One Helluva Fox

Blitzo and the crew are in their gray van driving down the street. A song comes on the radio.

"I love this song!" Blitzo starts to poorly sing alind with 'Mustang Dong' on the radio. "You were a spicy little- uh- Demon with the- up bleach blonde haaaaair!"

Loona is sitting in the passenger seat next to Blitzo, looking mildly annoyed at his singing. In the back there's Moxxie, covering his ears, Millie rolls down the window and smiles. While Sylvester's ears fold down and he taps away at his phone while smoking. 

"Fieeeeendin' for that semen when I caught your stare..." Blitzo keeps singing as they drive into an old crowded parking lot and they head to the last parking space. "Thoooought it might be love, but you went---"

A pink car pulls into the remaining parking space.

"Oh, shit! Fu-!" Blitzo slams onto the brakes and the van skids to a stop. Sylvester flies from the back and face plants the radio, turning it off as he does and he slumps down onto the center console.

Blitzo glares at the person in the pink car. He glances at the license plate, which reads "SUCK-4-LIFE". "Oh, you 'suck for life', do ya?"

Blitzo pulls out a megaphone and yells into it.

"Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum dump!" Blitzo yells. "You have three goddamn seconds to get your tits out of my parking spot.

The passanger steps out of her front car seat with high heels. Blitzo lowers the megaphone, shcoked.

"Oh, shit! Versoka!" Blitzo says in shock.

Verosika blows a pink gum bubble before it pops. "Blitz-o."

"I should have known you'd be here." Blitzo says. "I could smell fish for miles, which is odd. Because, I believe the nearest ocean is..." Blitzo falls out the window and faceplants the ground before standing up. "Three Rings DOWN!"

"And I should have known you'd be here, when I heard the amber alerts."

"Oh, yeah? I'm surprised they let your fat ass outta rehab. I can see you're still a drunken whore, clutching onto that Beezlejuice bottle like it's the last cock in Hell!"

Verosika flips her ling hair back dramatically. "They let me out because I'm still famous, and rehab is for sad loser wash-ups."  She takes a drink from her bottle and wipes her mouth with her thumb. "So your sister says, 'Hi'."

Blitzo angrily steps up to her. "Why are you parking here? This is the only parking spot my company has. So take your tampon race car, somewhere else."

Verosika leans down to Blitzo. "Actually, prick. It has my name on it." She points down to her name written in purple spray paint by her feet. I.M.P. is crossed out on the ground.

Verosika straightens up. "I'm doing a bit of freelance for one of the infidelity more successful companies in the building."

 From the Van, Loona is watching with wide eyes. "No way..."

Sylvester sits up, with blood seeping from his nose. "Uh...Wha... What's going on?"

Verosika conties. "And they wanted to have me come in this week to come in this week to lead their team during spring break."

"A WEEK?!" Blitzo yells in shock. "No, no, you are NOT parking here for a fuckin' week!"

Verosika removes her sunglasses. "Awww, you mad, Blitz-o? You gonna run off, leaving someone else to pay for the hotel room, steal their car and run..."

Blitzo speaks with Verosika at the same time. "Run three rings to Wrath and max MY credit cards on shitty horse riding lessons?!"

"Goddamn it whore, you will NOT let that go!" Blitzo yells.

"Choke on a sandpaper cock." Verosika looks to the van and spots a certain Demon Fox. "Oh, my, is that dear Sylvester?"

Sylvester's eyes slightly widen. "Oh, fuck me." He wipes the blood from his nose.

"Maybe later~"

Sylvester hops out of the driver side and peaks past the van. "Hey, Verosika."

"She knows you?!" Blitzo yells.

"I may or may not have worked with her for a year." 

"Oh and he was good in bed~" Verosika says. 

"I did not need to know that!" Blitzo yells.

"Sylvester, why don't you come work with me, instead of this walking failed abortion."

"Can you please not talk about my boss like that?" Sylvester asks. "And I kinda owe Blitzo, so I'm working with him, so sorry."

"Hmm, Shame, I was looking forward to having a little fun with you~" Verosika flips Blitzo the bird and walks past the van, while Loona lowers her head back into the van. Sylvester walks around to the passenger side of the van and watches as Blitzo follows after Verosika.

"HOLD ON!" Blitzo yells. You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I'm gonna..."

A towering muscular Hellhound appears behind Blitzo and growls. "You'll what?"

"Damn... he's tall." Sylvester blinks a few times. 

