Nirvana In Fire

With these words, Mei Changsu closed his eyes and leaned back against the wooden partition of the carriage, resting a little. Meng Zhi knew him well, and knew that though it had been necessary to take this step, and he did not regret it, there would still be pain and agony in his heart. And so Meng Zhi did not speak, only keeping him company quietly as they entered Su manor in silence.

“Let Physician Yan have a look at you, and if everything is alright, then go and have some rest,” Meng Zhi urged quietly before leaving.

Mei Changsu did not seem to hear him. His gaze was shuttered, clearly in deep thought. Meng Zhi, afraid to disturb him, turned away and was preparing to disappear quietly when he was stopped by Mei Changsu’s voice.

“Meng dage, has a hunt been arranged at the Hisbiscus Pavilion hunting ground the day after tomorrow?”

“Yes, it is the last Spring hunt of this year.”

Mei Changsu closed his eyes, his voice cold as he said, “The Da Chu ambassadors will certainly be invited to the hunt this time. Discuss it over with Prince Jing and find an opportunity at the hunt to subdue Yuwen Xuan a little, so he will not think that all military generals of our Da Liang court abuse their power like Xie Yu. Let us nip any wild ambitions he may have developed in the bud while we can.”

Meng Zhi’s heart shivered, and he answered lowly, “Yes.” But after a moment, he couldn’t help adding, “Xiao Shu, you cannot keep burning yourself like the oil of a lamp. Is even Yuwen Xuan yours to handle?”

Mei Changsu shook his head lightly. “If it were not for me, Yuwen Xuan would never have had the chance to see the inner conflicts of my court, if I do not handle him, my heart will not be at peace.”

“You cannot say that,” Meng Zhi disagreed vehemently. “The Crown Prince and Prince Yu have been fighting like cockerels for ages, everyone under the sun knows that. And besides, do you think conflicts like this do not exist in Da Chu as well?”

“They do not, at least not in the past few years.” Mei Changsu’s gaze was sad. “The Chu emperor is in his prime, and in the five years since his ascension to the throne, his political achievements have been remarkable, and the country is gradually entering into a golden age. Aside from dealing with the distant threat of foreign barbarians, they have not had any trouble. But if the internal friction of my court continues, our strength and defense against our mighty neighbours will wane, and it will be difficult to avoid conquest and assimilation then.”

“Oh you….” Meng Zhi sighed helplessly, but he was moved, and he patted Mei Changsu firmly on the shoulder, proclaiming solemnly, “Rest assured, you will have me and Prince Jing at the hunt, and we will definitely open Yuwen Xuan’s eyes and show him what the Da Liang military is made of. He’ll be speechless for years, even after he returns to the South. Besides, we have Princess Nihuang at the Southern border.”

“It’s always best to prepare for rain before the clouds gather. Let Da Chu fear the consequences, and Nihuang’s work will be lightened as well. I will leave it to the two of you.” Mei Changsu smiled, his expression relaxing a little. “Hurry and go, I’m really starting to feel cold now.”

Meng Zhi glanced at Mei Changsu’s complexion under the moonlight and didn’t dare linger, so he waved and disappeared quickly into the night. Li Gang had prepared hot water and was standing to one side waiting, and now he came forward immediately and helped Mei Changsu bathe in the herbal bath, and then brought Physician Yan over to examine him. Physician Yan concluded that the cold had infiltrated his outer muscles but had not affected his internal organs, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

That night, Mei Changsu did not sleep well. He couldn’t fall asleep, but was afraid of worrying Fei Liu, and so didn’t dare toss and turn on his bed. When he got up the next morning, his head ached, and Physician Yan came and silently administered acupuncture, his face dark. Li Gang, frightened by the old physician’s expression, made the news-bearing Tong Lu wait outside for four hours, refusing to allow him in to disturb the Chief’s rest. When Mei Changsu found out later that afternoon, the manor was subjected to one of his rare displays of anger, and even Fei Liu hid up in the rafters, too scared to come down.

Li Gang knew he had overstepped, and he knelt in the courtyard, awaiting punishment. Mei Changsu ignored him, sitting inside and listening to Tong Lu’s report on the important news from the imperial Yu manor and the Princess’ manor, his face slowly clearing.

