Naruto: The Unwoven Threads of Fate

The Next Morning

Sasuke is still here. I checked, I woke up before him. Everyday that passes the Sound Four could be here. I should have a couple of days, maybe. If there is a spy in Konoha reporting to Orochimaru on Sasuke, they have to send a report and then the Sound Four will be deployed. It should take a day or two for them to get here. So basically each day that passes the odds jump up that he'll leave. I don't like it, but all I can do is wait.

I start packing my clothes and things. No time like the present, I might as well move into my new place. Once I have all my stuff packed, I have surprisingly little, I leave. Sasuke isn't awake yet, I figure I'll let him sleep more. He needs it.

He's been trying to hide it but he's taken Sakura's death hard too. Neither of us have gotten a true good nights sleep in what feels like forever.

I take the civilian route this morning, I've been woken up before from footfalls on the roof. It is not a pleasant thing to wake up to, so I try to not run of roofs in the mornings. That being said, I'm probably good enough to not make too much noise but it is common decency.

"Alvarcus Mar?" Someone calls out to me from behind.

I look over my shoulder, it's a gennin runner. Tsunade is using the fresh from the Academy gennin to run messages for her. It is a smart use of D-rank missions, it gets gennin experience finding people and how to handle sensitive information.

"Yeah that's me. Walk and talk, I have stuff to do." The gennin falls in step beside me. "Make yourself useful." I toss one of my two bags at him.

"OOF! What's in this thing? It's so heavy!" The gennin staggers under the weight of a bag. How cute, physical conditioning is going to be hell for him.

"Nothing much. Just every piece of clothing I own." I smile to myself, I just got free labor. Thanks random gennin!

"Seriously?" The gennin swings the band onto his back, basically making it into a backpack even though it is more similar to a duffle bag.

"Yeah, I'm moving. You just caught me when I'm in the process. What did you want with me anyways? I don't do autographs." I say very seriously. The joke flops, the gennin just rolls his eyes.

"Hokage-sama wants to talk with you." He shares the reason for seeking me out. "Within the hour."

"I'll see her after we drop my stuff off."

I start walking to my house with the gennin following me. It is quite funny, he can leave at anytime. I have no authority over him but he listens to me anyways.

The gennin keeps glancing at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention. His eyes dart to my neck, more specifically my jagged white scar.

"Never seen a scar before?" I sarcastically ask. He's not being subtle at all.

"Sorry. I was being rude." He has the decency to look ashamed.

Good, not everyone would react how I did. Others could be more physically expressive.

"It's just... how did you get it? It looks like your head got cut off."

I pin the gennin with an icy glare. "Kid. You're on very thin ice here. You broke one of the unspoken rules: Don't ask about scars. Almost every scar is associated with a bad memory, don't bring them up. Ever." He is visibly cowed, his head is hung in shame and his whole body is limp in disgrace. "Lucky for you, I don't react badly to questions. Usually." I lazily tilt my head to see the gennin. "They taught this in the Academy."

"I may have missed that day..." The gennin says quietly. He looks like a kicked puppy.

I sigh, I can't be mad at him for asking. I do display my scar to the world so people will ask, but I didn't expect a gennin to have the courage or stupidity to ask. I'll cut him some slack. "You were right, I did get my head cut off."

His jaw drops, he's staring at me in disbelief. He's shocked so badly that we walk the rest of the way to my new house in silence.

"Is it true?" The gennin asks me while we are setting my bags down on my couch.

"Is what true? You have to be more specific." He carried my bag, I can answer a question in return.

"That you are... the Heart Thief." He looks very nervous right now, almost like he regrets asking. He must think I'm going to react violently. "They say you killed a Suna shinobi and took his heart during the invasion. Is it true?"

That was a bad day. Easily my worst day ever.

"Yeah. It's true. So they are calling me the Heart Thief? Could be worse."

"It's really you?" Now he sounds surprised. This gennin isn't making any sense.

"Kid, make up your mind. Either accept it, or don't. It's me. And no, I will not show you the heart." He's starting to irritate me.

