Miss, stop committing suicide

Chapter 28

“Hey, can you come out?”

When I returned to the dormitory, I found Evan sitting against the wall outside my door.

His mouth was slightly open, and a bit of drool had trickled down. He must have dozed off.

“Where have you been—”

“You’ve got a drool on your face. How about you wipe that off first?”

At my words, he pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his mouth.

“Erica, you know why I’m here, don’t you?”

It’s happening earlier than before—still early evening—but it’s the same as before.

I’m starting to wonder if the world’s on some kind of loop.

“Yeah, I know.”

With all the unbelievable magic in this world, where love alone could bring down entire nations, it’s not so strange to think I’d returned to the past.

But I don’t have any great powers like that.

I can’t even conjure a ball of water larger than my face, so there’s no way I’m using time magic.

Regardless, time is the same.

That means everything that’s about to happen will be the same, too.

“So, it’s the same this time as well.”

I muttered it in quiet despair.

Maybe Evan thought I’d cursed under my breath, because he glanced at me with an annoyed expression.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing. Just talking to myself. Come in, if you’re so keen on playing word games with me.”

I opened the door for my irritated guest.

“Sit over there on the chair. I’ll bring some snacks and something to drink.”

When I checked the stash of chocolate, it was just as I’d expected—fully stocked.

I arranged several different types of chocolate on a plate and set it on the table.

Then I poured hot water over ground coffee beans in a filter, letting it drip into a cup.

“Do you think I’m here to drink coffee?”

Same opening as before.

I’ll give him the same response as before.

“Drink it. I made it for you as a guest.”

“You know very well why I’m here, Erica. Today, you slapped Vivian. They said you fought with her.”

“I slapped her, yeah. I did. But it wasn’t a fight. So what?”

“That’s not something you should be proud of!”

“And why not? It’s not like I did anything wrong.

I’ve never once thought about bowing my head if I’m not in the wrong. I’ve always lived my life with that in mind.”

It sounds self-righteous—like the musings of some sage living on a cloud.

But it’s true.

Even as I was about to be executed, surrounded by a howling mob baying for my blood, I stood tall.

My legs felt like they might give out, but I held my ground, didn’t bite my lips, didn’t cry.

I just walked forward, steady and calm.

Even when I was locked in a locker or when a bullet made a neat hole in the back of my head, I kept my dignity.

No one was there to see me break down anyway.

I’m always so conscious of how people see me.

Maybe that’s why my life has never felt truly free.

Even if I’m given freedom, I’ll always live as I’ve been taught—to reject barbarism and cling to etiquette and rules, enforcing them on myself before anyone else can.

“Cut the wordplay. Until now, you’ve never taken it too far with Vivian, so I let it slide. But today, you crossed the line.”

“So what are you here to do about it? If you’re not going to drink the coffee I made, then get out.”

“I’m not leaving.

Even if she’s a commoner, it’s not right to treat her that way—”

“As I’ve said before, she’s not a commoner. She’s a knight’s daughter.”

“What’s the difference?”

“From a commoner’s point of view, there’s no difference between me and that girl, Lydia.

But ask you, and I’m sure you’d tell me that I’m clearly higher than them. That’s the way it is.”

“Don’t change the subject. You know that’s not what we’re talking about.”

“If that’s not it, then what is?”

“You used your noble status to intimidate Vivian, and today you slapped her. I saw her crying at that bench we used to hang out at.”

Ah, that spot with the circling fish. She cried there, huh.

Lucky for me I didn’t go there at the same time.

Would’ve been an annoying scene.

“So, Evan. What do you want me to do?”

“Huh?”

“Did you think I’d suddenly realize my mistakes, apologize, and beg for forgiveness?”

“…No, I didn’t think you’d do that. That’s why I’m here to berate you.”

I thought about drinking tea, but it’s too much trouble to steep it.

So, I started brewing another cup of coffee instead.

“Erica, you—”

Evan’s words faltered, just like before.

He glanced down at the floor.

That’s when I noticed it—the coffee cup I’d been holding before I left to buy cigarettes.

It was shattered on the ground.

A large shard of glass cut my foot, but I didn’t feel anything at first.

No, I didn’t notice until I saw the wound. The moment I saw it, the sting began.

With how deep it went, there’s no way I shouldn’t have noticed.

Well, I’m sure to Evan, this matters far less than whatever’s going on with Vivian.

Better to act like it’s nothing.