It was near dusk, after Li Gang had been kneeling for nearly six hours, when Mei Changsu walked into the courtyard and said to him, “Do you know why I have made you kneel for so long?”

Li Gang fell over in a bow. “Your servant acted without authority, pray Chief forgive me.”

“You acted out of consideration for my well-being, how could I not know this?” Mei Changsu looked at him, and though his gaze was fierce, his voice was calm again. “I will not be angry if you try to persuade me or hinder me, but I cannot allow you to conceal things from me! I place the Su manor into your hands, you are my eyes, my ears, and if even you hide things from me, then will I not become blind and deaf? What could I accomplish then? I have warned you from the beginning, unless I am so sick that even my mind is not clear, then there are certain people whose arrival to this manor, at any hour of the day, must be reported to me immediately. Tong Lu is one such person. Did you completely neglect this order, and let it pass in one ear and out the other?”

Li Gang’s face was full of shame, his eyes brimming with tears, and he bowed again. “Your servant has betrayed the Chief’s trust, and is willing to accept any punishment. Pray Chief take care of his health, and restrain yourself from anger.”

Mei Changsu’s gaze lingered on him for a long moment, and then he shook his head. “There are some faults that cannot be committed, not even once. Return to Lang province, and send for Zhen Ping.”

Li Gang’s face drained of all colour and he collapsed forward, grasping Mei Changsu’s sleeve as he begged, “Chief, Chief, your servant truly understands what he has done wrong, if Chief is going to send your servant back to Lang province, then he may as well just kill your servant now….”

Mei Changsu looked tired, but his voice was gentle. “There are too many enemies, too many trials I must face here in the capital. Those by my side must be able to obey completely and to understand my meaning, assist me, and support me without requiring me to spend even the slightest shred of energy in managing my own household, do you understand?”

Li Gang swallowed a sob. The great warrior stood there stricken, shamed into speechlessness.

“Go, send word for Zhen Ping to come.”

“Chief….” Li Gang had given up all hope, and he didn’t even dare voice his request, his hands clenched so tightly that his nails were digging into his palms, drawing blood.

“You……may stay as well. My illness has been acting up recently, and it is no wonder you have been under more pressure than usual. I asked you to manage the Su manor alone, and the yoke is too heavy, the bow drawn too tight, and you have not had any time to relax at all, so mistakes were inevitable. I should have noticed this before, but all my thoughts were turned to the outside, and I neglected this aspect. You and Zhen Ping have always worked well together, so when he comes, you may share the burden between you, and besides, I will be more at ease knowing you have someone to discuss with should problems arise.”

Li Gang lifted his head, his mouth open, and it was a long time before he seemed to understand Mei Changsu’s meaning. A fierce joy rose in his heart as he answered loudly, “Yes!”

Mei Changsu didn’t speak again, turning away to enter his room. Physician Yan appeared almost immediately, bringing with him a bowl of medicine. He said it was to cleanse away fire and heat, and proceeded to almost force it into his patient. Fei Liu also drifted over from wherever he had been hiding and lay down across Mei Changsu’s knee, frowning as he said, “Angry!”

“Alright, Su gege is not angry any more.” Mei Changsu stroked his hair. “Was Fei Liu scared?”

“Scared….”

Mei Changsu smiled faintly, patting Fei Liu’s shoulder gently. His eyes gradually closed, and he leaned back against the pillows, his body slowly relaxing. Physician Yan tucked a few cushions around the sleeping Mei Changsu, and then carefully spread a woolen blanket over him. Fei Liu insisted on staying sprawled over Su gege‘s legs, burying his face into the soft blanket, rubbing his cheek against it slowly.

“Don’t make any noise,” Physician Yan warned the youth quietly before walking silently out of the room. He had just entered the corridor when he saw Li Gang coming from the other direction, and his brow furrowed.

“How is the Chief?”

“He just fell asleep…”

Li Gang’s footsteps slowed for a moment, but he walked quickly around Physician Yan and entered the room. Mei Changsu lay on the long mattress, and his face, half hidden under the snow-white blanket, did not seem to bear much more colour than the blanket itself. His head had fallen to one side of the pillow, his breathing steady, obviously fast asleep. Li Gang looked at him for a long moment, and then finally knelt and called softly, “Chief, chief….”