"But you're so nice!" He exclaims. "How can someone as nice as you steal hearts? It just doesn't make sense."

"The world is messed up like that." I sigh, I should explain a little. "The guy who I took the heart from killed my family. I don't do that to just anyone, you have to earn that treatment from me. I don't enjoy killing, but I have no qualms against it."

The gennin goes quiet at my words.

"I didn't know about your family. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

Great, now he is self loathing.

"Kid listen. I don't blame you for not knowing. You have to remember that we're shinobi, most memorable events in our lives will be about death. Either you lose someone or you avoid it or you cause it. Just keep in mind that some shinobi won't react as nicely as I did. Honestly its better to ask once you've befriended someone, or you absolutely have to know. Treat titles like you would scars. You now know not to ask me how I have this scar on my neck because I might react badly. Same concept."

The gennin strikes a thinking pose, one arm folded across his chest and the other vertical with his and in a fist beneath his chin. It's adorable, like a puppy.

"I've never thought about it like that. Thanks for the advice. So does that make us friends?"

"Ha-ha! I don't even know your name kid! How can we be friends?"

This kid has charisma, I'll give him that. Only from this one conversation I find myself liking him.

He looks baffled. Why does he look baffled?

"Do you really not know me? I'm the Third Hokage's grandson."

Oh, Konohamaru. I forgot he existed. That's bad, he's a relatively prominent character. My future knowledge is fading.

"Who cares if you're the third Hokage's grandson? I didn't ask who your gramps is I asked who you are."

"I'm Konohamaru. You really don't care I'm the Third's grandson?" Konohamaru looks unsure, like he doesn't quite believe me.

"I'm on a team with the Last Uchiha. He isn't the Last Uchiha to me, he's just Sasuke. I don't judge people based on their family, I judge them for them. For all I care you could be the Raikage's kid and you'd still be alright in my book."

"Really?"

He sounds so happy. He must still be stuck in the shadow of his grandfather. That's gotta be really annoying.

"You mean it? You don't care?"

"Not one bit." I assure him. "Now, it's lovely chatting with you but I believe Tsunade summoned me. We can talk some other time. If you can find me, I can't guarantee I'll be in the village. I'm basically a chunin in all but name. It's very annoying, I have the job but none of the perks. Stupid Hokage and wanting to make a point."

Hokage's Office

I walk into the Hokage's Office boldly, Konohamaru is right behind me. I don't know why he followed me, he's stuck to me like glue. Oh Kami, did I become his role model?

"Sup Tsunade? You summoned me?"

Konohamaru visibly recoiled at my informal greeting. Tsunade just smiles.

"There's the spunk I'm used to! I have a mission I need you to do." She throws me a scroll.

"I'm on leave for the next two days. You know that, you're the one who gave me the time off." How could she have possibly forgotten that?

"I know. I'm cutting it short." She says in a no nonsense tone. "There is a group of bandits harassing civilians on the road to Otafuki Gai. I need you to take care of them."

This sucks, I'm supposed to be on leave. "Why me? Send someone else. Someone not on leave perhaps?"

Tsunade grimaces. "I... may have made a bet with the client."

"Really? Enlighten me." You have got to be kidding me. She made a bet with a client?

"He implied that we weren't capable."

I snort.

"I know, us not capable? How ridiculous. I said we could have it done within the day, and he demanded I put my money where my mouth is. If we finish the C-rank today he'll pay the price of a B-rank. If we don't he owes us for a D-rank."

"That's nice and all, but why me?"

"Oi. Konohamaru. Out." Tsunade orders. "This is a mission briefing, why are you even here?"

"But why? This is interesting!" He pleads his case to stay. He didn't do a good job.

"Either you walk out, or you fly out. Pick one." Tsunade lays down the law.

"Eh, let him stay. It'll be a good experience for him, he can see what a real mission briefing is like." I intervene on his behalf. That being said, it would be hilarious to see Tsunade throw him out a window.

"If he stays he goes with you on the mission." Tsunade threatens. "Still want him to stay?"

