Newly Broke Heroine! [Cozy, Fantasy, Slice-of-Life]

“Ah, everything is in order.” Fiona let out a sharp exhale of delight as she went through her list of items from the dragon. Said list had been carefully crafted by Greg, who had caught her headed out the door and decided to tag along. “Look at all this stuff! An armoire of invincibility! An invisibility cloak that, quite frankly, is a little too easy to misplace! And look at that sword!”

She beamed as she pointed to a runic sword that looked a little Nordic, with a massive hexagon-cut green gem embedded into the hilt. She swore it was getting noisy again, asking for a champion with a voiceless whisper. Where did the dragon get this one, anyway? “I mean, look at this stuff, how it shines!”

“Yes, it's quite a pile of inventory. And all of it is beyond the means of most people to afford,” Greg commented drolly as they paced around the large storage room, filled top to bottom with treasure and artifacts. “Fiona, I worry there's so much unrealized money here. I think King Barry knows you can't possibly move it all in time. I believe he set you up to fail, and knew the dragon had no coin to pay this absurd tax rooted in a spiteful legislative history."

“Nonsense! I've got a great idea! Pay-as-you-go plans!” she declared with a fist pump. Greg looked unconvinced by this, and tapped his pen against his notes calmly.

“Okay. How does that work?” He pondered while they walked around and checked a small gold statue of the dragon. How vain, indeed. Doug probably wasted a ton of money on that one!

“Well, see Greg, when you can't pay all at once, you agree to pay off the amount owed in like, a year, or six months, or whatever! You set the term, you set an interest rate, and that person promises to make regular payments. It’s a miniature loan! You make more money in the long run, and they can afford it right off the bat! Longer loans naturally get higher interest rates, because of the risk of loaning to some dude who could run off.”

“Following that hypothetical, what happens if they make a promise, buy it, then run with it?” Greg inquired aloud. Fiona pulled out the inert handle of her Bahn hammer, clicked it into shape, and grinned.

“Then it gets repossessed, of course!” Greg eyed this display of aggression, and she saw his lips slowly crease downward. “What?”

“The weapon is for slaying monsters, not people, Fiona,” he rebuked before motioning a large scritch of a pen through something on the page.

“What if we just set it to ‘humiliate’ mode instead of–”

“Fiona, please discontinue this terrible idea.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose, as if this discussion pained him. She clicked the weapon back into its compact shape after relenting. “Alright, how about a half-way idea, Fiona? People offer up collateral. If the loan terms aren’t met, we take possession of the item, and the collateral as forfeiture of the agreed-to terms.”

“Yes, Greg, that was my next idea. I don’t want someone driving off the lot, so to speak, and then screwing us on the bill. Plus, we can vet our clients,” she offered with a hand wave. “I wouldn’t loan to some guy who couldn’t make a decent down payment, anyway. That’s just a terrible practice in general.”

“Who are our clients, anyway? We’ve established rich, affluent, eccentric, and a lot of other five gold coin words, but I’m not hearing a sales pitch–”

“Adventurers,” she announced with a snap of her fingers. He leaned in, eyes alight with interest. “Most of this stuff is beyond the means of commoners or middle class, even. But, there is one express route to fast fame and fast-burned fortune: adventuring. The guild has a lot of money, but a lot of expenditures for magical equipment, potions, and other consumables! And, in the long term, if people have loot they can’t possibly use, we take it and buy it from them, so they don’t have to deal with the hassle of selling it themselves. We take a cut of the profit. I mean eventually, I’ll sell this dragon’s whole hoard, and then what? I’m not gonna sit in an empty building,” she shrugged. “Plus, adventurers are cool and all, but a store is a commitment.”

Greg considered this proposal and eventually nodded. “It is another slice of the market. I like your approach, but keep in mind, most adventurers retire–or are eaten–before they accumulate vast sums of coins.”

“Yeah, Jake could easily send a bunch of his mid-tier guys here on a referral. Instant business! I’ll probably cut a little discount for them, but I still need to pay off this albatross on my neck,” she added as she perused the boxes, and her face morphed into disgust once she opened one. “Ew. Speaking of dead birds, I found one.”

“What is that–oh, that is

“Resurrection, with strings attached?” She slammed the box closed, and Greg’s notes fluttered from the abrupt breeze. “Nah, I don’t feel like playing with dead things for money just yet. Those wandering skeletons I found all over the place in dungeons weren't fun company, either. They didn’t have any humerus in their body.” She flashed a wink at him, and he just stood there, looking blankly at her. “Humerus? Like the bone?”

