Miss, stop committing suicide

Chapter 3

Dragging my feet, I trudged weakly toward the entrance.

I glanced at the mirror beside me, straightened my disheveled clothes, and tidied my messy hair.

This is a basic duty for anyone who considers themselves human.

No matter how gaunt or sickly one becomes, a person should always maintain an air of dignity.

If someone comes to visit, it’s only right to present yourself well, at least to avoid appearing unpleasant.

Only fools who shouldn’t even speak their family name neglect such basic etiquette.

What nonsense.

Ugh, this is maddening.

I think it’s time to stop drawing a line between myself and this girl.

In this bizarre situation where I’ve become her, and she’s become me, drawing such distinctions feels like a surefire way to blow a fuse in my head.

It’s a deeply unsettling sensation to have your concepts and common sense flipped upside down.

As I stood staring intently at myself in the mirror, lost in thought, there was another knock at the door, followed by a voice.

“Um, Erica! It’s Vivian.

I was worried about you and came to check in. Could you please open the door?”

Right, the door—I should open the door.

I have nothing to offer my guest, not even a drink. Should I bring out plain water?

But then again, that might invite some new form of torment.

What if something awful happens because of that?

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door, and a pretty blonde girl stood there, looking startled.

It was as if she hadn’t expected me to actually open it.

“Uh, um, ah… h-hello?”

She stammered awkwardly for a moment before blurting out a greeting.

I smiled faintly but didn’t bother to respond.

My mind has been a jumbled mess for some time now, and my feelings for Evan, which I once cherished so deeply, have grown cold and indifferent.

Perhaps that’s why, even with this girl I disliked so much standing in front of me, I feel no particular emotion.

It’s as if I’ve become someone else—or rather, I have become someone else.

“Uh, um, uh…”

“Come in. I don’t know why you’re here, but come in.”

Is she here to mock me?

To gloat that she’s completely won Evan’s heart and tell me not to even dream of clinging to him anymore?

Or maybe she’s here to repay the slap I gave her once.

Not that it would matter much now if she did.

I pulled out a chair for her, then rummaged through a drawer to see if there were any cheap tea leaves left, since I’d already finished the coffee.

All I found was old dust clinging to my fingers.

I brushed it off my clothes and looked at Vivian, who was fidgeting anxiously, her fingers restlessly scratching at her cheeks.

When I finally opened my mouth to speak, her previously relaxed shoulders stiffened like a nervous recruit.

“Sorry, but I don’t have anything to offer you.”

“Oh, n-no! It’s fine, really!”

“Is that so?”

And then, silence fell between us.

We weren’t close, had no shared interests, and I wasn’t exactly in the mood for friendly chit-chat.

The girl in front of me must have found the silence unbearable. She timidly handed me a small paper bag.

I didn’t take it, so she placed it on the table with an awkward cough.

“Well, I thought it wouldn’t be right to come empty-handed, so I baked some cookies…”

“So, why are you here?

If you’re just going to say weird things like you were worried about me, you can leave.”

Ah, this innocent girl.

Look at her, floundering for words, unable to respond, her awkwardness almost charming.

Her troubled expression, despite everything, looks so beautiful. She really must be blessed.

“I heard someone tried to harm you, and I overheard the kids in class gossiping.

You haven’t been attending class, so I was worried something might have happened…”

“Well…”

Before I could point to the door and tell her to leave, she gently placed her palm over my lips.

For the first time, I understood what it feels like to have your eyes widened in surprise.

Then she pulled her hand away, gave an apologetic smile, and stood up.

“It’s true—I was worried about you.

But I won’t leave.

You look like you’re about to cry.”

At her words, I glanced in the mirror.

My dull, lifeless eyes reflected nothing, not a shred of emotion. What nonsense was she talking about?

Maybe she was trying to say my tear glands had dried up from lack of blinking.

“Should I kneel and apologize or something?

I’m sorry for slapping you. I’m sorry for saying all those cruel things.

But I just want to be alone. Alone.”

She didn’t even pretend to listen. Instead, she picked up the shattered glass on the floor and threw it into the trash.

She winced, muttered an “ouch,” and sucked on her finger.

“I don’t care about Evan anymore.

Whether we were childhood friends or engaged or whatever—it doesn’t matter anymore.”

Maybe my words sounded like nonsense.

Or maybe just the meaningless murmurs of a woman who’s lost everything.

After cleaning the floor, she walked to the window and pulled back the curtains, flooding the room with sunlight.

Standing in that light, smiling so naturally, she looked radiant.

The light framed her as if she belonged to it, highlighting her beauty and charm, making me feel insignificant.

“Should I still call you ‘Miss’?”

“There’s no need for that anymore.

Didn’t you hear what happened to my family?”

“Still, you’re a lady to me.

From the first moment we met, that’s what I thought.

Do you remember what I said when we first met?”

“Do you want to be friends?”

That was what she’d said.

This memory wasn’t from this body, but from the time I’d read it in writing.

The first words are exchanged between the protagonist and the one destined to lose her fiancé.

I nodded, remembering clearly.

She smiled brightly.

“You showed me around the academy when I first arrived.

You helped me with classes, explained things I didn’t understand, and worked on problems with me—along with Evan, of course.”

Erica, the girl destined to be a villain from birth, likely understood in her head that her fiancé would prefer a prettier and more capable woman. But her heart could never accept it.

No matter how much she refined herself, standing next to this adorable girl made it clear that the only thing Erica had over her was status.

“Now, we’ve gone a little astray…”

Even now, I can feel a twinge of jealousy or hatred bubbling up.

I don’t know what to call this dark feeling.

Gone astray?

Erica was only ever meant to tie you and Evan together.

Realizing she’d said too much, Vivian fell silent.

Not that I had any intention or ability to respond.

What does it matter to me now?

What matters is that if I don’t start attending classes, I’ll be expelled.

And if I do go, I’ll face endless ridicule and bullying.

Should I ask her for help?

Ask her to stop the harassment, to keep people from using me to boost their egos?

If she could help with that, maybe I could manage.

Being expelled would leave me without options, after all.

But the words wouldn’t come out.

I let out a small, bitter laugh and sighed.

Why did she look so tense when I smiled faintly?

Ah, did I smile like this before slapping her once?

Not that it matters now.

“Vivian.”

“Yes?”

“Really, I’m fine. Please leave.

We’re not exactly close enough to comfort each other or have these kinds of conversations, are we?

I’ll be attending class starting tomorrow, so don’t worry.”

Vivian hesitated, mumbling something about how it didn’t feel right to leave.

When I stayed silent and stared at her, she finally stood and walked to the door.

Before leaving, she mentioned the cookies.

“They’re chocolate cookies made with milk.

I thought they’d go well with coffee, since you seem to like it.

Sorry for intruding. I’ll leave now.”

And with that, she left.

Why did she come?

Nothing meaningful was said.

I took out a cookie and put it in my mouth.

The combination of cocoa and sweetness was perfect, but it tasted like nothing at all.