"I'll go with you! I'll be really quiet and stay out of your way and everything!" Konohamaru's eyes are full of hope. I think I just upgraded from role model to hero. "I'll even carry your mission bag if you want."

Actually that isn't a half bad idea. Since she wants me to go after bandits attacking civilians I could use Konohamaru and we could pose as a pair of young brothers visiting family or something. There's just one minor problem, I don't know if he's done something like this before. I don't know if he's killed.

"Depends, there's going to be killing on this mission. Have you killed someone before?" I ask him.

"...No." He quietly says. Most of his enthusiasm is gone. "I haven't even been outside of the village before."

So he probably hasn't seen anyone die either, I can guarantee he was in a very safe place during the invasion. "I'm sorry Konohamaru, you shouldn't come with me on this. I'm the last person you want to help you through your first kill."

"But why not? You were so nice earlier, you explained the whole scars thing to me and it made sense! You're way better than the teachers at the Academy."

"Really now?" Tsunade has a dangerous gleam in her eyes. I'll worry about that later.

"Konohamaru-"

"I want to go with you! I can do this!" There's a fire in his eyes. He truly thinks he is ready. I know he's not, he won't be for a long time still. He probably never will, I wasn't ready for my first kill either. I'm not sure anyone is ever truly ready for the first time they take a life.

"Konohamaru I'm a gennin."Sure I have the skill set of a chunin but I'm still not one. "I can't lead a mission, hell I shouldn't be getting a solo mission!"

"But she's already bending the rules for you! What's one more?" He eagerly barks out.

"Alright, this is a waste of my time." Tsunade got tired of waiting. "Konohamaru you can't go."

"But why?"

"I need this mission done fast. The reason I'm picking Alvarcus to do this is because right now he's the fastest shinobi I can spare. I'm pulling him off of leave time just for this, he can't waste time taking care of you. Not on this mission."

"This is so unfair!" Konohamaru stomps out of the office.

"Maybe next time don't give him a chance to go on the mission. You're lucky I didn't think he should come." I turn back to her. "Anyways, I shouldn't even be here. Why did you choose me?"

"I picked you because of the Jiongu."

Things turn serious. The time for joking is over.

"Explain further please. I don't follow."

Tsunade leans forward on her desk, supporting her head with her hands.

"You don't get tired. You can literally sprint there and back. You have overwhelming jutsu at your command. You can make up to four extremely durable monsters that are capable of using jutsu. You're perfect for Search and Destroy missions. The only thing that could make you any better at them is if you had any knack for tracking or sensing."

I think over what she said. She does have a point.

"I've never thought about that before. The Jiongu does have minor sensing capabilities, it can tell what affinity each person has. That's how it knows which elements I need."

"Even better. I could use you to go after missing nin." Tsunade grins maliciously. "Imagine that, you leave Konoha and we send our Heart Thief after you."

"Great." I groan. "That nickname is staying isn't it?"

"Oh?" Tsunade looks surprised. "I thought for sure I would be the first to say it to you. I didn't think anyone else had the courage. Who told you?"

"Konohamaru." I smirk. "Kid asked if I really was the Heart Thief. We had a nice chat about it. I think that's why he stuck around me so much."

"Really? You didn't lash out at him?" Tsunade picks up a mug of coffee. It's good she's not drinking. Yet. Shizune must be keeping her in line.

"Why would I? It's a title, a nickname. It's also very accurate. It could be much worse, like the Legendary Sucker." I smirk. "Are you sure that title is from gambling?"

Tsunade crushes the mug with her bare hand.

"Want to say that again?" She's mad, oh she's really mad.

"I believe I have a time sensitive mission to go to. I'd love to stay and chat, but alas I have no choice but to leave now. Preferably before you crush me into a paste." I dive out the window.

"Get back here brat! You need to be taught a lesson!" She roars at me. "I'll only break a few bones!"

Jokes on her, I don't have bones.

"Nope! I'll see you in a few hours. Bye!"

