Misadventures Incorporated

Claire watched as Relay vanished into an alley. She waited for about thirty seconds, just long enough for the alliance's spies to stop paying attention, before lightly twirling her fingers and opening a portal beneath the frog-man's feet. With nothing to alert him to his presence, he fell inside with his eyes wide and wound up in her father's office.

The frog was flabbergasted, as her father would be when he discovered him, but what happened next was none of her business. Closing the rift, she lowered her ears and spent a few minutes with her eyes on the battle's projection. After finishing her coffee, she thanked the shopkeeper, stretched her shoulders, and ventured back outdoors. Rather than continuing to wander, as she had before running into Relay, she headed straight for the new construct in the middle of town. Humming one of Sylvia's favourite tunes, a dynamic, upbeat melody originally written for a violin, she walked through the massive portal and warped to Vel'khagan.

It was almost jarring just how much one year's difference could make. The streets and canals were still every bit as decorated, but so too were they empty enough for one to think the city a ghost town.

But while fascinated, she didn't stop for long. Claire continued towards Temple Street with her eyes upon the sea. It was a much windier day in Vel'khagan than it was in Valencia. And though it was still bright, the skies were just cloudy enough to count as overcast.

It took her about half an hour to arrive at her cliffside destination. Looking over all the temples, she quickly made a list of those who she had never visited before changing out of her armour and into a casual summer dress.

On any other day, there surely would have been a massive line in front of the Temple of Order. But with the exhibition ongoing, Claire was the only guest. In fact, she was only one of three people present; most of the monks and nuns were at the colosseum, watching the opening ceremony with everyone else concerned for the nation's future. The strict-looking woman in front of the door and the gangly priest in charge of the church were the only two left behind.

Stepping onto the property, she felt a curious sensation. It was technically the very same pressure that had come with every other visit, but she was no longer so weak that she felt like she would be crushed beneath it. Having finally grown enough, she recognized it as the goddess' presence, or more accurately, a viewport that allowed for the goddess to access the temple directly.

Functionally, it was like a one-way mirror. There was no guarantee that the divine was truly watching and it was nigh impossible for the beheld to tell, but she was right there on the other side, capable of observing the shenanigans beyond the glass any time she wished.

That was why the temples had always weighed down so heavily.

The sacred grounds were quite literally the places closest to the gods. Thinking about it, she felt like it was obvious. She almost didn't understand how she'd never realised. But she could easily trace the connection back to the goddess and open a portal that led directly to her. The system's easily circumvented protections were the only thing stopping her. That, and a sense of basic decency. After all, it wasn't like she was looking for an opportunity to attack the goddess or otherwise catch her off guard.

"Good afternoon." The priestess approached as Claire entered the grounds. She must have been bored out of her mind, because for a moment, the stern frown on her lips nearly faded away. "How can I help you?"

"Good afternoon," said Claire. "I wanted to visit the goddess."

The odd phrasing led the nun to briefly furrow her brow. "If you're looking to use the atrium, you'll have to fill out one of these forms." The woman handed her a clipboard and a pen. "It happens to be open right now, so you're free to proceed as soon as you're done," she said. "Are you familiar with the layout, or is this your first time here?"

"I know the way," said Claire, as she quickly scribbled in the necessary fields. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome," said the priestess.

Returning the clipboard, Claire proceeded through the temple's halls and into the atrium. As usual, she found herself warped to the majestic, silent cathedral that was the goddess' domain. With her divinity and senses enhanced, she finally understood that she was not on Mara. The temple was in another realm, one isolated from the rest of the world.

Following the red carpet, Claire knelt before the altar and clasped her hands. But she didn't speak or pray.

Because her presence alone merited the goddess' arrival.

Flitzegarde incarnated in the space before her, impossibly beautiful as ever. Her perfect, bronze skin almost seemed to glow beneath the sun's light, almost as if reflecting the golden colour that filled her cat-like eyes. Her long, raven hair fluttered gently as the wind blew through the temple's open windows, just like the tips of her almost jackal-like ears.

She wore not the light two-piece that she had during their previous audiences, but a set of white linens. She was still covered in golden accessories, but they weren't of quite the same variety. The belts, bracelets, and neck braces had more patterns and colours worked into them to give off a more casual impression.

"Claire Augustus."

"Good afternoon, Flitzegarde." Claire met the cat's eyes with a steady gaze. It was her first time looking upon her with Alfred's influence fully removed, but she still found the cat to be lovely. "I wish to eliminate some of the less agreeable gods and was hoping to receive your permission."

