My Stalking Diary

Chapter 18

Having already experienced that time flows abnormally fast when kissing Joo Kwon-oh, I had to be careful this time. If I stayed away for too long, the perceptive Bae Yu-rim might find it strange. Kim Jae-hyun probably wouldn’t notice, being dense.

Fortunately, as footsteps were heard outside the staff room, Joo Kwon-oh let me go without resistance.

I left without waiting for his response, and already our table was full of food. It seemed another part-timer had served it.

“When did the food arrive?” I asked, rubbing my lips in case there were any marks.

“Just now,” Kim Jae-hyun answered, waving his hand as if to say ‘welcome back.’ Judging by his reaction, fortunately, not much time had passed.

“Why aren’t you eating yet?”

“Bae Yu-rim won’t let us touch it because she’s taking pictures. It’ll get cold at this rate. Stop taking pictures already.”

“I’m done. Just wait three more seconds.”

Click, click. Camera shutter sounds followed in succession. Even after sitting at the table, I couldn’t keep my hands still, repeatedly clenching and unclenching them like a child caught doing something wrong.

“Done. Let’s eat now.”

“Yay!”

My kissed and bitten lips were burning.

But why did Joo Kwon-oh kiss me again, twice even? When he didn’t even reply to my KakaoTalk message!

“Oh? It’s quite good. Jeong-ha, why are you eating so daintily?”

“I-I’m eating now. It’s delicious.”

“It’s alright. But pasta is pasta everywhere, isn’t it?”

“……”

“……”

No one responded to Kim Jae-hyun’s comment. Instead, Bae Yu-rim, who was eating her pasta diligently, nudged me.

“Did you meet Joo Kwon-oh?”

My hand, which had been busy eating bread, suddenly stopped at her question.

“How… did you know?”

Did it show? That we kissed? Or…

“I heard the cat that hit you last time had kittens. Didn’t he say he’d show them to you?”

“Ah.”

So Joo Kwon-oh had said that. I sighed deeply in relief and continued eating my bread dipped in sauce.

“Yeah, I saw them. The kittens were cute.”

“I want to see them later too.”

“What? Why does only Ryu Jeong-ha get to see the good stuff? If we’re going, we should all go together.”

“The… staff room is small, so it’s awkward for many people to go in at once.”

I made a fact-based excuse to the grumbling Kim Jae-hyun.

“Oh, if that’s the case. Seems like Ryu Jeong-ha and Joo Kwon-oh are quite close? That’s unexpected.”

“By the way, Jeong-ha, why are your lips always in that state?”

Bae Yu-rim suddenly pointed out my lips, which had been cracked for days. Perhaps because I felt guilty, each of her questions simultaneously pricked my conscience and eardrums. I couldn’t let my guard down for a moment.

“I keep biting them.”

“Someone might think you’ve been passionately kissing your girlfriend and got them torn. Hehe.”

Kim Jae-hyun chuckled after swallowing his pasta. Of course, Bae Yu-rim was disgusted.

“You should try holding a girl’s hand before saying such things.”

“What are you saying? Ah, my pride is hurt.”

“Have you ever held one?”

“I can’t show you the girls who liked me. Just because I’m always cooped up in the studio doing night work, don’t think I’m not attractive when I go out.”

“Okay, I’ll keep thinking that.”

“Come on, forget it. I don’t even want to tell you, Bae Yu-rim. Hey, Jeong-ha. If you have any dating concerns, talk to me. I’ll coach you perfectly.”

Kim Jae-hyun adjusted his glasses and smiled smugly.

It wasn’t a very credible claim, but for some reason, I wanted to grasp at any straw I could find right now.

After putting a few more bites of pasta in my mouth and contemplating, I asked.

“You know… then… not reading KakaoTalk messages… does that mean they’re not interested at all?”

“Not reading messages? For how long?”

“More than a day.”

“Could be playing hard to get?”

Kim Jae-hyun’s unexpected answer made my heart swell with hope for a brief moment. However, Bae Yu-rim, who was sitting next to me, immediately refuted.

“Playing hard to get itself is not good. If they really like you, they won’t even do that. Who has time for that?”

“Is that so? But there should be some back and forth, some give and take between men and women, right?”

“That kind of behavior itself is take it or leave it. It could just be annoying.”

“……”

As I listened, Bae Yu-rim’s words seemed to make more sense.

“But why are you asking about this? What, do you really have someone you’re talking to?”

“…No.”

“You do, you do.”

“Jeong-ha. If you’re going to lie, at least put some effort into it.”

“……”

I was quickly seen through by both of them. It wasn’t surprising as I had expected this outcome.

“Who is it?”

Kim Jae-hyun leaned his body towards me and asked. Then he compulsively adjusted his glasses.

I shook my head and stuttered.

“Not from our department… We’re not even close.”

As I said this, I unconsciously glanced at Joo Kwon-oh in the hall.

The cafe was gradually getting busier. He was smiling and taking orders from newly arrived female customers.

Unlike me, stiffly consulting about my worries here, Joo Kwon-oh’s small talk with the customers seemed relaxed and enjoyable.

I should feel happy seeing the smile of the person I like, but my chest felt tight.

He kissed me, but didn’t reply to my message, and smiles at other women – I guess it’s hard to see this as a good sign.

“If you’re not close, just make a move,” Bae Yu-rim said simply.

I nodded but internally denied it.

I knew that someone like me couldn’t handle Joo Kwon-oh even as a friend.

It’s better not to have expectations.

If I like him more from here on, I feel like my heart will really hurt.

