the members of Aspirations of Ascendancy entered the room and touched the crystal. I could only see Romie from the side but their eyes looked blank. Just as I was about to enter the room, a chute suddenly opened beneath me.
I bet this is where Wile E. Coyote would have a 'Well, sodus' sign.
I plummeted fifteen feet (5m) straight down but the chute quickly changed in slope and leveled off. Unfortunately, it was as coated with vines as most of the rest of the dungeon. I came flying out of the bumpy slide, still at a reasonable speed, and fell into a heap in a completely black room. Either my glow stone didn't work or it had been broken in the fall.
2/10, would not recommend. Ass bruises and probably a leaf or stick stuck somewhere it shouldn't be. Ending in a dark and damp room was surprising but ultimately not a good ending.
"Yes, sorry about that. I'm not used to making slides. They seem a wonderful invention though," a feminine voice said as light started to rise throughout the room.
It was a cube, about fifteen feet (5m) in every direction, with a glowing orb about the size of a basketball floating at stomach height.
"Crap, did I smack my head on the way down? Just what I need, to hallucinate." I started trying to check my head for bruises but found none, only a reminder of my truly awful haircut.
"Well, I can provide you some extremely powerful hallucinogens if you'd like. That doesn't seem like a great reward for clearing a dungeon though, does it?" The voice gave a tittering laugh that seemed to send a wave of amusement deep into my cores and soul. I tried to look for a source of the sound but couldn't find anything, it simply suffused the room.
"It was you wasn't it? The feeling of someone being with me?"
I stepped forward and examined the core.
It looked like the result of an angry teenager with only access to green and white had painted a clear bowling ball with an LED embedded in the center. The white streaks were jagged and sucked the eye in, not like a comforting eggshell, more like a white that spoke of nothingness.
"Yes, that was me and yes, that is the null infecting me. Luckily I was able to dump enough into those monsters, especially at the end, to get back to… let's not say normal but at least I'm not lashing out in anger in a vain attempt to purge myself of this awful taint. It was driving me insane. As in literally."
The orb seemed to stop glowing, almost contemplating. "But you my little – okay, not so little – friend, seem to be my answer. So, I'm going to make you a proposition. No, not that meaning! Jeez dude! Oh, I like that phrase. Stealing it from you! Jeez dude!"
"You can read my mind?" I asked, realizing it was a stupid question.
"Yeah, not sure why. I did love your friends thinking I could read their AAI messages. That would be super cool. But I can generally get a sense of what people are thinking. Or at least I can since I gained my ability to think. Not really sure why. Anywho. Ooh, that's another one I'm borrowing!"
I realized the voice was speaking in English and started throwing out all the swear words.
"Uh, sure dude… pretty weird."
"Sorry, I'm just so sick of this redacted bullshit."
"Oh, okay. Still, no more talk like that or I'll wash your mouth out with soap. Ha! Oh, that's a happy/sad memory. Weird. Okay, back to the point as I can't keep your friends occupied much longer! I'm going to allow them to shatter my fake crystal. I will change the look of my dungeon opening and hopefully they buy it. I'm going to give them really garbage loot too, ha!
"Anyway, I need you to purge more of the null essence from me and then I'll come with you. You can put me up some place nice and come purge the null and I'll make sure to give you good loot. Sound good? Great! And no, don't use the token now, use it when you come back through later today.
"And nope, can't come with you now, would be obvious to anyone who knows their ass from a hole in the ground – awesome phrase there – that I wasn't destroyed and those folks up there are hellbent on utterly annihilating me. Even despite the super easy last few rooms. How hilarious were those?!"
I was so happy to hear English, especially casual American English, I didn't even think to push back on what it – she? – was saying.
"Okay, rambling. Here, take one of the items the groups who died in here recently had. And a couple of healing potions. Clearing me out is gonna be hard! I bet you can do it though! Okay, toodles! Ooh, that one slaps! And 'slaps' slaps. Heh, bye sucka!"