The catgirl frowned. "I do hope you realise that this request of yours will have a direct, negative impact on the greater world's stability?"

"I am aware," said Claire. "However, that would only be in the short term. I believe that the protections you've put in place should eventually correct its course." She was referring to the global experience modifier. The fewer gods there were, the higher it grew. "And if my understanding is correct, the number of active deities at present surpasses the number that you envisioned." The assumption was based on the experience modifier's present value. Even with Olethra's death, it was still only 40%—less than half the default rate.

The straightforward argument was precisely the sort to which the goddess was partial. But all Flitzegarde did was frown.

"Under ordinary circumstances, I would readily agree and assent. But unfortunately, Vella's intervention has left us in an unusual position."

Claire paused. "Are you talking about her prison?"

The cat nodded. "She is, for all intents and purposes, circumventing the rules. The deities she defeated still live on, but are incapable of exerting their influences upon the world. While, technically, there is a convincing divine surplus at this exact moment, there are not quite as many active deities as is necessary to support the system."

"Then why not just eliminate her?" asked Claire.

"It's not that simple. It would have been if I acted when this all began, but it's completely spiralled out of control. Capturing Vella and punishing her misdeeds has about a twenty percent chance of leading to an all-out divine war, and unfortunately, I cannot take the chance."

Claire frowned. She didn't really see the connection, but neither did she push any further. Flitzegarde had every right to completely ignore the foolish question that the foolish mortal had so foolishly asked. She was already doing her a favour by divulging as much as she did.

"You do not seem satisfied, Claire Augustus." There was a hint of amusement in the goddess' voice.

"I'm not," admitted the snake-moose.

Flitzegarde nodded. "I only mentioned the Vella point because it was a direct counter to the argument you presented. You are free to defeat Kael'ahruus, as Flux and Greymane have done before you, but I cannot condone his outright extermination."

"Why not?" asked Claire. "All he does is wipe out the species that catch his eye."

"Kael'ahruus' behaviour is certainly rather suspect, but the hunt is too valuable of a concept to lose. There are countless hunters across the realms capable of providing for their families and communities precisely on account of the bonuses that his presence provides. Without a god to shepherd them, they will be destined to starve." She paused to clasp her hands. "That is the problem with slaying Kael'ahruus. Though, of course, it is only a problem because you are averse to inheriting his concept."

"Not happening," agreed Claire.

"And that is precisely why I am unable to provide you with permission," she said. "However." The divine leaned forward in her seat and rested her face atop her bridged fingers. "It will likely come to you as no surprise that the average deity's demise is unplanned. And while there are many who lament their deaths and pray for the killer to be punished, there is very little that can truly be done. This is doubly so in the case that it is the divine who initiated the sequence of events. Now unfortunately, this is no longer the case now that you have explicitly asked for permission and received a rejection in response. Of course, that is only if I happen to record it as the purpose of our meeting. If, perhaps, we were to find ourselves carried away discussing something else, I might just forget that it was mentioned at all."

"Coincidentally, I was hoping to speak to you about the upcoming battle with my father," said Claire.

"What of it?"

"I would like to have my restraints temporarily removed."

The goddess gave an annoyed meow. "From one unreasonable request to another…"

"Aurora mentioned that you would be watching. I want to put on the best show that I can."

Flitzegarde sighed. "I cannot make any promises, but I will at least consider a few possible solutions."

"Thank you. That's more than good enough," said Claire. "There's just one more thing?"

"There's more?" hissed the goddess.

Claire laughed. "It's nothing serious."

"The fact that you have explicitly stated that only drives me to imagine the worst."

"That sounds like something my fox would say," said Claire. "But I promise. It isn't."

"Go on then."

"Do you ever get bored of eternity?"

Flitzegarde raised a brow.

"Almost everyone long-lived I know has spent all their time chasing their goals," explained Claire. "Olethra is the only exception, and she didn't seem to cope too well."

The feline goddess said nothing, so Claire continued.

"I'm just… lost. Once we wrap up this proxy war, I'll have nothing left to do but settle a few debts, and with Vella and Kael'ahruus out of the picture, I doubt there'll be anyone insane enough left to pick a fight. I can't help but worry that I'll be stuck sitting at the shop's counter with my face in my hands. Either that, or end up like Vella."

The goddess clutched her sides and laughed. "That is the single last thing I expected you to be worried about."

