My Stalking Diary

Chapter 16

Contrary to my guess, I wonder if Joo Kwon-oh is regretting it now.

It’s not like I sent a KakaoTalk message begging for a date. If he’s acting like this even for a simple question, he might not want to speak to me at all in the future.

For a moment, I thought he might have felt some attraction towards me. The hope that had started to rise completely crumbled.

Maybe Joo Kwon-oh was just briefly captivated by some new sensation that suddenly sprang from me. And usually, such fleeting new sensations tend to disappear quickly once curiosity is satisfied.

This is it, I guess. The thought made me feel a bit miserable. And I felt pathetic for foolishly expecting something.

The kiss we had today meant nothing to Joo Kwon-oh.

Why did I send that KakaoTalk message? I shouldn’t have sent it.

My pride was hurt. An unpleasant feeling, like bugs crawling in my stomach, arose. Those bugs ate away at all the excitement I had felt today and gave birth to anxiety.

*

In the Culture and Arts Industry and Business Model class, I took a seat at the very back, just like last time. Except when I had to look up at the blackboard to take notes, my gaze was fixed on the desk as if pinned there.

I thought I’d be okay soon, but the aftermath lasted longer than expected. Even though I wanted to calm my mind, I couldn’t help but feel resentful towards Joo Kwon-oh.

Although I knew intellectually that we were unlikely to become close in the first place, his cold shoulder still hurt.

The general education class, which felt longer than ever, ended, and I hurriedly packed my bag.

“Jeong-ha oppa! When did you come in today? I didn’t see you arrive.”

Just as I was about to leave the classroom, Shin Ji-ye quickly approached me.

“Ah… I guess you didn’t see me because I sat in the back.”

“Huh? Why have you been changing seats lately? You used to sit over there.”

I hesitated for a moment, not knowing what excuse to make. Shin Ji-ye waited calmly for my answer with a smile.

“I was tired and wanted to sleep a bit. The back row is good for slacking off, you know.”

“Ah, I see.”

“…Why? Did you have something to say?”

I asked, puzzled as to why Shin Ji-ye was still standing in front of me even though the class was over and there seemed to be nothing more to say.

“Oh, yes. Actually, I’ve been waiting since before class to ask about your Instagram. Do you have an account?”

“I do have one, but it’s just an account where I post pictures I’ve drawn for assignments. There’s not much to see.”

“That’s fine! Please tell me.”

Although I do have a secret account for actively spying on Joo Kwon-oh, I naturally gave Shin Ji-ye the account I use publicly.

“Wow. It really is mostly drawings. Did you draw all of these?”

“Yes.”

“By hand?”

“Yeah. There are some… where I traced over printed pictures for sketching… but most are drawn by hand.”

I saw Joo Kwon-oh walking in the corridor through the classroom window. I answered Shin Ji-ye’s questions while glancing at him out of habit.

Our eyes met briefly, but he passed by without even a casual eye greeting.

Feeling my heart sink, I adjusted my bag on my shoulder.

“Well, I’ll be going now. See you next time.”

“Okay, see you next week. You must reply if I DM you!”

I nodded in response to Shin Ji-ye’s shout from behind.

For the next few days, I tried to maintain my usual life pattern. I conceptualized paintings for assignments and even drew several sketches to show to the professor. The new painting passed without much comment.

Since the professor wasn’t very interested in the students’ work process, he didn’t ask in detail why I suddenly changed my practical assignment.

Rather, considering it fortunate, I started working on the new painting.

I finally stretched the canvas I had been putting off, and visited the art supply store to buy materials I was running low on.

I even scraped off the surface of oil paints that had hardened in clumps on my palette due to lack of progress, and tried painting with color for the first time in a while.

As I worked late nights in the studio like before and spent time chatting idly with my classmates, my mood, which had hit rock bottom, gradually improved.

Sometimes I had gloomy thoughts, but they weren’t severe enough to interfere with my daily life, so I quickly erased them by focusing on other tasks.

Until then, the 1 in our private chat room with Joo Kwon-oh hadn’t disappeared, and we hadn’t contacted each other at all.

The kiss had so easily become as if it never happened.

When I felt particularly down, I would record new information about Joo Kwon-oh or draw pictures in the new notebook I had hidden in my studio apartment.

I thought it might be a shameless and gloomy behavior, but what does it matter? There are conscienceless people who kiss someone and then completely ignore them.

“Jeong-ha, Jeong-ha. What are you doing on Saturday?”

I was startled by Bae Yu-rim’s face suddenly appearing while I was holding a brush and coloring in the studio. I almost painted in the wrong place.

