Maybe a Fake Gintama

After a few seconds of silence, Shinpachi mechanically turned around slowly. Seeing the flattened ground, his face twisted into a look of constipation-like discomfort.

"You've got to be kidding! They're really attacking! They're actually invading Earth!"

At that moment, a spaceship slowly descended above Shinpachi's head, and a broadcast announced, "Captain! Obstruction cleared!"

"Hahaha, is that so, is that so? Then prepare to land... whoa!!"

Seeing Mutsu jump down from the spaceship and land heavily in front of him, Shinpachi's mouth hung open, his face twitching in disbelief.

"What are you doing?" Mutsu looked disdainfully at Sakamoto, who she had landed on, "Are you trying to destroy Edo before those guys arrive?"

"Huh?" Shinpachi snapped out of it, his eyes wide, staring blankly at Sakamoto and Mutsu before him, "You... you're...!!"

"Hahaha, hahaha..." Sakamoto stood up, unfazed by the blood streaming down his forehead, giggling as he rubbed the back of his head, "Long time no see. How many chapters has it been? The air on Earth is indeed refreshing."

"Sa... Sakamoto-san, Mutsu-san!!"

"Long time no see, Tatsuma..." Kawaki, who had appeared behind Sakamoto, kicked him to the ground and stomped on his head, grinning widely with a cold glint in his eyes, "Welcome to... hell."

"Hahaha, still joking as usual, Kawaki," Tatsuma forced a smile, turning his face to the side, "It's Earth, Earth, not hell. Hahaha..."

"No, for you, it's hell, you bastard..." Kawaki gritted his teeth, bent down, grabbed Sakamoto's hair, and lifted him, "Did you do it on purpose? Just because you haven't appeared in a while, you did this on purpose? Do you really want me to kill you?"

"It hurts, it hurts, my hair's going to come off," Sakamoto struggled, tears glistening, "I don't know what you're talking about. I finally got some screen time, hahaha..."

"Is that so? You don't remember? Let me help you recall..." Veins bulging on his forehead, Kawaki raised his leg and kicked Sakamoto in the groin.

"Aaaah!!" Sakamoto screamed in pain.

"Nice shot. It looks like he won't recover anytime soon," Mutsu nodded approvingly, rubbing her chin.

Five minutes later, seeing Sakamoto tortured beyond recognition, a compassionate Shinpachi tried to reason with Kawaki, "Uh, Kawaki-san, maybe you should pause for a bit. There are more important things than your anger right now."

"It'll be over soon. Just taking out the trash." Kawaki didn't look back, continuing to kick Sakamoto.

Realising Kawaki wouldn't listen, Shinpachi turned to Mutsu, "Uh, Mutsu-san, why is the Quick Response Team here?"

"Oh..." Mutsu finally remembered her original purpose. " It looks like we made it in time, so that's good."

"Did you make it in time?" Shinpachi's expression grew serious. "Do you also know Earth is being invaded?"

"Wait... stop... whoa! Stop... for a moment... whoa!" Still being beaten by Kawaki, Sakamoto mumbled incoherently, "Earth... whoa! Earth is being invaded! We need to... pause for a moment... whoa!"

"That doesn't matter!" Kawaki growled, "I'd rather send you to a safer place—hell—before Earth gets destroyed, you bastard!!"

"It's true, Kawaki-san!" Shinpachi urgently pleaded, "Now's not the time for this. Calm down!"

"How can I calm down?!" Kawaki yelled, veins bulging, eyes bloodshot, "Because of this idiot and the idiot woman who fell for his nonsense, now all of Edo is talking about me!"

"Who are you calling an idiot woman?"

Suddenly, Tsukuyo's voice came from the side.

In the next moment, Kawaki, with several kunai embedded in his forehead, fell back with his eyes rolling up.

"Tsukuyo-san!" Shinpachi shouted in relief as Tsukuyo walked over, smoking her pipe.

"Saved, saved~ hahaha~" Sakamoto sat up, "As expected of Yoshiwara's big sister, Kawaki has always been weak to women from those places, hahaha, hahaha..."

"Could it be..." Looking at the foolishly laughing Sakamoto, Katsura suddenly realised, "Could it be you're Sakamoto?!"

