NOVEL NEXT Chapter 13 – The Lubricated Gauntlet
The problem with building a water level, Reed quickly discovered, was not the water.
It was the friction. Or rather, the complete lack of it.
Reed stood—or tried to stand—in the center of the newly smoothed corridor connecting the descent ramp to the main pool cavern. His boots, usually reliable on stone, were currently fighting a losing battle against physics.
"Whoa," Reed yelped, his feet sliding out from under him.
He windmilled his arms, trying to find purchase. There was none. The floor was coated in a thin, glistening layer of transparent film.
He went down. Hard.
SPLAT.
He didn't stop. He slid.
Reed rocketed down the hallway on his stomach, picking up speed. The corridor was slightly sloped, turning him into a human bobsled.
"Brakes! Brakes!"
He hit the curve. He didn't turn. He drifted.
He shot out of the corridor and into the main cavern, skidding across the wet stone floor until he collided with something soft, rubbery, and warm.
OOF.
"Gotcha, Boss!" Grika grunted.
Reed blinked. He was currently face-first in Grika's midsection. The goblin engineer was wearing her new Sapper's Straps, and the rubber material squeaked against his cheek. She had braced herself against a stalagmite to catch him.
"Nice slide," Grika grinned, looking down at him. "Solid velocity. Good entry angle."
Reed pushed himself up, trying to find traction on the slick floor. His hands kept slipping.
"What," Reed wheezed, "is on the floor?"
"Slime!" Luma cheered from the pool.
The slime girl—currently wearing her Hydro-Shell Suit —bounced out of the water. She landed on the tiles, but unlike Reed, she didn't slip. Her suit seemed to grip the surface perfectly.
"I coated the hallway!" Luma beamed. "Maira said the floor needed 'sealing' so it wouldn't get muddy again. So I licked it!"
"You… licked the hallway?" Reed asked.
"Well, I oozed on it," Luma corrected. "It's my [Viscous Residue]. It's waterproof! And shiny!"
"And friction-less," Grika added proudly. "It's basically industrial lubricant, Boss. I call it 'The Slip-N-Die.'"
Maira glided into the room. She was wearing her Supervisor's Skin, and her thigh-high boots had retractable spikes in the heels that clicked into the stone, giving her perfect stability.
"It is efficient," Maira stated, consulting her waterproof clipboard. "Intruders entering Floor 2 will immediately lose footing. This negates charge attacks, disrupts formations, and makes heavy armor a liability."
She adjusted her glasses.
"Also, watching them flail is statistically probable to increase Morale."
Reed finally managed to stand up by holding onto Grika's shoulder.
"It's a death trap," Reed said. "If they fall here, they slide right into…"
He looked at where the slide ended. It pointed directly at the deep end of the pool.
"Into the deep end," Grika finished. "Where we have the sharks."
"We don't have sharks," Reed said.
"Yet," Grika muttered. "But I built the next best thing. Come check out the gauntlet."
The Rinse Cycle
Grika led the way—or rather, skated the way—to a narrow chokepoint on the far side of the pool.
Reed moved cautiously, holding onto a guide rope Maira had graciously installed for "non-aquatic personnel."
"Okay," Grika said, stopping at the edge of a circular chamber. "So, the intruders slide down the hall, splash into the pool, get soaked, and then try to climb out here."
She pointed to a sloping stone ramp leading up out of the water.
"But they're wet," Grika explained. "And the floor is lubed. So how do they get up?"
"They crawl?" Reed guessed.
"They try," Grika grinned. "And that's when we hit them with the High-Pressure Bidet."
She hit a button on the wall.
HISSSSSS.
From hidden slots in the floor and walls, jets of water exploded outward.
They weren't gentle mists. They were solid bars of water, pressurized enough to cut glass. They crisscrossed the ramp in a chaotic, rhythmic pattern.
THWAP. THWAP. SPLASH.
"Whoa," Reed said, feeling the mist hit his face from twenty feet away. "That's… intense."
"It's non-lethal," Grika shrugged. "Mostly. It just pushes them back down the ramp. It's like a treadmill, but wet and humiliating."
Maira nodded approvingly. "It also forcibly removes mud, sweat, and cheap cologne. It is a mandatory hygiene station disguised as a trap. Brilliant."
"And if they get past the jets?" Reed asked.
"Then they meet the Spinner," Grika said.
She pointed to the center of the room. There was a circular stone platform floating in a pool of water.
"Seraphine! You up?" Grika yelled.
The water rippled. The Thermal Dreadnought surfaced.
Seraphine rose from the depths, her black latex-and-gold armor glistening. Her heated tail rings glowed with a soft orange light under the water. She looked annoyed.
"I was napping," she hissed. "The thermal vents are… exquisite."
"Need a test dummy, scales," Grika said. "Get on the spinner."
Seraphine rolled her eyes, but she slithered onto the platform.
"Proceed," she commanded, coiling up. "But if this ruins my polish, I will bite you."
Grika hit another lever.
The platform jerked. Then it spun.
