My Life & How It Has Changed Me Book 3

Chapter 6-1

Compromise

Part 2

Unlike my father, I wasn't ashamed of my body, nor was my mother. The fact that I happened to have an almost a complete arousal didn't deter the fact that my father had gotten my blood pumping enough to cause it. Besides, it wasn't anything she hadn't seen before, nor did I have a reason to be embarrassed about it; it was just life in its purest form.

It also didn't faze Susan and when she opened the shower curtain, hoping to surprise me and hoping to embarrass me. Only to have me stand there with a bar of soap in my hand asking her if she wanted something and continuing with my shower, I knew her eyes were roaming me, but I let on that didn't bother me and told her she was getting water all over the floor only to have her close the curtain enough and taking a seat at the end of the tub to watch me.

She smiled at me and leaned back to prevent her from getting wet said. "So, Mamma, Mom," hearing her correct herself being unfamiliar with the word. "Said you and your whole family of misfits of immoral hillbillies go skinny dipping regularly. Just like you did when you lived with those heathens the Downings, not surprising really considering who and so-called friends associate with these days."

I nodded and said. "Yes, all the time. So, what is it you want to know? Have I seen, or do they see me naked? And the answer would be yes, more times than I care to count. Does it bother me? No, why should it?"

Susan's eyes kept looking at my penis. I pretended not to notice and kept showering as if she wasn't there. When she realized, I didn't respond to her the way she was hoping she said. "I was thinking it should have been bigger, but after seeing it. I feel I should tell you that for a boy you disappoint me, and I have seen bigger ones than that puny little thing you have, that it is just simply not worth mentioning or hiding. Sorry, but it's true." Getting up and leaving the door wide open. I knew she was trying to get under my skin and shrugged my shoulders, letting the hot water pulverize and relax the tension that I was feeling.

Mom came in right behind Susan, setting down dry towels. I knew she heard us, watching her eyes roam the same spot, which in some ways made me uncomfortable. Mom said, "You know your sister was just trying to get at you?"

I nodded and said "Yes Mom, I realized that, but doesn't really matter to me what she thinks, it's not like I can go to the store and pick one out she would like or ask God to make it more appealing for her, it is what it is, a simple part of my anatomy that has two functions, to pee and make babies. Not to make sisters happy."

Actually, there are three things. Mom knew Aaron, and I did it, and so did Bishop Earl and my child psychologist heck. My foster parents knew about it, too. Then it was no big deal. To say I or every boy, girl, man, or woman didn't do it would be a lie. I know the LDS church frowns on it, but they waffle on the subject regarding when it is appropriate like after marriage, but neither do they openly oppose it. Everyone has a theory on what is right or what is wrong when it comes to that or when it is ok, but personally, it's between me and God. At least that's what my foster Dad said and Bishop Earl. Mom (Rothwell) simply said to leave a sock tied to our bedroom door or lock it, to prevent her or anyone from walking in on us, and that included her and my sisters.

My mother knew that it didn't bother me talking about sex. In fact, she was glad that I was more open to talking about it than most boys my age when it came to talking about sex or how my body worked. Personally, I don't understand why other kids and their parents had issues with it, considering it's just a part of life. When I entered my room, I found Officer Kenly waiting there, just as my mom had informed me. I nodded that I was done and turned off the shower and dried myself. It didn't take long for me to notice that Susan had taken all my clothes when she departed, fueling my irritation towards my irritating little sister.

I knew what Officer Kenly wanted, so I just shrugged my shoulders and walked past my other sister's bedroom, listening to them giggle about my anatomy. Mom offered to close the door, but I declined the offer. Told her I would not give them the satisfaction they wanted and walked past the open doorway completely naked. Wanting to throw the towel in their faces and angrily grab my shorts. Yet, knowing that to would give them the satisfaction of embarrassing me.

The first thing I noticed was the door and the wall. I cringed, remembering how my father had tried to chop his way through so he could kill Aaron and me. The paint was bright white compared to the rest of the walls in the hallway, and the door didn't show so much as a dent or a scratch. Officer Kenly was inspecting the window when I walked into the room with my mother.

