Nirvana In Fire

When Prince Jing made his request to borrow the book, Meng Zhi was standing about half an arm’s distance from Mei Changsu.  Though he did not turn his head directly to look, the Commander General of the Imperial Guard felt Mei Changsu’s body stiffen, and heard the hitch in his breath when he froze for a moment.

“It is no matter, if His Highness so wishes, then by all means, please take it away with you.”  In the blink of an eye, the moment had passed, and there was a gentle smile on Mei Changsu’s face again, his tone as bland as it always was.

Prince Jing nodded his thanks, tucked the book into his sleeve and turned to leave.  Mei Changsu waited until the stone door on the side of the chamber closest to Prince Jing’s quarters was closed before slowly taking his own leave.  Meng Zhi followed him silently for a few moments before he couldn’t help himself and asked, “Xiao Shu, was there something wrong with that book?”

“No.”

His reply came so quickly that Meng Zhi was a little surprised.  “But, just now, you….”

Mei Changsu’s steps faltered, and something shone in his gaze as he answered lowly, “There is nothing wrong with neither the content nor the handwriting of my annotations, it is only…”

Meng Zhi waited, but he did not continue, and so after a long moment, he asked again, “It is only what?”

“There are two characters in which I omitted strokes out of respect¹.”

“Omitted…omitted strokes?  Which two words?”  Meng Zhi didn’t understand, his eyes wide with confusion.

Mei Changsu coughed slightly and did not answer him directly.  “It is the characters of my mother’s childhood name, which I came across in my annotations.”

“Is that…important?”

“Probably not.  Jingyan does not know my mother’s childhood name, and those two characters are not often used, so in the past, he has never had cause to discover that I omit strokes in those two characters.  Besides, I only omitted the last stroke, so it is possible he may not even notice.”

“Oh,” Meng Zhi let out a sigh of relief.  “Well in that case, why were you so worried just now?”

“I do not know,”  Mei Changsu’s gaze was a little distant, tinted with grief.  “Perhaps it was because, despite everything, the book carries within it the scars of the past, and so a strange nervousness gripped me for a moment.  And then I realized that, in fact, Jingyan will not be able to see it at all….”

By this time, the outermost door to the hidden corridor had opened, Fei Liu’s handsome face peeking in from outside.  Although he had waited a long while, he was instantly reassured by this quick glimpse of Mei Changsu, and he immediately darted back to his own bed and went to sleep.

Before Meng Zhi had gone into the hidden chamber to hide, Mei Changsu had said “we will continue our conversation”, but now it was late, and their hearts were both heavy, and so after a word of farewell, Meng Zhi took his leave.

When Fei Liu had gone to sleep, he had not lit the lamp in the bedroom, and so the only light came from the silver lantern on the desk in the outer room.  Mei Changsu walked over and picked up the lantern.  His gaze roamed over the desk, stopping on the thin brush that still rested there, dark with ink, beside the empty space where the book had been lying just a few hours earlier.  A faint uneasiness arose in his heart.

In this moment, it was as if the past had been spun into a shining silk thread, which had accidentally fallen into Xiao Jingyan’s grasp.  But it was too thin, too fine, for him to ever be able to see.

Mei Changsu let out a deep breath, as if wanting to let go of his turbulent emotions, and picked up at random another book, then carried both it and the lantern into the inner room.  Fei Liu was already deeply asleep, his light snores a peaceful hum in the lonely night.  Mei Changsu glanced over at him, and then silently placed the lantern on the little table beside his bed.  He was just unfastening his outer robes when suddenly, a low voice was heard outside his door.

“Is Chief asleep?”

“Come in,” Mei Changsu answered, taking off his outer robes and laying them on his pillow.  Li Gang pushed open the door and entered, walking over to Mei Changsu and holding out in both hands a tiny bronze cylinder.

Mei Changsu accepted it, and then opened the cylinder with an ease born of long practice, withdrawing from within it a tiny paper scroll, which he unrolled and read, his face expressionless, before dropping it into the flame of the lantern beside him.

“Chief….”

Mei Changsu was silent for a moment, and then answered slowly, “Pay close attention to the household of the Grand Princess Liyang.  If there are any new developments, inform me at once.”

“Yes.”

