Moonlit Waters

“Claire!” I call. She turns, waits until I have caught up with her before she begins walking again.

“All recovered?” she asks with just the right amount of worry in her voice.

Is she just acting it?

I look over but there’s nothing. No tells, just her face and the beginning of a frown.

“We need to talk,” I say in a low voice. “Now.”

The frown deepens. “What happened?”

“Just- Do you have a place where we can talk privately?”

She nods. “Yeah, sure.”

She leads me down the hallway into the less frequently used part of the building, pulls open a door to the left and lets me in.

A classroom, empty. I haven’t been in this one before, I don’t think.

“The classrooms here are usually empty during breaks and nobody ever bothers locking them,” she says, leaning against one of the tables.

“So, what’s bothering you?”

I breath in and my stomach flutters. The truth is about to come out.

“Alex told me how you two got to know each other,” I say, closely paying attention to her face.

There’s a moment’s hesitation, then she smiles relieved.

“So the two of you sorted things out? That’s wonderful.”

Is she diverting the subject or actually happy for me? I can’t tell.

I close my eyes for just a moment.

“No,” I say then. “Well, kind of, but not really. That’s actually why I’m talking to you. I want to hear your version of the story.”

The smile retreats and there’s just the hint of a frown.

“Okay.” She says it like it’s more of a question than a statement.

“Alright, so.”

How do I start this? Awkwardly, I shift my weight, scratch at my elbow, look out the window. No getting around this now.

“Alex said you two used to date.”

Look at her expectantly. A nod. But no words.

“He said that you’re a very toxic person and that you used to say all sorts of cruel things about me and about my relationship with him.” My throat is tight but she doesn’t interrupt me. “He said he wanted to break up with you but you wouldn’t let him and threatened him to accuse him of raping him and-” I break off. There's a sad, faraway look on her face as she glances out the window.

“Claire.” I breathe in, trying to get rid of the shiver in my voice. “Are you trying to get back at him through me? Are you trying to… hurt me or him? Because if you are-” I trail off, don’t know what I should even threaten her with. Then I’m never gonna talk to you again. Yeah right.

She's frowning now.

“Wow,” she says then and a little laugh – a hitch in her breath, more like – escapes her. “So… that’s a lot to take in.” Her voice is bitter.

The reaction is so inappropriate that it completely throws me off the track. Does the laughter make it more believable?

“So you’re saying you didn’t do any of that?”

She looks up, surprised. “Wha-” Like even the notion is ridiculous to her. “Of course I didn’t. I mean-” She shakes her head in disbelief. “I get that we didn’t part on the best of terms but… I never thought that-”

When she looks up and meets my eyes, her gaze is firm.

“I can’t prove any of this, of course. But c’mon, that’s just stupid.”

“Is it?”

I hate this. I hate it so much. Why can’t things be simple for once? Why can’t it be obvious? At this point I’d rather just know; get it over with. The uncertainty is- A thought hits me. A cruel thought and before I know it, I’ve said, “You put the knockout drops in my drink, didn’t you?”

It makes so much sense. She guarded my drink. She

stayed behind while I went to the loo and while I was gone with Alex. She had plenty opportunity. And for someone experienced like her… If she wanted me to have a good experience at the club, she’d have paid better attention, wouldn’t she?

For a moment she’s frozen still and my stomach turns, but then she cocks her head and gives me a hard glare.

“Okay but what the fuck? Why would I do that?”

I shrug. “To hurt me. To get me raped or something. That would hurt Alex as well.”

She throws back her head. She looks angry now, cheeks flushed, face tense.

“FUCK was I naive.” At my raised eyebrow she explains, “I had my back towards him while we were waiting for you. Your drink was behind me on the bar, in perfect reach for him. Because I thought he was a decent human being.” She laughs sarcastically.

Was it? I’m not entirely sure. Either way, this is nonsense.

“Why would he do that?”

She doesn’t reply immediately. Wipes her nose with the back of her hand. I’ve never seen her do something like that before.

“He used to talk about you a lot, you know? That’s one of the reasons why I talked to you, to be completely fair. Because I wanted to help! Okay, yes, I still love-” she interrupts herself.

“Loved him. So I thought I’d do him a favour. And you. Because you were having a hard time. And along the way I stopped doing it for him because you’re a great person and deserve being helped, right? And I never realised that he didn’t want the help. He was always talking about how much he liked you even though you were a shut-in and shy and anxious all the time and he must’ve only recently realised that he doesn’t like you in spite of being that way, but because you are that way. Or, well, were.”

