Me, My Spirit, And I [Book 1 Complete]

In the center of a ritual circle a young half elven child sat with a look of extreme confusion on their face. Their hair and skin were an iridescent white like fresh snow. Their eyes were a luminous sky blue and their entire body was surrounded in a subtle halo of light as he tried to figure out who he was.

"We made a mistake somewhere," the child said to themselves.

"Not a mistake, more of a lapse in concentration. We focused too much on the Essence." The child tapped their lip in thought like their mother.

"Is this really a problem? It feels…nice we are whole," the child's soft voice echoed slightly in the bare room. The smell of leftover incense and the subtle light of the glowstone stones were their only companions.

"We are whole, but is this how we are supposed to be? Who are we?"

"We are Luca and Shada aren't we?"

"That's what we were, but that isn't who we are now is it?" The child hummed in thought.

"We could be Luda? Shaca? Lusha?" They sounded each name out carefully.

"Lusha, Loo-sha, yes that sounds good." They decided together.

"Who is Lusha? What are we when we aren't our separate selves?" The confusion on their faces continued as they considered the implications of what had happened to them.

"Our memories are the same aren't they?"

"Yes, nothing seems to be missing, but are we our memories?"

"We can't be just our memories. We have always been us, just separate, and we were once one when we were John…" Lusha let his words hang in the air.

"We are one again now that we are Lusha…"

"Do you want to stay as one? We have been two for so long now."

"There are advantages to being two, but being one feels so nice. There is no strain."

"It feels like we had tight muscles and they relaxed like when mom heals us after weapons training."

"Was this why magic and Stats put so much strain on our body?"

"It makes sense if we think about it."

"Everything has a cost as they say on Earth. Do we want to continue paying the price?"

"Do we have a choice? We have been two for so many years. What will mom think?"

"Mother has always loved us and accepted us as we were even with all our weirdness."

"True, will there be bramble berry pie with dinner tonight?"

"Luca liked it. Will we still like it?"

"It's brambleberry pie! Of course we will still like it."

"We do have the same taste buds. Could we try more things?"

They tried to move. Thoughts of pie and dinner had made them hungry. It felt like they were always hungry nowadays. Mom said it was because they were growing. They remembered how much John ate the last time they were this age. It felt new and familiar at the same time. Their attempt to move resulted in them falling on their face.

"We have to use our body, we can't just will ourselves around." The absurdity of what just happened made them giggle in amusement. "Legs, we have legs. Muscles, tendons, and bones."

"We know how this works. We have been training our body for years."

They stood up slowly and tentatively at first, but with more confidence as the seconds passed. "Yeah we can do this, we remember how. It's easy after all."

With a grin they began to move around the room. Careful steps became a light jog; that became a run. They ran, leaped, cartwheeled, and moved like a young gymnast. Their body responded as it was meant to; it hadn't changed after all.

"We should find a mirror. Do we look the same?" They asked themselves as they looked at their snow white luminous hands.

"Our hands are the same. Why would we look different?"

"Because we are a whole new person! Or are we? Its so confusing."

"Our personality will likely stabilize after we are Lusha longer."

"Are we remaining Lusha?"

"Who knows, but we can try it out right?"

"Right." Lusha nodded confidently to themselves.

"There are mirrors in another workroom. They have uses in scrying."

"Let's go look!"

Lusha ran up the stairs of the Mound. Their footfalls barely made a sound, but it did let the ever helpful demon Raelis know that they were done with their experiment in manual Cultivation.

Raelis found Lusha in a room staring into a mirror. "Master Luca? Was your experiment with master Shada a success?" Raelis asked while tilting his head in clear confusion. He could feel that something was different about Luca, but couldn't explain what.

"It was…we forgot the PEA." Lusha said to theirself.

"Yes, we did. We didn't even remember to check the crystallization chamber before we ran up here to find a mirror."

"Should we go get it?" They asked themselves.

"Soon, we are very pretty aren't we?"

"Are we?" They stared at their reflection. The white skin and hair, blue eyes, exotic half-elven features were familiar, but also brand new.

"Master Luca, why are you referring to yourself like that? We is a plural term, you know that." Raelis studied the young child curiously trying to figure out what was different.

"Ah, Raelis, you have to excuse us. We are still adjusting. I mean I am still adjusting and I am Lusha. I was Luca and Shada, but we messed up and now we…I mean I am Lusha." Lusha repeated their new name several times while considering names and pronouns.

"Master Lusha? What is going on here?" Raelis didn't know what to make of what Luca, now Lusha, said.