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

I’m the one who’s hurt, but Evan’s the one making a fuss.

When brewing coffee, if you pour boiling water directly, the flavor changes. You need a consistent amount, a steady temperature, and a controlled pour.

A cut on my foot is nothing in comparison.

With one simple healing spell, the magician standing in front of me could make it disappear.

When Evan moved closer, trying to check my wound, I pulled my foot away.

“Evan, it’s a bit indecent to touch an unmarried maiden’s bare foot, don’t you think? If you’re so desperate, why don’t you go ask Vivian instead?”

“…What is wrong with you? Doesn’t it hurt?”

If he’s talking about my foot, then no, not really.

“It hurts.”

Because my heart hurts plenty.

Back then, before I returned here, I cried hard enough to wring myself dry.

Maybe my head’s a little broken now, come to think of it.

“But Evan, is that really the issue here? Why are you here?”

The coffee’s done brewing.

I swirled the cup slightly and placed it in front of Evan.

He looked dazed.

“It’s about you and Vivian… About what happened today…”

The phrasing was different this time.

He’s supposed to start with, “How dare you slap her,” and then criticize me, spit venom, and denounce me for being arrogant.

He’s supposed to be here to punish the arrogant woman who’s blinded by jealousy and to push me aside for Vivian—the one he’s supposed to love.

Later, after I’m dead, he’s supposed to feel a little guilty about it but move on with his life, saying, “Well, the living have to live.”

“Like I said, it wasn’t really a fight. I just lost my temper by myself. It’s all my fault. I’m the one who’s twisted. If you see Vivian, tell her I’m sorry. I don’t want to face her in person.”

His eyes widened. He couldn’t even respond properly, just stammered.

He’s shocked. Of course he’s shocked.

Because I’m not the kind of person who apologizes to Vivian.

But now, well, what’s the point?

I’ve realized I’m not as great as I’d thought. I’m not even a decent person.

“Erica, are you… Are you feeling alright?”

I knew he’d say that.

“My foot hurts.”

“Ah, uh, right.”

I took off my socks and tossed them in the trash.

There’s no point in wearing them anymore. They’re torn, and they’re stained with blood. The smell wouldn’t come out easily either.

Evan grabbed my foot and plucked out the remaining glass shards.

Then he poured cold water on it and cast a spell to heal the wound.

The open gash on my foot closed up as if it had never been there.

“Thanks.”

After healing me, he washed his hands with water magic and sat back down.

He took a sip of the coffee I’d made for him and bit into a chocolate.

For a while, he just kept eating and drinking, not saying a word.

“Evan, when are you going to leave?”

“Is that what’s important right now?!”

I didn’t respond.

Evan, ignoring me, continued.

“Look at yourself. You got cut by glass, but you acted like nothing was wrong. It didn’t even hurt, did it? Back then, you’d cry and whine if you so much as pricked your finger on a rose thorn.”

He paused to catch his breath, filled his empty cup with water, drank it, and continued.

“If I’d told you to apologize to Vivian, you’d have thrown a fit, screaming, ‘How could you say that to me?’ And you’re not even a smoker. But you reek of cigarettes. You’ve always had weak lungs, so smoking only hurts you.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I don’t know. Honestly, I’m not sure. I’m just saying that you’re not acting like you.”

He’s pretty sharp.

Seeing him put all those pieces together, I’m impressed.

But he’s wrong.

If anything, I’m paying more attention to everything he’s saying. I’m going to carve every single word of his into my heart.

That’s just the kind of girl Erica is.

“You’re the one who made me like this, Evan. Don’t pretend you don’t know that.”

“When did I ever—! You never listen to anything I say!”

Why don’t you insult my family like last time?

Shout at me, push me, tell me I’m pathetic and unworthy of being your friend.

Do it so we can end this. So we can cut all these uncomfortable ties between us.

“It’s the opposite.”

“The opposite? What does that even mean?”

“I mean it literally. If you curse at me, it’ll hurt. If you tell me never to slap Vivian again, I’ll make a scene, scream at you for daring to say that to me—but I’ll listen to you. You know that, don’t you?”

“…Is that true?”

I nodded.

“Yeah, so I said it already. I’m the one who’s twisted. This mess happened because of me. There’s no deeper meaning. It’s just because I was sad, angry, frustrated, annoyed, upset… something like that.”

“Erica, do you think this is all some misunderstanding?”

“I’m too tired to think about that anymore. Just… it’s just how it is.”