Merchant Crab

“Greetings, brave adventurer!” said the merchant crab, with a cheerful voice and his shell held high. “It sure is a fine day to travel, wouldn’t you say?”

The young man stopped dead in his tracks, appearing surprised by the approach and looking around for a moment.

“Uh… hi?” he said sheepishly, before shrugging. “I guess? It’s a day like any other to me.”

“Come now, don’t say that,” Balthazar exclaimed, moving to the side of the passing traveler and waving a claw towards the sky. “Look at that. Not a cloud in sight all day. Perfect weather for a hike. Shining sun and everything! Maybe that’s the only downside, hah! Makes a traveler sweat like a pig.” He gave the adventurer a playful wink and added, “A handsome pig, in your case, of course.”

The young man looked at the crab with a mix of confusion, befuddlement, and pure awkward discomfort.

“I didn’t think crabs could sweat?” Mr. LaTan whispered from his front row spot to the show near the cart, despite the fact that the adventurer could hear him just as much as the crab.

“Shut up, Charles,” Balthazar said between grinding teeth, before turning back to the passerby with a smile. “So, how long have you been out here walking today, young man?”

“Since the early morning hours,” the traveler answered. “Stopped for a quick lunch and then kept going.”

“Goodness!” the crab exclaimed with exaggerated flair. “That’s a lot of hours on your feet, walking, under this scorching hot sun.”

“It’s the middle of autumn…”

“Have you been keeping yourself well hydrated?” the merchant carried on. “We cannot have fine adventurers like yourself falling to the wayside on their journeys because they were so busy worrying about saving our fair villages and slaying dangerous beasts that they simply forgot their most basic needs!”

The look of utter confusion and bewilderment on the young man’s face kept on growing the more he watched the strange crustacean waxing eloquent concern.

“I… uh… yes, I think so. I have my waterskin right here,” the traveler said, showing the brown water bladder hanging from the side of his backpack. “Running low, but I’ll be sure to refill it on the next river or creek I pass.”

Balthazar’s eyestalks curved into a deep frown.

“No, no, that won’t do! I meant real hydration! Common water like that is for the common folk. Aspiring adventurers like yourself need something more. Something better than water.”

The boy scratched the side of his head, clearly trying to keep up with whatever the talking invertebrate had going on. “I’m sorry… I’m not sure if I follow. And who are you anyway?”

“Ah, my name is Balthazar, and I am a merchant,” the titular crab said with a slight bow.

The peddler behind him took a bow as well. “And I’m Charles La—”

“Shush, this isn’t about you, Charles,” the real merchant quickly said, shaking a claw at him dismissively.

“Oooh, I think I get it,” said the adventurer. “You’re trying to sell me something.”

“A sharp one, I see. Quick on the uptake! I like that,” Balthazar said with a pump of his pincer. “But not just ‘something’, my young globe-trotter. I have to offer you something you won’t find anywhere else. Something unique and exclusive. Something you need.”

“And what would that be?” the boy said, raising both eyebrows.

The crab turned around to give Charles a smirk and a wink, before spinning back to the adventurer with flair, and a shiny glass bottle held in his pincer.

“This!”

“What is it?”

“A precious brew. A concoction from a far away land. A secret recipe passed down through the ages. Nearly thought to be a myth. A forgotten nectar. It is… a Potion of Hydration.”

The young man leaned forward, his upper lip pushing up and scrunching his nose as he squinted at the transparent vial.

“That just looks like water!” he said.

“Not at all!” exclaimed Balthazar. “This is far more than just water. This is beyond water. This is the next step above that common liquid.”

The adventurer scoffed. “I can already get water from any old river, lake, or creek I find on my path. Why would I waste money buying that from you?”

“Because the water you can get from some puddle on the side of the road is improper for consumption by someone who seeks to level up like yourself!” explained the crab. “This potion right here, on the other pincer, you will find provides the aforementioned hydration, is clean and devoid of any nasty and incapacitating diseases, not to mention it contains what any hardworking voyager such as yourself craves for a day of adventuring: electrolytes.”

Charles, who was now holding a small notebook and quill, leaned closer to the crab and whispered, “What in tarnation is an electrolyte?”

“I have no idea,” Balthazar whispered back.

“Hmm,” mused the young man, rubbing his chin as he admired the crystalline bottle. “What makes your water so special?”

“Why, the fact that it comes directly from my pond, of course!” the merchant exclaimed. “Boulders Point, the most beautiful pond you will ever encounter anywhere on Heartha.”

“Never heard of it.”

“That’s normal,” the crab said dismissively. “Got to keep such a place a secret, only to be shared with worthy people, you know, like adventurers such as yourself.”

Balthazar plucked the cork from the bottle with his pincers.

“Hmmm, ahhh! Just smell that,” he said after a big sniff. “It’s like I’m back home, blissfully drifting around in those pure, crystal clear waters.”

Charles leaned over again. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to say you’re selling them your bath water?”

“Can it, LaTan,” the crab grumbled back, while the young man took a tentative sniff at the open bottle. “I know how to work these adventurers.”

“It does look pretty clear,” the human holding the vial said.

“Like I told you,” said Balthazar, “after you’ve tried one of these Potions of Hydration, you will never be satisfied with simple ‘water’ anymore. Why don’t you give it a try and find out for yourself?”

“Fine. How much for one?”

“Just four coi—” Charles started.