Claire shrugged. "It doesn't really matter how I fare against my father. We'll fight. I'll kill the stupid lion, he'll settle his business with the spider, and I'll finish the job if he fails. That's all there is to it."

"Somehow, I doubt it will be quite that simple," said the goddess. "But to answer your question, no, I do not." She placed one leg over the other and leaned forward. "There are seven realms, Claire, each with trillions of planets full of life to be observed and overseen. It's much like that trip Griselda took you on, when you first re-entered Mara. Every world is filled with seemingly endless wonders. And if you happen to grow bored of one, you can always move on to another."

"Doesn't that get just as boring? They can only be so different."

"That's where you're wrong. Sure, there are some patterns that are more common than others, but with so many worlds to explore, you'll often find yourself caught around every corner."

"Really?" Claire tilted her head. "Variability seems low. At least, among the gods."

"That is pure coincidence," said Flitzegarde. "The ones you have interacted with thus far happen to have an interest in your world because it is close enough to their own for them to find it relatable. Those who hail from completely different civilizations might choose to present themselves differently as well. Take myself, for example. I am a cat. You happen to be familiar with the concept of a cat, but that is only because this is Alfred's home world and he has elected to import it. Without his influence, it would only be the fourth realm that houses my species and its derivatives. If I were to interact with an individual from the second realm, I might elect to present myself as a brglhrst or a matronian, both of which are also apex predators turned household monarchs."

"I don't know if that's exactly how I'd describe a cat," said Claire.

"Silence. I will hear none of your slander," said the goddess, with an indignant huff.

Claire tilted her head. "Why take a humanoid form if you're so proud of what you are?"

"It's largely a matter of convenience. While my species certainly stands at the top of the hierarchy, it's mainly through deception that we established our dominance."

There was a poof as she turned from a beautiful woman to an equally beautiful cat. Sitting at about thirty centimeters tall, her slender frame was covered in a coat of slick, black fur. The darkness only emphasized the glimmering gold of her eyes. Though technically the same colour, her accessories were not nearly quite as captivating. They were still of outstanding workmanship—their designs had changed to match the goddess' new size—but they simply didn't reflect the endless power radiating from her glowing slit-pupils.

"As you may realise already, in this form, I am simply far too adorable to be taken seriously."

"I'm almost not surprised to hear you say that." Claire laughed.

"And you shouldn't be. Cats and goddesses are both creatures of pride, after all."

"Are you proud enough to reject a belly rub?" The snoose extended her hands, only for a fuzzy paw to swat them away.

"Easily." The cat glared at the snoose and turned up her chin. "There is only one who I will ever allow the privilege."

"And who would that be?"

"The God of Life and Creation."

Claire blinked. "Alfred?"

"Absolutely not," hissed Flitzegarde. "Alfred is no god. He is merely a celestial. And more importantly, even if he is to take the throne, he will never replace the original."

Claire paused for a moment to scrutinize the cat's expression. Flitzegarde wasn't impossible to read—one could see from the way she flicked her tail that she was clearly displeased—but it took the snoose a moment to finally catch on.

"You loved him."

"Dearly," said Flitzegarde. "I only became the Goddess of Chaos because he was the God of Order. And then the Goddess of Order because he gave up his throne." Her eyes shimmered, sparkling with a faint hint of moisture. "Nothing was more entertaining than knocking his mugs off of his desk, save for maybe getting my pawprints all over his freshly signed documents. I loved climbing onto his bed in the middle of the night and sitting directly on top of his chest, just as much as I enjoyed hopping into his lap right as he picked up a hot drink. None of it was malicious, of course. It was his fault for not paying enough attention, and I was simply trying to teach him a lesson."

The cat closed her eyes, almost as if basking in the sun as it shone upon her throne. Claire reached to pet her again, but though the goddess was distracted, her hand was readily swatted her away.

"I'm good at scratching."

"I'm not sure why you would expect that to be even remotely convincing."

"It's okay. No one cares about dignity."

"A more disingenuous claim, I've never heard."

"How could you!?" Claire fell to her knees, her arms flopped lifelessly beside her and her eyes tearing up. "After all the faith I've placed in you!?" She sobbed with every breath and practically choked on the words.

Not bothering to entertain the ruse, Flitzegarde shook her head and breathed a sigh. "Your faith stat is negative. I was not even aware that it could be negative. I'm almost tempted to suspect that you manipulated the value, even though the system shows no obvious trace of tampering."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Smiling, Claire tried and failed to pet the goddess again—an exchange that only repeated throughout the afternoon.