Memorize

"After we found the cabin, you went outside to look around for a bit, remember? During that time, we talked about you."

"What did you talk about?"

"We talked about the other survivors we met today. Back then, one of the men threw a dagger at Yun-Jung. And you shot that man's hand with an arrow, right?"

At Kim Han-Byeol's words, I silently nodded. At that moment, I had assumed the worst. If Wu Jung-Min and Seon Wu-Yun had gone all out to fight, at least one or two of us would have died unless I revealed my true abilities. That's why I had planned to tie up one of them first if things escalated.

"And Hyun blocked the dagger with his shield."

"Right."

"Everyone was praising Hyun, saying he was amazing and thanking him. But do you know what they're saying after seeing your actions today?"

"...."

I had a vague idea of what was coming, but I didn't want to hear it. Before I could respond, Kim Han-Byeol spoke up.

"Everyone may not be saying it out loud, but they're clearly shocked. An-Sol was on the verge of tears, saying it was scary. Even Hyun and Yun-Jung seemed somewhat shaken. And that's not all. They're not too happy with how bluntly you spoke to that woman today."

"Hmm. I see."

When I nodded calmly, Kim Han-Byeol looked momentarily dumbfounded.

"Hmm. It's not just 'I see.' Aren't you frustrated? You did it to protect Yun-Jung. They all passed the responsibility to you because they didn't want to speak up. Don't you feel like they have no right to say those things?"

Had I felt that way? Perhaps I was too deep in thought to notice the subtle shift in atmosphere. I did feel a little disappointed, but I didn't want to dwell on it. After all, once we enter Hall Plain, sooner or later, they might have to kill someone too.

Sensing Kim Han-Byeol's frustration with my calm expression, she continued in a softer tone.

"Oppa, you always carry the burden by yourself, thinking things over alone. You try to handle everything difficult on your own. I know you don't mean anything bad by it."

"It seems there might be some misunderstandings. Just a moment—"

"It's not about misunderstandings. Like I told you before, your decisions have always been reliable. I trust your judgment too."

At her words, I felt a heavy weight settle in my chest. Since we left the city, I had noticed her glancing at me from time to time, especially when Hyun and I were discussing our next steps. I didn't think much of it then, assuming it was nothing. But it seems I've misread her feelings, and today, it's clear that Han-Byeol is seriously upset.

"That's not the case. We—"

"Oppa, you don't have to be so formal. Speak comfortably."

Kim Han-Byeol cut me off, and I stumbled over my words for a moment. I looked at her, wide-eyed, as she glared at me with an expression full of dissatisfaction.

"Uh, what?"

"I said, speak casually. You do it with the others, so why not with me?"

"...Alright."

For a moment, I felt like I'd lost my composure. Me, of all people. A ten-year veteran of Hall Plain... 

Let it go. Whenever I see Kim Han-Byeol, I can't help but think of 'her', and my emotions get tangled up. It's not just her inherent charisma. There's definitely something about the way I look at her that carries a subtle feeling. After all, she reminded me so much of someone from the very first time we met.

I cleared my throat and continued the conversation I had left unfinished.

"It's not like I'm the only one making decisions. You, me, Hyun, Sol—we all put our heads together and come up with plans."

"Don't lie. At least you're honest enough not to include Yun-Jung in that."

"Hasn't Hyun had it harder than me? He was amazing during the fight with those monkeys today."

"There you go again. That might work on Hyun or Yun-Jung, but not me. Don't try to cleverly change the subject. Hyun and I struggled to take down two of them together. You, on the other hand, handled two of them by yourself, and even helped Yun-Jung in her fight after that."

Han-Byeol's words hit a sore spot. She was sharp, too sharp to underestimate. The occasional glances she threw my way weren't just idle looks—they had been carefully observing me. It seemed she had come prepared for this conversation.

I sighed inwardly. I decided to listen a little longer, and if things didn't get better, I would address it head-on.

"That's always been the case. In the forest, in the city, and even today when we met those strangers. Normally, you stay a step back, but when things get really dangerous, you're always the one who steps up. If we think of ourselves as a team, you're the one leading us, you're the pillar—it's not Hyun. That's why I feel so upset. Why do you have to hear things like that?"

'Is she really concerned about me?'

"Well, I think differently. Hyun is definitely outstanding. He takes action, he has initiative, and he makes bold decisions. And as for what they said, I don't think it's something that needs to be taken that seriously. If you think about it, we're all leaders in our own way, and teamwork is what matters the most here."

"Stop it. Why are you like this?"

"I honestly don't know what you're trying to say."

Even as I said I didn't understand, I felt a sting inside. I couldn't bear to keep looking at Kim Han-Byeol's calm yet piercing gaze. There was a chill around her, like a biting winter wind sweeping through. It felt intense, like I was standing in a blizzard.