Mei Changsu started, then asked, his eyes still closed, “What is it?”

“Tong Lu has returned.” Li Gang helped Mei Changsu sit up. “He said……news arrived from the Princess’ manor just now. The young mistress of the Xie family is in labour, and the situation is not good….”

Mei Changsu’s gaze flashed. “Is it a difficult birth?”

“Yes, they said the position is not right, and the child is coming out feet-first……five imperial physicians have already been summoned….”

“Is it desperate?”

Li Gang did not know how to answer, but Physician Yan, who had turned around and entered behind him, said, “Unless there is a very good midwife on hand, eight out of ten children born feet-first do not survive. This time, the mother is a girl of an imperial family, so she will not be physically strong. I fear it is not one life, but two, that will be taken today.”

Mei Changsu’s face was ashen. “Can not even one of them be saved?”

“We do not know the details of the situation, so it is hard to say.” Physician Yan shook his head and sighed. “But girls experiencing difficult births already have one foot in death’s door.”

“The Grand Princess has summoned imperial physicians, surely there must be some way?”

Physician Yan raised a white eyebrow. “Imperial Physicians may have outstanding medical knowledge, but assisting births relies mostly on experience, and how many births can an imperial physician have attended? They will not be as useful as a good midwife.”

Mei Changsu had stood almost unconsciously, and was pacing around the room. “I believe the Grand Princess will already have summoned the best midwives in the capital……we can only hope Xie Qi survives this mishap….”

Physician Yan, who knew the dangers of childbirth even better than Mei Changsu, stroked his beard and said nothing. Li Gang thought of something, his eyes brightening as he said, “Chief, do you remember little Diao’er? When his mum was giving birth to him, he was coming out feet-first too, and everyone said there was no hope, but then Aunt Ji used some technique and corrected his position inside the womb, and he came out safe and sound….”

Mei Changsu said immediately, “Summon Aunt Ji, quickly!”

Li Gang ran out of the room and came back in moments, pulling Aunt Ji with him. Mei Changsu questioned her hurriedly and found out that it was a midwife technique passed down for generations in the rural villages, and was very effective. He immediately ordered for a carriage to be prepared, and took Aunt Ji with him as they sped towards the Princess’ manor.

When they arrived at the door of the manor, everything was in chaos inside, and Mei Changsu barely managed to say, “Here to help with the birth,” before the normally strict guards at the gate answered immediately, “Please enter.” Inside the manor, the imperial physicians had all but given up, and servants had been sent to look for common doctors, and obviously, Mei Changsu had been mistaken for one of those doctors.

After passing through three sets of doors, they arrived at a courtyard shaded by trees and adorned with flowers. Inside the main hall, Grand Princess Liyang sat in tears, her hair disheveled, her gaze dull. Mei Changsu hurried over and bent down beside her. “Grand Princess, I heard that the young lady is in trouble and have brought a midwife, she is very experienced, may she try to help?”

Grand Princess Liyang shuddered and lifted her head towards Mei Changsu, her expression dazed, as if she had not understood what he said.

“Grand Princess….” Mei Changsu was about to continue when a howl sounded from the outer courtyard.

“Qi’er! Qi’er!” A thin, wan young man stumbled in, almost falling over. It was Zhuo Qingyao. Two guards followed him, likely an escort sent by Prince Yu as a show of his great kindness.

“Mother-in-law, how is Xie Qi?’ Zhuo Qingyao saw Grand Princess Liyang and fell to a kneel at her feet, his face ashen. “How is she? How is the child?”

Grand Princess Liyang shuddered and tears spilled again from her swollen eyes, her voice broken as she said, “Qingyao, you…you came…too late….”

Her words fell like a bomb, leaving Zhuo Qingyao reeling. He knelt there in a trance, swaying slightly. Mei Changsu felt a sharp pain in his chest, and he turned his head and sighed. Aunt Ji leaned over and said in a low voice, “Chief, shall I go in and have a look?”

Mei Changsu did not know what there was to look for if they were already dead, and so did not react at first. Aunt Ji took his silence as permission and hurried into the room.

Almost immediately, a series of cries arose from inside.

“Who are you?!”

“What are you doing?”

“Guards!”

