My Dungeon Daddy System: Raising Monsters and Waifus Underground

"So," Reed said, "before we start planning how to not die, can we talk about basic living conditions?"

Grika groaned.

"We don't have time for that," she said, already pacing in front of the Core like a tiny, green project manager. "We've got less than two days before the first bunch of idiots with pointy sticks show up. We need kill zones. We need cover. We need—"

"—a healer who doesn't have to stand in the middle of traffic like a glowing target," Reed cut in. "A goblin who doesn't sleep on bare rock. And somewhere I can lie down that isn't the floor next to my own heart."

Luma, who'd been hovering behind him, half-hiding in his shadow like a timid cat, raised a hand a few inches. "I… don't mind the floor," she said quickly. "I can, um, go flat. Or puddle. Or puddle-flat."

Reed turned to her. "Luma, do you like the floor?"

She made a small, apologetic noise. "It's… cold. And dusty. And my dress keeps… sticking to… things…"

Her voice trailed off as her cheeks deepened from aqua to a more vivid teal. One of her feet lost cohesion for a second and squished sideways before reforming.

He gave her a sympathetic look. "Right. So. Furniture."

Grika folded her arms. "Boss, we literally don't have materials."

"We have rock," Reed said. "And I can shape stone. It won't be fancy, but it'll be better than nothing."

He turned to the Core, took a breath, and pushed into that now-familiar sense of connection. Stone answered. He focused on a patch of floor near the crystal, visualizing a simple rising platform. Not elaborate, just a rectangle the size of a decent bed frame, raised so it didn't feel like sleeping on the cold heart of the earth.

The ground rumbled softly. Rock flowed. In a few seconds, a stone platform about knee-high jutted from the floor.

"There," he said. "One bed. No mattress yet, but we'll get there."

He turned on his heel and eyed one corner of the workshop cavern. "Bench," he muttered. A long, narrow stone shelf grew out of the wall. "And workstation."

Grika's eyes lit up. "Okay," she admitted. "That's not the worst thing you've done since I was born."

"High praise," Reed said. "We're on a roll."

He moved to the other side of the Core and coaxed another stone platform up from the floor—smaller, rounder, lower.

"For you," he told Luma. "Slime… beanbag."

She blinked. "Bean… bag?"

"You can sit without soaking the floor," he said. "Or blob on it. Whatever's comfortable."

She stared at the little stone "seat" for a long moment. Then, looking weirdly determined, she stepped onto the platform.

"Okay," she whispered. "Sitting."

She didn't just sit. She settled.

As Luma lowered herself, her lower half lost cohesion, turning from legs into a thick, translucent blue cushion. She hit the stone with a distinct, wet shlorp sound that echoed a little too loudly in the quiet cave.

The slime spread, conforming perfectly to the rock, then jiggled once, a heavy, resonant wobble that sent ripples all the way up to her collarbone.

Reed watched, mesmerizingly, as her "thighs",or where her thighs would be if she wasn't currently a puddle, spilled over the edges of the seat in a glossy, semi-transparent skirt of goo.

"Oh!" she squeaked.

She wiggled to get comfortable. The sound was… indescribable. Like stirring mac and cheese, but louder. Squish. Plap. Squelch.

"It's… it holds me," she whispered, eyes widening. She bounced once, experimentally. Her entire form rippled, the "sweater" she mimicked stretching tight across her chest before snapping back. "It's surprisingly… bouncy."

Grika stared at her, then at Reed.

"Boss," the goblin said flatly. "You built her a suction cup."

"It's ergonomic support!" Reed protested, though he couldn't help noticing how the stone seat was now essentially wearing Luma like a glove.

"Sure," Grika grinned, showing teeth. "If you say so. Just don't ask me to sit in anything that makes that noise."

The System chimed quietly.

[QUALITY OF LIFE UPGRADE] Simple furnishings added near Core and in First Workshop.

Morale adjustments:

– Grika: 18 → 22

– Luma: 14 → 20

DM generation from emotional resonance: Slightly increased.

Reed smirked. "See? The cosmos likes ergonomic design."

"Okay," he said after they'd admired the interior decorating. "We need a plan before our first visitors show up. Step one: power check."

