Nihility [ Isekai • Dragon Evolution ]

I stared at the ceiling after another reset. How long has it been now? I had lost count after fifty loops of me doing nothing but going to the mage's guild and reading book after book after book after book–

This was now starting to feel like a chore more than survival. I even let the loop play out in its entirety once, but the moment I met Jack, I regretted it immensely. I still had panic attacks when dealing with him, even though I knew the source of this was that weird aura pulse. I just didn't know how to make it stop.

The good news was that after so many loops, I finally could walk without wincing in pain every time I moved, the bad was that I still couldn't use skills properly, and [Genetic Dysphoria] still hurt like hell.

And to make things worse, the pain [Genetic Dysphoria] gave me wasn't something you could ignore after so long, no, it still hurt and felt like my entire being was blended with molten metal and poured into a cup of despair with a tiny umbrella of regret.

After drinking the metaphorical drink, I got to the bathroom, spitting the remains of the pillow into the toilet and using water from the sink to rinse whatever was left of it on my mouth before I exited the inn.

I walked with no destination in mind. I was fed up with books after so long just reading them, and yet, because I had to memorize the way to the mage's guild, I found myself in front of it. It was a small trick I learned during the many travels from the inn to the guild. If I checked constantly where I was, I wouldn't fall to the mind mage trying to lead me to an alley.

I sighed. I didn't want to enter the guild, at least not for now. I needed a break from the books and the smell of coffee that was now tainting my nose from the inside of the guild. The problem was that if I started walking around, I would inevitably end up in an alley and then at I don't know where, locked up in a cell, and then I would be stuck there without anything to do.

I sat down on the ground just beside the guild's entrance and stared at the blocked sky. The shield was still there, like it always was, blocking the eventual lightning that struck it, redirecting the massive amount of magicules each bolt contained.

Sitting there, I took a look at my skill list.

Currently, only [Humania Language] and [Soul Damage Resistance] were active, for what I could tell. [Genetic Dysphoria] only activates during the transformation, after that it stays dormant until I activate it again, even the racial skill I gain while transformed isn't directly tied to it, but its on separate skill.

Still, nothing but [Soul Damage Resistance] could help me in my current situation.

I knew that I was recovering, the fact that I wasn't in constant pain anymore was proof, but how long until I was fine again? Hundreds of loops? Thousands?

The thought of having to spend thousands of loops in this city, being scared of Jack, or being kidnapped by the underworld, or having to spend even more time reading and reading, felt like a weight on my chest.

Even though I was sitting on the ground, I felt like I was sinking into an ocean. Each second that passed, I was deeper and deeper in the water, the light dimming around me.

"Are you okay?" A male voice I didn't recognize called out to me, bringing me back to reality.

I looked around and saw an elf wearing white robes in front of me. He was tall, taller than even Farahio, and had long silver hair that seemed to softly glow under the light. His eyes were pale golden and seemed to look directly into my soul, but not in a threatening way. His skin was pale, but not a sickly pale, but more of a delicate pale from someone who never saw the sun in their lifetime.

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"I-I don't know," I answered. I didn't know why, but I felt I could talk with this person. I didn't know if it was a mind trick like the mind mage was doing or something else.

"You seem disturbed. Did something happen?" He said, sitting on the ground next to me. His robes didn't seem to get dirty after sitting on the ground.

I looked at him, still unsure whether to trust him or not. He seemed to notice my hesitation and smiled.

"My name is Luminous. What is yours?" He said. His name sounded familiar, but I couldn't remember where I heard it.

"Denaru," I said, deciding that I at least could give him my name, "Denaru Theris."

"That's a great name, Denaru." He said. "Seems very fitting."

"What makes you think so?" I asked him, but he just smiled and changed the subject.

"So, what makes someone like you sit on the ground next to the mage's guild looking like you're drowning in despair?" He asked me.

"God– Did I really fell that low?" I asked not him, but to myself as I placed my head against the wall and looked at the sky. I always saw depictions of this in various types of media, but I never thought I would be in their place.

I glanced at the elf, who was waiting for me to gather my thoughts with a smile on his face. I sighed. I didn't really understand it, but I decided I could at least trust this guy, at least in this loop. If anything happened, I could change it in the next.

It took me a moment more to gather my thoughts, but I eventually told him about the situation I was in. About Jack, the loops, the underworld, the soul burn, almost everything. I decided to leave the part of my true species and that I was from another world out of the explanation.

"It seems that you've been through a lot," He said, getting up and offering me his hand, which I accepted. His skin, although pale, felt warmer than it should be. He pulled me up so that we were both upright.

