Marvel: Life is Good

It took me a few seconds to pull myself together as I shook her hand. And damn, was I proud of myself. I used my superpower—juggling bullshit in my head. For those uninitiated in this sacred art of calming down and lifting your spirits, here's how it works: you imagine something so ridiculous, so utterly bonkers, it shifts your mood. Think fighting a Boggart, but without the wand, Snape, or any actual magic.

So, I pictured an infinite white plane with a tiny, cartoonish Imperium Guardsman standing there, wildly waving a lasgun over his head. In a squeaky, high-pitched voice, he's screaming: 

"CADIA STANDS, YOU SON OF A BITCH! IT STOOD, IT STANDS, AND IT WILL KEEP STANDING! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, YOU WEAKLING! THE WHOLE GUARD IS WATCHING YOU, THE ENTIRE SECTOR IS WATCHING YOU, THE EMPEROR HIMSELF IS WATCHING YOU, YOU SPINELESS COWARD! EVEN THE EYE OF TERROR IS STARING YOU DOWN! STAND LIKE CADIA! CLENCH YOUR COWARDLY ASSHOLE SO HARD YOU CAN CRUSH REBAR WITH IT!"

And in the background, out of a barbed-wire-lined trench, a cartoonish Krieger pops up, wielding a shovel wrapped in even more barbed wire. He's got a coil of it slung over his shoulder, and through his gas mask, you can barely hear him grunt, "Fuck yeah! LET'S GO!"

Did it help? Well, maybe not a ton, but it took the edge off my panic. I even managed to smile a little—without clenching my ass so hard it threatened to fold into origami.

It's not like I was actually scared of them—not as Tobias, anyway. Besides, my little impassioned rant had probably buttered them up. Look at Magneto over there, grinning like a cat with a fresh bowl of cream, even squinting a bit like she's considering growing a beard with little jingle bells on it and offering me a slice of lemon for tea. But I couldn't let them suspect I knew who they really were. Not them specifically—more like their vibes. You get it.

Letting them know I'd recognized them? Absolutely off the table. I did not want to deal with questions like, 'How do you know us?' or 'Why did you look so surprised, young man?' Especially not when my only solid memories of the X-Men were their first movie and Magneto's plan to turn everyone into mutants. The rest of the films? A total blur—I watched those on autopilot.

So yeah, they didn't strike me as evil incarnate. They had motives—oppression'll do that to you. Their plan wasn't about killing everyone but activating latent powers. Magneto only learned about the whole converter-going-haywire thing during the final showdown—or maybe even later. Bottom line? No hard feelings on my part. But I wasn't about to let my guard down, either. Time to just make a good impression.

I smiled politely, shook hands, and introduced myself, along with Penelope. The queue moved forward, and their turn came to order coffee. Meanwhile, I turned on the charm, radiating positivity toward the pair. In my mind, I focused on what I liked about Magneto as a character, Mystique's blue boobs, and a dumb joke about a wolf, a bear, and the phrase, "Hey, that's your hat!"

I vaguely remembered something about Mystique being able to sense emotions directed at her. Maybe I read it in a fanfic? Who knows. Just in case, I made sure to project nothing but good vibes.

"Tobias," Erika said, her tone genuinely curious, "I'm honestly surprised by your perspective on this topic—especially at your age. I hope you won't think me rude, but how old are you? And what led you to these conclusions? It's rare to hear such a nuanced view even from adults. As someone tangentially connected to the so-called mutant 'problem,' I find your outlook fascinating. You see, I have a close friend with extraordinary abilities, someone I've known since I was young. Naturally, that's shaped my position." She smiled warmly, studying me with interest.

She wasn't lying, not a bit. Xavier and Mystique were old friends of hers, and whether or not she was a mutant herself? Her business.

"I'm fourteen, ma'am," I said with as much respect for my elders as I could muster—she was nice, after all. Plus, a little pride swelled in my chest. Getting praised felt good, okay? "As for my views? I just think with my head, not the TV. Everything I mentioned is obvious, no digging required. And honestly, if you stop to think about people who develop powers…"

Magneto arched a brow, silently urging me to go on.

