My Younger Sister Was My First Love

53. The 101st Reason

The house was dark.

It seemed like Jihee was studying in her room, but she wasn’t.

It wasn’t even 9 pm, so she had plenty of time.

I put down my bag and picked up the envelope on my desk.

Again, I was taking a test.

What kind of content would be inside?

I was afraid it would be something terrible that would crush my mental state.

But I couldn’t ignore my younger sister’s handwritten letter, so I took a deep breath and opened the folded part with my thumb.

The letter consisted of five pages.

I didn’t know what it was about, but she had written a lot.

I slowly began to read Jihee’s handwriting.

[Hi, oppa.]

It was the cute handwriting she used when taking notes or writing memos.

[It’s been a really long time since I’ve written a letter by hand.]

[I’ve never written a letter to a guy before.]

[You’re my first, oppa?ㅎ]

… This was a trap. This was it.

As expected, Jihee had the talent to make even the most ordinary moments seem extraordinary.

[The reason I’m writing this letter today is because I’m sorry to you.]

[I was thinking about how to express my sincerity to you, and I decided to do it this way.]

[If I were to express my feelings in a sloppy way, you would get angry and tell me not to do it.]

[So, I asked you before I left, would you still like me even if you weren’t my family?]

[You asked me why I asked that, and I thought about it carefully.]

[It turns out it was all my fault.]

[It was 100% my fault for making you doubt my heart.]

It was an ironic content.

My sister and I were both thinking that the other was in the wrong.

It was kind of funny that the point where we thought the other was wrong was exactly the opposite.

[So, I wrote it down.]

[The 101 reasons why Jihee likes Lee Junho.]

[1. I like the fish soup you make because it doesn’t smell fishy and is clean and delicious.]

I wondered how it could be so long.

I didn’t read the whole thing and flipped through the pages, and it turned out that the numbers went all the way from 1 to 100.

Considering that the first reason was about fish soup, I thought maybe she had just listed a bunch of trivial reasons.

In conclusion, that wasn’t a greatly mistaken prediction.

[14. I like it when you ask me if I need anything when we go to the convenience store alone. You always ask me even though I say no, and I’m grateful.]

[27. I like the scent of the body wash you use. I always think it’s nice when I’m near you or when you’re close to me.]

[32. I like it when you wake me up gently without making a sound and rocking me awake. What’s that? It’s like being treated like a princess or something?]

[49. You eat pineapple pizza with me even though you don’t like it, and that’s nice. If you want to eat something, tell me, and I’ll eat it with you even if I don’t like it.]

[63. I like it because your hands are pretty. I didn’t know, but I think I have a preference for people with long and slender fingers like oppa.]

[75. I also like it when you wear rounded glasses. You look great without them too, but somehow, wearing them suits your oppa image better.]

[82. It’s fun when you solve math problems like a famous lecturer. Don’t you know that your tone of voice is different when you’re solving problems? You’re pretending to be cool, and it’s cute. So I like it.]

[93. I like it because you can’t kiss. I can’t do it either, so I feel a sense of camaraderie haha.]

There was also a small drawing of someone looking embarrassed, with their fingers fidgeting.

[100. Huh. It’s the last one. I like it because you’re family! You’re always kind and by my side, so I like it.]

After finishing the letter, I looked up at the ceiling with a somewhat dazed expression.

My heart was racing.

My heart was burning, and it was beating rapidly, as if it was going to burst out of my chest.

Even after receiving Min-ju’s cheers and nagging, my brain was still sending out sparks of excitement.

How many times did the phrase “I like it” appear in this letter?

At least 100 times.

Maybe it’s over 200 times.

That person, who had flatly rejected me before, wrote down 100 reasons why they liked me.

Just knowing that fact made me…… unable to bear looking at Ji-hui’s face, I carefully folded the letter and put it back in the envelope.

I placed it deep inside my drawer.

It was like performing a self-imposed sealing ritual.

If I left it in a visible spot, I might read it again and again.

I checked the time.

It was 8:58 PM.

If nothing unusual happened, Ji-hui would come out of their room in two minutes.

What should I say?

I couldn’t just ignore everything and stay here.

But I wasn’t given time to think.

-Knock, knock, knock-

The door opened with three knocks, and Ji-hui appeared.

“Oppa.”

Unlike before, when Ji-hui would suddenly jump onto the bed or sit down, their behavior now seemed cautious.

Their actions looked deliberate, and they kept glancing up at me, clearly trying to gauge my reaction.

“……Did you read it?”

Their slightly flushed face.

The object of the sentence was omitted, but I knew what it was without needing to be told.

“……Yes.”

“How was it……?”

I felt it anew.

This was an atmosphere that couldn’t exist between siblings.

It’s an atmosphere that can’t be helped.

My younger sibling left a letter that’s close to a love letter.

Seeing it, my heart raced, and I couldn’t even meet their eyes.

“I… saw it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you believe me now that I’m being sincere?”

Jihee’s letter was packed with too many stories, trying to avoid the situation.

