MHA: god of time, space and trolling

(also, just realised. i like making innuendos and shit and being quite sus. so yeah. warning. be older that 13 or something. if not then well, meh not my problem) (ii really love making random... moments? skits. something for the funny i guess. this is probably what most of this fic is gonna be about. mc funny shit shenanigans. i really like dragging stuff out so. good for some people. me specifically. ok rant over)

leaning back on the sofa chair something caught my eye, there was a bottle of unopened alcohol on the table beside. which if I weren't in an underground... whatever this place was, fight ring? something. I would but, I'll have my first drink another day. 

I ignored the bottle and turned my attention to the crowd. Dozens of people were waving slips of paper in their hands, shouting and cheering. Curious, I focused on one of the tickets and after staring intently for a while. - plus stopping time - I saw the contents of the tickets. Numbers. Lots of numbers, each ticket listed the fighter, the odds, the bet amount, and the potential payout.

huh, well gambling is a staple of all things. no matter the place. heck, even children gamble I restarted time, leaning back again with a faint frown as I remember all those goddamn gacha games.

my poor money. Man, I got hit so hard for that.

My gaze shifted to the match in progress. with the 2 contenders including a large man with big large macho muscles. generic stuff while, the other was a small girl who had ears and a tail of a rat. both parts being purple in color a rat girl huh? that's cool. i guess all types of people exist in this world. furries best dream, maybe? i questioned as the fight began (i mean you can legally marry a literal cat on legs.)

begin

With the fight in motion, the massive man lunged forward, throwing a punch that could probably knock down a wall. The rat girl, however, slipped effortlessly between his legs. making the man almost lose balance, but he quickly steadied himself. but he wasn't quick enough as she twisted mid-dash, launching herself upward and aiming a sharp kick at his face. but when it connected, it left nothing but little damage... and a pissed-off bag of meat.

"the balls would've been a better target, but whatever" I muttered as I analyzed the fight. it's something I find fun, just criticizing any fight scene I see, real or fictional. well, probably not fun because I only do it so I don't bang my head into a wall at a person's idiotic choice mid-battle.

I sighed as the fa-beefy man jumped onto the rat, who barely managed to dodge out of the way with a lunge to the side, quickly running to the corner of the cage to create distance. 

the beefcake who had clearly had enough. With a roar, he lunged again, this time throwing his entire weight forward like a living wrecking ball. the rat girl, clearly panicked was about to move but, my vision was obstructed as a drunk brown-haired woman stood in front of me, her ass serving as the literal embodiment of co-fight blocking.

her ass was large-yes-but I was not interested in ass at the moment also to too old for me, so I tried to move my head to the other side, to get back my view of the fight, but the second i caught a glimpse of it her ass was blocking it again, now closer.

she... she's fucking giving me a lap dance. I keenly observed as she indeed, started to give me a lap dance. somehow my big muscly old guy looks attracted a hooker. I don't even look good, or rich either why the hell is she doing it to me?

i prayed to god that she left me be or i swear i was just going to kick her ass. Fortunately, my prayers were answered. A man with shark-like skin - probably in his late twenties - strode over, grabbed her arm, and yanked her away from me.

his attention snapped onto me with a glare as he snarled "You're hitting on my girl."

. . . oh for the love of god! The problem just replaced itself. Of course, this guy - who saw his drunk girlfriend throwing herself at me - decides that I'm the one hitting on her... fine, be like that.

"i'd say she was hitting on me," i replied with a smug grin. if you are going to be annoying. i've got no qualms with being a bitch. "If you hadn't stepped in, she'd probably be giving me a blowy by now."

That did it. The guy's face turned red with rage. He grabbed my collar, yanking me close enough for me to smell his deathly breath.

"You wanna die?" he growled, trying to be intimidating. but, he couldn't as he was just a shark boy. never to be a shark man,

my smile dropped slightly as i spoke "if you don't put me down, i'll be willing to bet one of us will be leaving for the afterlife, and it won't be me." i calmly threatened, my lips now pressed into a thin line. after a second of no action on his part, I noticed a slight tremble in his hand, indicating he wasn't much. just a cuck that wants to act tough.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked, yeah, that's more generic than the dad getting the milk thing, speaking of dads.