Blitzo glances around and stutters in fear. "Or I'll... uh... Uh, I- I'll call HR!"

After a second of awkward silence, Verosika, Blitzo and the Hellhounf laugh as if in a sitcom.

"Anyway, meet my new hellhound, Vortex." Verosika introduces him. "Unlike you, he actually does his job well." Verosika leaves with her bodyguard. She glances over her shoulder as she flips Blitzo off. "Ta-ta, fuck stain."

Sylvester walks over to Blitzo and watches the two leave.

"Ugh, I wasted so much time with a bag of holes like that." Blitzo complains.

Loona kicks open the van door and steps out. "You two know Verosika Mayday?!"

"Huh...? Oh, yeah. her, yeah. We dated." Blitzo states.

"I was her bodyguard for a year." Sylvester states.

"Was it before or after she became a pop star, sir?" Millie asks.

Moxxie opens the van door and steps out. "You dated a pop star?!"

"Okay, why are you all acting like that's such a shick?"

"Helloooo, it's Verosika Mayday?" Loona says.

"It's you?" Millie says.

"I just..." Moxxie scratches his head. "Is she blind?? Suffering some form of brain damage?"

"They have a point." Sylvester says and a pen hits him in the nose. "Oh, where did that even come from?!"

"Okay, look." Blitzo starts. "You are all this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be. I don't pry into your stupid personal lives."

Moxxie, Millie, Sylvester and Loona all speak at the same time. "You do that all the time, Sir!" "Come on, you kinda do that." "You totally do that." "You know stuff about me, that I wish you didn't."

Millie grins mischievously, eyelids lowering. "What was sex with her like?"

Moxxie becomes taken aback. "Millie!"

"Whaaaat?! It's a pop star! You'd wanna know what sex with Michael Crawford was like."

Moxxie is about to scold Millie but he changes his mind. "...Touché."

"I'm not gonna answer that question." Sylvester says, and he crosses her arms.

"Come on, Sylvester, be a pal." Millie says.

"... It was about as good as sex with a succubus can get."

"So it was great."

Sylvester doesn't say anything and he just takes a cigarette out and lights it by snapping his fingers. 

"Okay, look, let's just drop it! Millie, j- find a temporary spot for that truck." Blitzo tosses the keys to Millie, whoe gleefully catches them and runs to the driver side. "Ok, Lonnie Sylvie, Moxxie, let's go handle this shit."

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Loona, Moxxie, Sylvester, and Blitzo step out of the elevator. Loona walks nervously forward.

"Do you think they saw me?" Loona asks. "Fuck! I did my makeup shitty today!"

Blitzo smiles at her with shining eyes. "Oh, you look perfect, Loonie! Like always!"

Lonna narrows her eyes and scowls. "Shut UP, Da-" Blitzo looks at her with adoration on his face. Loona catches herself almost referring to Blitzo as "dad" and shoves him aside. "Urgh! Blitzo!"

Loona checks her face in a handheld mirror. 

"I think you look beautiful today." Sylvester says.

Loona blushes. "I- Uh.. Thanks." Sylvester smirks

A large shadow covers them and they look up to see Vortex.

Blitzo gets up and walks over to Vortex. "Hi big man. Where's your bitch bad of an employer?"

Vortex mentions to a nearby room with neon pink hearts over double doors. "V" and "M" are spray-painted on the door windows across from I.M.P. . office room. "She's in her office. There wasn't room on the second floor, so they rented one here on this one. It's cheaper."

"Oh, COME ONE!" Blitzo yells.

Vortex scoffs. "Sorry man." He walks away.

"Oh, no you don't, bitch." Blitzo mutters.

Moxxie speaks up. "Sir, how about you let Sylvester go in and try to reason with her?"

"You fucking what, Mate?" Sylvester says, letting out a heavy Australian accent. He then clears his throat.

Blitzo snaps his fingers and nods. "Good, idea Moxxie."

"Wait what?!" Sylvester yells.

Blitzo shoves Sylvester towards the door. "Just go in there and convince her to give me my spot back. And don't fall to her dick sucking charms."

Sylvester rolls his eyes and he goes inside.

"Oh, it's you Sylvester~" Verosika licks her lips. "I knew you would come back to me."

Coco, one of Verosika's succubi. "Who's this stud?"

Sylvester glares at her. "Don't call me that."

