Nirvana In Fire

Hai Yan’s Notes:

Regarding Jingrui’s similarity to his birth father, she says that she thought of it like this: Basically the Da Chu prince was being held as a hostage in Da Liang and living somewhere inside the palace where he wasn’t allowed to see outsiders. And Princess Liyang “wasn’t a good little girl” back then, and plus the previous Emperor was rather more lenient than the current one, so she met the hostage and…stuff happened. But no one outside the palace saw the hostage much, and anyway, it’s been twenty years, so even though Jingrui looks more and more like his birth father (the hostage) as he grows up, not many people made the connection, and those who did were people of the palace who knew to keep their mouths shut. And actually the Liang Emperor eventually figured it out and knew it was true beyond doubt, but by that time he really liked Jingrui, and this was still his sister’s son, and anyway Xie Yu hadn’t said anything so he just let it go, and if anyone were to bring it up he would have just suppressed it and buried it, and definitely wouldn’t have actively pursued any leads on it, cuz there’s the imperial face to consider yo.

And as for the hostage Yuwen Lin’s current situation in Da Chu, she has this to say: He is warm and generous (Jingrui takes after him), and lives the leisurely life of a prince, and although his daughter is close to her cousin Yuwen Xuan, he himself seldom interacts with the outside world.

She says this will all come up later in the story, but she’s saying it now because some clever readers are going to ask “Why didn’t anyone realize Jingrui looks the same as some Prince from Da Chu?”

She also says there’s no way to record anyone’s appearance, so even if Jingrui look slike his father, he looks like his father in his youth, and so even if someone saw Jingrui and saw the now-middle-aged Prince with his nice long beard, unless they knew the whole story, they wouldn’t necessarily make the connection right away. Even for Nian Nian, if she wasn’t standing right beside Xiao Jingrui, they probably wouldn’t achieve that jaw-dropping effect.

She goes on to talk a bit more about very persistent readers who might ask why no one had discovered the similarity in all the years of Jingrui’s life (her answer: someone did – xiao Su) and very very persistent readers who might go on to ask “why was it xiao Su who discovered it and why didn’t he discover it earlier” (her answer: ……because that’s how the story works).

And she basically says if you keep asking, then she will be like Yujin face to face with Xia Dong – unable to resist (i.e. defend herself).

The shore of the man-made lake near Rain-Shower Hall was curved, and so its distance from the pavilion varied. Some parts of the shore were covered in willow trees, while others only harboured low-lying grass. Gazing across the lake to the shore in the dark night, one could only make out patches of black and gray, with blurred movement indicating some kind of activity, and those with poorer eyesight could not see what was going on at all.

“Those are the reinforcement troops, right, they’re all running around….” Yan Yujin squinted, trying to see more clearly.

There was silence in the pavilion. A good while later, Meng Zhi coughed and said, “From what I can see, that looks more like……Xie Yu has summoned some of the archers from the Capitol Patrol….”

Xia Dong grabbed Yan Yujin’s cheek, and he tried to dodge, but there was nowhere to go in the tiny pavilion.

“Xiao Jin, how did I not know about your night-blindness? Isn’t your eyesight quite good in broad daylight?” The lady Xuanjing officer teased, eyebrow raised.

“You’re the one…” Yan Yujin was about to retort, but the sudden pain in his cheek reminded him that this was Xia Dong jiejie, and he could not resist against her, and so he only said unhappily, “It’s just that my eyesight gets a tiny bit worse at night, it’s far from night-blindness.”

“Xie Yu must nearly be at the end of his rope, it looks like the external pressure from outside the gates of his manor is strong indeed. But a cornered beast is most dangerous, and though this place is a little distance from the shore, from certain angles, the distance is within range of the archers, so everyone be careful,” Mei Changsu advised.

“Don’t worry, Mister Su,” Meng Zhi laughed. “This is probably Xie Yu’s last stand. Arrows fired from this kind of distance will be considerably weakened by the time they reach us. Let the wounded and the ladies retreat to the back, and with the few of us here, we can hold them off for some time yet……eh, Officer Xia, where are you going?”