"Well, think about it, ma'am. People all over the world are getting powers—seemingly at random. But smart people know there's always a reason. These powers show up in different people, across all races and ages, but mostly in kids. So theoretically, anyone's child could wake up one day juggling fireballs. What's the point of persecuting people with powers when it could happen to your kid tomorrow? How are so many people this stupid? I can't imagine treating powered people differently—especially if Penelope or I suddenly became one of them!"

And with that thought, indignation surged through me. I blurted out, full of conviction, "I WOULD NEVER, EVER STOP BEING HER FRIEND!"

Erika laughed, loud and genuine. Mystique smiled broadly as she grabbed their coffees. The two women swapped places with us, and Penelope moved to place our order.

Erika chuckled, her gaze bright with amusement. "Tobias, thank you. You've given me a little faith in humanity again. Maybe not a full bucket's worth, but at least there's a splash in there now. I'm glad we met today. Goodbye, Tobias. Goodbye, Penelope."

As she left, she ruffled my hair. I HATE THAT. Seriously, get your own kid to mess up. I'm my mom's and Penny's—that's it. Maybe G's too. My little Black Sunshine is the only one allowed. UGH.

Penny, holding two ice cream cones, giggled quietly beside me. She knew exactly how much that annoyed me.

We walked home eating ice cream, bags slung over our shoulders, enjoying the sunshine. Neither of us spoke. I was deep in thought about meeting representatives of the mutant sisterhood, while Penny had this sweet little smile on her face, her cheeks darkened with a blush—well, her version of blushing.

"Toby," she began hesitantly, "would you really never stop talking to me if I became a mutant?"

"Pfft, of course not!" I replied instantly, without even thinking. I turned to her, genuinely surprised. "What could ever make me stop being your friend?! Nothing would ever change that!" I declared, waving my ice cream for emphasis.

Penny was looking even darker than before—seems like I embarrassed her with my over-the-top reaction. Heh. That's what she gets for asking such silly questions. Tolerance is practically my middle name. Hell, even in my past life, I didn't have an issue with gay folks. Just don't come for my ass, and we're cool. Mutants? That's even less of a big deal.

"You're a good guy, Toby. Kind and smart," she said. Ah, yes, the compliments are rolling in. Go ahead, pour it all into the bag; I can take it, I'm a strong lad. Heh. "And handsome…"

Oh, damn. Now she's looking at me with those sparkling eyes, smiling like that… and suddenly, I can't breathe. Am I blushing? Oh, my ears are on fire.

Her expression shifted, growing more serious, almost determined. Slowly, she reached out to touch my hand, testing my reaction. And me? I just grabbed her hand right back, took another bite of my ice cream, and started staring down the street like the view had suddenly gotten real interesting. So there we were, holding hands—me red as a beet, her dark as night—and walking in silence. Both of us in complete shock.

My brain was racing, a tornado of thoughts, all of them dumb as hell: hormones, puberty, how amazing she is, how much of an idiot I must be, what the hell am I even doing—

Magneto and Mystique? Fuck'em. Not my problem right now. I think I might be falling in love…

Meanwhile, in a government building waiting room, two women sat sipping coffee as they waited their turn. One looked older but was actually younger; the other looked younger but was actually older. Funny, huh? Not that they were thinking about it. Their minds were on the brief but unexpectedly delightful conversation they'd just had with a certain boy.

"Erika, you're still thinking about the kid, aren't you?"

"Same as you, Misty, same as you," Erika Lehnsherr replied with a smile. "We need more rational people like him in this world. If we had that, the Sisterhood wouldn't even be necessary."

"For a second, I thought he might've been Charles's grandson," Mystique said with a grin. "The way he cuts through the nonsense and calls idiots idiots. Honestly, I liked him."

"Agreed. Toby's a good kid," Erika said, her tone warm as she drifted into her own thoughts.