On the Road to Otafuki Gai

"Alright, solo mission as a gennin. This happens all the time. No it doesn't Tsunade just likes you or knows you're at chunin level. If I have to take those damn exams again I'm going to destroy everyone. I need to find the bandits, simple enough. I just need to tail some civilians, the bandits will attack them and I'll jump in as the hero. Perfect. I can probably finish this today. Let's see, I was awake at 6am, got into the Hokage's office at around 8am, left the village around 8:30am, got to here at around noon. So I have twelve hours before today is over. I got this!"

It doesn't take too long for civilians to show up. It's a family, two parents and an adorable little girl. They're heading to Konoha from Otafuki Gai, and are merrily chatting among their selves. Perfect, if they were harassed by bandits already they wouldn't be this happy and carefree. They're also prime bandit targets, they have a child that will be easy to overpower and threaten the parents with. The world is a cruel place.

I tail the family from the trees for the better part of two hours before the bandits make their move. They're armatures. It's a group of ten bandits, they literally are hiding in the bushes on the sides of the road. That's right, their plan is to all stand up at once and intimidate the civilians into handing over their valuables. It is going to be five minutes before the family is in the ambush zone. I'm not going to let that happen.

~Do we get to kill them?~

I slink over to the north side of the road and position myself behind the bandits.

Alright how am I going to do this? I don't want something flashy to alert the other bandits, if they think they're being attacked they might run away and I really don't want to track them all down. That means most of my jutsu is out. It also means any noisy kill move is out too, so sneaking up behind them and snapping their necks is a no go.

When in doubt go back to the basics.

I pull out five kunai and use my chakra strings to throw them all at once. Each kunai lodges itself in the base of their spines. Easy. I move up the road away from the bandits and the approaching family to cross the road. I double back on the south side of the road this time to the other five bandits. They aren't even hidden well. Disgraceful. I sheath five more kunai in flesh. Bandits are too easy to kill, they had no idea I was even here.

~Disappointing. You should have used me, it would have been more enjoyable.~

I ignore the Jiongu. I refuse to enjoy killing. It's just a job, a task.

A few minutes later the family walks past. None of them notice me or the ten corpses. Once they are a sufficient distance away I dispose of the corpses. Basically I puppeteered them all into a pile and I opened up a big hole in the earth and buried them all. Usually we're supposed to cremate the bodies but I'm missing a fire heart so I can't do that.

There is only one thing I take from them, their matching armbands. I figure the client wants proof that the group was dealt with and this is a good way to prove it. They wouldn't willingly part with their own symbol, and it shows I killed all ten of them.

"That was an easy mission. Oh Kami, I'm becoming desensitized to killing. I just added on ten to my kill count and my first thought was that was easy. What's that put me at? Twenty? Thirty? I don't even know anymore. Freak out later, go back to Konoha so Tsunade wins her bet. I don't want to be on her bad side."

Without further ado, I start to sprint back to Konoha.

Hokage's Office

"Alvarcus Mar, reporting mission success."

Tsunade grins eagerly. "Mission success? Wonderful news. You'll be paid for a C-rank mission."

"OI! That's not right! You said if I got it done today it would be a B-rank!" I don't want to be shorted on my mission pay.

"Consider this punishment for your comment earlier. Unless you'd rather submit to some very... invasive medical procedures. I'm okay with either I'd love to see what makes the Jiongu tick."

"C-rank pay you said? Sounds more than generous." I will not be doing that, no thank you.

"That's what I thought." Tsunade smiles in victory. "Anything noteworthy happen on the mission?"

"Uh... yeah. Sort of. I mean I wouldn't classify it as noteworthy or really important, but it definitely is odd." I ramble on. "Honestly I'm still kind of surprised about it."

"What happened?" She's serious. The playfulness from earlier is gone, we're all business now.

"That's just it. Nothing happened." I begin to explain. "I can't remember the last time I had a mission that didn't spiral out of control in some ridiculous way. This mission is weird because it was normal."

"Squirt, while I do admit your mission history is chaotic at best, not every mission will be like those. Enjoy the easy ones. Now unless you have something that's actually important to say, get out of here."