"Wait, what the f—"
Suddenly, I was outside the dungeon with the members of the Aspirations of Ascendancy in the midday sunlight. Each member had a weapon in their hands as well as Vidas holding onto a particularly jagged bit of crystal that had clearly cut his hand.
Heh, she's petty too. I have to talk with Jasna and Tiesa about this.
"Well, that could have gone worse," Inara said and went over to the carriage and entered without knocking.
The other members looked at me and I shrugged, following her to have a private audience with my two guards.
***
"What the damn hell!" Inara bellowed as Tiesa literally threw her from the carriage.
"Sorry, we need some privacy," Tiesa called, laughter clear in her voice.
"You could have just asked!"
"You're right, I could have." Tiesa closed the door, smiling. Turning back to Jasna and I, she said, "I've activated the privacy enchantments but… yup, she's trying to listen at the door."
Tiesa opened the shade and unlatched the window with a deftness I didn't think possible, shooting her hand out and lifting Inara by the scruff. "That's naughty, my dear niece of a friend. I think Ruta would understand if you didn't come back, don't you? Or at least not whole." Turning to Jasna, she mouthed something and the woman went from a ready stance to relaxed.
Turning back to Inara, still held in the air by the back of her clothing, Tiesa's face got more serious. "I know you think this is all fun and games but here is an AAI-backed guarantee," she stuck her tongue out for a second and then Inara's cheeky smile faded and she gave a weak nod. Tiesa dropped her and she scampered away like a frightened cat.
"What threat did you use?" Jasna asked simply.
"Compound fracture a limb and prevent healing for two bells every time I caught her snooping around for the next two bells. After that, the threat expires and she's back to being able to skulldugger to her heart's content." Tiesa looked serious while Jasna just looked contemplative.
"Pretty effective at the very least. I usually like to threaten removing limbs but that's harder to heal so probably easier to follow through on. I approve."
At Tiesa's turn to me and laugh, I guessed my expression had gotten more and more horrified. I waited for her to laugh and say she was joking but it never came as she closed the window, rolled up the shade, and reinitiated the privacy enchantments.
Okay, reminder to not mess with Tiesa.
"Your AAI message warrants this. That dungeon isn't only mildly sentient, it's a full-blown person. And one that seems fun too," Tiesa said, chuckling. "That's extremely rare. We have to decide what to do about it. This could be a great boon, especially using your token you got from the Azarovs, but it's dangerous as hell."
"Can you walk me through what's going on and why it's such a big deal? I get that most dungeons aren't sentient but I feel like this one must have been for a while, right? It's not like they just grow sentience overnight? Or do they?" I was lost and wasn't my usual crisp self.
Giving myself permission to be hot garbage. I almost died twice.
"First, no, I don't know of a single actually sentient dungeon in the Kingdom. There are rumors but usually, they are destroyed – or at least said to be destroyed. There is all kinds of folklore about them—"
Jasna excitedly cut in, "Oh, I have a few great romance novels about this. The Darling Dungeon and the Doting Delver is probably my favorite but the writing is pretty bad. The sex scenes are way too tame. There's," and all I heard was static for a few seconds, "but it's a little too focused on the sex and not the actual delving or the relationship. Then there's—" she stopped at a hand on her arm from Tiesa.
"Let's talk about consequences and actions now, erotica later?" At a pause and then an agreeing nod from Jasna, Tiesa continued like there hadn't been any interruption. "There are many stories about sentient dungeons but as far as I knew, it was all just that: stories. This could change a lot about how we think about dungeons. And maybe even bonded creatures and how they gain sentience. And the idea that dungeons can be moved could cause riots and even war between cities. Any attempts to move a core previously has resulted in the core shattering. Or at least that's what we've been told…"
She took a breath, looking contemplative, then focused back on me. "To sum this up, first, this is big. Like potentially huge. Second, this is going to get out and we have to plan for that. Third, I know you can't trust it, and fourth, we need to destroy it."