"I was working to control the Essence with myself and our Skills deactivated as our focus lined up. We…I mean I…I am whole. No longer split. Complete, new, old. Me, myself, and I." They laughed at their own play on words.

To a less well traveled being their statements would have sounded like madness, but Raelis was old and jaded. "Ah very well, master Lusha. Do you need my assistance with anything? If not I will fetch the so called PEA for you while you admire your reflection."

Lusha waved their hand in dismissal. Their eyes never left their reflection and they ran their hands over their face and ears.

"It's different seeing this face with eyes. It's like having only seen someone in a movie and barely recognizing them in real life. I miss movies."

"We could always go to a play. Mina and Westlin would take us."

"It wouldn't be the same and we need to remember to say I."

If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

"But does that make sense when we are talking to ourself?"

"I am talking to myself. People will look at us weird if we keep saying we not I."

"Does that matter? We, I mean I, don't have any friends besides Westlin."

"I think it might confuse the family."

"That's true. I should likely stop talking to myself like this. I am sure others would get very confused." Lusha nodded to themselves.

"If we are using I then are we going to still use he or will I be they? They is a plural, but it sounds better than saying it." After a moment of silence the child spoke again. "I am Lusha, my pronouns are they/them. I am hermata and should likely stop talking to myself out loud." Lusha nodded to themselves again.

With a mischievous grin on their face they ran up the stairs to the Mounds lobby and promptly ran face first into the door. "I am Lusha, I am hermata, and I walk through walls." They brushed themselves off and got up off the floor and used the door like they would normally and yet in a way for the first time.

—

Lusha contemplated the gardens maintained by Shinobin and Vanestra. Both Luca and Shada had seen these gardens virtually every day of their new lives. They were familiar and yet like so many other things they were fresh and new again. A change in perspective could turn the mundane into the extraordinary. A magical garden should have never been considered mundane, but it had been to both sides of Lusha. They looked at the world around them with new appreciation. The feel of the breeze, the smell of dirt, plants, and fragrant flowers all seemed to be trying to compete for their attention.

"It's different like this. I didn't realize I missed the physicality of the world."

"I didn't appreciate it. I was always too busy to notice."

"We are doing it again. Talking to ourselves."

"At least we are using I more? It will take time to adjust, won't it?"

"Most likely, but the Goddess promised that our distinct selves would still be there if we need them."

"I think we will need them, but we can just be Lusha for a while too."

"Yes we can, but we really need to stop talking to ourselves like this."

Lusha paused next to one of the raised garden beds and did their best to move their external dialogue into an internal one. It was tricky. Lusha's sense of self was still settling. Going from two distinct personalities to one was a difficult thing to adjust to, but it was getting easier the longer they were joined or rather not seperated.

After settling their thoughts more they continued on their way to the cottage. Vanestra was in her favorite chair. It sat over top of the wardstone she was tied to, which was in turn tied to an entire series of wardstones along the border with the Wyldwood. It was why she and Alexzandrous lived in the cottages rather than somewhere fancier in the city.

"Nana?" Lusha said questioningly. They had nearly called her grandma or Vanestra, but nana was what Luca called her.

"Hello sweetheart, did it work? You seem a little out of it." Vanestra knew her great great grandson well. She could tell by his posture something was troubling him.

"It worked. At least the enchantments did, but there was a…issue." Lusha shrugged.

"Is Shada still in the Mound? I didn't sense him leaving. I thought he was going to come back and report on how the design worked." Vanestra glanced at Lusha and then the open door meaningfully.

"Sorry," Lusha said as they closed the door and took a seat in front of Vanestra's chair. They nervously ran their fingers across the woven carpet while looking at their lap.

"Luca?" Vanestra's voice had a touch of worry in it now. Luca was a cheerful and animated child. Seeing him so uncertain was strange.

"Lusha, we, sorry I mean I, chose a new name after we…ugh this is hard. Shada's Skills went down while we were working together. I am Lusha now." The last words came out in an uncertain rush.

"Sweetie, explain. What Skills went down?"

"Split Mind, our minds aren't split, we just have one right now."

Vanestra straightened and blinked as she processed that statement. "Can you reactivate it?" she finally asked in curiosity and concern.

"I don't know. We…sweet Sierra!" Lusha exclaimed before continuing after a deep breath. "I don't know. I haven't tried accessing my Guide. I don't know if I can access the Guide or what it will show. The Goddess promised that she would preserve our identities if something like this ever happened, but we didn't exactly plan this."