“Didn’t you tell the ladies to retreat to the back?” Xia Dong widened her eyes at him. “Do you mean to say I am not a lady?”

But even as she spoke, she was standing again, taking up a guard position at the south-eastern part of the pavilion. Yan Yujin muttered very quietly, “You’ve never been a lady,” and stood at the front as well. Soon, the pavilion was divided into two semi-circles, the inner comprising of the defenseless Mei Changsu and the wounded Zhuo family, and the outer formed by Meng Zhi, Xia Dong, Yue Xiuze, Yan Yujin, Xiao Jingrui and Fei Liu. Yuwen Nian and Gong Yu wanted to join the outer circle as well but there was not enough room, and they were pushed back by the men. Xia Dong couldn’t help chuckling. “Aren’t you all protective of the fairer sex….”

The words had scarcely left her lips when the first round of arrows fell, harder and faster than expected, and the outer circle focused on their defense, not daring to be careless.  The archers on the shore were well-trained, the lines of archers switching seamlessly so that the arrows fell in unrelenting waves.  Yan Yujin, who had always been on the weaker side¹, was soon soaked in sweat, and he missed two arrows in the next onslaught, but fortunately, Xiao Jingrui’s sword flashed beside him and knocked them to the ground as he shoved him to the back with his other hand.  Gong Yu grabbed the sword from Yan Yujin’s hand and took his place.

Mei Changsu helped Yan Yujin sit down beside him, urging, “Take a deep breath and gather your qi, then move it in two circuits around your body, gather it down at your navel, and hold it there for awhile.  Your constitution is not strong by nature, and if you do not adjust your qi well, you will sustain harm to your body.”

Yan Yujin obeyed, closing his eyes and shutting out the noise around him as he breathed slowly.  At first, he was a little distracted, but soon, he was concentrating hard, blocking the chaos around him as he focused on moving the qi around his body and calming his frantic pulse before settling it around his navel, and then letting it disperse bit by bit towards the pain around the different parts of his body.

When he opened his eyes again, he jumped in surprise.  The shower of arrows had stopped, and everyone was gazing soberly at a particular spot on the far shore, but when he turned to look, he couldn’t see anything, and so he turned automatically and grabbed Xiao Jingrui by the sleeve, asking, “Jingrui, what’s going on at the shore?”

As soon as he spoke, he suddenly remembered that Xiao Jingrui was not in an ordinary state of mind at the moment, and he turned hurriedly to see that he was indeed white as a sheet of paper, and he was about to say something comforting when Xiao Jingrui suddenly threw off his hand and plunged into the lake, swimming fast towards the shore.

“Hey….”  Yan Yujin couldn’t stop him, and stamped his foot anxiously.  Xia Dong, standing beside him, sighed.  “We’d better go over there too.”

Yuwen Nian was in the water before she had finished speaking, chasing after the ripples Xiao Jingrui had left in his wake.  Everyone else helped each other into the lake and swam together to the opposite shore.  Although the water in April was no longer frosty, it was still far from warm, and when they emerged soaking into the cool evening breeze, the chill from the water was inevitable.  Meng Zhi kept turning back to look at Mei Changsu, and the latter knew his concern, and so said quietly, “It’s alright, I took medicine.”

There were actually not many people on the shore by the lake.  The Marquis of Ning’s soldiers and Prince Yu’s household troops were locked in a mutual stalemate, and had retreated to the other side of the winding path.  Xia Chun and Yan Que had indeed come hurrying into the manor, and had arrived at the shore before the others had began their swim over from the pavilion.  They were both of a rather reserved nature, and Xia Chun only glanced at his shimei², saying nothing, while Yan Que merely asked, “Alright?”

“Alright, alright,” Yan Yujin did not care that his father had said so little, and besides, by this time, he had taken in the situation around the shore, and all of his attention was being diverted elsewhere.

Xie Yu stood beside the rock gardens, his face pale as death, his normally dark eyes ashen with despair.  Prince Yu stood with his arms clasped behind his back about seven or eight paces away from him, and though his expression was solemn, his face devoid of any smile, somehow, he could not hide the sense of delight he so clearly felt at the scene of misfortune before him.