“That’s dumb,” I retort. “Why would he want me to be a depressed shut-in?” but my confidence is wavering. Alex never liked Claire. Maybe… Maybe after Isa left he realised what he really wanted.
“Because some people love feeling needed. Some people get off on acting like a great Samaritan and being loved for it. And some will go very far to get that.”

It makes sense, in a twisted way. Alex… He was always there for me. And when he realised that the girl from the lake used to be Timothy he loved me even more. Because he could help me. And when I needed him less and less because of Claire…

You’re aware that starting a whole new hobby just to impress people is… overdoing it, right?

You need to be careful around her.

I was hoping we could spend the evening at the waterfall?

The weather’s supposed to be really bad on Saturday.

“It’s quite simple, really,” Claire says now. “I helped you change, he doesn’t want you to change.”

And my defenses come tumbling down. It just makes so much sense and that scares me. Why does this girl’s version make so much more sense than that of the guy I’ve known for most of my life?

-

He’s there almost as soon as I’ve closed the door behind me. I haven’t even taken off my shoes when the knock comes.

Alex.

My stomach turns. I feel sick.

Why?

I take the time to get out of my dripping raincoat, then open the door.

He’s there, hair wet, droplets of water running down his face.

His gaze is desperate, full of worry and fear.

I’d only sent him a single text after talking to Claire.

How could you

And now he’s here because of course he is. I should’ve told him to stay away.

“I’d rather you stay away from me,” I say, not letting him in.

“You talked to her, didn’t you?”

He doesn’t try to come closer and I’m glad about that because I know that if he really wanted to get in, I couldn’t keep him from it. He’s so much stronger than me.

I nod. “And her version made so much more sense, Alex.” My brow is furrowed and I’m shaking my head as I speak. “How could I ever have been so naive?”

“Selena. Listen to me,” he says, both hands raised in a calming gesture, his eyes fixating on mine.
His eyes. Those warm brown eyes that I used to lose myself in. Those warm brown eyes that appear so masterfully innocent, like he could never hurt a fly.

“What I told you on Saturday was the truth. I’d never lie to you about something like that, okay?”

Why can’t things just be simple for once? Why can’t anybody show me their true colours?

“Then why does it feel like you’re doing just that?” I ask and flinch back when he raises his hand to wipe water off his face.

He stops and his face screws up in pain.

“You’re scared of me?” He says it more like it’s a statement, but I know it’s a question. His voice is suddenly so sober and empty.

I hate to admit it, but it’s obvious. No lying about it.

So I nod.

“You said it yourself. Toxic people are dangerous when they don’t get what they want.”

He drops his hands to his sides. How is his body language so perfect?

“So what is it that I want?”

“Helpless little me depending on you?” I snort. “You want me to keep falling back into depression so you can go and save me again and again and be my knight in shining armour.”

But there’s no displeasure on his face at the notion of having been found out. No guilt or anger and he says, “No.” in this pleading way and suddenly I am angry the way I’ve been trying for hours not to be.

“STOP! LYING!” I scream so loudly that my voice turns into a shriek. He flinches back but I don’t stop.

“WHY CAN’T YOU JUST ONCE TELL THE TRUTH?”

I pause, take in a shaky breath, look at him hard.

When I continue, my voice shivers with disgust. “I know you were the one who put the knockout drops in my drink, Alex. Just admit it. I’m so tired of this. I won’t even go to the police, just-”

“Please.” It comes out barely a whisper and suddenly there are tears running down his cheeks. But he doesn’t move. “Please, I’m begging you. You don’t have to believe me, just- Go to the police, have them check the footage from the club, or go to Reyna, I’m sure she can get them, too. Please. You don’t have to trust me, you don’t have to believe me, but please do this, for… whatever we used to have, Selena.”

I shake my head. I can’t do this.

“Leave, Alex,” I say flatly.

If I do what he says, he’ll know that he’s still got power over me, and then… Then this will never stop. I can’t let him have power over me.

“Please, Selena,” he begins, but I interrupt him.

“Fuck off.” And I slam the door shut in his face.

He doesn’t knock or ring the bell. For several seconds I stand leaning against the door, face hidden behind my hands, breath ragged.

I hate this. I hate the way I’m uncertain, even now. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

“Selena?” a small voice asks from the stairs and I flinch.

Fuck.