NOVEL NEXT Chapter 889 Love In Truth
Chapter 889 Love In Truth
"No, that's not fair."
Ria took another step forward, the squelch of flames dissipating as she pressed her foot firmly down. Her entire body was running, cascading, like molten lava spilling ever downwards. And when she breathed, she was like a dragon spurting fire.
"What's more important to me? You're really going to ask me that?" I could hear the hard edge of self-restraint in her voice. Just a single nudge away from shouting back at her. "Irene, that's not the point - that isn't why I'm going. It has nothing to do with what or who's more important - do you seriously not get that?"
"Answer me anyway!" Irene shouted without regard. "Because I don't get it! I've never got it! You can't say you care for someone, and then just walk away from them anyway, can you?"
"Is that what you think I'm doing?"
"What are you doing?"
"Irene, I've done all I can to make tonight as good as it can be! I am not just walking away! I am not leaving you with nothing from me! I am giving you the best I got! Don't you realize that?!"
"Yes! How considerate! Fill me with joy and then tear my heart out! How sweet!"
"Oh, so what - you think I'm being selfish here?"
"No, you are selfish!"
"Ha! Look who's talking, like you - !"
"You are being selfish, and so am I!" she interjected, undeterred by flames growing brighter and hotter. "I am being selfish, I know I am! I know asking you to stay is as selfish as it gets! You don't want to stay, you'd rather go! You - !"
"Fucking hell - don't you start!"
"Ria, let me finish! I - !"
"No, there's nothing here to finish! Irene, for fuck's sake - my mind's made up! I'm leaving, and that's - !"
"JUST LET ME TALK!"
Honestly, it was like someone had suddenly tossed a stick of dynamite into the room, its wick burnt away to its last inch. Irene was downright volatile… far from the calm, pragmatic woman I always saw her as.
Cool, rational, logical - that's how I've always seen her resolve every obstacle thrown at her. Even when things were as emotionally charged and complicated as they were now, she'd never waver in her approach. And from dusk all the way to the approaching dawn, that was exactly how she continued to carry herself throughout.
Until now, I suppose.
Knowing her, none of this was playing out the way she probably had in mind. Yet more and more over time, I'm slowly starting to realize, as she likely was too, that nothing ever does.
"I'm not going to force you to stay. I won't tape your eyelids to try and keep you awake. I told you, I'm not breaking my promise no matter what - Ria, you can go! I told you that, didn't I? I told you!" Irene heaved in, her breath audibly wavering as she mustered up what little composure remained. "But you didn't, did you? You stayed, you insisted - you want me to explain myself? Well, now I am! And you'll listen! It's too late to back out now. You brought this on yourself."
For a moment there, Ria flicked her eyes toward me. Did she want me to step in? to help? Before I could even start to guess, her stare had drifted back; fiery eyes relenting, her lips narrowing.
"Fine," she clenched her fists, folding her arms over her chest as little sparks spewed with her breath. "Talk."
Irene didn't waste a second getting right into it. All throughout the night, hesitating, restraining; now no longer.
"I don't get you, Ria. The truth is, I never understood you. I thought I did, but I didn't. How you think, how you feel - you're a mystery to me. You can care for a person so deeply and so easily, and yet at the same time, you're able to leave them at the drop of a hat. Tell me, is it really that easy? Shouldn't you hesitate? Shouldn't it be hard? Painful? If that's really how it is, then why… why isn't it for me? Why do I hesitate? Why is it hard… and painful… to see you go?"
Ria's head gave a jerk, the glare in her eyes in stark opposition. Already she looked ready to argue back, but Irene didn't give her the chance.
"It's hard to believe anything you do. You make me second-guess you. Everything you do is a contradiction to something else. You can't just claim to want to share a special moment with me and then also choose to turn your back on me afterward. What am I supposed to think, to feel? Is that how you love? Is this how you show it?"
"Like I said, it has nothing to do with how I feel about you," Ria quickly said before she could get interrupted again. "I just… I need this, Irene. You know I do."
"Yes, I do! Ria, I know! To be at peace, to not want to suffer anymore, to be with your kids - I know all that. It's hard, it's painful - but if that's what you want, then I'm not going to stop you. Ria, I love you."
That rattled her. A split-second of her feelings laid bare before Ria promptly collected herself.
"That's a first…" she muttered. "Never in a million years did I think I'd hear those words from your lips."
"Still think I'm that same person to stuff you in a locket?" Irene asked. "I'm not, Ria."
"Definitely not."
"And even back then, you'd rather stay encased inside than come out of it on your own will. Anytime you could have just left…" she softly added. "It took someone else breaking the damn thing for you to finally come out of your shell."
Again, Ria threw me a fleeting glance. The both of us with the same distant memory replaying in our heads. I didn't know about that first part - about her refusing to leave the locket. So even back then, she was like this.
Should have probably expected that. Even in memories, she never left that part of the forest, did she? Always alone, wandering amidst the vicinity of that withering stump. Wandering, surviving, and never living.
"But I was fine with that mostly," Irene went on. "At least I still had you, you know? I could still feel you. Your presence, your warmth. But you go to sleep now, what's there left of you? What's there to feel?"
"I'm tired, Irene," Ria said. "You can't even begin to understand that, and I hope you'll never have to. But if you were in my shoes though, if you only just knew - you'll realize why I don't stop to hesitate, how this isn't a hard decision to make at all."
"I know…"
"No, you really don't," Ria shook her head. "But even still, you mean so much to me. I was upset at first, but I'm glad you woke me - I'm grateful you've given me this chance to spend some time with you again. I mean everything I've done. I did want to share something special with you, I did want to spend some time with you. Irene… I really do love you."
I saw Irene's head sink ever so slightly, streams of raven-black spilling over her shoulders.
"So then answer the question," she whispered to her, repeating for one last time in a hollow echo. "Who or what is more important to you?"
"Irene, I told you…"
"I know what you said," she cut her off. "I know you believe it doesn't have to do with anything. But… just say it, won't you? I want to know."
"Why?"
"Because I want a clear answer. Because I am done speculating and second-guessing everything you do, everything I am to you. I need to know. Just one last thing before you go. Please. I don't want to look at you and keep doubting you. I love you too much to do that. Please don't make me have to do that."
Ria almost seemed to freeze in place, her flames smothered, her expression snuffed.
"Tell me," Irene pleaded for the last time. "Am I really not enough to stay?"
Ria blinked once, breathed in a deep gulp, and with both arms suddenly extending forward, took Irene in a tight, enveloping embrace.
"I love you. Please believe me, because I do. I really, really love you, Irene. My Riri. So, so much…" she said, buried deep in her locks, radiating a soft yellow glow slowly dimming, dying, as she spoke once more, the truth, the answer. "I'm sorry… but I just… I… it's not enough…"
She released her immediately after, tears finally falling, spilling, gleaming with the luster of a dying flame.
"I just don't love you enough…"
Irene didn't react, didn't make a sound; head still hung, gaze still veered away. It took an entire eternity, an entire everlasting moment before she rose her head again.
"Understood" was all she said, all she muttered, as she stepped back. "Thank you."
"Irene… I…"
But she was already stepping out of the hallway, leaving her light, her presence until she was alone again. I could finally see her face, after so long wishing that I could. Except there was nothing to see, nothing to read. A total blank. Regressing back to her calm and composed self.
It was clear as day there was nothing more she wanted to say, nothing more that needed to be said, except…
Irene glanced back at the hallway again, staring at the lone figure faintly illuminating the darkness.
"You can go now," she told her, wearing a small smile on her face that was anything but. "Goodbye, Ria."
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