*

After the second kiss, I didn’t make the mistake of contacting Joo Kwon-oh first again. Eventually, the 1 next to the KakaoTalk message I had sent disappeared belatedly, but I didn’t attach much significance to it.

[Choi Kyung-won: Shin Ji-ye?]

[Choi Kyung-won: The circular pattern in]

[Choi Kyung-won: the PowerPoint design you made]

[Choi Kyung-won: makes it awkward to put in content ㅜㅡ]

[Ji-ye♥: Oh why?]

[Choi Kyung-won: The text overlaps and is hard to see :)]

[Ji-ye♥: Oh what should we do? ㅠㅠㅠㅠ Can you send me a picture?]

[Choi Kyung-won: (picture)]

[Choi Kyung-won: This]

[Ji-ye♥: I’ll try to modify it now]

[Ji-ye♥: Give me a moment]

Regardless of my frustrated and sore feelings, the group project was still actively progressing thanks to enthusiastic group members.

I wasn’t actively participating in the conversation, just occasionally checking the content.

[Joo Kwon-oh: I have other things to ask too, so how about we meet briefly at the library later]

[Joo Kwon-oh: ?]

[Choi Kyung-won: Huh? I’m at home??]

[Joo Kwon-oh: Come to school. It’s not far, right? ㅋㅋ]

[Choi Kyung-won: Ah it’s bothersome..]

[Ji-ye♥: Oh]

[Joo Kwon-oh: We can have lunch after the meeting]

[Joo Kwon-oh: Where are you, Ji-ye?]

[Ji-ye♥: I’m at school anyway…]

[Ji-ye♥: It’s fine ㅎㅎㅎㅎ]

[Choi Kyung-won: Is there any team]

[Choi Kyung-won: that works this hard on a general education assignment like us? ㅋㄲㄱㅋㅋㅋ]

[Joo Kwon-oh: What if we don’t get a good grade after all this? ㅋㅋㅋ]

[Ji-ye♥: Then we’ll each have to find our own way]

[Choi Kyung-won: Let’s never see each other again]

[Ji-ye♥: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]

[Choi Kyung-won: A fateful encounter in itself ㅋㄱㅋㅋㄱㅋㅋ]

[Joo Kwon-oh: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ]

[Joo Kwon-oh: What time do you want to meet]

[Joo Kwon-oh: ?]

Suddenly, under Joo Kwon-oh’s lead, the atmosphere became one where we had to meet at school right away. Why do these people prefer meeting so much? Come to think of it, the entire process could be done remotely.

Sitting in front of the canvas and scribbling with a brush while occasionally checking the content, I started to get a headache.

[Choi Kyung-won: 11:30 ㄱㄱ]

[Joo Kwon-oh: Ok]

[Ji-ye♥: Sounds good ㅎㅎ]

[Choi Kyung-won: Ah I need to shower]

[Choi Kyung-won: What about Jeong-ha??]

I thought they might just pass over me, but it seems they need my answer too.

Having been acknowledged for my contribution in selecting the initial topic and organizing the table of contents, I was in a situation where I didn’t have to do anything up to the presentation. Even if I went, there wouldn’t be anything for me to do anyway.

And I didn’t want to run into Joo Kwon-oh if possible.

After some thought, I wrote a reply.

[Me: I’m at school too but I’m not feeling well]

[Me: Can you guys do it without me today?]

[Ji-ye♥: Oh no? Are you sick, Jeong-ha oppa??]

[Ji-ye♥: What’s wrong? ㅠㅠㅠㅜㅜㅠ]

[Me: I think something I ate this morning didn’t agree with me. My head hurts too]

[Choi Kyung-won: Ah seems Jeong-ha’s condition isn’t good]

[Choi Kyung-won: Then it can’t be helped~]

[Ji-ye♥: ㅠㅠㅠㅜㅜㅠ]

[Choi Kyung-won: We’ll do it ourselves first]

[Choi Kyung-won: I’ll share if there are any changes ㅋㅋㅋ]

[Me: Okay, thanks]

Fortunately, no one made an issue of me not going.

Since I was working in the studio, I put down my phone and resumed painting.

Originally, there was no need to come to the studio this early. It would have been enough to work during the major practical class in the afternoon.

However, unlike usual, this afternoon’s major class was replaced with a nude sketch special lecture. Since I’d have to sit still for hours sketching the model, it was better to work on the practical assignment in advance.

I carefully applied colors to the newly selected painting. It was a picture of a reindeer sitting in front of a flower blooming in a snow-white field.

Just before I started drawing Joo Kwon-oh, I was impatient to complete this painting quickly from the conceptual stage, but now I was painting almost out of obligation. Since getting involved with Joo Kwon-oh, my passion had somewhat withered.

Still, an assignment is an assignment, so I had to do it. To get evaluated by the professor at the end of the semester.

There was still a lingering regret in one corner of my mind that it would have been much more fun if I had painted Joo Kwon-oh.

After concentrating for a while, I realized I was biting my lips again. Each time, I took out the lip balm from my pocket and applied it. That lip balm I received from Joo Kwon-oh at the cafe.

I was trying not to attach much meaning to this object, but I couldn’t stop my hand from reaching for it repeatedly.

My eyes felt dry from not blinking for a long time while immersed in painting. As I rubbed my eyes and stretched big, I checked if there were any notifications on my phone.

[Joo Kwon-oh: Are you feeling very sick?]

[Joo Kwon-oh: ?]

[Joo Kwon-oh: Are you busy?]

[Joo Kwon-oh: ??]

Surprisingly, there was a private message from Joo Kwon-oh. It had come not long after the group chat ended an hour ago.