Both of their gazes were fixed on the same spot.

The Grand Princess Liyang sat in the middle of the dew-riddled grass, her dark hair falling around her face, her robes wrinkled and dirtied.  Clutched in one waxy hand was a long, gleaming sword, resting on the ground beside her.  Her face, streaked with tears, still bore the signs of exertion, her cheeks reddened, her breath coming quickly, the veins in her neck bulging slightly.  Xiao Jingrui sat beside her, supporting her as her head rested on his shoulder, patting her on the back with one hand as he gently wiped her face with his other sleeve, murmuring, “Alright……I’m here……alright…..it’ll be alright….”

“They……are they…..”  Grand Princess Liyang’s eyes were closed, her voice quiet.

“Some are injured…but everyone is alive….”

Grand Princess Liyang bit down hard on her lower lip, her breath still coming rapidly, but she did not open her eyes.

Xia Dong lowered her voice as she turned to her shixiong³, “What happened?”

Xia Chun answered in a voice just as quiet, “I hurried over once I saw your signal and saw His Highness Prince Yu outside the gates.  Then, Marquis Yan also arrived, and Marquis Xie said it was only a small fire set by accident, and wouldn’t let us enter, and it was about to come to blows when the Grand Princess suddenly grabbed a sword, and stopped both sides from starting anything, and then let us all here….  Just what exactly happened tonight?  How did it come to this?”

“Ai……we can’t talk here, I will tell Brother Chun all about it when we get back.”  Xia Dong thought about everyone whose fate had changed so suddenly over the course of this night, and couldn’t help sighing in sorrow and regret.

Mei Changsu saw Grand Princess Liyang’s hand tighten on the sword, and as she started to lift it, he cried out in warning, “Jingrui!”

Xiao Jingrui, a little frightened, immediately took his mother’s hand, saying softly, “Mum…let me hold this sword for you….”

Grand Princess Liyang shook her head and straightened, as if she had finally regained a little of her strength, and slowly lifted her head.  “Do not worry, Mum still has many things she must do……I will not kill myself….”  As she spoke, she stood slowly with Xiao Jingrui supporting her, and then took a deep breath, lifted her head slightly, and with her sword still in hand and her voice cold as ice, she said, “Where is that young lady from Da Chu?”

Yuwen Nian was not expecting to be addressed, and she stared blankly for a moment before regaining her composure, “I, I’m here….”

Grand Princess Liyang turned to her and gazed steadily at her for a long moment.  “My momo told me you bowed to me three times?”

“Yes….”

“Did he tell you to bow to me with the intention of taking Jingrui away from me here?”

“I….”  Yuwen Nian was young, and she stammered as she tried to answer.  “I am of the younger generation, it is right for me to….”

“Listen well,” Grand Princess Liyang cut her off coldly.  “That year, after he escaped, I said that as we are born with passion, so we will not regret our actions.  But we cannot defy the mandate of heaven, and so what is the use in blaming gods or men?  I will accept your bows, but Jingrui came of age long ago, and where he goes is for him to decide, I will not allow anyone to insist or demand anything from him.

Yuwen Nian was overcome by her fierce manner, and only lowered her head and answered, “Yes….”  When she had left the capital of Chu, her father had spent a whole night without sleep telling her about the Princess Liyang he remembered – riding valiantly through a field on her peach-white horse, her pomegranate-red skirts flying in the wind, with a nature like a roaring flame.  But after she had met the real person, she couldn’t help feeling that the reality differed quite a bit from the picture her father had painted.  It was only now that she caught a glimpse of grace and grandeur she must have possessed in her youth.

After these words, Princess Liyang seemed to have regained her composure, and her expression was steady as she slowly pushed aside her son’s supporting arm and walked forward a few steps, saying quietly, “Jinghuan, come here.”

Prince Yu looked taken aback, but as everyone was watching, he could only walk forward obediently, even bowing as he said, “Aunt.”  There was a sudden flash, and then the crisp shining point of the sword was pushing against his chest.