He turned around, hearing me enter. The fact I was naked didn't register in his eyes. Simply took out his hand for me to shake, and I did so. I knew why he was here, but it still made me feel like a side of beef, having two pairs of eyes roaming parts of my body. He simply asked how long I would be staying, having my mother tell him. He nodded said. "Then I won't keep you, but I would like to invite you and Aaron for a father and sons outing this Thursday and Friday unless it's a problem?"

Mom informed him that it was a great idea for me to meet the other boys in the ward, but my father would not be going. He nodded and said, "I wasn't inviting him Mrs. Shepherd, just your two boys. Bishop Earl and I will be the ones stepping in for him, and he and I would be most proud to be their surrogate's fathers."

My father overheard the conversation and said: "Like Hell, you will, and I forbid them to go."

Mom stood toe to toe with my father. "Why? Are you planning on going, Jim?

My father said. "Goddamn it, Linda, stay out of my fucking business. I God damn know what they do up there and I fucking refuse to continue this conversation. His answer is no, and that's final."

Mom growled. "They are going with or without you. And I know very well what they might be doing and if you don't like it. Goddamn it Jim, you can go straight to hell." Ending the discussion telling Officer Kenly. "Thanks for taking the time and the offer. I'll have them ready when you arrive to pick them up." He said good day and left, placing the ax and the shovel into the back of his car. My father growled, ordering me to put some clothes on, and slammed my bedroom door shut.

Part of the compromise was that Aaron and I at least dressed for dinner, which was no big deal considering even my foster parents enforced that rule when it came to suppertime, but my father was not as lenient as them, which meant fully dressed in long pants, long sleeve shirts either button-downed or pullover, tucked in at all times and the top button, buttoned and shoes and socks on our feet. Which I would not oblige him and decided to put on a least a shirt and a pair of shorts. The rest he could go straight to hell.

He hated seeing any exposed flesh; if he could have, we would be wearing gloves and ski masks year-round. And I wonder why I had such a problem growing up when it came to shedding all those layers of clothing. Yet then again, Aaron and I would have never been allowed to eat at the kitchen table or eat the same food as him, my mother, and my sisters. Pigs ate better than we did. Some battles aren't worth fighting.

Unlike the Rothwells my mother and my parents weren't into prayer when it came to blessing the food before we ate, but it was their house they could do whatever they liked. Yet one rule never changed and that was we waited for my father to fill his plate and take the first few bites. Knowing if we didn't, we would be ordered out of the room and without supper, earning a severe spanking afterward. I knew from experience that neither Shane nor I were ever too old to be spanked, but it would not be as bad as my father or my mother doing it. Mom squeezed my hand under the table as we waited for permission to fill our plates. Even she feared my father seeing her wait until he started to eat a few bites.

My father never said a kind word or a simple thank you to her for a meal or anything. He just simply expected it. I, on the other hand, felt the need to tell her. "Thank you, Mom. It's the best thing I have tasted in a long time." Watching her beam with pride.

Earning a feral growl from my father, telling me, "Boy, keep your God damn mouth shut unless spoken to! Or you can fucking go without! Do I make myself clear?"

I nodded and growled, "Yes, sir!" Fighting the urge to solute the beast, but he still felt I was being a smart mouth. Having him lunge at me and pull me by the hair as I struck fast by instinct and punched him just below the neckline forcing the air out of him having to release me, grabbing his throat and choking and gasping for air. I knew he would recover quickly; it wasn't anyway fatal. I pointed to my watch to remind him, and he clasped back into his chair choking and taking long deep breaths. I could see the surprised faces all around me. Mom was more startled than anyone else as she looked at me and my father. I simply combed my hair with my fingers and continued eating.

When Mom recovered, she asked me if I was ok earning a choking growl from my father. Mom quickly examined my watch to see if any of the lights were flashing, Listening for the phone to ring and sirens. I smiled at what Mom said. "I am fine, Mom, but next time he touches me like that he'll regret it. I am more than capable of defending myself from people who think they can abuse me whenever they feel like it."

My father growled breathlessly, choking said. "It was a lucky shot, nothing more, boy!"

I took several bites and said. "If you want to test that theory, you're more than welcome to try."

The phone rang watching my mother panic, letting it ring a couple more times, looked at my watch I shook my head, and continued eating. Mom answered the phone her voice shaking "Hello," nearly clasping on the chair near the phone. Telling us it was grandma, giving a sigh of relief. Mom handed me the phone, saying she wanted to speak with me.

