My Younger Sister Was My First Love

43. How to Make a Second One

Reading the answers to the 100 questions felt like sneaking a peek at someone else’s diary.

Among the seemingly simple questions were many deeply meaningful ones.

[What trait of my lover is most similar to mine?]

-They take good care of the person next to them!

[What trait of my lover is most different from mine?]

-They’re not honest.

People are naturally curious about how others see them.

I was no exception.

As I read the answers, I began to reflect on myself as well as Jihee.

Do I take good care of others?

But isn’t Jihee more dishonest than me?

She’s much better at lying, it seems.

“Jihee.”

“Yes.”

“What were you thinking when you wrote this?”

[What is my lover’s mental age?]

-Lower than mine, lol

“What’s with that?”

Jihee shrugged her shoulders, looking like she was asking if she had done something wrong.

“You think my mental age is lower than yours?”

“Why? Are you upset?”

Just a moment ago, I didn’t think much of it, but when I saw that unique, mischievous expression, my blood pressure shot up.

That’s it. Let’s just talk.

I knew that if I responded, I’d get some strange reason or excuse attached to it.

As I scrolled down the screen, I stopped my fingers once again.

[What’s the happiest moment you’ve experienced with your idol?]

Since all the answers were based on me, this would be an answer about the happiest moment I’ve experienced since meeting him.

This is kind of curious.

-When I suggested going on a trip together.

Nothing came to mind immediately.

Did I say something like that?

It’s not like I’d suggest going on a trip with him just the two of us, crazy as that sounds.

Ah, I see. That must be it.

It must be part of our conversation from the night we shared a kiss.

It seemed like a promise we made to go to Jeju Island with my mom.

The suggestion to go on a trip together was that touching.

Now that I’ve written this, I think I need to bring up the topic of travel when my mom comes back.

“Oppa.”

“Yes.”

Like a turn-based board game, Jihee threw a question at me this time.

“Is this something you want to hear from your idol, something you’ve thought about and written?”

“Is that just something you imagined and wrote?”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to hear this from your girlfriend, Oppa?”

Exchanging answers meant that Jihee had also peeked into my diary.

“Isn’t that something couples often say to each other?”

“Yeah, and it’s something families often say to each other too.”

My answer was ‘I love you’.

I had thought about what I’d want to hear if I had a girlfriend, and that seemed like the most natural thing to say.

It’s not like it’s too cheesy or anything.

It would feel amazing to hear it from someone you love.

“Love is something you don’t often express out loud, even to family.”

“Really?”

“Do you often tell your dad that you love him?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“I rarely tell my mom that I love her. I only wrote it in a letter on Parents’ Day when I was young.”

But until I was in middle school, I would write ‘I love you’ in a letter to my mom every Parents’ Day.

“Then…….”

Jihee, who had put down the tablet, slightly lifted her hips and came closer.

The distance was close enough for me to smell the shampoo.

The familiar, sweet lilac scent tickled my nose.

“Shall we try it?”

“What?”

“Saying what oppa likes to hear to each other.”

“You mean ‘I love you’?”

“Yes.”

“Now?”

“Well, it’s not like we do it often, but it’s not impossible to do it at least once.”

The image of Jihee smiling brightly and our previous kiss came to mind again.

It wasn’t intentional, but the setting was exactly the same as that day.

“……I don’t want to.”

“Why? You said you wanted to hear it!”

“No, it’s not about wanting to hear it from a sibling, but from a lover.”

“But I want to hear it from oppa, so can’t oppa say it to me just once?”

In reality, there was no reason why it couldn’t happen.

After all, we were family, just like Jihee said.

I’m just bad at expressing myself, so it’s like there are families who can say ‘I love you’ easily.

I knew all of this, but I was still hesitating.

“……I love you.”

I emptied my thoughts.

I let go of my emotions.

Like an AI replaying recorded words, I spat out the three words Jihee requested, one by one.

It was fine up to that point.

I had simply moved my lips according to my thoughts.

The problem started after that.

Jihee suddenly grabbed my hand and began to intertwine our fingers.

Index finger to index finger.

Middle finger to middle finger.

Jihee’s fingers fit together seamlessly, without any gaps, as if to show that there was no room for even a little bit of emptiness.

Her dark brown eyes, which seemed to be sucking me in, stared into mine.

“I love you too, oppa.”

I had sworn to not put any emotions into my words, but…

My heart was pounding like crazy.

My face felt like it was burning up.

My ears had already gone numb a long time ago.

I hung my head, like a boy who had just received his first confession.

“……Can you let go of my hand now?”

“Yes!”

Jihee readily released her grip and put the tablet back on her knees.

The pounding in my chest showed no signs of stopping.

Does it feel this fatal when my younger sibling says they love me?

It was a thrilling shock that could blow my brain if I heard it twice.

Fortunately, Jihee’s love confession ended here, and I gained some time to collect my thoughts.

“I have something else I’m curious about.”

“What is it?”

“Why didn’t you write this?”

“What do you mean?”

There were a few blank questions left, but Jihee picked the ones that seemed like they shouldn’t be left blank.

[What’s your favorite skinship with your lover?]

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“You can just write about the things we’ve done together. It’s not like we’re doing this to collect information about each other.”

“……Choose the skinship you liked the most with your younger sibling?”

This was a ridiculous question.

“I’ve hugged, held hands, and ah, we even kissed just now.”

“Most of those were things you did without asking or getting my permission.”

“So, you’re asking what the best one was among those?”

The basic premise was weird.

If I followed the question’s intent, it would mean I was already enjoying skinship with Jihee.