Originally, he had brought the lantern and book with him into the inner room with the intention of reading for awhile, but now, Mei Changsu seemed suddenly tired, and after delivering this order, he lay down and prepared to sleep.

Li Gang did not dare disturb him any further, and he blew out the lantern before retreating out of the room silently, closing the door behind him.

The wind had risen in the night and rain was falling, the sound of the raindrops hitting the window serving only to emphasize the silence of the room within.

Mei Changsu turned over, away from the window.  In the pitch darkness, his eyes opened, but it was not long before they closed again….

Rhinoceros District was one of many small districts found around Jinling.  Its population did not exceed two hundred, and there was only one main street, on which could be found little stores such as a tofu shop, a small restaurant, and a grocery store.  Aside from market days, when the district became a little busier than usual, the area was otherwise exceedingly quiet.

Early in the morning on this particular day, a small, brightly coloured litter carried by a pair of palanquin-bearers bobbed its way into Rhinoceros District.  Because it had rained the night before, the feet and legs of the palanquin-bearers were coated with yellow dirt.  It was obvious at a glance that this litter had come from the palace road, and by the look of it, its occupant intended to find a place in the little district to stop for a rest.

Aside from a small tea-shop that also offered assorted dim-sum dishes, there was only one other restaurant in Rhinoceros District that sold hot meals, and so the little palanquin, with no other options available to it, turned around at the end of the main street and came to a halt before the small restaurant.

When the palanquin-bearers drew aside the curtains of the litter, it was a female customer who emerged from its depths.  Though it was summer, she wore a face veil, and after entering the little restaurant, she stood at its center and looked around as if in vague suspicion or disapproval, unwilling to sit down.

The restaurant’s owner came forward to receive her, and carefully wiped down a table and chair near the lady before coming forward with a smile.  But just as he was about to speak, the lady suddenly said, “Is Fourth Sister not outside?”

The owner’s smile froze on his round face, but in an instant, he had recovered his composure, and he laid his towel over one shoulder as he answered, “She is resting in the back.  Does my lady wish to enter?”

The lady nodded and followed him to the inner courtyard.  The two palanquin-bearers sat down at a table near the front of the restaurant to keep guard, and poured themselves a cup of tea as they waited.

The inner courtyard was separated from the front hall by only a low clay wall, but the difference between the two was palpable.  There was not the slightest trace of dirt or filth in the inner courtyard, and it was not only impeccably clean, but also bright and comfortable.  Two tall pomegranate trees stood at its center, their branches hanging heavy with fruit.  The owner offered the lady a seat below the trees and walked into a room on the eastern side of the courtyard.  A few moments later, another woman emerged.

“Fourth Sister,” the lady guest immediately stood to greet her.

“Sit.”  This Fourth Sister looked relatively young in appearance, her skin flawless and her brows slender.  Her plain robes and simple accessories could not conceal a natural grace and charm.  It was a wonder how such a beauty could be kept hidden in such a quiet little district.

“It has only been a few years since we last met, but I see that Fourth Sister has grown a few more curves.”  The lady guest lowered her face veil, revealing a lovely smile on her snow-pale skin.

“Yes,” Fourth Sister smiled back.  “It has been a few years, and you yourself are more beautiful and charming than ever.”

“How could I compare to Fourth Sister?  Back in those years, in the prime of Fourth Sister’s beauty, you once took third place in the Lang Ya List of Beauties.  Later, when you disappeared so suddenly into hiding, who knows how many people were left sighing in the wake of your shadow?”

Fourth Sister lowered her eyes, her mouth tightening so slightly it was almost invisible.  Although she made no other movement, she somehow managed to exude a grief that penetrated the hearts of any who looked upon her in that moment.  “Banruo, for leaving you that year without saying goodbye, I am truly sorry.  But I am very tired….  I have not forgotten Shifu‘s kindness and favour in raising and training me, but she herself is no longer here with us, may she rest in peace.  And so… it is time we lived our own lives….”

A fierceness flashed through Qin Banruo’s graceful features, but in the next moment, she was smiling gently again, her tone very steady and controlled as she answered, “What could Fourth Sister possibly mean?  So long as the great task of restoring our nation has not been accomplished, so long as the great dishonour of our nation’s destruction has not been avenged, how can we speak so lightly of giving up?”