"Oh yeah I brought you a present." I reach into my mission bad and pull out all ten of the armbands from the bandits. "I figured the client would demand proof, so I brought these back. Every member had one. Must be their symbol or something." I set them down on her desk.

Tsunade nods in approval. "Good thinking. No doubt he will demand proof. Now scram squirt! I have a village to run!"

Uchiha Compound

"OI!" I knock on Sasuke's door ridiculously loudly. "You there Sasuke?"

"Yes! Don't break my door! Jeeze, could you hit it any harder?" He grumbles in response.

"If you want me to I could kick it."

He opens the door and glares at me.

"No. What do you want? I thought that since you moved out I wouldn't have to see you everyday."

"I wanted you to come see my new place. This way you know where it is."

With a groan Sasuke caves into my request. "Fine. I'll see where it is, then I'm gone. I want to relax today. Alone."

We leave his house to go to mine, it isn't that far away. We made good time and are there within a few minutes.

"Well here we are. Now you know where I live."

"I half expected you to move back into your parents house."

I grimace. "I couldn't. I'd remember them everyday if I lived there. I'd remember them dying. I have no idea how you do it."

With a grim face and determination in his eyes Sasuke says, "It's a reminder, my motivation. It reminds me of my reason to hunt down my brother. It pushes me forward."

That is some twisted logic, but I can't deny the results. Sasuke is one hell of a shinobi for his level of experience.

"Alright, I saw your house. See ya around."

He starts walking away. I shout after him, "We only have today and tomorrow off. Come find me the day after tomorrow and we'll get a mission."

He grunts in response and goes on his way. The Sound Four must have not talked to him yet, that's good. I can still save him, keep him where he belongs.

"Oh Kami, I have to wait an entire day to see if he leaves or not. I can't do this! I need a distraction. I need a mission, that'll work. Hopefully not a D-rank, a nice and easy C-rank like yesterday. That would be nice."

With a new goal in mind I make my way to the Hokage tower.

I head up the flights of stairs and nod to the people who wave and smile at me. I am becoming a rather common sight around here and for some reason Tsunade likes me. I just think the other people present like that I break up the monotony of their days, somehow things always get entertaining around me.

"Hey Shizune."

I fall in step next to the Hokage's assistant and take some paperwork off of the huge stack she is carrying.

"Are these going to Tsunade?"

"Yes they are. Thanks for the help. How've you been?" Shizune asks me. "I heard that Tsunade used you to help win a bet with a client. Any truth to that? No one will tell me."

Uh-oh, this just got dangerous. Shizune can be scary when she needs to be and she isn't afraid of standing up to Tsunade.

"Bets with clients? That sounds very irresponsible. Especially since I'm on leave."

"Alvarcus." Shizune says sternly. "You didn't answer me."

"Would you look at that! There's Tsunade's office! We better drop off these paper! How many are in these stacks anyways? It must way like twenty kilograms!"

"Alvarcus Mar you get back here right now!"

I practically sprint into the Hokage's office. I'm saved! Shizune enters moments after me.

Tsunade doesn't even look up as we enter. "Just put it over there Shizune. I'll get to it eventually." She point to the in tray on her desk.

I roll my eyes. "Sure thing boss."

Startled by a voice that isn't Shizune's, Tsunade glances up.

"Alvarcus? Oh no, she roped you into being her assistant didn't she? You poor child, I am so sorry for you. She's a slave driver. Never a moments rest! And she keeps hiding my sake!"

"Please Tsunade," Shizune says in annoyance, "tell us how you really feel."

I laugh at both of them, it was just too funny! "Nah, I was coming in to see you for a mission and I saw Shizune with a stack of papers and figured I'd help her out."

"Let me get this straight." Tsunade puts down her pen and give me her full attention. "You're here for a mission? On one of your leave days? That you complained about missing yesterday when I had you win me a bet?"

"I knew it!" Shizune exclaims "Tsunade how could you? Shinobi are not supposed to be use for betting! And Alvarcus you shouldn't encourage her! You know better than that!"

Tsunade and I both ignore her.