“Grand Princess….”  Xia Chun was shocked, and was about to run forward when Princess Liyang spoke again.  “Jinghuan, you came today prepared to take the Zhuo family away with you, am I correct?”

Prince Yu was calm despite the sword in front of him, and he nodded.  “Although Xie Yu is part of the royal family by marriage, the law of our country does not permit him to act in this way, and the Zhuo family….”

“These kinds of empty words are unnecessary.  I know very well why you do what you do,”  Princess Liyang said coldly.  “I want you now to promise me two things, if you do, then I will not go to speak with the Emperor, nor the Grand Empress Dowager, nor the Empress, and save you much trouble in the future.”

Prince Yu considered for a moment, and then bowed again.  “Aunt, please give your instructions.”

“First, do not condemn anyone guilty by association.”

Prince Yu thought about it.  All those in the Xie family besides Xie Yu were of royal blood, and did not hold any official position in the court, and so were not worth condemning in the first place.  Besides, it was Xie Yu who was the Crown Prince’s right hand, and so tearing him down already fulfilled his purpose, and he did not care about the others, and so he nodded immediately and said crisply, “Alright.”

“Second, treat the Zhuo family well.”

This demand seemed strange, and aside from a few in the crowd who kept their faces blank, most of the others looked a little confused.

Prince Yu saw Zhuo Dingfeng’s expression out of the corner of his eye, and, worried that he would become suspicious, hurried to explain, “The Zhuos are witnesses, their testimony will be important, so I will of course treat them with every courtesy.  Oh, there are also pardons to be considered, let me be responsible for requesting these from His Majesty.”

“I do not mean now.  I mean forever.  Are you willing to swear on the imperial name, no matter whether the Zhuo family is useful to you or not in the future, to never act in any way against their interests?”

Prince Yu needed to draw in Zhuo Dingfeng and use him to topple Xie Yu, and so he seized the opportunity and said, “I respect Chief Zhuo’s great righteousness, and not only in order to use him.  If Aunt does not believe me, what harm is there in making this vow?  I swear, on the imperial blood, and if I harm the Zhuo family in any way in the future, may both gods and men abandon me forever.”

The sword in Princess Liyang’s hand slowly lowered, and she turned, forcing herself to meet the eyes of the Zhuo couple.  Her eyes filled with tears, but she forced them back, and said lowly, “I am a selfish person, I have concealed this from you all these years for the sake of my child, and there is not a word I can say in my own defense.  But my daughter Qi’er is innocent, and she is already entered into the Zhuo clan.  Even if you can bear no lingering ties of affection or memory towards me or my husband, please for the sake of the child, treat her well.”

The Zhuo couple were silent for a long while, and finally, it was Mistress Zhuo who answered, “The Zhuo family are a jianghu clan, and draw clear the lines of our grievances, and do not implicate the next generation.  Qi’er is my daughter-in-law, and if she returns to us with her child, she will naturally be treated as such, the Princess does not need to intervene for her.”

Princess Liyang lowered her head and bowed, her tears falling to the ground, and she lifted a hand and wiped at her eyes before turning to survey her surroundings.  “I must speak with Xie Yu, I pray you all to stay awhile yet.”

There was silence all around her, and it seemed that they were giving their silent agreement.  Princess Liyang patted Xiao Jingrui’s hand, then left him standing there as she walked slowly to Xie Yu’s side, indicating for him to follow her.  The two turned together into the rock garden, away from the gazes of the crowd.  Princess Liyang looked directly at her husband and asked lowly, “Xie Yu, do you hate me?”

Xie Yu looked abck at his wife, and seemed to think seriously before replying, “Even if you did not come tonight, they would have broken in eventually.  Besides, I had indeed made up my mind to kill everyone, so it is hardly surprising that you could not trust me.”

“I was not referring to this…”

“If you mean that year, in the past, I think….”

“I was not referring to that year either.  Even if I cannot face you over the matter of Jingrui, even before that, could you face me?”⁴

Something flashed in Xie Yu’s eyes, but he did not speak.