"That voice... Zura?" Sakamoto also reacted.

In the next moment...

Lying at Fujiko's feet, Sakamoto looked up at the view inside her suit and commented, "Long time no see~ How have you been?"

"You too." Lying at Mutsu's feet, Katsura responded.

"You've become so handsome in such a short time," they said simultaneously.

"Wrong! What kind of primitive greeting is this?!" Shinpachi ranted wildly, "Are you guys really good friends?!"

"Um," the recently revived Kawaki glanced at Tsukuyo above him, then turned to Sakamoto with a deadpan expression, "Tatsuma, can we switch? I'm tired of seeing dirty panties..."

Instantly, Tsukuyo's face darkened, and she extended two fingers.

"I just changed them!!" Tsukuyo shouted, jabbing her fingers into Kawaki's eyes.

"My eyes! My eyes!" Kawaki rolled on the ground, clutching his eyes.

"Staying here with these idiots is pointless," Mutsu said, kicking Katsura in the groin, "Let's get on the ship. You have business in space, right?"

When Mutsu spoke, the Quick Response Team's spaceship lowered a long rope ladder.

"Space? Who said we're going to space?" said Kawaki, who had just regained sight. Looking at the view inside Fujiko's suit, he rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "So that's the universe... It's been a long time since I've seen it... ah!"

Once again, Kawaki clutched his eyes, writhing in pain on the ground.

"My eyes! My eyes!"

"Bad news! The clouds are moving!" Asking the rope ladder, Mutsu glanced at the mysterious clouds gathering over Earth and warned the others, "Hurry up! Or we'll be too late!"

"What are you talking about?" Kawaki, who had tied Sakamoto up and pinned him to the ground, waved to Mutsu with a smile. This guy said you're the new captain of the Quick Response Team! Good luck!"

"Mmph mmph mmph!" Sakamoto struggled, but it was futile.

"Alright, let's go somewhere more fun." Kawaki squatted down, whispering in Sakamoto's ear with a sly smile, "I guarantee you'll like it~"

"Mmph mmph mmph! (Is it the Smile Bar?!)"

"Stop fooling around, Kawaki-san!" Shinpachi shouted, "This is a critical moment for Earth's survival!"

"Good luck~" Kawaki waved cheerfully to the ascending crew.

"The enemy can erase memories!" Shinpachi shouted desperately.

Instantly, Kawaki's expression changed. Grabbing the rope tied to Sakamoto, he jumped and caught the last rung of the rope ladder.

"Why are you here too?" Kawaki asked Tsukuyo, who was above him, expressionless. "When did you change your panties? That was fast!"

"Die—!!"

"Ah—!"

...

On TV, Hana, wearing a raincoat and holding an umbrella, reported seriously from Edo's chaotic streets: "As you can see, the streets are in chaos. People drenched by the rain have mask-like expressions and can only communicate using writing boards. What's going on? What happened in Edo?"

Turning back to look at the fleeing crowd, Hana continued.

"Hana, is it true that getting rained on causes those symptoms?" the studio anchor asked.

At that moment, a car sped past, splashing water all over Hana.

Now looking like Elizabeth, Hana faced the camera and held up a writing board: "Return to the studio."

On the Quick Response Team's spaceship, orbiting Earth, Katsura watched the TV broadcast with a severe expression, "Hey... hey! What's going on?"

"So many Elizabeths, so many..." Kagura stared at the screen in shock.

"One, two, three..." Katsura counted on his fingers, falling asleep after the third. Kawaki and Kagura beside him also dozed off.

"The seeds have sprouted. The seeds they planted," Mutsu said solemnly, looking at the mysterious cloud covering Earth from the window, "When that cloud covers the entire planet, Earth will fall into Renpou's hands."

"So, this rain is from Elizabeth and the others..." Shinpachi turned to Mutsu and the still-bound Sakamoto.

"But before that, how did you know about our plan?" Fujiko asked Mutsu.

"Mmph mmph mmph!" Sakamoto struggled again, but it was useless.

"What's wrong? Do I need to use the bathroom?" Kawaki asked nonchalantly. If so, just do it in your pants."