"Yes?" I weakly say back to my Kage.

With a loud sigh Tsunade rubs her forehead. "Request denied. You need to take a few days off. Go read a book or hang out with your friends. Now get out of here I have work to do."

"Tsunade please. I need a distraction." I'm practically begging her. I'm all but bowing down to her.

"You know what? You want a distraction fine!"

Finally, I get a mission. Hopefully it will be easy.

"Here. D-rank. No one is taking it, it's all you're getting."

I catch the scroll she tosses at me and read it. A D-rank is better than nothing, it'll at least distract me for an hour or two.

"Tora?" I say in exasperation. "You want me to catch Tora?" A Tora mission. This will be easy, that cat loves me. I don't know why though, maybe I was a cat person in a previous life? I haven't been in the two I can remember.

"Yep!" She grins maliciously. "That should keep you distracted for a few hours! It takes whole teams of talented gennin hours to track this kitty cat down, and then a few more to corner and catch her."

"Please, I'll have this done in an hour tops." A Tora mission. Of all the possible ones she could have picked it's this one.

"Oh?" Tsunade grins in evil joy at me. "Want to bet on it?"

"Depends on the terms. What do you want?" I am part of the team that holds the record time, she has no idea what she's getting into.

"Oh nothing too big. I just want you to remain a gennin until two Chunin Exams from now." That is a long time. The next exams are going to be in Grass and she wants me to wait until the one after that? "And I want you to annihilate everyone there. I want you to show the power of the Leaf, that even our gennin are a force to be taken seriously."

"Where will the exams be at?"

"Lightning Country."

"Ah, that means there will be no clan children sent. That's why you want me to win. If a clan-less shinobi is this good, how good are our clan kids? You want me to send a message to the Raikage to not mess with us even though we were just invaded."

"You're too smart for your own good. Basically that is the idea. I also want to make some money, and I have a very confident feeling that you won't have any issues sweeping the exams." Always with the gambling.

"I'll agree to that on one condition. You let me in ANBU during my year stuck as a gennin. I still need to improve and get high level training not offered to gennin."

"Acceptable." She instantly agrees. "I'll at least put you through the ANBU training program, I can't promise I'll use you for missions."

"Good enough, that's all I really wanted. Besides, imagine an ANBU level shinobi at the exams? How ridiculous. If you think I'll win them easily now, just picture how much of a joke it would be then!"

Tsunade and I share a brief laugh.

"That would be quite amusing. What do you want if you win?"

I take a moment to think it over. With what she is asking I could say just about anything, but there's only one thing I truly need. "I need a fire heart. Do we have any prisoners on death row that have a fire affinity?"

Tsunade stills. "That's asking a lot. You would kill someone for their heart?"

"No. Never for their heart." I turn serious, the time for happy fantasies of wrecking the Chunin Exams is over. "But a convicted criminal? One sentenced to death for their actions? I have no qualms about killing them. I reason it to kunai. You don't kill your enemy for their kunai, but you take theirs if you need to once they are dead. I figure if the convict is going to die anyways, I might as well take their kunai. Their heart."

Tsunade relaxes minutely. "You won't kill for a heart, yet you have no qualms about taking one if the opportunity arises. Like a kunai, a tool. That is very smart of you. Out of curiosity, how many have you had?"

"I've had a total of six." I don't elaborate, I'd rather not remember how I got each one.

Tsunade blanches at my response. "You have six hearts?" She sounds morbidly curious, like a sight so horrific you can't look away.

"I've only ever had five at once. I don't know if I can have more." I should figure that out. I'll ask the Jiongu later.

~We can only have five. Any more and our body couldn't contain the chakra.~

Dammit, there goes the idea for a ridiculous amount of lives. Imagine if I had ten! I bet that would blow Kakuzu away if he ever found out about it. Maybe if I had six with a small chakra supply?