“You really have never understood what I was thinking….”  Princess Liyang sighed lightly, shaking her head, and then smiled bitterly.  “What I mean is…. a husband and wife should support and help each other, yet tonight, I have protected my three children, and protected the Zhuo family, and even indirectly protected those you had wanted to silence, but have not protected you.  But you……are in fact the person I should protect the most……do you not hate me?”

Xie Yu immediately shook his head.  “If you mean this, then I have never hated you.”

“Why?”

“Because even if you tried, you could not protect me.”

Princess Liyang nodded, saying slowly, “So it is true.  When I saw the risks you were willing to take in silencing them by killing them, I guessed that whatever you had done, it was something from which I could not resolve you, even with my power as Grand Princess.  May I ask, if you are convicted, what will happen?”

“Sentenced to death, and my name wiped from the earth.  The inheritance and noble rank of the Xie clan will also end here.”

Grand Princess Liyang looked at him, sighing lightly.  “If it comes to this, the spirits of your grandparents will know, the spirits of all the ancestors of the Xie clan will know, and what will they think….”

Xie Yu laughed bitterly.  “History is written by the winners, this has been known since the time of our ancestors.”

“Have you truly never thought of doing all you can to keep the name of the Xie clan from falling to ruin?”

This time, Xie Yu immediately understood her meaning, and there was a pain in his heart as he gritted his teeth.

“The Xie clan has been lauded for its achievements for centuries, and its name honoured throughout history, how can you stand to let it be destroyed overnight like this?”  Grand Princess Liyang slowly held out the long sword in her hand towards her husband.  “This is the only thing left that I can do for you, for the Xie family.  Since you have failed tonight, and there is no way out of this alive, then why not die a clean death, without losing the heroic nobility befitting a male of the Xie clan?”

Xie Yu’s expression was wooden as he murmured, “If I die, will the waves cease?”

“At least, I will not let everything come to the surface.  Prince Yu is only a political enemy, he does not harbour true enmity towards you.  He only wants to see you fall, he is not intent on destroying the Xie clan.  I will beg my imperial brother to let me leave, I will abandon my past and become a nun, and take the children with me away from the capital.  That way, Prince Yu will not waste any more time on us.”  Princess Liyang’s gaze was bleak, her expression mournful.  “I cannot protect your life, but at least I can protect your reputation.  If you are lonely in the afterlife, then, after I have settled the children, I will come to keep you company, alright?”

The moonlight illuminated the tears in her eyes as they trailed along her hairline to the tips of her ears.  Xie Yu suddenly reached out and drew her tightly into his arms.  He kissed her cheek and said lowly, “Liyang, no matter what else you think, I truly do love you….”

Princess Liyang shut her eyes tightly, but could not hold back the flow of tears.  In the more than twenty years of their marriage, she had never once returned her husband’s affections, but now, she raised her arms and wrapped them around his waist.

But after this short embrace, Xie Yu slowly pushed her away, and pushed aside the long sword in her hand.

“Xie Yu….”

“I am sorry, Liyang,” Xie Yu’s face was hidden in shadow, his features blurred.  “I do not want to die yet, and I have not yet arrived at the end of the road……let the waves rise.  Until the very last moment, who can know who will win and who will lose?  Even if I lose everything, even if I lose the name and reputation of the Zhuo clan, what of it?  It is only when a person dies that he truly loses everything……even if I die, at least, I will die without regrets!”

¹I think it was mentioned before that YYJ survived some kind of serious childhood illness (that’s actually why his dad started him on martial arts – to improve his health)

²shimei = apprentice [younger] sister (I better start leaving these in their phonetic form because ‘shifu‘ is coming up soon, and I know you all know that one)

³shixiong = apprentice [older] brother

⁴it’s a little subtle, and comes out even clumsier in the translation, but in Chinese I think it’s pretty clear:

“that year in the past” = Liyang’s affair with the Chu prince

“the matter of Jingrui” = same thing (i.e. Jingrui’s true origins)

“even before that” = Xie Yu’s raping Liyang on their wedding night

Translator’s Notes

Liyang.