Suddenly an incubus appears behind Sylvester. "Maybe he wants a kiss." He touches Sylvester's tail

Sylvester jumps up and away from the incubus. "The tail is off limits!"

"Sylvester~ Now guys and girls, this little fox is a Pri-" Verosika starts.

"Shut!" Sylvester yells with a glare.

Verosika smiles. "Why not join us and we could have a good time." Verosika and her gang start to surround Sylvester. 

"Blitzo!" Loona calls out.

"Oh, this won't STAND!" Blitzo kicks both doors open, causing Verosika and her gang to look to him. "Alright...! *Beep* THAT'S IT!" Blitzo stomps toward Verosika and Sylvester sneaks past the girls and stands behind Blitzo. "If you're gonna be shitty to my employees then I challenge you to a fuckin' challenge!" Then Blitzo talks to himself. "Fuck, I said that twice."

"Mmmm..." Kiki hums. "Is this Imp boy starting a demon duel?"

Verosika chuckles. "I think he is!"She leans towards Blitzo. "What's the game then, Blitz-o?"

"Every year, you STD spreaders go up topside for easy pickin's while spring break is a prime time for crime of all kinds!" Blitzo says. "So I bet... you succu-bitches can't fuck as many people as we can off by the end of the day."

The succubi laugh and Blitzo glares at them in determinations, causing them to shut up.

"Oh, you're serious?" Verosika asks, then she leans in close to Blitzo's face, speaking in a low whisper. "Game on... bitch."

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Later at I.M.P headquarters, Blitzo stands in front of the whiteboard. Behind him is an easel with drawings on papers. The other I.M.P members sitting at a table and listening. Sylvester is lighting up a cigarette. 

"Alright, shut your assholes." Blitzo yells. "Here's how we're gonna do this shit! First, we find a fuck ton of clients."

The animated drawings on the paper show Blitzo, Loona, Millie and Moxxie standing together. A bunch of Imps and clients surround them with bags of money.

"We portal up." Blitzo drawing snaps his fingers. The I.M.P figures fall down. "We have our fun murder time as per usual." The I.M.P drawings kill off human drawings with guns.  "We pile all the bodies into a big fuckin' canoe."The human bodies are tossed into a canoe that reads S.S. Cum Gutter. "We push said canoe into some water." Blitzo drawing kicks the canoe full of bodies away from the dock. "We light it on fire to attract the sharks and eagles 'n shit. Maybe a goose, too! Fuck it!"

Animated drawings of sharks, snakes, eagles and creatures eat the bodies set on fire in the canoe. A large octopus chomps the entire ship and the animals. "They come and eat the bodies, we win the bet..." "The I.M.P drawings cheer and the Loona and the Syvlester figures wear party hats. "We rub it in that sloppy bitch's drunken whore-ass face..." The I.M.P. members give a Verosika drawing several middle fingers. The Verosika drawing bursts into tears. The scene cuts back to the meeting. "Do you have... any questions?" He throws a pointer stick through a window.

Moxxie raises a hand. "Uh, yeah. Why was that nonsense?"

Blitzo walks over to Moxxie. "That wasn't a question."

"That wasn't a plan."

Blitzo puts a hand around Moxxie. "I'm sorry, but that was a flawless presentation of what we should do, Mox. It's not my fault you got a smooth little brain upstairs."

"A what now?"

"I'm calling you slow Moxxie. God, why don't you learn to take criticism, you-" Blitzo begins to poke Moxxie in the chest. "-Talentless baby dicked troll?!"

Moxxie climbs the table in anger. "Well, why don't you-" He points at Blitzo. "Take an art class."

Blitzo grabs Moxxie and throws him back into the chair. "Why don't you see how EXPENSIVE they are!"

"They are kinda expensive Moxxie." Sylvester states as he blows out a large cloud of smoke.

"See, thank you, Sylvester." Blitzo smiles.

Moxxie just rolls his eyes.

Lonna then speaks up. "Hey, is there a way I can come with you guys this time?"

"Absolutely not, I forbid it!" Blitzo says. "Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie. Spring break is no place for young, vulnerable goth girls. You know the kind of FREAKS up there who'd drool all over you!"

Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, Sylvester, and Lonna simultaneously look towards you, yes you, the readers. I know some of you are degenerates. 

Then everything goes back to normal.

"Well, I- I can blend in with humans easily enough." Lonna says. "Just let me tag along."

"Wait, say that again." Blitzo asks.