Now that we were both standing I could see how tall he was. If I had to judge he had more than two meters in height, looking at the guild's door, he was almost touching the top of it with his head alone. I had to angle my head upwards to look at his face.

He began walking while holding my hand. I had nothing to lose, so I just followed him. I was sure that if someone else looked at us right now would think that I was his adopted child, because that was exactly the type of image I could see when thinking about how we both looked.

He brought me to a high end restaurant and, although some people looked at me funny, no one decided to say anything to me. That was when I noticed that I was still wearing the clothes Farahio had bought me in that village near the dungeon I visited, so I was severely underdressed for this type of place.

"Don't worry about it," He said, almost as if reading my mind. We both sat at a table, and he pushed the menu at me. "You're doing too much at once. I understand that you don't have much of a choice right now, but look at your situation. Is it worth it?"

"I don't know," I said. I didn't know if what I was doing was even worth the pain I was going through. Was looking for Leo, Alex, and the others even worth it? Maybe I should change how I viewed the situation.

Up until this point, all I did was look for a way to find my friends, the sole exception was when I spent a week in the kobold village just a few days after I was reincarnated, or was it hours? I couldn't even remember anymore. I've spent so much time during these loops that it felt like I've been in this world for almost a year, even though not even two months have passed in reality.

"You've been so focused on a single goal that you forgot everything else. Take your time, don't rush things. You're still young and have a very long life ahead. Take it slow, rest when needed." The elf said. "Start with this. Use this loop to do lunch. It seems you haven't actually eaten for a very long time."

I looked at the menu and tried to remember the last time I had eaten something, but couldn't. The loops reset my hunger as well as the rest of my body, so I haven't felt actual hunger yet, and the pain was enough that in the earlier loops, I couldn't think about more mundane stuff like eating.

"I don't remember," I answered back at the elf.

"Then do it now," he said, pointing to the menu that he had pushed in front of me. "Don't worry, I'll pay for it. it's not like your next loop I will have used the money anyway, right? So, just once, take it slow and let yourself enjoy life."

I looked at him, then at the menu. There were lots of entries in the paper-like menu in my hands. There were no pictures, so I didn't know what I was actually asking, but I decided to not abuse of the elf's goodwill and called the waiter over and asked for some of the cheapest items on the menu, but the elf interrupted and asked the waiter for several of the more expensive stuff.

Even without [Mathematical Cortex] to sum up the total, I knew it was several gold coins on food alone, but when I tried to interject, the elf cut me off.

"Nuh uh. You need to learn how to stand your ground. Just like dragons fight for territory outside of the Dragon King's territory, you need to fight for yourself. Don't let others step over you." I stopped before I could say anything back. Was it just a coincidence that he talked about dragons? It must be, I didn't tell him about my true species at all, so there was no way he knew I was a dragon.

I kept thinking about what he had said until the food arrived. It took five trips with a small cart for the waiter to finish placing the food in the table, and when he was finished the table was filled with different types of food.

I could see a massive cylinder of meat, there was no other way to describe it, with a white sauce and several purple leaves. On the side, there were several sauce pots and what looked like a slice of bread with several vegetables inside it. Next to it, there was what looked like a cake with chocolate topping.

I looked at the elf, but he simply nodded and pointed to the food. I accepted it and started to eat to my heart's content.

"When everything starts to feel overwhelming, take a moment to focus on yourself. Feel the flow of your magicules, take a deep breath, smell the air. Only after you find yourself again that you think about what's next," he said while I ate.

It took me around an hour to eat everything, and I felt filled to the brim after it. If I were to eat anything else I felt like I would throw up, but it was good, one of the best things I've eaten since I reincarnated. I even forgot about all my problems for a while, it was that good.

"I want you to do something, now." Luminos, the elf, said. "I want you to leave this restaurant and go to the portal plaza. Sit by the pond there and forget about everything for a while. There will be only you and the pond. Can you do it for me?"

"I can," I said, smiling slightly.

After a nod from him, I got up and exited the restaurant, going towards the portal plaza. Unfortunately, even if I wanted to ignore my problems, they came back to knock on the door. When I noticed where I going, I was back in an alley.

I sighed, and before I could be knocked out, I triggered the loop. Everything the elf told me? It did help for a moment, but reality had other plans, it seemed. At least it was fun, and I was able to eat a delicious food I wouldn't have been able to normally.

I watched as everything I did this loop was undone as time rewound itself until I was back on the inn's bed, staring at the ceiling for a long time.