Fourth Sister smiled bitterly.  “Banruo, Shifu passed the mantle of leadership to you, so while we were in the capitol, I obeyed your every order.  But there are some things I can no longer refrain from saying.  It has been more than thirty years since our Hua nation was destroyed, and the pain of genocide is not one you nor I experienced first-hand, but rather only one which we inherited from Shifu.  Besides, in those days, there were many warlords fighting over the same piece of land, and in the space of a decade, ten or twenty small nations were swallowed by larger countries, our Hua nation but one of these, so why continue to carry this grief in our hearts?”

Qin Banruo gritted her teeth and said coldly, “So because a nation is small, it must be destroyed?”

“That is not what I meant.  I only wanted you to recognize the reality of our situation.  Back when our Hua nation had its own country, of course we had no choice but to fight for survival.  But we were first invaded by Da Liang, and then taken over by Da Yu, and despite all our best efforts, we could not preserve even a single line of the imperial clan.  Finally, Da Liang seized on claims of rebellion as a pretext to wipe out our entire nation.  We are without country, without root and foundation, and any surviving Hua clansmen have been scattered to the four winds, or assimilated into the Liang people.  We are no longer the nation we once were, and to speak of restoring our country, this is truly easier said than done….”

“So, in the end, Fourth Sister still does not trust me.”  Qin Banruo’s gaze was clear as water, her expression cold.  “If Shifu still lived, with her prodigious mind and cunning genius, I suppose Fourth Sister would not be this discouraged?”

Fourth Sister was pale, as if struck by these words, and she turned her gaze aside.  After a long while, she answered lowly, “It is said that the truly wise are easily broken, and it is because Shifu‘s spirit was so great that she could never have achieved a long life on this earth.  Banruo, although you are highly intelligent, you are nonetheless not the same as Shifu.  Think about it, since she passed on, may she rest in peace, by all your greatest efforts, have you achieved even half of what she accomplished in her prime?  This is the reality of our situation, to achieve this goal without assistance is impossibly difficult, so what is the point of pushing on by force of will alone?”

As Qin Banruo listened, several emotions passed over her face, but by the end, her expression had stilled once more, and her voice was like ice when she spoke.  “Then, by Fourth Sister’s meaning, the destruction of our temples, the murder of our monarchs – this blood enmity need not be avenged?”

“Has not this enmity been avenged?”  Fourth Sister sighed.  “Shifu, in her incomparable wisdom and her peerless understanding of the human heart, manipulated from her hidden position the winds of the palace, and succeeded in turning the imperial Liang

household against itself, in driving suspicion between father and son, and in eliminating the leadership of the Chiyan Army.  Does this not count as revenge?”

Qin Banruo shook her head.  “Though it was the Chiyan Army that exterminated the Hua nation, the origin of the hatred that drove this genocide can only be laid at the feet of the imperial household of Da Liang.  It is a pity the heavens were not willing to give Shifu more time, or surely by her wisdom, even if she could not have restored our country, she would have succeeded in overturning the nation of Da Liang.  Though we are not her equal, you and I, who were raised and trained like sisters together in Shifu’s favour and kindness, we cannot sit by while her will is yet unfulfilled.”

“But, Banruo, Shifu achieved victory in those days through hidden plots and schemes, relying on her mind.  And although you have preserved and managed very well the connections and networks she left for us, if we cannot reproduce the same kinds of schemes, how can we possibly bring her will to reality?”  Fourth Sister’s eyelashes trembled.  “You are now Prince Yu’s strategist, and you are merely using the same strategy Shifu employed of provoking conflict and quarrel between the brothers, and yet the result is far from what she accomplished back then.  Firstly, you misjudged when you chose Prince Yu.  He is mediocre at best, and in fact you might have done better to pick the Crown Prince – at least he is easier to control and manipulate.  And even supposing you did succeed in assisting Prince Yu in destroying the Crown Prince, and then succeeded in destroying Prince Yu in turn – in the end, you would only have weakened Da Liang as a nation, and allowed other nations the chance to benefit from the fruits of your labour.  The distance from this step to the restoration of our Hua nation is still so great as to be nearly immeasurable….”