"I can... blend in...?" Loona shrugs as she inquisitively tells Blitzo that she can disguise herself.

"Do you have a human disguise?" Millie asks.

"Yeah. Don't you?"

The three imps nervously look at each other, eyes side to side. 

Sylvester face palms. "I fucking forgot I had one." He angrily blows smoke out his nostrals. "Fuck me."

"You four have been screwing around on Earth this whole fucking time… without human disguises?!" Lonna asks.

"I forgot okay!" Sylvester leans back into his chair and it falls over, he quickly gets back up and resets his chair. None of you saw that." He sits back down.

"Okay, new plan!" Blitzo quickly scribbles on a piece of paper and hangs it on the easel. It shows Loona and Sylvester, surrounded by humans with hearts around them. "Loonie and Sylvie can help lure the humans to us, and we'll take care of the rest. okay, how about that?"

"Flawless logic." Millie says.

"I think you’re missing the biggest issue, sir." Moxxie claims. "Isn’t it crucial to have a client who demands enough kills to win this bet? We aren’t just going up to massacre!"

"I got that covered, Mox." Blitzo says.

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Later, Blitzo puts up a ratty flyer reading “Spring Break Victim, 50% Off!” with drawings of Blitzo, a dead victim and horses. Blitzo walks to Moxxie.

"Now, we wait." Blitzo says to Moxxie.

Moxxie pinches the bridge of his nose. "Sir... there is no way we are going to get enough clients by the end of the day with one poorly spelled, bad grammar flyer!"

Moxxie and Blitzo look to see demons lining up, including Travis, looking at the flyer. Blitzo grins smugly and elbows Moxxie. Blitzo strolls toward the other demons.

"Now, who's first?" Blitzo asks with a smile.

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The scene cuts to a beach in the human world. People happily walk around, relax and talk. Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, Sylvester, and Loona hide behind coral-covered rocks under a dock.

Sylvester is wearing a red tuckered shit, black skinny jeans and black, knee-length boots. On his arms are black bracelets, one of them reaching to his fingers. He even has a choker on.

"Now, remember, we can’t be seen, alright?" Blitzo says. "And loose shots will likely cause a panic, so Loona  and Sylvester can help with leading targets to a better spot to off 'em. You got the list, Loonie? Sylvie?"

Lonna and Sylvester skims a long list in Loona's hands then they both give it a sniff.

"Got it." Loona says.

Loona stands up and in a swirling flash of blue light, she transforms into a human version of herself. The imps stare in shock.

Sylvester walks into the sun and changes into his human form as the sunlight hits his body.

(This is the best you're gonna get with my editing skills.

Sylvester puts a hand through his red hair and he notices Lonna staring at him. Sylvester smirks. "See something you like?"

Lonna blushes and looks away. "As if."

Sylvester's smirk grows and he appears next to Loona. "We can take this body for a test drive later, if you want."

"Oh, Loonie, Sylvie, look at you two." Blitzo says in shock.  "You both look... downright awful!" Loona and Sylvester glare at blitzo. "I am so proud. Now, fetch!"

After a montage of Sylvester and Loona luring people to secluded places and getting them killed. 

One with Loona ripping the head off a human and Sylvester giving her a kiss on the cheek. Loona then gains a massive blush as Sylvester walks away while laughing.

Blitzo and the gang put the bodies in bloodstained dark trash bags, closing them. In the background, Millie jumps on another body. Sylvester walks off.

Blitzo smiles. "That's nine kills in the bag! I'd like I like to see that waily snatch orgasm that many--"

Verosika comes on stage. "Alright, spring breakers! Y'all ready to get fucked up and make some BITCHIN' BAD CHOICES?!"

The audience cheers. A fan boy rips his shirt that has her name written on his chest. "Verosika!"

"This is your final boarding call. All aboard~" Verosika launches into 'Vacay to Bonetown'. 'Fuck you Blitzo' appears on the screens. Blitzo growls like a rabid anime, literally foaming at the mouth. " ♫ Pack your bags. Sun's out. Take a vacay, babe. Take it straight to bone town. ♫"

The humans make out with others around them. kiss, hug, grind on each other. A disguised Milky shows a human a popsicle with semen-like saliva on it as several other succubi and incubi grin and sneak up on the humans as Verosika continues singing.