I could see her hands shaking. I took the phone and told her that I was fine, and we had just sat down to dinner and told her I loved her and thanks for checking on me and said. "Yes, so far he's behaving himself."

My father yanked the phone out of my hands and yelled. "Stop meddling in my God damn affairs," and slammed the phone down and grabbed the front of my shirt to bring his face to his. "Get your fucking ugly face out of my sight before I beat the living shit out of you. Your suppers over you, God damn pervert, now get!" Flinging me onto the floor and kicking me hard in the stomach, yelling. "It's none of her God damn business what I do in my fucking house boy!"

My father took his foot to stomp on me like a small bug, but instead, I quickly swept his legs from underneath him and made the mighty giant fall with a loud boom that shook the kitchen floor underneath, with my legs entangled to prevent him from getting up. I reached over and slammed him hard with my shoulder on top of his sternum. Hearing his breath leave his lungs.

I growled. "I can do this all day, you worthless piece of shit. Keep testing me if you want, but I will end your pitiful life before I let you harm me." I released him and walked to the table and filled my plate and took it to my room. I hadn't quite gotten to my room when my mother ordered him out of the house, with a loud slap across the face. I knew it was from her, considering he was basically paralyzed as he lay breathless on the kitchen floor.

It seemed like a game or a battle that would never end when it concerned my father and me, always testing each other's wills. Twice I could have ended it by simply pushing the button and maybe I should have. Yet if I did, he would keep coming after me, until he realized that I am no longer that helpless little boy that he could do anything he liked and get away with it. The question is could I or was I willing to kill him, and would I have regrets if I did? My mother had changed completely the way she used to be. So, in some small way, I was hoping he too would, if given enough time.

The second I entered the room, my shirt and shorts were the first things to go, doing a two-point rim shot from my bed to the hamper and did the same with my boxers. Breathing a sigh of relief at last. Quickly, I noticed I had blood on my forehead. I looked down, seeing more drops being added. Somehow, in the process, I had gotten a slight cut just above my hairline. It must have happened during or minor struggle over the phone and seeing another long scratch on my chest adding a slight bruise where my father kicked me in the stomach.

I cringed, knowing most likely my mother was going to get in trouble for it, after being told to handle me like a carton of eggs. I hated lying, but I had already told one lie today, well make those two lies. Remembering I had told my father about being implanted with a tracking device, and the second to my grandmother telling her that my father was behaving himself. I could see the lies compounding one on top of each other like bricks on a wall.

It wasn't bad enough to warrant any unnecessary attention, so I finished my dinner and took my plate in to wash it. Only to be stopped by my mother gasping, seeing the dried blood from my cuts. The fact I was completely naked didn't even faze her. Then why should it? We had no intention of following my father's rules. I could see the panic on her face even more so when she examined the small cuts. I turned away and finished cleaning my plate and put it away as if it wasn't a big deal.

I told her, if anyone asks; I got swiped by a tree in the yard. Mom nodded and quickly grabbed me to hug me close to her nearly suffocating me. To think a couple of years ago she herself would have joined my father in beating me, and now she was concerned because my father injured me. Planting multiple affectionate kisses on my forehead, she stood on her tippy toes, struggling to reach me as I had grown significantly since she had last laid eyes on me.

Hatred flickered in my sister's eyes as she watched Mom dote on me with affection. Seeing me naked no longer elicited the same embarrassment from them as it did before; their reactions were now barely noticeable. As expected, that wasn't a surprise - it had become a recurring occurrence. With Mom telling me about Susan going into the boys' locker rooms at school to watch them shower was still fresh in my mind. It wasn't worth noting how Susan and Becky felt about seeing Aaron and me naked since it had become a common occurrence. However, when it came to naked boys, they were all alike.

It wasn't quite nine yet before I asked if it was alright to call my foster parents. Mom and I had decided that each time I made a phone call that let concerned parties know I was alright would be random and staggered each day to prevent my sisters or my father from knowing when I was to make such a call, so neither of them could pin down a set time. Even Officer Kenly's visits would be random throughout the days and not all of them would require a search of my person or Aaron's, just asked a few questions. Sure, it was a pain, but being dead was worse when it concerned my parents. Mom was bound by a contract sitting in some red folder in Family Court when it concerned me, but my father was under no obligation to honor it.

