My Dungeon Comedy is Wrong, As Expected.

A day had passed. Hachiman slowly emerged from the darkness, consciousness returning like a slow, painful tide. The first thing he registered was a deep, diffuse pain radiating from every inch of his body, a testament to the brutal ordeal against the Goliath and the overwhelming power he had forced beyond his limits. He found himself in a familiar, clean, and comfortable room—the same room in the Hephaestus Familia headquarters he had woken up in after the Monsterphilia incident. 'How did I end up here?' he wondered, his last vivid memory being the face of Aiz Wallenstein approaching as he fell.

His eyes adjusted to the soft light of the room and landed on a figure sitting in a chair beside his bed. It was Hephaestus, asleep in an uncomfortable position, her head resting on her hand. He paid more attention to her, now that the urgency of the moment had passed. Her red hair, cut short at the neck, gave off fiery reflections in the dim light filtering through the window. Her facial features, normally marked by the austere firmness of one who commands forges and artisans, were relaxed in a gentle rest, revealing a serene beauty. And, surprisingly, she was not wearing her eyepatch over her right eye. Her lips parted in a silent yawn, letting out an almost imperceptible sigh.

Hachiman was fascinated, watching her for a while, a strange, warm feeling building in his chest. The goddess who had helped him, who had defended him, who had given him the tools to survive, was there, watching over him. He tried to move, to adjust himself in bed, but the pain protested with sharp intensity. a groan of pain escaped his lips before he could contain it.

The sound was enough. Hephaestus woke with a start, her eyes opening instantly and focusing on him. "Hachiman!" she exclaimed, sleepiness vanishing, replaced by immediate concern. Seeing him struggle to sit up, she quickly went to him, carefully helping him lean against the pillows. Even after helping him, she remained close, holding his arm, her slender body in a clearly protective posture. "How are you feeling? Don't push yourself."

"I'm fine," he lied, his voice hoarse. "You don't need to worry."

Hephaestus looked at him with a pouting expression, a mixture of relief and irritation. "Why are you always in a dangerous situation? Why can't you stay away from trouble?" Her voice was soft but laden with worried reproach. "Now all of Orario is talking about how the Level 2 'Dragon Slayer' was crazy enough to face a mutant Goliath and kill it. A feat that would be challenging even for ordinary first-class adventurers!"

Hachiman looked away, scratching his cheek. He knew that what he had done was incredibly risky and, under normal conditions, impossible. If it weren't for his unique skills, his peculiar magic, the living armor she herself had given him, and crucially, the abnormal mana overload he forced on his body by ingesting more potions than he should have—the sharp pain now coursing through his system was the clear consequence of that recklessness—he would be dead. "I didn't have much of a choice," he said, looking back at her. "If I had stood by and done nothing, we all probably would have lost any chance of survival."

Hephaestus stared at him intensely in silence for a long moment, her reddish-brown eye searching his. Finally, she let him go with a sigh, seeming to accept his desperate logic. She then did something that took him by surprise. Holding his face gently with both hands, she forced him to look at her. "You are precious to me, Hachiman-kun," she said, her voice low and serious. "And I don't want to lose you."

Hachiman's heart raced. 'Precious...?' He felt his face flush, completely speechless.

Still looking into his eyes, Hephaestus closed hers and leaned closer and closer, his heart pounding like the hammers of her forge. Finally, her lips met his. The kiss was gentle at first, then deepened, filled with relief, gratitude, and an emotion Hachiman could barely comprehend. He was static for two, maybe three seconds, his brain short-circuiting, before instinct took over and he leaned into the kiss.

CLANG!

The sound of a metal tray hitting the floor with a crash shattered the moment. Hachiman and Hephaestus quickly pulled apart, both flushed and breathless, and looked toward the door. There, standing still, were Tsubaki, with an expression of pure amusement on her face, and Aqua, with a look of absolute horror, as if she had witnessed a sacrilege. On the floor between them was a tray with fruit and a broken water jug.

"He... He... HEPHAESTUS!" Aqua screamed, her voice shrill with dread and anger. "What are you doing with my Hachiman?!" She ran and stood between them, her arms outstretched as if protecting her most valuable treasure. She glared at Hephaestus with the animosity of a cat whose tail had been stepped on. "I knew it! I knew it! You want to steal him for your Familia! You're seducing my one and only precious follower to join your busty Familia!"

Hachiman put a hand to his face, weary. Hephaestus, on the other hand, seemed more surprised than offended by the declaration.