Jasna shook her head, "This is exactly the kind of opportunity he is looking for."
"Jazzy, this is going to be a nightmare. And he's already a hot-button issue. We need to get him away from this with as little controversy and fanfare as possible or someone is just going to say he isn't worth the trouble and have him killed."
Tiesa grabbed Jasna's hand. "I say you and I should destroy it. We should talk to the Aspirations of Ascendancy but for me, this is a done deal. Especially if it's clever enough to trick them into thinking they destroyed it and modifying its entrance to look like the surroundings. They already had orders to destroy it if it was gaining sentience, especially after it killed a few teams. It's just not worth the risk."
"Ahem, don't I have a say in this?" I asked.
Tiesa simply said, "No."
"Let me rephrase that. I do have a say in this. You didn't feel what I felt. You didn't feel the pain she is going through – yes, she I think, and no, not going to be trying to 'delve her depths' like that. I think we can trust it. Her. You heard both Inara and my accounts. This could have wide-reaching implications if we can purge null from a dungeon – maybe we can learn how to do it from a rift!" I was getting excited about the broad-reaching potential impact, especially if we got a cut from any monetary rewards.
"You just want the reward," Tiesa said, seeing right through me. "And I am telling you, it sensed it couldn't kill you all and conserved its energy to take you specifically down." Tiesa's arms were now crossed and she moved slightly away from Jasna, who looked hurt.
"I just think—" Jasna started but Tiesa scoffed and she stopped talking.
There was a huffy silence and I was planning how to approach getting Tiesa on board once tempers calmed down.
Suddenly Jasna's face lit up.
"Tee-Tee, aren't you always telling me to not act so impulsively? Let's stay here for the night and talk with the Aspirations of Ascendancy about it tomorrow morning. Sleep on it and have a broader conference in the morning. It almost killed them too, I think they should have a say. That's fair, right? Aren't you always telling me to act more fairly?" Jasna was trying for a tone I guessed was somewhere between pleading and reasoning but it was too slow-paced, like she considered every word.
Tiesa sighed and shook her head. "Fine, yes, that makes sense. Now Terry, tell us exactly what it said to you."
***
"What the hell are you doing?" I asked as Jasna pulled me bodily from my bedroll.
She had taken first watch after a subdued celebration at our dungeon clear by the Aspirations of Ascendancy despite the awful loot. Apparently, all of their rewards were pretty weak, with Vidas getting the worst of it, receiving three silver and a book called 'How to Make Friends and Stop Being a Jerk' with the author crossed out and written in English, it said 'by D. Dungeon'.
I hadn't received anything despite the dungeon's promise, which was slightly disappointing but at least it wasn't something so petulant and rude.
"This is your opportunity. You said you want to take the chance so take it," she said quietly, then made a shushing gesture and moved quickly away from the camp, leaving me to scramble to follow.
We arrived at the dungeon entrance shortly thereafter. "Isn't Tiesa going to be pissed at you about this?"
"Yes, but sometimes she needs to remember that the people she – and often we – lost wouldn't have wanted their opportunities taken away from them in the name of safety. Yes, they would probably say they want very specifically their last opportunity taken away so they could survive but this is the life we live. If you truly want to become something and don't have the luck to be a noble, you have to take what you can grab. When the world gives you an opening, not stepping into it is dumb." She nodded as though there was no way to refute anything she said.
Do I want this? I really do trust the dungeon. It felt like any of the other amazing people I've met – Tiesa, Jasna, Gabor, Risto, Vana, even Tilda, Katarina, and Aras. She was trying to purge herself. This is my opportunity for growth but also to really help the region. And having a dungeon for me and my people could be really useful to start building that power base…
"Jasna, do you have a coin I could use?" I asked. She produced one of the golds I gave her earlier.
Heads, I go in. Tails, I don't.
As the coin rotated slowly through the air, I knew what I wanted to do and charged forwards before it could even touch the ground.