“I believe that joke is dead now,” he stated with no emotion as she grabbed a few other smaller items, and stuffed them into the bag. She then peered into another crate, and pulled something she didn’t recognize from earlier.

“Man, this dragon liked his riches. What is with this little golden egg thing?” She pondered as she held a gold-plated, scaly textured egg the size of a football up for viewing. It felt warm to the touch. “Ooh, I wonder if this will hatch! Why’d that dragon have an egg sitting in storage? Oh my gosh, did I just commit egg-napping?” She gasped.

“Fiona, that's just a decoration, it's not a real egg,” he sighed. Then, he peered closer. “I mean, I'm pretty sure it's not real.”

“It feels pretty heavy. Eh, you know what, I'll keep this one. The tax office put a goose egg on this one, which means it's a freebie.” She snickered at the unintentional pun, and Greg was struggling to remain silent. She tucked it into her satchel for safekeeping, and proceeded to examine the rest. “Alright, I can't move all this stuff at once. What else do we have?”

“Gemstones are a moderately priced commodity, those we should move without difficulty. Mages always need them for raw spell components,” he suggested. She grabbed a pack of them, low to moderate cost, and tossed them into the dimensional bag. “We can try a few of these exquisite armor sets to attract buyers too, maybe?”

“And some of the weapons and equipment. We need capital to keep the tax office off my back. Nothing like having someone breathe down your neck, while running a business. It takes all the fun out of it.” She pulled out a small whip that, once she flicked it outward like a bull whip, charged it with vibrant blue energy. “Yes, the tried and true grappling beam! I’m keeping this one. I may still have my shot at being Indra Janes!” she announced proudly.

“Fiona, you realize that you actually need to sell these items,” he said while tapping the notes impatiently.

“Nah, this might look expensive, but it isn’t. A good find like this is a thousand gold, tops. Which is peanuts compared to the rest,” she countered while giving the item a reassuring pat. He raised an eyebrow at this assertion.

“How do you know that?”

“What, you thought I wasn’t paying attention to my co-workers?” she asked slyly. “I learned quickly what is high value, and what isn’t. Stuff that’s easy to carry and high value should come first. Big, bulky stuff is low-tier. Coins are ironically dead last, unless it’s platinum coins, because those are lighter and worth way more than gold coins. Gold is heavy, man!”

“The gold equivalent certificates are quite nice, provided you find a bank within their arcane network. I still worry that someone will find a way to fake them. Plus it’s nice to not have a huge weight on my hip,” Greg mused. He walked over an armor on the stand, which looked like rime frost continuously formed, and melted off the metal plating. “Miss Swiftheart, a test of your business acumen. I recognize this type of armor, but pretend I’m a buying customer.”

She walked over to the armor stand and snapped a light into her fingers with a glamor that Bonnie had taught her. That small point of light shone on the innards of the armor, and she pointed out a small release inside the armband. “Fast-release armor. If you press that button, the chest piece and the major components will snap off. A subtle but great feature if you need to get armor off in a hurry. This is a regular frost rime armor set, great against anything that wants to set you on fire, terrible if you want to go chill with a penguin.”

“Good. What else can you tell me, Miss Armor Enthusiast?” he inquired with a hint of a smirk. Greg could do smirks? She thought he hadn’t done enough face-stretching sessions yet!

“Alright, advanced stuff. This set also has a rune that activates a chilling radial blast. The intensity is based on how much juice you put into it. The plating is well insulated, and the range of motion is nearly unencumbered, but my goodness, don’t let someone get near you with a pike or other thrusting weapon!” She made a playful flourish with her inert weapon handle. “Oh, and it’s great for hot summer days, too. Walking around in plate armor is no fun for long distances, let me tell you. Oh, and this one will also give clarity of mind with the helmet attached. I thought that was in here, it must still be in a box.”

“And what is your asking price?” he asked. Fiona frowned, and thought of the strengths and weaknesses.

“Thirty thousand, five hundred. The plate is a little more susceptible to a piercing attack, something to do with the alloy. The rune is custom and specialized, which adds great value for anyone who can use magic, but isn’t a focused wizard or a mage by occupation,” she added a light bow. “Add the helmet, you’re looking at another four thousand, five hundred gold.”