And just like that, we'd arrived—not at my place, but at Penny's. Somehow, we'd silently agreed to skip my house and keep walking. So now we were standing in front of her building, holding hands, staring at each other, blushing like idiots.

This had been the most pleasant and awkward walk of my life. No, scratch that—both of my lives. We'd tried starting conversations a few times, but they fizzled out almost immediately. We were too distracted by our own thoughts—and our tightly clasped hands.

"Well… this is my place," she said, her tone heavy with regret. It was adorable, really.

I sighed. Damn, these modern girls. Always making the guy take the lead…

"Penny, lean down a sec—you've got something in your hair," I lied shamelessly, letting go of her hand and reaching toward her head.

She reluctantly released my hand. No joke, I swear I could hear her joints creaking as she let go, like she was physically struggling to do it. Is she mutating into Iron Woman or something? She leaned down, and now our faces were almost level. Damn, she's tall. Gonna have to catch up…

Rising onto my tiptoes, I quickly kissed her on the lips. And then, I made my great superhero retreat!

"See ya to—uh, khaa, khaa—tomorrow, Penny!" Damn, I was so nervous I choked on my own words. She just stood there, frozen, her eyes wide, her face darkening to a shade so intense it looked like she was about to absorb light itself.

Grinning like an idiot, I turned and strode away with all the swagger of a Marvel protagonist. Cue the music—no, seriously, I want an orchestra for this. Floating home on cloud nine, my mind was a mess of one very profound thought: Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap.

That single, eloquent idea carried me all the way back to my place, where I greeted the nanny, waved at G, stripped down to my custom undies (yes, custom—"Art is an explosion" printed on the back, with a nuclear mushroom cloud, and "In the name of Jashin, bitches" on the front; we had to argue about that last word, but I won), and faceplanted into my bed.

What the hell am I doing? Falling in love wasn't part of the plan. This is… unforeseen circumstances. A force majeure, if you will.

All right, let's think this through. Penny. Penny's a great girl from a great family. Her dad's a scientist, one mom's a heart surgeon, and the other's a retired soldier. Very serious women. And my moms didn't seem to be the people who would care that she is black. Penny herself? She's got values I respect, and we've been friends forever. So, from my end, there's no reason not to take things further.

But what about her? I mean, sure, finding a guy isn't easy, but it's not impossible. She's gorgeous now, and in a couple of years, when she's fully grown into herself, she's going to be a knockout. Meanwhile, I'm… okay-looking, academically ahead of my peers, and already a decent prospect as a future dad. The only complaint people have about me is that my personality's supposedly "difficult" and "too feminine."

Anyway, there's nothing stopping us from being together, at least not from what I can see. The question is, do I want this? And will it cause her any trouble?

Well, this is Marvel, so trouble's par for the course. Here, eldritch horrors pop out of nowhere to buy groceries, bump into another eldritch horror on the way, and decide to hang out with a third one. A chupacabra-mutant possessed by a sloth demon could jump out from around the corner at any moment to eat people and assault dogs. Galactus probably walks barefoot on these streets. So, yeah, danger's a given.

She wants to be a cop or a firefighter—jobs that come with daily risks. I want to become a super to protect myself and the people I care about, and if the past year has shown me anything, it's that superpowers are damn useful. Spider-Man's abilities alone could help me avoid a ton of crap.

Venom, Deadpool, Magneto, Mystique—four supers, ranging from the irredeemably awful to the chaotically unpredictable, and I've encountered them all within a year. Who knows how many I didn't notice or recognize?

Bottom line? There's no such thing as a risk-free life here, so why not?

Haaah. And my grand strategic plan… Yeah, that's total bullshit.

I grab my pillow and chuck it against the wall with all the grace of a drunken Thor.

The plan is garbage, and I want no part of it. Why the hell did I think I had some deep understanding of the Marvel canon just because I've seen a few movies? Answer: I'm a dumbass. What even is "canon" when I'm stuck in the Marvel-11 Universe, which, apparently, is fan-made or something? And even then, is it the 11th? There's a crap-ton of universes in Marvel lore, and thinking that the dearly beloved Stan Lee and his buddies managed to document them all—or even that some omnipotent, hidden demiurge did—is straight-up nonsense.