A big brother who likes being touched by his younger sibling.

The more I thought about it, the more it felt wrong.

“What did you write?”

“I wrote that my older brother pats my head.”

“Was that the best?”

“Yes. It feels like I’m being praised, and I think, ‘My older brother cares about me.'”

I answered so normally, but it made me feel like trash.

Because when I first saw this question, I thought…

“……Do you have dirty thoughts?”

Jihee, who already knew the answer, scratched my thigh with her fingernail.

The thin fabric of the shorts I wear at home can’t protect me from external stimuli.

“You’re crazy.”

“Why? You’re a guy, too. Living with someone like me, you might have dirty thoughts sometimes.”

That’s true.

It’s a statement that’s a hundred percent true, but when you, the person involved, say it, it feels too much.

“Don’t treat me like a weird person. Just answer honestly.”

“……You’re not being honest either.”

“I’m being completely sincere, though?”

“If you wanted to say something like that, you should have at least written ‘I want to get married’ instead of this.”

I wanted to use the absurd answer as an excuse to get out of this situation.

Why did I even write this?

Will you marry me?

“Is that sincere?”

“Are you being serious?”

“Yes!”

Leaving aside personal feelings, in the country of South Korea, marriage itself is not possible.

“Is it legally impossible?”

“Would it be possible if not for the law?”

“Excuse me, Jihee.”

I had to put on the brakes amidst the endless flirting-like remarks.

“Why, Junho?”

“You wouldn’t do it even if I pretended to be crazy and proposed, would you?”

“Ay, how would you know that, oppa?”

“I’ve tried it before.”

I had already confessed to you, so I knew how futile my confession was, making it difficult for me to take Jihee’s words as a joke.

“You didn’t even consider my confession.”

“Are you still bothered by that? It was when we were kids, after all. That’s…”

From Jihee’s perspective, it might be a memory not worth remembering, but for me, it was a major turning point in my life.

“I’m still bothered, and I will be from now on.”

This wouldn’t change.

“Did you like me a lot back then, oppa?”

Instead of answering, I slowly nodded my head.

A bitter smile formed on my lips.

What was Jihee thinking?

My younger sibling, who had been gazing at me intently, silently wrapped their arms around my waist.

Were they apologizing or something?

“Oppa.”

“Why.”

“There’s no tree that won’t fall even if you hit it ten times.”

……Is this the right thing to say now?

I wondered what kind of meaning lay behind these words.

“Don’t you know that’s exactly the kind of talk that’s seen as criminal in today’s world?”

“Then I’ll correct it.”

Jihee, who had been leaning their face against my chest, looked up at me.

“There’s no younger sister who won’t fall even if you hit her ten times.”

Although language was a weakness, it was still top-notch.

If I understood the context correctly, Jihee was saying this now.

‘I’ll confess again and again until you accept my heart.’

This was truly impossible.

It was a problem that I was crazy enough to confess to Jihee, and it was also a problem that Jihee might accept it, albeit with a low probability.

“Mom? Dad?”

It’s just a family breaking apart, isn’t it?

So, I decided not to think deeply about Ji-hui’s words.

I wouldn’t even show that I understood.

I’d just laugh it off like I usually do, and that’s it.

“How’s that?”

I made a straight line with my palm.

I cleared the cloud in my mind and smiled slyly.

I quickly tapped Ji-hui’s forehead with my finger, not hard enough to hurt.

I did it ten times in a row.

-Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-

Ji-hui looked taken aback by the sudden joke, and I…

“Hey, I tapped you ten times, and you didn’t even flinch?”

“…Are you an elementary school kid or something, oppa?”

“You’re saying I’m mentally stunted?”

It seemed like it was time to get up soon.

The clock had already passed 10 o’clock.

If I kept listening to his silly questions, I didn’t know when I’d get caught in a dangerous flow again.

Just a little while ago, my mood was like a rollercoaster, constantly going up and down.

“I’m going to go in and rest now.”

“But I still have a lot of questions to ask you, oppa!”

“I’m tired. We can talk later.”

It was an excuse like a boyfriend who’s had enough, but I couldn’t think of a better reason.

As I tried to get up with my tablet, Ji-hui grabbed my wrist.

“Just one more thing.”

“What is it?”

“Oh, it’s not a big deal.”

I was tense, thinking he’d ask something weird again, but now I could look at Ji-hui.

“There’s something written here about having kids with your idol partner.”

“Yeah.”

“Is one kid really enough?”

“Um… I think one kid would be okay for now.”

“Why?”

“It’s because raising a kid these days costs so much money.”

“Hmm… I think two or more would be better…”

Ji-hui muttered to himself, as if disagreeing with me.

“This is different for everyone, I guess. We can discuss it with your future husband later.”

I didn’t plan on discussing Ji-hui’s child-rearing plans or anything.

“If you were in my position, what would you say to convince your husband?”

“So, you want to have another child, but your husband only wants one?”

“Yes.”

It was a difficult question.

Marriage and child planning were unexplored territories for me, a novice in the world of IF.

It was laughable that I, who had never been in love, was imagining such things, but I had to come up with a solution.

“Wouldn’t you want a daughter who resembles you?”

“The first child could be a girl, after all.”

“Then, wouldn’t you want a son who resembles your husband?”

“That might be convincing, don’t you think?”

For a brief moment, I envisioned a future that couldn’t exist in this world.

A future where my wife, Jihee, whispered to me that she wanted a daughter who resembled me.

“……Maybe.”

I knew I couldn’t possibly reject Jihee.