It felt like an extension of the 100-question game.

But this time, the 100 questions were focused on what aspect of me Jihee liked.

I could sense how I appeared in their eyes.

With a very sweet, filtered lens, no less.

“… You know I like you.”

“Really?”

“I wrote 100 of them, so what’s the point of making it hurt so much? I could’ve… “

“Do you think I can write 100, too?”

My words were sharply cut off, as if Jihee didn’t want to hear any excuses.

It was a question I had never thought about, one that focused on my emotions.

What are the 100 good things about Jihee that I like?

To be honest, I couldn’t come up with 100 right away.

It wasn’t a matter of being unable to write, but rather, not many things came to mind.

“I don’t think I can write that many.”

“Then that’s also my fault. I didn’t show you that I’m a good enough person.”

“But Jihee, even if you say you really like me that much, I…”

My heart was melting, but I was trying to hold on to my reason.

“What about you, Oppa?”

Jihee’s eyes curved like a crescent moon.

It was as if they knew exactly what I was going to say.

Should I say, “We can’t be lovers,” here?

Jihee had never directly mentioned that to me before.

Even when they said they liked me or loved me, they never specifically mentioned what kind of relationship they wanted with me.

It could be seen as me being the only one making a fuss over nothing.

Or, it could get more complicated and drag me somewhere else.

“… No.”

“You know saying something and then taking it back is really bad, right?”

“Want to grab some snacks together? What do you want to eat?”

Although the suspicious gaze didn’t disappear, Jihee let me off easy.

It felt like they knew and were indulging me.

“Let’s get some grilled pork intestines. Do you want to eat some, Oppa?”

“Yeah, but I haven’t had it many times before.”

“I think I know why.”

“What is it?”

“Because I don’t have any friends.”

The atmosphere was awkward and sweet at the same time, and when the diss came in, I let out a forced laugh.

“Hey, do I have friends?”

“Didn’t you read my letter? I’ve been observing you closely for the past few months.”

“That’s right.”

“You hardly meet people from high school or middle school, right? You don’t have friends, do you?”

“You said that before, but it’s all because of you.”

I tried to reveal the truth, but I held back.

It’s too embarrassing to admit that I got hurt and studied hard because of you.

“Is this also my fault? What did I do?”

“……I don’t know.”

“Why are you being like this? Let’s eat together often from now on.”

“If we eat like this every night, we’ll get fat.”

“We can exercise together, oppa.”

Our conversation seemed like any other couple’s, but beneath the surface, there was a subtle tension.

It was sweet and had a hint of excitement, but it wasn’t perfectly comfortable.

“I don’t like exercising.”

“You’ll like it if we do it together, right?”

“What kind of exercise are you talking about?”

Gym? Swimming?

I didn’t have any clues since I’d never seen you exercise.

“It’ll be fun if we do it together.”

“……Yeah.”

“You’re talking about yoga again, oppa. You’re weird.”

Jihee turned her back on me, seemingly uninterested, and went to her room, holding her phone, and then came back to my room again.

“What did you eat for dinner? Are you hungry now?”

“Jjamppong.”

“With whom?”

“A school friend.”

“Which friend?”

Ah, I should’ve said “friends”.

I accidentally let slip that I ate with someone.

But I didn’t try to lie.

There was no need to hide it anyway.

“Min-ju.”

When I said Min-ju, Jihee put her phone down on her knee and looked up at me.

“……Did you tell unnie about me?”

“No.”

“Did you do it?”

“I didn’t, I said.”

“How could the two of you not talk about me, when I know Oppa and Unnie Minju?”

Jihee finished placing the delivery order with a nonchalant tone and put down her phone.

“It doesn’t really matter what conversation the two of you had. Honestly, I’m curious, but I won’t ask.”

Jihee gently rested her head on my shoulder.

“I trust Oppa.”

“Even if you didn’t talk about it.”

“If you said something, you would have kept my private life private, right?”

Jihee stroked my arm with her cheek and then rested her chin on my shoulder.

“Ah, I remembered again.”

“What is it?”

“The 101st reason I like Oppa.”

It was strange to hear the contents of the letter I read earlier being conveyed live.

If I were to keep my promise to Minju, I should tell her to stop right now, and it would be right to stop saying such things.

But…

“…What is it?”

I asked in a low voice, as if I were under a spell, for another reason.

“I like it because you always think of me, even when I’m not around.”

It felt like my brain was being dissected.

Was I trapped in a swamp from which I couldn’t escape?

The scent of Jihee’s shampoo overwhelmed my senses as we drew closer.

My younger sibling, who had removed their chin from my shoulder, wrapped their hands around my cheeks and gave me a loving smile.

“So, I hope you’ll continue to do so in the future.”

You’re an older brother who only thinks of your younger sibling, no matter where you go.

My ears grew hot, and I couldn’t meet their eyes.

I couldn’t even answer.

It was because I didn’t have the courage to say “I dislike it” to Jihee.