None of These Witches are Ever Serious

Ch. 13



Chapter 13

When the tide of illusions finally receded, Luo En stood in silence for a long while.

That phantom silhouette—and the half-heard conversation—had hinted at more secrets than he could count. It felt like a sudden cut-scene popping up in the middle of a game.

Up to now, his working theory had been simple: some ultra-powerful monster had swept in and flash-froze the entire Territory with a single blow. After all, this was a fantasy world; wasn’t that exactly the sort of thing that happened?

But every hour made him less certain. Whatever lay behind the catastrophe was far more complicated—and far more dangerous. Even the System left him uneasy.

After a moment’s hesitation he started walking toward the spot where the phantom had appeared.

Before he knew it, he’d reached the heart of the Town.

Yesterday, his stamina would’ve given out long before he got this far. The so-called Enhanced Training had almost killed him, yet it had also changed him more than he cared to admit.

Another phantom—his own double—sprinted past and darted into an alley. Instinct took over; he followed.

The alley ended in a Dead End.

“Seriously...?” Disappointment washed over him.

So everything he’d seen had been nothing more than illusions. He’d been hoping for a real clue.

Then a weird cry—half crow caw, half canine whimper—snagged his attention.

A white squirrel stood at the far end of the Dead End, staring straight at him.

“?” The squirrel tilted its head, puzzled.

“!” Luo En looked at it the way other people looked at winning lottery tickets.

The squirrel read his expression, spun on its heel, and bolted.

Instantly, just like last time, a miniature Snowstorm erupted. The already frigid air dropped another few degrees.

Old Luo En would’ve turned back by now. New Luo En only felt a cool breeze.

He stepped through the swirling snow and advanced on the odd little creature.

This thing had to be the Culprit. One more step and he’d be set for life. “You’re not getting away!”

The squirrel glanced back, eyes widening in almost human surprise when Luo En ignored the wind. It squeaked once, sprang to the top of the wall—

—and Luo En snatched it down like a farmer grabbing a chicken.

In his ear, he clearly heard his own voice say, “Got you.”

He was equally certain he hadn’t spoken.

While he stood there, stunned, the squirrel wriggled free and vanished into the snow.

For a split second he could see the exact route it would take. He could have followed—but the whole thing was too uncanny, and he froze.

“System, do all Otherworlders get special powers?” he blurted.

[Dear Otherworlder, please refrain from delusions. Before you obtained this System, you were an ordinary human.]

[If by “special power” you mean this System itself, then yes.]

The answer confirmed what he’d suspected: the hallucinations weren’t the System’s doing.

They hadn’t started until today. Yesterday everything had been normal.

Was this some delayed-onset chuunibyou? Impossible—he’d graduated from that phase ages ago.

He looked up and realized he was already near the center of the Town.

“That was fast,” he muttered. A slightly better body and he was practically speed-running the place. Some people were just born geniuses. ᕕ(◠ڼ◠)ᕗ

All that remained was to flip the Town upside-down and deliver the person Lady Mercury wanted.

Unnoticed, he’d started following fresh hallucinations straight toward the white squirrel again.

The squirrel thought it had escaped—until it glanced back and found Luo En right behind it.

“Coo!” In sheer panic it made a sound like a pigeon sneezing.

The squirrel wasn’t the only one startled; Luo En nearly jumped out of his skin. He hadn’t expected to catch up so easily.

In his entire life he’d never successfully chased down an animal—he’d always eaten dust.

The squirrel puffed up, squeaking furiously, as if scolding him for the persistence. Squeak-squeak-squeak—definite cursing.

Coincidence, it told itself. Hundreds of intruders had come through before, and every last one had been left dizzy. This new guy looked like an easy mark.

It poured on the speed, weaving through alleys with the grace of a leaf on the wind. It had lived in this half-deserted Town for ages; no stranger could possibly know the shortcuts better.

Three turns later something closed around its neck. “Got you.”

Luo En didn’t know the proper way to hold a squirrel. It rewarded his ignorance with a vicious slash.

“Feisty, huh?” He spotted a nearby trash can and headed straight for it.

He had never been able to stomach people like this—not for a second.

“Could you forgive it?” A hoarse voice rode the cold wind, sudden and sharp.

A figure sat in a rocking chair; there was no doubt he had spoken.

Yet Luo En could hardly call the man alive. His first impression was “mummy.”

Layers of linen bandages cocooned the body beneath a loose robe, and the face looked parched, as if left to the desert for years.

The wrist that poked from the sleeve was nothing but bone wrapped in parchment-thin skin—slice it, and Luo En doubted it would bleed.

Eyes sat so deep in their sockets he half expected them to drop out like loose marbles.

The mummy parted cracked lips. Each word came slow, low, exhausted. “Without it... no one will keep me company...”

Luo En tossed the squirrel. Mid-air, the little creature twisted and dove straight into the mummy’s lap, chittering in protest.

“Ah... caught again. Nothing to be done, then...” The mummy spoke as though every syllable cost him a year of life.

After returning the squirrel, Luo En folded his arms and waited, eyebrows raised for an explanation.

Looking like a mummy didn’t scare him. After what the System had put him through, he feared nothing—certainly nothing uglier than a sky raining meteors.

“Don’t rush... don’t be frightened...” The mummy’s voice dragged itself forward. “I know you... you’ll have questions... everyone does.”


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