He pulled the Status window up.

[DUNGEON SNAPSHOT]

Core Level: 1

Dungeon Mana (DM): 2.7

Monsters:

Grika (L1), Luma (L1)

Incoming: Adventurer party projected within 24–36 hours.

"Two point seven mana," Reed said. "That's… still not much."

"We don't need 'much,' we need 'just enough,'" Grika said. "First party will be rookies. If it wipes them instantly, they mark it higher rank. If they come back with scrapes and loot, everyone's happy."

"That's not encouraging," Reed said.

"It is if we don't wipe them," Grika shot back. "We want them talking about us. 'Good exp, weird monsters, things talked back.' That gets you repeat customers."

Luma made a very soft sound. "W-we're going to… hurt them?"

Reed looked at her. "We're going to fight them," he said gently. "But I'm going to try very hard to not kill anyone who doesn't absolutely deserve it. Okay?"

Her shoulders eased a fraction. "Okay."

They spent the next stretch running "drills." Grika insisted.

"If I'm the only line between your heart and some idiot with a copper sword," she said, "you're going to see what happens when I actually swing at something that moves."

Which was how Reed found himself standing in the newly carved cavern while a goblin girl with a wrench eyed him like a training dummy.

"On three, then?"

Grika didn't wait for the count. She moved faster than he expected. One second she was three steps away; the next, she'd closed the distance in a blur. Reed barely twisted aside, the wrench whistling past his ribs.

"Rule one!" she barked. "Don't stand in the open! Corners are your friend!"

He ducked behind one of the stone pillars he'd shaped. "Rule two!" she called. "Never rely on a single barrier!" Her wrench smashed into the pillar, cracking stone.

He hissed and bolted, sliding around the pillar and making a break for the uneven ground. If he could get her to misstep—

Grika planted a foot on a protruding rock, used it as a launchpad, and vaulted right over him.

For a heartbeat, time seemed to slow. Reed looked up and had a very clear, very high-definition view of the problem: thick goblin thighs, shredded denim shorts that were fighting a losing battle, and the terrifying realization that gravity was about to bring all that muscle down on top of him.

She landed behind him, but she didn't just sweep his legs.

She lunged.

Reed hit the floor with a grunt, breath whooshing out. Before he could scramble, a heavy weight slammed onto his chest.

"Rule three!" Grika barked.

She was straddling him. Not vaguely—firmly. Her thighs clamped around his ribs like a vice, squeezing just hard enough to threaten a crack. The leather straps across her chest jingled as she leaned down, planting the cold metal of her wrench against his throat.

She leaned in close. Her skin smelled like engine grease and sweat—a sharp, musky scent that was confusingly attractive. Her face was inches from his, a bead of sweat tracking down her neck and vanishing into the minimal fabric of her top.

"Don't underestimate short people," she purred, the vibration rumbling through her legs and into his chest. She shifted her weight, grinding her hips down slightly to pin him harder.

Reed wheezed, staring straight up at Grika, who was currently dominating his entire field of view with an excessive amount of goblin attitude and skin.

"Noted," he choked out. "Is the… thigh clamp… standard combat doctrine?"

Grika grinned, and it was pure trouble. "Only for the ones who are too slow to stop me."

She squeezed her legs tighter for a split second—a warning, or maybe just a flex—before hopping off him.

The System pinged in his peripheral vision.

[COMBAT DRILL COMPLETE]

Damage sustained: Moderate (Non-lethal) Avatar HP: 63 / 100

Minor Physical Experience gained.

"Okay," he said, pushing himself up. Every muscle protested. "I concede. You win."

He let her haul him upright. "Luma," he said, still trying to get his breath back. "How do you feel about your first patient?"

Her eyes widened. "Oh."

She slid off her stone cushion—shlorp—and wobbled over. When she reached him, she hesitated, hands hovering just shy of his chest where Grika's knees had dug in.

"I, um. I have to… insert," she said.

Reed blinked. "Phrasing."

"I have to put the slime in," she clarified, flushing a deep, neon teal. "To fix the bruising. Is that… okay?"

"Better you than the pain," Reed said. "Go ahead."