Greg peered at his notes, and made a couple of scribbles. “I came up with thirty-seven thousand, two hundred gold. A delta of less than ten percent. Well done, but I think you undervalued the rune effect. These are not common or easy to make, even Bonnie has told me as such.”

“Ah, sly little vixen, she has been teaching you things,” Fiona stated with her hands on her hips and smirking. “Alright then tough customer, fire away. See if I can hit the mark.”

“Oh let’s see. That ornamental sword, there,” he mused after throwing a wayward finger at a few propped-up weapons in sheaths. She picked up the golden-plated sword and presented it to him, while he set down his notes on a crate, and she presented her pitch.

“Orcithalum gold blade, mithril core. It’s light, is effective against monsters with high levels of self-healing properties, and it enhances the user’s speed and perception times when activated with their mana. The grip is textured, the enchantment work is clean, and the blade needs little maintenance, since the materials don’t degrade or rust. The only flaw is, don’t try to punch through armor with it, it won’t work well. This is a great conditional weapon for your average adventurer, and training with it isn’t too intensive. Yours, for the low asking price of five thousand, eight hundred gold.”

She tried to get a read on his expression, and he held the balance gently after she handed him the weapon, scabbard and all, and he took a few steps back, pulling the blade and giving it a few flourishes. She noted that his stance was…uncannily good. His footwork as he swung the blade lightly, the little effort he used to make the blade point move, was a subtle showmanship.

She would know, she’d seen this technique taught to her by Jake, and some of the other new recruits. In battles with giant monsters, conservation of strength, and landing grievous blows with minimal energy spent, was key. Was Greg an adventurer, at one point?

He sheathed the weapon just as suddenly, and handed it to her gently, a faint glow of approval on his face. “Very close to the mark. Six thousand gold. The balance work of the blade is excellent, even for such a specimen, hence the extra value. Excellent appraisal, Miss Swiftheart.”

“What can I say? When I was beating up giant monsters, I knew what I needed,” she stated with a flutter in her chest, and felt like the warehouse was all too quiet, all of a sudden. “Wish I could use that to bring some ammo against Barry’s rampant overvaluation of my items for his theft of my dignity, and snacks. But, I’ll beat him eventually. He’s my quest to conquer, now.”

“I would ridicule the way you downplay the current residing king as some scheming villain. But to be honest–you do have a level of enthusiasm that is quite endearing to many. Despite your eccentricities, Miss Swiftheart,” he added. She anxiously rubbed her cheek as he picked up his notebook again, and smoothed the wrinkles on his vest. “Well, onto other tasks?”

“Yeah, staging and getting all the security wired up. Bonnie has some plans for that.” She also grabbed one particularly plain idol made of brass, adorned with a large eagle and a particular crest emblazoned on the chest. “Also, my little litmus test.”

“Say what now?” he faltered, and rubbed his hand to his chin. “That looks…quite plain. In a pile of very other expensive things. I am quite at a loss at why you want to bring that…quite frankly, cheap item to a store that will be offering premium products.”

“Just trust me on this one,” she insisted with a polite smile. He shrugged lightly, and scribbled in his notes.

“Alright, let’s finish up. We’ve got plenty of work ahead of us, and I do think we’ll need an announcement to garner an opening crowd.”

“Jake’s party is the prime place to make the announcement,” she said with a grin and clapped her hands together. “Everyone rich, affluent, or in need of this stuff will be there, and I am gonna owe Jake double favors for this.”

“By my count, I think that scale is still tipped quite heavily in your favor,” he commented before closing his notebook. “I’ve logged inventory, let’s get going.”

One last closing thought before they locked up, was the fluidity of Greg’s motions when he held that sword. He was no stranger to the life of adventure or needing to defend himself. But, why had he never talked about himself? She’d have to peel the rind off of this tasty fruit, first.

She realized something else, as she hefted the bag filled with items. It felt almost too light, even given the compressed dimensional space. "Greg, remind me. What uh...what kind of powers do merchants get again? I didn't do much reading on the exact subject."

"Mostly enhanced appraisal skills, and some acumen when it comes to negotiation and social grace. It's considered at best, a social class. Why?" He peered at her in curiosity.

I...never mind. Let's go."

Wanna know where it's going?! Check out the Patreon, where we're up to chapter 30+, so go check it out! The first people who sign up will be able to sign on at a 25% discount compared to the normal tier, but slots are limited! Don't wait, go check it out today! (Magius acquires the Merchant Class to make the sale...)

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