As if awakened by the voices, Zhou Qingyao rose, his expression stricken as he rushed forward. At the same time, Aunt Ji called loudly, “Chief, the child can still be saved!”

Mei Changsu’s trust in his subordinates was so absolute that he did not hesitate before stepping forward to block Zhuo Qingyao’s steps, stopping him from entering the room, but the young man, who had been completely overwhelmed by his turbulent emotions, reacted instinctively, and his fist rose and swung towards Mei Changsu.

“Fei Liu, don’t hurt him!” In the chaos, Mei Changsu only had time to shout this instruction. After a rapid exchange, Zhuo Qingyao was sent flying backwards, only stopping when he struck a pillar. But from the way he jumped up immediately and rushed forward again, it seemed that Fei Liu had indeed heard the order, and had obediently refrained from hurting him.

Mei Changsu was just about to call out an explanation when Zhuo Qingyao halted abruptly in the middle of his headlong charge.

The faint, weak cries of an infant carried out from the inner room. At first, the cries were not loud, and started and stopped in fits, but slowly, they grew louder and louder.

It was as if all of Zhuo Qingyao’s strength had been sapped away by the cries of the infant. He fell to his knees, one hand pressed to the stone-paved ground, the other covering his eyes, his shoulders heaving. Quiet, desperately suppressed sobs escaped from between tightly clenched teeth, and the sight was more heartbreaking than if he had been wailing openly.

By this time, Grand Princess Liyang had run into the room, and about half an hour later, she emerged slowly, carrying a swaddled bundle. Aunt Ji followed behind her, and slipped away to Mei Changsu to report, “Chief, when I entered, the girl’s breathing had not stopped entirely……but now, she truly cannot be saved. She gave birth to a boy.”

Mei Changsu nodded, his mind blank, not knowing whether to turn to joy or grief. He had not had much interaction with Xie Qi, but the beautiful young wife of yesterday was now no more than a drifting spirit, and he could not help the grief that welled up in his heart.

“Come…this is your son, here he is.” Grand Princess Liyang held back her sobs and placed the infant she was carrying into Zhuo Qingyao’s arms. The young father only lowered his head for a glance before lifting it again in a frenzy, his gaze full of hope.

“What about Qi’er? If the child has been born, then she should be alright, shouldn’t she?”

Grand Princess Liyang looked stricken, but her tears had dried, and there was only a streak of redness left across her cheeks. “Qingyao, take the child away with you and raise him well…. If Qi’er still lived, she would want the child to be by his father’s side….”

Zhuo Qingyao’s steady gaze seemed to pierce through Grand Princess Liyang standing in front of him, seeing into some distant place beyond. The wind blew gently in the courtyard, carrying with it the faint scent of blood. He tightened his arms, drawing the child close to his chest, and stood slowly, trembling.

“Qi’er is my wife, I should never have left her….” Zhuo Qingyao took a few steps forward, then turned back suddenly, his gaze startlingly clear. “I want to take Qi’er with me. In life or in death, we should be together.”

Grand Princess Liyang swayed slightly, her face gray. Her grace and beauty had been wiped away, leaving behind only an aged mother, unable to bear, but having no choice but to bear, the sorrow that had arrived before her.

Mei Changsu did not stay to watch, turning instead to walk soundlessly out of the courtyard. The entire Princess’ manor was deathly still, like a graveyard, and here and there, people stood in stunned silence or weeping quietly, but no one spoke.

Just as when they arrived, no one came forward to question them as they departed. Mei Changsu walked along the main path through the gates and out of the manor. His steps never stopped, and instead picked up speed, faster and faster until he couldn’t breathe and was forced to halt, darkness wavering at the edges of his vision.

He closed his eyes and slowed his breathing. He felt someone holding tightly to his swaying body, and a young voice was in his ear, frightened. “Su gege!”

Mei Changsu lifted his head. He felt a gentle breeze ruffling through his hair, blowing it gently to and fro. When he opened his eyes again, his gaze was as calm as a windless lake, indifferent, cold, steady, and serene, as if he had gotten his feelings under control again, or as if he had never experienced any feeling at all.

“Fei Liu,” he held the youth’s hand tightly as he murmured, “a person’s heart can become hard, did you know?”