She nodded. Then she laid both hands flat against his tunic.

It wasn't just a touch. Her hands didn't stop at his skin.

Reed gasped as her fingers seemed to dissolve, pushing through the fabric and sinking into his flesh. It felt incredibly strange cool, wet, and thick. He could feel the viscosity of her sliding between his ribs, massaging the muscle from the inside.

It was intimate in a way that made his toes curl. Like being dipped in warm honey that was somehow alive.

"Ah," Luma breathed, her eyes losing focus. Her lips parted slightly. "You're so… warm inside, Reed."

Grika, watching from the side, made a choking noise.

"Luma," Reed said, voice strained and an octave higher than usual. "You are doing a great job, but you have to stop talking like that."

"It's tight," Luma whispered, ignoring him, her slime pulsing rhythmically against his skin as she worked the spell. "The muscle is all knotted up… I'm just… working it out… almost there…"

Blue-green light pulsed from her body, syncing with the throbbing sensation in his side. She leaned closer, her "soft" body pressing against his arm, radiating a weird, jelly-like heat.

[SKILL ACTIVATED: Gel Heal I]

Target: Avatar (Reed)

HP restored: 22

Avatar HP: 85 / 100

She pulled back with a wet schluck sound, her hands reforming from goo into fingers, trailing a thin string of blue slime that snapped and reabsorbed into her palm.

Reed sat there, chest heaving, feeling flushed and thoroughly weirded out by how good that felt.

"That," he said, voice cracking, "was… an experience."

Luma beamed, completely innocent, while wiping a bit of herself off his shirt. "I'm glad! I can go deeper next time if you get hurt worse!"

Grika buried her face in her hands. "I'm surrounded by idiots," she muttered. "Horny, accidental idiots."

[MONSTER BOND – LUMA UPDATED] Loyalty: 16 → 20

Morale: 26 → 30

"All right," Grika said, recovering. "You've got reflexes that don't completely suck and a healer who can glue you back together. We're not hopeless."

Reed glanced toward the ceiling, feeling that faint, growing pull again—the sense of motion above, of people gathering. "How long until they're actually at the entrance?" he asked.

The System answered without a prompt.

[ADVENTURER ACTIVITY – UPDATE] Source: Human settlement (Stonebridge) Status: Beginner party registered. Estimated time until first incursion: 8–12 hours.

Reed's stomach dropped. Grika gave a low whistle. "Well. There's your deadline."

"Okay," he said. "We need a basic loop: entry corridor, this room as workshop/ambush zone, a few cheap obstacles, and then… we seal this room off from direct sight lines. Make it look like the dungeon ends here."

"You don't block your access," Grika said. "Just line of sight. You can leave narrow maintenance cracks, hidden doors. Let them think they cleared it."

Reed thought about that. It made sense. He turned to the nearest tunnel mouth. "Can I see the surface?" he asked.

The System obliged.

[CORE VIEW – VERTICAL PROJECTION]

The world blurred in his mind. For a moment, like looking down through a drone camera, Reed saw a rocky hillside under a cloudy sky. At the base of a slanted rock face, a shadowy crack in the stone marked where his entrance would eventually widen.

Near it, three figures stood.

One tall, with a sword strapped to her back (Lena). One shorter, with a staff and a backpack (Tessa). One wiry, adjusting daggers at his belt (Brin).

"…says it's just a baby dungeon," Lena was saying. "Good for us. We need the coin."

"'Baby dungeon' can still kill you," Tessa replied, exasperated.

Brin muttered, "Shut up, both of you. We're close enough that if anything's listening, we're giving it free intel."

Reed blinked and let the view snap back. "Okay," he said. "Change that from eight-to-twelve hours to… 'they're literally outside.'"

Luma made a small, strangled sound. Grika grinned, baring sharp teeth. "Good," she said. "Let 'em knock."

Reed took a deep breath. "Well," he said softly. "Showtime."

Grika hefted her wrench like it was a war banner. Luma slid closer to the Core, hands hovering just over its surface.

Stonebridge's first adventurers stepped into the dark crack of his entrance, torches flaring. And for the first time since waking up as a rock with legs, Reed didn't feel quite so hollow.