"no? are you some sort of bastard son of mine?" I quipped, taking full advantage of my older appearance. i mean, i looked old enough to be his dad. so it works

He let go of my collar, seething with rage. "You, me, in the cage. Now," he spat.

"The winner gets a blow job!" the drunk woman chimed in, even though she was the entire reason for this, and she knew it... actually, if there is a person who deserves to get their life folded like an omelet. it was her.

you know what, fuck it!

Without hesitation, I turned around and decked her in the gut, watching her keel over in pain. but before she could say a single word, my first went flying to her face and made direct contact, sending her flying a couple of feet. landing on the ground, knocked the fuck out. punching bitches who deserve it, is like itching that one scratch. its always worth it.

The shark guy stared at me, dumbfounded. clearly stunned at how i had just knocked his gf out, but he didn't move to attack though. Instead, he glanced toward the cage, muttered something under his breath, and walked off, kicking the unconscious woman on his way to. very healthy relationship huh

Not missing the intent, I followed after, my gaze lingering on the woman for a second before deciding to also kick her while she was down. whaaat? it's not like she's gonna feel it.

---

"This is quite the fun thing isn't it?" I asked, addressing my opponent - the shark guy.

He was a wreck. Battered, bruised, burnt, zapped - every type of damage I could inflict except throwing a piano sadly - but now, after all of me, he swayed on his feet, minutes from having a good ol nap. on the hard concrete floor. yet despite that, the dumb asses hands were still raised in a guard. resilient much?

"Y-you…" he growled, glaring at me with bloodshot eyes. His voice wavered, while his body was barely holding up, which, honestly, makes sense due to the amount of abuse i laid upon his ass.

"me?" I replied, pointing a finger at myself, my voice dripping with mockery. all the watchers could tell that i was enjoying his suffering.

"What's... what's your goddamn quirk!?" he finally spat out, his desperation leaking through.

and at this desperate question, i almost chuckled. "oh? you want to know my quirk?" I asked, taking a slow step toward him. making him go on edge, like that'll do anything 

"Alright, I'll tell you. My quirk is…" I leaned in slightly, letting the anticipation build. "Punching. Really, really fucking hard." his face morphed from shorthand confusion to extreme fear as my fist just ignited into flames, hot enough to burn him from a distance. 

"FALCON... PAAAAAAAUUUUNCH!"

---

in the aaarms of the angle - shark guy, 2025 - 2025

---

"Welp, he's dead." I brushed off my hands, sending a puff of ash scattering from what little remained of Shark Guy. - R.I.P - he won't be missed. 

His entire body was now a pile of dust, every ember... dusted. hah, get it?

"Winner: Dom! (best name ever)" the announcer's voice boomed across the arena, gaining groans and sighs from the crowd. Most of these poor gamblers had placed their hopes—and money—on Shark Guy, despite the one-sided beatdown I'd been dishing out from the start. It was almost adorable how much faith they had in him. Almost.

"WHOOOAAA!" a woman's voice cheered loudly, louder than the sea of despair.

I turned my head toward the source of the sound and froze for a moment. Hold the fucking phone. Was that… the drunk woman? The same one who started this whole mess?

a small smile fell on my face as i thought through the absurdity of what that entailed is she a 5d chess player? i wondered before shaking my head, refusing to believe she was smart in any way. nah, i just gave her memory loss from the punch.

I stepped out of the cage/ring whatever, my eyes scanning the crowd of onlookers and contenders. Most of them avoided eye contact, thinking i'm some douche which fair. But then, my gaze landed on someone.

(im tired and i want to quickly get this chapter out, and move along the story. just realised i don't really like writing overhaul.)

"finally," i muttered under my breath.