WHIRRR.
It didn't just spin in a circle. It tilted. It wobbled. It gyrated like a washing machine with a brick inside.
Water sprayed everywhere. Centrifugal force kicked in.
Seraphine's eyes widened. She dug her claws into the stone. Her tail whipped around, trying to find a counter-balance.
"THIS IS UNDIGNIFIED!" she roared as she spun.
"It works!" Grika cheered. "Look at that velocity! An adventurer would be puking by now!"
"Or clinging to the floor for dear life," Reed noted.
"Exactly," Maira said. "And while they are clinging… they are vulnerable."
She looked at Reed.
"This floor is not about damage, Master. It is about Control. We take away their footing. We take away their vision with spray. We take away their dignity."
Reed watched Seraphine spinning around, holding on for dear life while looking incredibly angry and impressively shiny.
"It's the Rinse Cycle," Reed murmured. "We're literally laundering the adventurers."
"Clean XP," Luma giggled.
The Boss Room – The Sauna
"Okay," Reed said, once Grika turned off the spinner and a dizzy Seraphine had slithered off to sulk. "So they slide, they swim, they get sprayed, they get spun. What's the finish line?"
"Here," Reed answered his own question, walking to the back of the cavern.
He had spent the last of his Mana (down to 5 DM now) carving out a final chamber.
It wasn't slippery. It wasn't wet.
It was steaming.
He had tapped a magma vein deep below the rock—just enough to heat the floor without melting it. The room was a natural sauna. Mist hung heavy in the air, smelling of sulfur and minerals.
"The Heat Trap," Reed said.
Seraphine slithered in. Her mood instantly shifted. Her pupils expanded. Her tension melted.
"Oh," she breathed. "Oh yes."
She abandoned her dignity and flopped onto the heated stone floor. She stretched out her full twenty-foot length, her tail twitching happily.
"This is the Boss Room?" Grika asked, wiping sweat from her forehead. "It's just a hot box."
"Think about it," Reed said. "They've been dunked in cold water. They've been sprayed. They're shivering, wet, and tired. Then they walk into this."
He gestured to the warm, misty room.
"They're going to want to stop. Their armor is going to feel heavy. The heat is going to make them drowsy."
"And then?" Luma asked.
"And then Seraphine wakes up," Reed said.
Seraphine rolled over onto her back, exposing the gold plating on her chest. She looked positively drugged by the heat.
"I will… squeeze them," she murmured sleepily. "Warm hugs. Very tight."
"Exactly," Reed said. "We sap their stamina with the cold, then we sap their will with the heat. It's a stamina drain gauntlet."
"It's a spa day from hell," Grika corrected. "I love it."
The Test Run – Reed's Folly
"Alright," Reed said. "System check complete. Traps active. Monsters deployed."
He looked at his team.
"I want to run the course," he said.
Grika blinked. "You want to run the Slip-N-Die? Boss, you have zero agility."
"I have the System," Reed argued. "And I need to know what it feels like."
"Suit yourself," Grika shrugged. "Maira, get the mop."
Reed walked back to the top of the slide. He took a deep breath.
He stepped onto the lube-coated floor.
Immediately, his feet betrayed him. But this time, he was ready. He crouched, surfing on his boots.
"Yes!" he cheered. "I'm doing i—"
He hit a patch of extra-thick slime Luma had left.
His legs went up. His head went down.
He didn't surf. He tumbled.
Reed slid down the hallway like a ragdoll. He hit the water at the bottom with a majestic belly flop.
SPLASH.
He surfaced, sputtering.
"Jets!" Grika yelled from the shore.
HISSS.
A blast of water hit Reed square in the chest, knocking him backward. He flailed, trying to grab the guide rope. Another jet hit him in the back, pushing him toward the ramp.
"It works!" he gargled, water filling his nose.
He clawed his way up the slippery ramp, fighting the "Bidet." He finally reached the top, gasping, soaking wet.
He looked up.
Seraphine was waiting on the spinner. She looked… hungry.
"My turn?" she asked.
"No!" Reed yelled. "Test over! Test over!"
But Seraphine was already moving. The heat had made her active. The water made her fast.
She snatched him with her tail.
"You look cold, my Lord," she purred. "Let me warm you up."
She dragged him—kicking and splashing—toward the Sauna.
Maira watched from the shore, checking her stopwatch.
"Course completion time: 45 seconds," she noted. "Inefficient. But amusing."
Luma bounced next to her. "Can I go next?"
"No," Maira said. "You are the lubricant. Stay on the floor."
From the Sauna, Reed's muffled voice echoed.
"Seraphine! Too tight! That's my ribs!"
"Hush," the lamia's voice purred back. "Heat treatment in progress."
Grika leaned on her wrench, watching the steam rise.
"Yeah," the goblin nodded. "This floor is gonna make us rich."
[FLOOR 2 READY FOR DEPLOYMENT] Trap Rating: Slippery/10.
Lethality: Low.
Humiliation: Extreme.
Reed's dungeon was now open for business. And business was going to be wet.