“Ten crowns, please,” the merchant crab quickly said, stepping in front of the peddler.

The adventurer raised an eyebrow while reaching into his pocket. “A bit expensive for a drink, but you’re lucky I scored a pretty good haul in yesterday’s dungeon, so I’m in a good mood.”

He tossed the payment with one hand, while tipping the bottle into his mouth with the other.

Charles looked on with bated breath, while the crab moved next to the buyer with a smile on his face.

“Can you feel it?” said the crustacean. “The refreshing breeze flowing through your body? The smoothness caressing your tongue as it descends into your throat? The minty fresh aftertaste? If you close your eyes, it’s almost like sitting by the edge of the pond, enjoying a calm spring morning.”

[The Gift of the Crab: success]

The adventurer opened his eyes slowly, blinking a few times, as if rebounding from a brief daydream.

“Woah, it’s… it’s almost like I was there,” he said. “And I don’t even know where there even is!”

“Hah, told you,” the smug crab said, moving back to the cart. “And I bet you’re not thirsty anymore, are you?”

“No, not at all!” said the suddenly ecstatic young man. “These Potions of Hydration are amazing! And was that a sparkly feeling I noticed there?!”

“Sure, sure. It was whatever you want to call it,” Balthazar said with a nod.

The peddler next to him scratched his forehead and frowned. “What does he mean, sparkly?”

“Just roll with it, Charles,” the merchant told him. “Just smile and wave. The client is always right, so long as he’s paying.”

“I must have more of these!” the adventurer exclaimed, hurriedly pulling a coin purse from his belt.

“Certainly,” the crab said. “Charles over here will take care of that for you, won’t you?”

“Huh? What?” the confused supplier said, lifting his gaze from his quill and notebook. “Oh, right, of course! I got a whole crate of water bott—I mean, Potions of Hydration right here in the cart.”

After they concluded the transaction and the grinning adventurer moved on, now carrying a dozen bottle of common river water with him, Mr. LaTan turned back to Balthazar.

“I have to give it to you, that was impressive, how you managed to sell not just one, but a whole pallet of just water bottles to him, and at 10 crowns a piece!”

“Bottles of premium water, I think you mean,” said the confident crab. “Now, about our deal…”

“Oh, right, of course,” Charles said, grabbing the satin bag with the Invisible Cloak and offering it to Balthazar. “Here you go. It was well worth it for the inspiration. The tales really do not do you justice. A true master of the craft. And to think I was considering myself clever for selling a dining room chair to a traveling adventurer earlier. Hah! Amateur work next to you.”

“Heh, right…” the crustacean said awkwardly. “Who would ever buy one of those on the road. Anyway, I must be going now. Say, you wouldn’t happen to know where the nearest town is, would you? Preferably one that isn’t currently burning down?”

“Uhm, right, the nearest town…” the man said, thinking. “I believe the closest one would be to the northeast. If you keep heading up this road, you should find a sign pointing the way soon.”

“Great. Appreciate it. Good luck selling your…” Balthazar glanced at the peddler’s cart full of junk. “…goods.”

“Mark my words, merchant crab,” LaTan said, puffing out his chest and putting on a proud expression. “Next time we see each other, I will present you with treasures beyond your wildest dreams. I will become a worthy supplier of your bazaar!”

The crab smiled and waved at the peddler.

I sure hope not. What a charlatan…

After another hour or so of walking, and with sunlight slowly fading as dusk approached, Balthazar and his party arrived at an area where the woods surrounding the road grew denser, letting even less light through.

Since they’d no longer be able to see each other, the merchant called his drake down from the sky so she’d accompany him and the goblin on foot instead.

“We should find a place to make camp soon, Druma,” the crab said.

As they continued further into the darkening forest, Balthazar spotted something past a few trees and bushes that made him pause.

There, just around a thick tree trunk, he could see a pale aura glowing.

Ever the curious one in matters involving things that shine, the crab approached slowly to investigate.

As he rounded the corner, a translucent ethereal form turned to him, looking surprised by the sudden appearance of the crab,

“Ahhhh!” they both screamed.

After jumping back, Balthazar stopped and frowned. “Wait, you’re just a ghost.”

The pale see-through figure of a man ceased his screaming as well. “And you’re a… crab?!”

The merchant let out a sigh of relief. “Phew! For a moment I thought you were something scary.”

Hovering in place, the spirit looked at him with a confused expression. “Wait, you don’t think a ghost is scary?”

Balthazar scoffed. “Pfft, of course not. Why would I? You’re just a harmless non-corporeal remnant of a soul drifting around.” He waved a claw through the ghost’s torso, moving it around unimpeded. “You’re not even solid. Why would I be scared of that?”

“Please don’t do that, it feels very strange,” the ghostly gentleman said. “But your attitude is quite refreshing. Most adventurers that cross paths with my current form tend to either run away screaming, or attempt to put their swords through me. You’d think they would grasp the concept of what a ghost is after the first stab attempt or two, but no… they really do like to insist on doing it again and again.”

Balthazar chuckled. “Hah, sounds about right. Good thing I’m not an adventurer, then!”

The floating specter eyed the crab for a moment, pondering.

“Hmm, in that case, perhaps you’d be the right one to help me with something.”

The crab raised an eyestalk at the apparition. “Maybe. What do you need help with?”

The ghost leaned forward. “I need you to kill someone for me.”