"Don't lie! The one who actually makes decisions and leads us into action is you, Su-Hyeon oppa! You leave the simple, obvious tasks to Hyun, but you quietly handle the hard things all by yourself. Why is it that people only praise Hyun and think he's amazing, while they're afraid of you—the one who does all the difficult, dirty work? And why do you go out of your way to hide that?"

"You…"

"If things stay like this, you'll just keep doing the same thing in the same situation. And we'll end up in a situation like today, over and over again. The important thing is that, whether we realize it or not, we're all relying on you a lot. No one would disagree with that. So, please be our leader. When there are hard decisions to make, whether you decide alone or with us, just make sure we act together. If you become the leader, no one will have any complaints. We'll all follow you."

Kim Han-Byeol was practically pleading with me now. To be honest, I still felt a little overwhelmed. If it were Yun-Jung standing in front of me saying this, I would've shrugged it off, knowing that's just how she is. But with Kim Han-Byeol, I couldn't figure her out. Even as she spoke, I was calculating why she had chosen to have this conversation with me now. 

The standoff between us continued, and the cold of dawn seeped into every part of our bodies. However, it seemed Kim Han-Byeol had no intention of leaving. No, it looked like she wasn't going to let me go until she got an answer.

I bit my lip slightly and slowly began to speak.

"I…"

*

The sixth morning dawned. After finishing his last watch, An Hyun woke everyone and started busily preparing for departure. Judging by how he twisted his joints with a tired expression, his body was clearly aching. I, too, had spent the night half-awake, but my body wasn't one to feel exhaustion after just a single sleepless night.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

I greeted them brightly on purpose. An-Sol jumped at my words, then quickly bowed her head with a worried look and scurried away. In the past, I would've just laughed it off, thinking she was shy, but seeing her act like that in front of me now brought a bitter smile to my face.

Noticing An-Sol's behavior, An Hyun scolded her, saying, "How can you just nod your head like that to your hyung?" An-Sol hung her head even lower, on the verge of tears. Soon after, Lee Yun-Jung came over and embraced her, and the two began to bicker playfully. An-Sol looked utterly lost, not knowing what to do.

I stepped back and quietly watched the scene unfold. It was warm. Truly warm. The sight of them was so heartwarming that it made me forget for a moment that this was the hellish trial we were all going through. The three of them could easily be mistaken for siblings, that's how close they seemed. The scene was so cozy and full of life.

But I didn't have a place among them. And I knew that better than anyone. They and I were fundamentally different. I remember thinking that when I cut down a hundred users in the past. Perhaps I was no longer human. Maybe I had been momentarily seduced by their warmth, allowing myself to forget who I truly was.

'If someone who knew me back then saw me now, they'd probably faint.'

I chuckled at my own self-deprecation. Reflecting on my dark past seemed to cast a gloomy atmosphere over everything. Whether he sensed my mood or not, An Hyun approached me slowly with a bright smile. Behind us, Lee Yun-Jung was grumbling, likely indicating that An Hyun had won today's morning argument.

"Hyung, we should reach that warp gate or whatever it's called today, right?"

"…Yeah."

"Then let's hurry up and get there. This might be our last breakfast here, so how about we make it a big one? You need to eat well too."

I managed a weak smile at An Hyun's cheerful suggestion. I shook my head to decline, signaling my response instead.

"No, I'm fine. You guys can eat without me."

"What? But…"

"I have a habit of not eating before important days. It helps me keep my nerves sharp."

At my words, An Hyun nodded with a somewhat sullen expression before turning to Kim Han-Byeol. She was still gazing into the void with a cold expression. Suddenly, the conversations I'd had with her earlier that morning came rushing back to me.

"Han-Byeol, aren't you going to have breakfast…?"

"I'm not eating."

"Huh? Come on, don't say that…"

"I'm not eating."

Kim Han-Byeol interrupted An Hyun's words with short, firm replies, not even bothering to listen. An-Sol seemed taken aback by the unexpected scene, fidgeting with her fingers nervously. An Hyun looked back and forth between our faces with an awkward expression, eventually scratching his head with a sheepish smile. Yun-Jung, who was watching from behind, didn't dare to disrupt the tense atmosphere and spoke up in a voice much more subdued than usual.

"Ahaha… Well, I guess we'll have to eat without you."

"Uh, I guess there's no helping it. Our portions just got bigger, huh? Hoho… Huh. Hyung, Han-Byeol, are we really going to eat all of this…?"

Of course, neither Kim Han-Byeol nor I responded. Yun-Jung appeared shocked by our reaction, pouting her lips and puffing out her cheeks. For a moment, I felt like Kim Han-Byeol was looking at me. However, I had no intention of turning my head; I avoided her gaze instead. As a result, the atmosphere became even colder.

It was a lively sixth-day morning.

That morning began with three people tiptoeing around the gazes of the other two.

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