~It isn't about the amount of chakra, it's about the different types. Each person's chakra is unique, even identical twins still have drastically different chakra. I can only successfully balance five unique types of chakra at once. If there were more our body would start to decay as each type fought against the others for dominance.~

"How did you lose a heart?" Tsunade pulls me back into the conversation I should be paying attention to. The Jiongu can wait, not like it's going anywhere. "You're no slouch when it comes to defending yourself. I've seen your redirection move and that sphere defense."

"You spied on me training? What the hell lady not okay!"

She gives me stern look and points to the hanging Hokage hat.

"Whatever, you're the Hokage I suppose it is okay for you to know what I am capable of. I lost my heart to the person who cut my head off."

"You've had your head cut off?" Tsunade interrupts me mid explanation. "You lived? That's how you got that scar on your neck. Honestly I'm surprised you don't cover that up. Most nin hate their scars, yet you wear that one like a badge of honor. I can only imagine the stares you must get."

"That's because it was given to me by Kisame Hoshigaki while he was wielding Samehada, Kiri's most powerful of the seven legendary swords." I smirk at Tsunade's open mouth. "Yes, he cut my head off and stabbed my heart but I still walked away. It's proof that even a S-rank missing nin with a legendary blade didn't kill me. That is why I display it to the world. I want people to ask me about this scar."

"Squirt you've met too many S-rank enemies. Anyone else you want to add to the list?" She sarcastically asks.

"Itachi Uchiha was there while I fought Kisame. Does that count?" I don't think she expected me to have a answer to that if her hanging jaw is anything to go by.

"How are you even alive? Orochimaru, Kisame and Itachi? Don't answer that. We've gotten sidetracked."

"You're right, we have." We were talking about a bet before. "Basically if I take over an hour to catch Tora I remain a gennin until the exams in Lightning to send a message to the Raikage. During the year you'll put me through ANBU training. If I get Tora in under an hour then you'll let me execute a convicted criminal and take his heart. Sound right?"

"Sounds right to me. Shizune, you witnessed- oh. She's gone? When did she leave?" What do you know, Tsunade is right. Shizune left.

"Maybe when we started talking about my hearts? I have no idea."

"Whatever." Tsunade moves on, I doubt it is the first time Shizune has done something like this. "Agreed. You'll have one hour from now."

"Great! Hey, isn't there a record of the quickest time Tora has been caught?" I say. This will be hilarious, I want to see her face once she realizes she's been had.

"Yeah. Some upstarts called Team Seven have the record by hours. They're at six minutes I think."

"Five minutes and forty seven seconds to be exact." I correct her.

Tsunade pales drastically.

"No." She's in denial. Oh this is great!

"Yes." I take a sweeping bow. "Alvarcus Mar, Host of the Jiongu, Konoha's Heart Thief, student of Kakashi Hatake of the Sharingan and member of gennin Team Seven at your service."

"You played dirty." She correctly accuses me. "You knew."

"Yes, as a matter of fact I did." I cheekily grin at her. "You know what they say, if you aren't cheating you aren't trying. I am a shinobi." Totally worth it.

Tsunade gets an evil grin. "If you aren't cheating you aren't trying? Cat!"

Instantly an ANBU operative is kneeling before Tsunade. Damn that was fast.

"Yes, Hokage-sama?" ANBU Cat drones out in the classic ANBU voice. They really need to lighten up, being serious all the time has to get boring.

"Your bodyguard mission is hereby suspended." She locks eyes with me. "Your new mission is to prevent Alvarcus here from getting Tora. Do you accept?"

"Oh come on!" I point at Tsunade accusingly. "That's not right! I just withheld information, you're assigning ANBU to stop me?"

"I accept." Cat says. He -she? I can't tell- turns to me. "Will you peacefully surrender and wait here for an hour, or should I restrain you?" He pulls out wire and chakra suppression tags. Not good, he's serious.

"I should start running now. If you'll excuse me, bye!" I dive out the window. Doors are for when I'm not being chased by ANBU.

"ANBU Cat, whatever methods necessary are approved. Only lethal force is forbidden. I take it you heard he can reattach his head? He can do the same with his limbs."

"OH HELL NO! You did not just tell the ANBU it is okay to dismember me!"