A thin, icy smile drifted over the corner of Qin Banruo’s lips.  “If there is no hope for the restoration of our nation, then so be it.  If I can ensure that Da Liang too can taste the bitterness of its own defeat and destruction, then I will consider it sufficient consolation for Shifu‘s soul in heaven.  Fourth Sister, after everything you’ve said, what you really mean is that I will not succeed.  But since I have inherited Shifu’s mantle, how could I give up simply because success seems unlikely?  These past years, you have disappeared to live out your days in peace, and in remembrance of our bond as sisters, when have I ever come to disturb you before today?  If it were not for the crisis before me now, I would not have come knocking on your door.  But, Fourth Sister, you have spoken many words of dismissal, but have not yet even asked why is it I have come to find you today, this is bitterly disappointing.”

Fourth Sister lowered her head, remorse in her eyes and regret in her voice as she answered, “Banruo, I have been idle for so many years now, what possible help could I still bring to you?  I did not ask, only because I did not dare to.”

Qin Banruo gazed steadily at her, her lips trembling, a mist rising in her beautiful eyes.  “Fourth Sister, my Crimson Sleeve House cannot last much longer, did you know?”

Fourth Sister’s eyebrows jumped as she cried out, “How can this be?”

“In the past few months, the core members of my Crimson Sleeve House have either died or betrayed me.  We are whittled down to the bone.  The newly recruited girls have not been sufficiently trained, I do not dare send them out freely yet, and so the network is falling apart.  But forget this, even the eyes I have deeply hidden in various households have been rooted out one by one, and I do not dare allow the scarce few I have left in place to make any kind of movement at the moment.  And of late, Prince Yu seems to be gaining more suspicion than favour from his father, and the trust I have cultivated between them for so many years appears to be fracturing like ice under snow.  If I had not taken steps to direct his suspicion towards Princess Consort Yu instead, I fear he would already have turned hostile against us as a result of these false reports….  Fourth Sister, Shifu once urged you to look after me, now the time has come when we must live or perish, will you not help me?”

She spoke so earnestly that Fourth Sister could not help being a little moved, and she sighed lightly as she implored, “Banruo, since we cannot keep going forward, let us take the opportunity to retreat, and live out our days in peace, would that not be a good thing?”

Qin Banruo’s expression was like frost as she answered resolutely, “Fourth Sister may treat me as a stubborn child, but the orders of my master are my earth and sky, and though my talent is limited and thus success difficult to achieve, I will not give up halfway in favour of preserving my own life.”

“You….” Fourth Sister let out a long sigh.  “Alright, what is it you want me to do?”

Qin Banruo’s delight lit up her entire face, and she half-bowed in courtesy before saying, “Banruo wishes to borrow Fourth Sister’s beauty and charm in order to seduce a man.”

¹I think the text explains it well enough but in case you’re still confused:  In (ancient?) Chinese custom, it’s considered disrespectful / taboo to write the characters of your mother (parent?)’s childhood name / pet name, so the way to avoid the taboo is to omit a stroke or two when you write that character.  I dunno.  It’s a respect thing?  I could probably do more research on this but I think you’d all rather I spent the time translating 😉  Maybe someone can shed more light on this in the comments.

Translator’s Notes

(I wish I could post half chapters.  I enjoyed the first half of this chapter much more than the second half, and so the second half took much longer to finish….)

A million apologies once again for all the delays.  I can’t believe it’s been over two months since the last chapter.  (It was also job-finding season, which isn’t an excuse, but maybe contributes to an explanation?  Anyway I will have a job in July now, after intern year ends.  So yay.  But two months.  Did I mention I was sorry?)

Thank you so so so much for all your ridiculously encouraging and generous comments.  I read every single one, but again, I’m pretty sure you guys would rather I spent the time translating than replying.  So that’s what I did!

And I think it’s time I dropped the ‘two week’ promise on the updates, since it just makes me guilty and panicked when I can’t keep that promise (and I haven’t kept it since…what, October?).  So let’s make it official – updates will happen when they happen.  (But still on Sundays…mostly.  Except today.)  I know that’s not helpful.  But I do promise I haven’t given up, and have no intention of doing so.

Thank you for sticking with me ❤ ❤ ❤  Hope 2019 has treated you well so far.

P. S.

This chapter is brought to you courtesy of Chinese New Year (i.e. holiday!)

Happy Year of the Pig 🙂