For all I know, this universe might have Thanos "Titty Bearer" chilling in a Titan nail salon, working on his infinity stones-inspired French manicure. Maybe Galactus is out by Jupiter, sneaking up on Earth to do something unspeakable with the Queen of England. Hell, Penny's dad might actually be Nick Fury, and the only reason he barely visits is to keep her off the radar of enemy agents. His name is Joseph, after all. Coincidence? I think not. And sure, in the comics, Fury had sons, but I vaguely remember that being from a comic where he was white and hairy. Guess SHIELD does a number on you.

But who the hell knows? Maybe here the Ancient One from Kamar-Taj is a dude with an Elvis haircut. Maybe, somewhere on the edge of the galaxy, the Warp Eye is twitching like a butthole, Jedi and Sith are teaming up to fight Chaos Spawn, and ponies are roasting themselves and the heretics around them with Emperor-approved napalm, all while screaming, "Evil shall not scare me! Death shall not faze me! For the Emperor Himself comes for me!"

If my life were a fanfic, it'd be labeled AU, and the author would probably be hopped up on some weird apple-infused tea, drunk-writing chaos. And, honestly? For a fanfic MC I didn't get enough cheats. Where are my overpowered perks? I didn't get a magical plot device or a 30cm dick that charms everyone by age six. My "foreknowledge" is useless, my past-life experience is basic as fuck, and my brain is… well, bread. Where's my Sharingan, bitch? Where's the Force, Luke?! Where's my Ban-Kai, motherfuckers?!! Hell, I don't even have a neural implant! My only superpower is—wait for it—plot armor.

sigh Okay. What do I want out of life? To live well. And for that, I need three things:

Money.Hot women.Safety.

Let's break it down:

Money. I'm good. I've got enough for a decent life, nothing too flashy. Thanks to some sweet government grants, I won't be flat broke once I hit adulthood. Education is basically free if you don't screw it up. All I've got to pay for is food and rent. Plus, I've got decent programming skills. Sure, I had to relearn some stuff for this universe, but whatever. I'm already freelancing here and there, making pocket money. I'm not writing AI in fifteen minutes or anything, but I can knock out $100 in three or four hours.

Hot Women. Penny… Look, I was never the sex-crazed type in my old life. Sure, I cheated on my wife— a drunken mistake—but I wasn't exactly the guy from Brazzers. Now, though? Puberty's hitting hard. My morning flagpoles could put national monuments to shame. But, alas, I'm not getting laid—just like a broke guy isn't finding any diamonds in his ass.

Why? Because screwing around with girls my age feels wrong. Yeah, my body's a teen, but my mind is not, and I'm not about to seduce high schoolers like some creepy isekai perv. In my last life, I had a daughter. If some reincarnated old dude hit on her in a teenage body? I'd beat him to death and do the jail time proudly.

So, with Penny, I'll wait until she's 18. Until then, it's just hand-holding, kissing, and innocent cuddling.

Older women? Forget it. A relationship with me would ruin their lives if it got out. I'm not horny enough to risk sending someone to prison. I'll make do with amazing porn and wet wipes.

Fun fact, though: in this world, the legal age for boys is 16. So, not too long to wait. Just gotta keep my morals in check because… I'm pretty sure the "flirting" will come more from their side.

Also, this world's relationship dynamics tie directly to money. Big families with multiple wives? Totally normal. A guy who can earn money and isn't lazy is seen as a prize. And, let's be real, I'd be a catch: hardworking, no crazy demands, not a pushover. My future wives would be showing me off.

Safety. Now this is the tricky one. I used to think keeping a low profile was the way to go. Then Wanda Wilson hijacked my taxi. That shook me up. And Venom? That fuck shattered my confidence entirely. He still visits in my nightmares.

Add in two mutant sisters who could kick my ass, and yeah, I've realized playing it safe is an illusion. All in all, because of the sheer unpredictability of this world I must take the matter of safety into my own hands.

