My Nihilism Got Me Laid?!

She's no longer that carefree and cheerful woman from yesterday, her words sound realist, her expression a blank stare. "You can just say it. I know you're curious how I killed my mother."

"Well... I wasn't going to say anything, but it does seem a little... uncharacteristic of you."

"It's not as dramatic as it sounds. During my birth, my mother contracted a disease. The exhaustion of having a child prevented her from being able to fight of the disease. That's why, a mistake was born at the cost of an angel."

While it may be the right answer, right now is probably a bad time to flaunt my good and bad is subjective philosophy.

"Do you think your mother would consider you a mistake?"

"It doesn't matter, she's dead, and I'm alive. It's simple really, an exchange, a useless flawed person was born, costing the world a person who was kind to all, a person who deserved to live."

"If neither your mothers nor your own opinion matters, that means that your father is root of the problem."

She looks down as she swings her legs out. "You know, he said if I don't pass tomorrow... he would kill me, or at least gouge my eyes out and have me work as a servant."

...

My god, talk about daddy issues. "I- wel-"

Her breath hastens as I can hear her attempting to hold back from crying.

"It's alright, you don't need to say anything..."

Turning her head, she finally looks at me, her eyes water as the wind carries her hair. The moon casts a light around her head, a moon lit halo.

"I'm dead already..."

For some reason, this time around, I'm pathetic; I have no magical words to console her, nothing I can do...

She gives a weak smile. "You don't have to look so sad. I'm prepared for this."

...

I have nothing... but I can't sit around and say nothing.

"Dont say that!" I command, "Surely there's something you can do? Don't give up until it's over! Just tell me, what do you need me to do to help you stand?"

Her giggle is gargled through her tears. "Well, if you really want to help me... can you spend my last night with me? Growing up, the boys always feared my father, and I never had a boyfriend. So just for tonight..." Her eyes are no longer sad, it's more of a defeated happiness, as though she saw the end but wanted to enjoy what time she had left.

"Sure." I finally nod. "But I'll warn you, I'm about as shitty as they come, so you're setting the boyfriend bar pretty low."

She scoffs. "The lowest of the low, with an even lower low. I dont know, that sounds pretty romantic."

....

She grabs my hand and leads me through the dark streets of the village. She looks back at me with the warmest smile, as though she wasn't fully prepared to die tomorrow.

The rustic homes provide the only light on our walk, as the insides illuminate a warm orange.

Grabbing some Django from a stand, we continue down the streets.

We eventually arrive at a large and... creepy building. Its overgrown with vines and trees having consumed most of the chipped stone.

Suddenly, I hear a growl. With wide eyes, I turn to her. "Wh- what was that?!"

"Do you want to go to the zoo?"

"The... zoo?"

With our Dango we sit on a chair overlooking an enclosure. There's an array of different animals.

A pond with crocodiles, and in another walled off section, a bear attempts to scratch its butt on a tree. Two Kangaroos hopping around their Australian outback themed enclosure.

We sit down on a bench the overlooks a large Siberian tiger. It paces around the enclosure... yet it looks like it's twitching.

"I have always liked tigers." She whispers with a grin.

I know one self titled tiger and you wouldn't like her. (-_-)

"They are one of the deadliest animals on earth, yet they can still be colorful. They don't have to be invisible."

I'm pretty sure they are only colorful to us because we're trichromats, meaning they are in fact camouflaged/invisible to other animals.

But... I'll let her have her moment.

"What's the point of hiding in a world that's already so dark? Shouldnt it be our responsibility to shine bright enough to face the darkness, to make life seem brighter?"

Riven grabs my hand, leading me away once more.

Before we leave, the tiger catches my eye once more; As it begins walking awkwardly, it's suddenly rolling on its back, its legs spasming as though it were hallucinating.

"C'mon Graves, there's somewhere else I want to take you before sunrise!"

"Hmm, coming." I cautiously nod.

She guides me through a bamboo forest, effortlessly parkouring her way through the tall stalks. After that twenty minute hike in the forest, I barley manage to retain my complaining.

"How are you already winded; this wouldn't be a warmup."

"If a bird told a fish how easy it was to fly, it wouldn't help the fish fly any higher."

"I suppose that's true." She grins.

"Well, we're here." She finally says.

Trying to hide my panting breathing, I lean forward with my hands on my knees. "Fina- I can't wait to see-"

At that moment, the trees broke, and we had a perfect view of the lake. The water is a mirror, reflecting the starry night sky; there's toriis scattered throughout the lake, each with a small lantern illuminating its presence.

"Hehe, Graves, what's with that face, it's not that pretty."

Putting her hands behind her back, she leans forward with a smile. As she giggles, as her smile reaches either end of her face. As her eyes shined, for that single second, she was not tomorrows victim, she really looked like an angel.

With another giggle she pokes me. "Don't get too attached to me; you'd just be building castles in the skies. It's the same reason we don't name our pets."