“Resting at home or coming to school to paint?”

“That means you have nothing to do. Then let’s go to Bucheon.”

I hesitated again at the mention of Bucheon.

“W-Why there?”

“Kwon-oh said there’s a new menu item at the cafe and asked us to come visit.”

The unexpected suggestion and unexpected name completely scattered the concentration I had been pouring into my painting.

I had been doing a decent job of pushing away memories of the kiss with Joo Kwon-oh by immersing myself in daily life. I didn’t want to mess up my insides again with my own hands.

“…Didn’t you say he doesn’t work there regularly? You said he was just filling in for a day that time.”

“Yeah. But it seems he keeps in touch with the part-timers there and continues to fill in whenever there’s an opening.”

Bae Yu-rim explained while briefly scanning my painting.

“I’ll just rest at home on the weekend.”

I flatly refused and took out my earphones from my pocket to try and regain my concentration.

“Kwon-oh said to bring you along too?”

However, this fickle concentration of mine easily flew away at Bae Yu-rim’s words.

Joo Kwon-oh said to bring me along? Why?

“Where are you going? I want to go too.”

Kim Jae-hyun, who had gone to change his water, approached us and joined the conversation. Bae Yu-rim scratched her ear as if annoyed.

“Ah, if he goes, you definitely have to come too, Jeong-ha. Kim Jae-hyun whines a lot, so it’s annoying to be with him. It’s tiring for me to deal with him alone.”

“Yeah…! I don’t know what it is, but I don’t want to go with just Bae Yu-rim either.”

“Then don’t come.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why are they like this.”

Bae Yu-rim and Kim Jae-hyun continued their meaningless bickering. Then, suddenly, as if tired of the wordplay, Bae Yu-rim turned her attention back to me.

“Jeong-ha. If you’re not busy, let’s go together, okay?”

“…Did Joo Kwon-oh really say I should come too?”

After hesitating, I carefully asked what I was curious about.

I couldn’t believe that Joo Kwon-oh, who hadn’t even read my KakaoTalk message let alone reply, would say such a thing to Bae Yu-rim.

“Yeah. But were you two acquainted? I thought you met for the first time at that brunch cafe.”

“We’re taking the same general education class.”

“Ah, I see.”

“So where exactly are you guys planning to go?”

“Kim Jae-hyun, you don’t need to know. Anyway, Jeong-ha, you’ll come with us, right? Huh?”

Bae Yu-rim persistently asked. She didn’t seem like she would leave until I answered.

*

Saturday.

In the end, I came to Bucheon with Bae Yu-rim and Kim Jae-hyun. They said Joo Kwon-oh was working this week too, and as soon as we entered the cafe, I made eye contact with him at the counter.

I turned my head away first and followed Bae Yu-rim to sit at a table.

“You arrived early.”

Joo Kwon-oh came over with menus and greeted us familiarly. At the sound of his familiar voice, I subtly chewed on my lips but couldn’t muster the audacity to look at him and return the greeting.

Instead, Bae Yu-rim nodded as she took off her coat.

“The route became familiar after coming once before. By the way, Kwon-oh, do you work here often?”

“Somehow I’ve ended up filling in several times.”

“Doesn’t the owner say anything?”

“Oh, he’s cool as long as I do the job properly. Wait a moment, I’ll bring some water.”

Joo Kwon-oh spoke in a soft voice before disappearing and quickly reappearing with a water bottle and cups.

“What would you like to eat?”

“Let’s have something we didn’t try last time.”

Bae Yu-rim said, gesturing to me and Kim Jae-hyun. I nodded in agreement.

“Okay.”

“Kwon-oh, what are the new menu items here?”

“They’re on this page.”

“Since there are three of us, it would be perfect if we each try one. Jeong-ha, is this okay with you? Let’s share when they come out.”

“Sure.”

Bae Yu-rim smoothly chose the menu items without hesitation.

“For drinks… since we had Americano last time, let’s have Vienna Coffee.”

“Sounds good.”

“Hey, Bae Yu-rim. Leave Ryu Jeong-ha alone. You’re always doing whatever you want.”

“What are you talking about?”

“What about me? What should I drink?”

“You can eat or drink whatever you want. Oh, should we order this too?”

Bae Yu-rim and Kim Jae-hyun started bickering again. It seemed like it would take quite some time for them to decide on the menu, so I sat quietly and waited.

I could feel Joo Kwon-oh’s gaze on my face, but I desperately avoided turning my head in that direction.