"Stand up and come here," Vanestra ordered with her arms wide and intentions clear. Regardless of whatever strange magic was involved Luca and Shada were her grandsons and she loved them both.

Lusha rushed to his nana and gave her a hug like he did so often each day, but with the appreciation that only comes from someone older who has watched family live, get sick, and fade away. Everything that was old was new again as Lusha.

"What is it like to be whole again my sweet?" Vanestra asked as she held her grandson.

"Good, strange, but good. It is like a cramped muscle is finally loosened, but it is different. I am afraid to check the System." There was a vulnerability in Lusha's voice, a fear of losing something they had become very used to.

"That is understandable. Shada had access and Luca was locked out until he came of age. You should check soon, but not yet. Let me hold you for a bit first." Vanestra cuddled her grandson while considering the implications of what had happened. She had long suspected that Luca and Shada's split state held hidden dangers, but she had grown familiar and attached to both as individuals. Part of her felt the need to grieve.

"Ok, I need to get this over with. Don't let go yet while I check," Lusha said as they marshalled the courage to check in with their Guide.

A sense of relief filled them when the Guide responded just like Shada was used to. The relief was short lived though.

The message in their Guide contained page after page of error messages and resolution attempts until finally ending with:

Lusha shared what he learned with Vanestra. They were familiar with manual Skill used. In fact both Luca and Shada did it fairly often, but they had never really used the Split Mind and Spirit Walking Skills fully on their own. The System or Sierra Herself were always helping.

"So it seems you have at least. A lack of choice can be a terrible thing in life," Vanestra responded while stroking Lusha's hair. "In fact it might be good for you to stay like this. Learn to live as Lusha. I am sure there are advantages to being Luca and Shada, but being fully yourself sounds nice."

"It feels nice, but it is strange…" Lusha trailed off as he considered what he had learned from the Goddess.

"Life is strange my dear and it only gets more so as you get older. Trust me," Vanestra said with a gentle smile.

"Do you think mom will make brambleberry pie? Maybe an extra big one? I am eating for two now after all," Lusha said this with a cheerful and cheeky grin.

Vanestra couldn't help, but laugh. "I think she can be convinced."

—

"So you managed to succeed and make a mistake at the same time?" Alexzandrous asked at dinner that night after Lusha explained what happened to them.

"Essentially yes, Shada's enchantment worked as intended and created personally attuned physical Essence Crystals as intended. Unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, we ended up merged," Lusha said while digging the sweet, but slightly tart brambleberry pie they loved.

"I knew this day would come, but figured it would be later when Luca was grown." Shinobin released a resigned sigh. "Will you be switching back?"

"There are advantages to being merged and to being separate." Lusha shrugged. "I mean I like being like this, it is nice. It feels right, but the advantages of having two minds and a spirit form are too great to always stay like this."

Shinobin knew that she would be grieving later that night. She understood intellectually that Luca wasn't gone and that Lusha was as much her son as Luca, but change is difficult for all mothers be it the transition from child to teen or teen to adult. For her this is like her child grew up all at once, but she kept her emotions in check lest Lusha feel rejected.

"What happens when you split again? Do you know?" Alexzandrous couldn't help his intellectual curiosity. He wasn't the sentimental type, but his curiosity was legendary.

"I become Luca and Shada again of course," Lusha said in the way children often did when telling an adult something obvious. They smiled and took another bite of the delicious pie as Alexzandrous pondered their answer.

"Will they be the same?" Shinobin asked. She already missed Luca even if it was clear as day that Lusha was still Luca, but as they talked she could tell when Lusha's Shada side was dominant and it was disconcerting hearing Shada's words coming from Luca's mouth.

"Yes?" Lusha said tentatively. "I know that our personalities are different and the Goddess did assure us that they would remain distinct, but they will both still remember having been Lusha…nothing stays the same forever." Lusha shrugged again and sipped some water.

"Do you still like to wrestle?" Westlin asked during a lull in the conversation. He and Mina had been quiet after Lusha had explained what happened. Neither knew quite what to make of things.

"Why wouldn't I ya goof?" Lusha said with a cheeky grin while punching Westlin's arm playfully.

Westlin just smiled and shoved the smaller boy back.

"No roughhousing at the table!" Mina admonished the two kids.

"Sorry Mina!" "Sorry mom!" They chimed at the same time while grinning at each other.

Mina and Shinobin shared their own more subdued smiles. Their kids were still well kids even if one now had the mind of an adult in their child's body.