I knew I didn't need permission to use the phone, even more so the one in my room which had its own personal line and number, but it was out of habit that I asked whether I wanted to go outside or use the bathroom. To me, it was a way of life letting my foster parents know where I was at all times. Yes, they trusted me, but it also made me feel safe and secure. When I was done with my simple phone call adding another lie to the list, that I was unharmed, I asked permission to go for a run, to keep in shape that I had worked so hard to maintain.

Mom hesitated, noticing how dark it was outside. I expected her to say no. I knew my father would without a second thought. Mom asked how long I'd be gone. I shrugged my shoulders and told her anywhere from half an hour to an hour, promising that I would stay on this side of the freeway. She wasn't concerned about me running away or being hit by a car in the dark. After all, this was Santaquin. One of the quietest towns in the area, one of the reasons why having an entire squadron of police cars showing up at our house seemed to make the news here, heck only one is all it really takes. It was like painting a red flashing light on our house, which said my parents were at it again. Yet having Officer Kenly show up so often when I am home, people soon found other things to talk about.

Mom gave me the ok. I said thanks, hearing my sister complain about it, telling her that Daddy was not going to be happy. Knowing I was free to come and go as I pleased, Mom simply said: "that's nothing new, your father's never happy."

The fact I was only dressed in a pair of shorts that had a long strip of reflecting light, that when car lights hit it, let them know where I was to prevent them from hitting me, and a pair of jogging shoes with the same reflection. Didn't so much as faze my sisters as it used to seeing me or Aaron without a shirt or barefoot have long lost its appeal, that it has become part of the norm now? It was going completely naked all the time they had a problem with.

I had gotten accustomed to running at night before bed instead of getting up early before the sun rises over the mountains. Sometimes I did it twice a day if I had a lot of pent-up energy. It also helped me sleep by relaxing me enough that when I closed my eyes, I could relax, and the nightmares seldom bothered me. For me, this part of town was unfamiliar to me, unlike the rest of it, now that we lived on the other side of the freeway which had a few older homes along the old frontage road. Now the houses were springing up all over this side that used to be open fields of sagebrush to as far as the eye could see.

My parents' new home was part of a new subdivision, so new that the sewer wasn't connected to the main Santaquin line, which meant that for now every home up here had its own septic tank. Not even a city sidewalk ran down our street, being in Santaquin, that too was nothing new. Even at my foster home, the sidewalk ends at the top of the street.

I loved the feeling of the cool air tickling my bare skin. The moon was beautiful, giving me plenty of light to see by. I didn't need to know where my father was, but neither did I fear him when I passed him going down and round up towards the canyon. I didn't slow just kept at my even pace. Neither did he make a move towards me. He didn't see well in the dark, so I doubted he recognized me, so I just kept to the other side of the road as if we were complete strangers, and in some ways we were.

I had reached the gate that said Santaquin Canyon up ahead and turned around and headed for home. No one ran at night up here if they were not smart in the dark, nor did they drive up that particular canyon, being the road was so narrow that one false move could easily kill you. I had ridden lots of times with Mom. Even she stayed close to the shoulder near the walls, knowing the trees and bushes hid how far the road seemed across, before falling to your death into the river below.

When I came home, my father was sitting on the couch watching TV. I didn't ask why he was here, the simple fact that he was just making life living here a powder keg waiting for someone to strike a match. Mom asked if I had a good run. I nodded that I did and asked if I could take a quick shower before bed. Mom didn't bother telling me I needed her permission just told me it was fine. Having my father complained about the water bill, earning a hard stare from her, which said to push it or sleep on the couch. Even my father knew it wasn't worth the battle. Even he takes more than one shower on a hot day.

I hadn't been in the shower long before Susan came in opened the curtain to stare and took her seat to watch me shower. I knew what she was doing and if she thought it was going to embarrass me; she had better try another tactic. I turned around so she could see the front of me, to show her that I wasn't ashamed by it in any way I said. "If you like you are more than welcome to join me if you are going to stay. My foster sisters and I have bathed together on numerous occasions even my foster mother occasionally."

It was a little white lie, a lie adding another brick to my wall. I smiled seeing the response I wanted, seeing the blush rise to her cheeks, and turned around to wash the soap off my front, while my audience sat there. When I turned around, she slipped away, taking my clothes with her and my towels. It said that the games were just beginning between my sisters and me.