"♫ V-time, free time, baby, relax. Self-care, no hair, Brazilian wax. Hornt up succu-bus to the beach. Catch some rays while catching some D. ♫"

"God DAMMIT!" Blitzo yells. "That bitch started her goadish mating call! Now, she's gonna win all these sex maniacs! We gotta pick things up, guys!" A vomiting blonde man is seen next to Blitzo and he points to him. "He on the list, Loonie?"

"Huh? Yeah... I- I think so." A distracted Lonna looks at Sylvester, who's just chilling out near the front of the stage.

"Good!" Blitzo takes out a red and black axe.

The blonde man notices Blitzo. "Oh, whoa! What are you? A leprechaun?" He laughs.

"Yeah... Pretty cool, huh?" Blitzo cleaves his head in half with the axe. "But, you sure as shit ain’t gonna tell nobody! Alright, next one, Loonie, c'mon! Loonie? Wait, where--...?" Blitzo glances around to find Loona nowhere in sight. Her outline flashes. He panics. "Wha-- Wha--- Wha---" He becomes distraught with tears in his eyes. "WHERE'S MY BABYYYYY AND SYLVIE?!?!?!"

Millie points towards the stage. "Look!"

Loona is seen walking towards Sylvester. "Oh, she found Sylvester." Blitzo says. "Let's go get them."

"Sir, why not let those two, enjoy a small break?" Millie asks.

"Huh? Why? We're gonna lose if we don't keep killing!"

"Just a small one, I'll make sure to tell them to worker harder after."

Blitzo sighs. "Fine. But if I lose my parking spot because of this, it's on you! I need my adopted son and daughter to help me with this, so it's only a short break."

Millie just nods as Blitzo walks off to kill more people. "Oh, young love." She says as she looks out towards Loona and Sylvester.

Loona checks her makeup as two men French kissing fall to the ground at her feet, and someone offscreen throws their bikini top which lands on Loona's head. 

The fanboy runs toward Verosika on stage as she sings the next chorus in "Vacay to Bonetown" but Vortex notices and punches him into the ground, head first. He drags the man away in the distance. 

"Dumbass." Sylvester smiles as he takes a puff from his cigarette.  

Loona keeps walking towards Sylvester, avoiding a French-kissing couple and tossing aside a bra, but is stopped by Josh, who smirks at her, eyebrows raised. She backhands him hard.

"Now, who wants a piece of this?!" Verosika tosses her Beelzejuice bottle into the ocean, creating a golden portal. A fish appears, which rapidly grows into a Monster.

Loona reaches Sylvester. "Heyyyyy... you...!"

Sylvester looks at Loona with his only open eye, which is his right. "Finally managed to get away?"

"Uh- Yup, sure did." She nervously smiles.

"Hmm?" Sylvester smirks. "What's got you all nervous."

"N-Nothing." Loona moves a piece of hair behind her ear.

Sylvester blows a large cloud of smoke in front of Loona, and blocks her vision. Then Sylvester slithers through it and appears in front of Loona, with a sly smile. "I think I know what's going on."

Moxxie gets thrown into a barrel of beer in the background.

"K-Know What?" Loona asks as she blushes at how close Sylvester is.

"You have a crush..." He slithers behind Loona and whispers into her ear. "On me." He blows air into her ear.

A shiver of delight moves down Loona's spine. "H-Huh? I-I have no idea what y-you're talking about." 

A fish monster starts to reek havoc in the background and Moxxie gets eaten by it.

Loona quickly turns around to look at Sylvester, but he's not there. A pair of arms wrap around Loona's waist. 

"I know a good place to have a date." Sylvester says with a sly smile. 

"A D-D-Date?!" Loona's face turns beat red.

"Yes, I know a place near my younger sister's house." Sylvester slides to the front of Loona. "I was gonna visit her soon anyway, need to annoy her a little."

"I- Uh- Um-" Loona stutters.

"Let's say, tomorrow? Around 5?"

"S-Sure!"

Sylvester smiles and gets real close to Loona, where their lips hover in front of each other. "Perfect."

Blitzo then calls out their names, ruining the moment. "Come on, Loonie Tooney and Silly Silvie! Let's go back and park our fat fuckin' car in our fat fuckin' space!"

Sylvester turns around and notices the giant dead monster fish in the ocean. "What did we miss."

"A lot apparently." Loona says in a disappointed voice.

I.M.P go through the portal. Loona falls through the portal backwards.

Blitzo jumps up and mockingly flips the double bird through the portal, making Verosika growl in anger.

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01-30-2023

4006 words