Regaining her composure (though the blush remained), Hephaestus calmed Aqua. "I'm not going to make Hachiman-kun join my Familia, Aqua-san." She paused, then looked at Hachiman with a determination that shocked him again. "But my love for him is too great. I will be his girlfriend."

The direct statement left Aqua speechless for a second before suspicion returned. "I-I don't believe you! Sooner or later, you'll use your charm tricks and your... your... breasts to take him from me!"

It was Tsubaki, who had been watching everything with immense amusement, who finally spoke up. "Calm down, calm down, Goddess Aqua. Think about it: we're in an alliance, remember? There's no need for the Boss to steal him. Besides," she leaned in conspiratorially toward Aqua, "think of all the wealth of the Hephaestus Familia... if your follower's and our Goddess's relationship moves forward... just imagine the advantage you could take of all that treasure!"

Aqua's eyes widened. The gears in her mind began to turn, greed overcoming jealousy. She began to drool slightly, imagining mountains of gold, temples, infinite pudding. Hachiman, seeing this, reached out and gave Aqua a hard noogie on her head. "OW!" "And Tsubaki-san, please don't give her any ideas," he said. "Aqua, you are still banned from spending on luxuries indefinitely for your escape in the dungeon."

"But, Hachiman, that's not fair!" Aqua protested, but he turned a deaf ear to her.

Removing his hand from a pouting Aqua's head, Hachiman said, "Enough of this. Update my status, please."

Still sulking, but also curious, Aqua complied. The blue light shone, revealing the gains from the cataclysmic battle on the 18th floor.

Hikigaya Hachiman Level: 2 (Day's Starting Status: Str:E-468, End:E-481, Dex:E-456, Agi:E-473, Mag:C-690)

Strength: SS-1068 Endurance: SS-1095 Dexterity: SS-1051 Agility: SS-1082 Magic: SSS-1400

Magic:

[Unlimited Blade Works] (Concealed)

[Single Strike] (Concealed)

Skill:

[A Loner's Protection] (Concealed)

[Wild Determination] (Concealed)

[Beloved by the Forge] (Concealed)

Development Ability:

[Smith: F]

[Mystery: H]

[Rune: I]

Everyone's jaw in the room dropped. Aqua, Tsubaki, and even Hephaestus stared at the numbers in disbelief. To jump directly from Rank E to Rank SS in the basic stats? And Magic, which had barely reached Rank C before, was now at a stratospheric SSS-1400? The gains from a single battle against Level 5 monsters were... divine. The option to level up to Level 3 was already there, pulsing.

"Not yet," Hachiman said to Aqua before she could ask, his mind already processing the information.

It was Hephaestus who noticed another detail. "Rune... I?" she asked, pointing to the new Development Ability. "You learned runic magic?"

"Something like that," said Hachiman. "It's a kind of ancient language that allows me to manipulate things." He decided it was time to show the result. He raised his left hand, revealing five metal rings. "Hefesto-sama, Tsubaki-san, the runes allowed me to create these rings." He focused, and the large sword Wyvern, which he had forged, vanished from the ring's storage space where it had been kept and reappeared in his hand, before being stored again in one of the rings. "Spatial storage. Current capacity: one cubic meter each."

The shock on Hephaestus's and Tsubaki's faces was even greater than with the stats. As master smiths and leaders of a Familia that participated in deep expeditions, they knew the value of this.

"Storage items..." Tsubaki whispered, her eyes wide. "Kid... you... you would be filthy rich if you sold these! Every Familia would pay exorbitant prices!" She was right. The lack of space to carry magic stones and drop items was the biggest logistical bottleneck for expeditions.

"I'm willing to make rings for the Hephaestus Familia," Hachiman said calmly. "You would just need to provide me with the raw materials." He added a caveat. "But my process is still inefficient. I succeed in about 10% of my attempts. And the capacity for now is one cubic meter."

Even with these limitations, Hephaestus and Tsubaki were ecstatic. The profit would still be immense. "Hachiman-kun, that's more than enough!" said Hephaestus. "And we can be your sales channel to the public too, if you want. The profits would be split 80% for you and 20% for us, and we would continue to supply the high-quality materials."

Hachiman was pleased with the proposal. It was a fair deal that would benefit him immensely. "I accept."

The rest of the time passed in a new, strange, and surreal dynamic. Hephaestus, now openly affectionate, tended to Hachiman's wounds and discussed forging projects with him. Aqua, though still wary of Hephaestus, was less hostile, perhaps already dreaming of the 80% of the profits she imagined would be hers. And Tsubaki... well, Tsubaki simply enjoyed the chaos and the happiness of her goddess, watching her Familia's "master" with an amused smile.