Standing at the back of the crowd was a man wearing a red plague doctor mask, his gaze intently staring at me. seems like i caught his attention. i thought as overhaul started to make his way to me, but, no.

i came here to, find overhaul and have fun beating his ass, use him to test a few things. then extract info on where eri was. so, this disguise is no longer needed. goodbye, tom. 

With a snap of my fingers, the world around me came to an abrupt halt. They all fell silent, people all around freezing mid-motion as my form morphed back to my original looks. it was good to not be an old man, even if he was buff.

i approached Overhaul, who remained a statue, his hand half-raised, a single glove of his, halfway off. this sneaky little guy was going to secretly use his quirk on me? damn, wonder why though, hmm.

my thoughts drifting off into a multitude of scenarios if he had gotten the chance to talk to me, would he try to threaten me to be on his side or something? who knows.

Overhaul's sharp eyes darted around the arena, immediately registering the unnatural stillness that surrounded us. He stood in a void of silence, the sharp change causing his entire demeanor to shift as his muscles tensed ever so slightly. His glove had slipped off completely now, but he made no move to attack, his eyes roamed over me as he noticed that i was still moving.

"who are you?" he asked, his tone cold but steady. He didn't see me as a threat, not yet.

I gave him a faint smile, just enough to be unsettling. "My name is Shiro," I replied, letting the words linger in the still air. I didn't elaborate further, just tilted my head slightly, watching him process the name and the situation. - that being time has fucking stopped

his eye flicked around before landing back on me, already getting an idea of things. "is this your doing?"

my eyes roamed the place before locking with his, my arm gesturing to the surroundings "how everything is frozen, yet you are not? yes. yes it is..." my voice trailed off, not giving information besides the barest of information but enough to lead him to answers that would benefit me. his face quickly shifted through a mix of concern, fear, and worry. before quickly morphing into a mask of naturality. he knew i had the upper hand and he didn't like it.

Slowly, Overhaul began moving toward me, each step deliberate, his suspicion radiating from him like heat. "I see," he said, his voice low and careful. "What is it you want from me?" His tone was calm, but the faint echo of his footsteps betrayed his intent. He was hoping to catch me off guard. 

I raised a hand, palm up, as though offering a handshake. "I want information," I said simply.

He stopped, momentarily thrown off by the gesture. His eyes flicked down to my hand, narrowing slightly in confusion. "What… kind of information?" he asked cautiously

"information on the child named eri, i know you have quite a bit on her" i smiled widely as the words left my mouth.

That got him as his calm demeanor cracked as his eyes widened, panic flickering in his gaze. He quickly schooled his expression, but the damage was done. I could see the calculations running through his mind, the frantic search for answers. How does she know about Eri? The quirk-erasing prototype was new. No one should've linked it to me, or even traced it back to Eri.

His body tensed as he made his decision. She's a threat. I need to eliminate her.

In one fluid motion, his hand shot out toward mine. His finger slammed into my palm, and I felt the faint pulse of his quirk activating, an attempt to make me bloodpaste, would have worked on anyone. too bad im not just an anyone.

instead of me exploding in gore, the reverse happened his arm detonated in a sickening explosion of blood and flesh, the force ripping apart his entire arm and part of his shoulder "tsk tsk, that's not how deals work." i shook my head, as if I was condoning a child.

Overhaul stumbled back, clutching at the ragged stump of his arm, screaming as one should if their arm went poof.

"That's such bad manners, i guess we'll have to do it the bad way." He flinched as I crouched in front of him, gripping his head firmly between my hands. A swirling portal of purple and black energy flickered to life beside me.

"actually, i was always going to do it like this. your such a bad person that i couldn't just not use you as training. i hope tampering with neurons isn't as hard as it sounds"

i threw him through the portal, before following behind. the purple edges of said dimensional hole closed leaving no trace as time resumed for all.

leaving a room of extremely confused people as there was now a blood splatter on the floor and "hey, where did dom go?" the drunk woman asked, a small frown on his face. i mean, she flirted with him for a reason.

A/N i have not slept in 50 hours why? idk my fucking body does shit. man,i hate flights. did i mention i wrote this mid flight, no? well i did. and my neck hurts. bye bye