How can she say that with a smile?

Sitting down on the cool grass, the warm night breeze acts as a perfect combination, creating a still night. Chirping bugs surround the area, as an owl hoots in the distance.

There's a moment of silence as we sit there, appreciating the breath taking view.

"So, when you graduate tomorrow, what's the first thing you are going to do with your newfound freedom?"

She gives a playful look at she looks up. "hmm, I suppose I haven't thought about it?"

"Really? I would have thought it would be the only thing on your min-"

"Just kidding!" Yanking a scroll from her back pocket, it unravels; like a greedy child's Christmas list, it's a bulleted list of hundreds of activities.

"First, I've always wanted to go to a water park! And then I want to try that rolled up ice cream. Or maybe that carnival thing people are always talking about, with the big wheel and the games!"

Her excitement over such trivial thing takes me off guard. "I couldn't imagine being a tourist to the whole world."

"Then you could be my tour guide! We'll try all of these things!"

"When you're freed, you'll come to find out there's far better options than me out there; I have quite a few friends who would be happy to go-"

She leans towards me with a pout. "No! I want to go with you." (⸝•̀ ⤙ •́⸝⸝⸝)

"Alright, alright." I put my hand up with a chuckle. "Then we'll go to a water park."

...

These silences doesn't feel awkward, instead natural, required. Our attention constantly being dragged from circumstances to appreciate the world, and the time we have already been gifted.

...

"Graves..."

"yea-"

Turning to face her, I am met with a pained expression, a stifled breath as she tries to fight back the feelings. Biting her cheek, she tries so hard to smile, but her lips dont lie as they tremble.

Lunging forward, she wraps herself around me, hugging desperately, clinging in hopes that this bond will stop her from facing tomorrow.

As she hugs me, her body begins to shiver, and I hear her hitched breath as tears stream down my shoulder. "...I don't want to die..."

Her body slouches as she crumbles into my arms. "...I really don't want to die!" Her voice raises an octave with her pleas.

Every other save was a split second moment, my body acted on its own and I managed to save them, but this was different, she knew the end was around the corner, in her eyes there is no maybe, no white knight to save her, this really is the end.

This premature epitaph...

This feeling...

This fear...

I'm sick of it.

Grabbing her shoulder, I pull her off me.

"Riven."

She looks up at me with wide, watery eyes. "Yes?"

"Do you want me to save you?"

Her eyes widen as she lurches back. "Wha- You- you can't... save me."

"I... will..."

"Graves..." Her cute expression fades into a furrowed anger. "...please... don't do that! Stop giving me this... hope! Stop making my last days alive so peaceful!"

How does it get to this point? To the point where someone feels they don't deserve love? Where a life of absence is better than living life?

Her saddened anger, like a candle burning the last of its wick. "My entire life I was left alone; no one to turn to, no one to trust, no one to love, and the worst part is... I got used to it! I didn't mind!"

"It was because I was able to understand, I saw me for what I really was. My mother died to have me. For what? So I could waste my life away dreaming a fantasy I could never reach? To disappoint the only family I have left? I was able to hate myself. I made myself the enemy! I'm Useless! ...Useless! Useless! "

Riven clenches her fist with those watery eyes. "But now- now you've given me this- this feeling! Now that I have someone to talk to, someone to share my pent up feeling with, someone that makes me so... happy!"

"God, I hate it! I hate it!" She now directs her anger at me as she points accusingly. "Why couldn't you have let me die miserably?!"

"Because you don't deserve to die."

She doesn't responds, as she looks to me.

"I won't say some cheesy bullshit and say no one deserves to die; I have too much blood on my hands to say that. So I won't lie, even if it is just from my perspective, you don't deserve to die. So if you need a single reason, let it be because I want you to live."

"Graves... tha- that doesn't change anything? Dont you see? There is no way out!"

"I already told you I would save you."

"This isn't some stupid kid's story!" She bites her cheek as she's given up on staying angry. "If you saw previous tests, you wouldn't be saying that!"

"If you can make me a promise... you will live."

"I appreciate the sentiment Graves, but you'll just die too-"

"Promise."

She pauses, hesitating, fearing that this hope I have given her will abandon her like every other person in her life.

"...alright... what do I have to promise?"

"You have to admit it. Admit that you do not see yourself as worthless. I want you to have an ego."

"Wha- What are you talking about?! You saw me; you know that I'm nowhere near as good as my classmates!"

"So?"

"I'm selfish! I just want to escape! And I contribute nothing to our village!" Her body shakes as she fails to formulate proper words. "...I'm just no good at anything."

"I ask you again, so what? I am a selfish, greedy, self centered, sin seeking, slothful piece of shit, but I'm still alive. I don't let my parents decide my worth, I don't live for others, I exist only to further my own purpose. So if you think for even a moment that you're the lowest of the low, I will always outmatch you."

I put my hand on her cheek. "So, if, you can truly believe that you deserve to live, only then, I will save you..."