Spider-Man's powers seem like the perfect option for me right now, at least for a start. Canon or not, Spidey's abilities are probably the safest to have. I've seen a couple of his movies and a bit of the animated series, but I've never really read the comics. Actually, I've barely touched comics at all—maybe a few here and there, like some Nick Fury stuff. There were a couple of fanfics too, but I don't even remember them anymore.

Based on this admittedly not-so-reliable knowledge, I'd say most of Spidey's problems came from his own initiative. Sure, he was saving people and helping out… but I'm not him. I'm selfish to the core, and if I've got any altruism in me, it's barely scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Don't get me wrong, I'll help someone out if I'm walking by and I'm not about to get punched in the face for it. But patrolling the city? Swinging around to stop some bank robbery? Pffff. That bank's insured, for crying out loud. And getting into fights without proper training? That's just asking for casualties. Now, pulling a kitten out of a tree? Absolutely. Helping an old lady cross the street? No problem. Saving a kid from drowning? Sure thing. Heck, I'll even build a birdhouse. I'm a damn boy scout at heart, not some superhero in a colorful condom suit.

So yeah, if Spider-Man got bitten on a field trip to Oscorp, I'm ready to stick my arm out for the same. Then I'll figure things out. Maybe even call Deadpool—her number's scribbled on the back of that autograph I got. She's crazy as hell, but at least she's fun. Who knows? Maybe she'll have some tips.

Hmm… Wait. Hmmmmmmm. Hold on. Mutants… Female mutants. Genius, Toby. You're a damn genius. Even if you're also a loaf of bread. They have trouble socializing, right? And if regular girls in this world struggle with guys, mutants are pretty much screwed. Which means… if I find a mutant girl I like… Say, Scarlet Witch? She's got the power and the looks… Mmm. Jean Grey? Nope. Telepaths are a hard pass. Imagine her asking, "How do I look in this dress, honey?" and I'm like, "You look stunning, sweetheart!" But in my head, it's, "Three hundred bucks for this rag? Three. Hundred. Bucks. For that, it better stop Death Star blasts and let her fly like Strange's cape." And BAM—fight. Nope, not doing it. But the idea's got legs. I'll think it over and make a list of mutants who might make our future family stronger.

So yeah, the plan's updated. Here's the deal: study for two years, enjoy the puppy-love stage with Penny until she is 18—if she doesn't dump me, that is. After that, maybe take things further with her while continuing my studies and getting a job on the side. Meanwhile, snag Spider-Man's powers for myself, have some chats with Wanda about superpowers, and keep an eye out for some cool mutant chicks for potential family additions. And always, always be ready for the inevitable shitstorm.

I'll probably need to find some kind of martial arts class—something like Surprised Wombat Combat Style or whatever. Look at Spidey: the guy was a total nerd but still managed to take down thugs. If I throw some martial arts training on top of those powers, even better. At least I'll be able to handle hobos, and if something worse shows up, I'll just run for it. And carry Peni in my arms while I do. Even if that idealist kicks and screams. Heh-heh-heh.

My brilliant brainstorming session was rudely interrupted by a knock at the door. Oh yeah, I locked it when I came in. Weird. What does the nanny want? Maybe she needs the bathroom? I opened the door to find… not the nanny, but Georgine, my little sister. She was staring at my face like she was looking for answers. Odd. She didn't even kick the door open this time.

"Something up, G? Come in." I stepped aside and let her in. "Why so quiet, Red? Did you screw something up and need your amazing big brother to bail you out?" I grinned, pulling on my cloud-patterned robe. Oh yeah, that robe.

She sighed in relief and plopped down on the chair by my desk. That's my workspace—homework, computer, the works. I sat on the bed across from her, giving her a curious look.

"You tell me, Toby," she said, all serious and adorable. "You came home looking like a ghost, locked yourself in, and haven't come out in three hours! Moms are home already. You even missed practice."

Three hours? What? I've been lost in thought for, what, twenty minutes max? My face must've shown my confusion because Ginger (1) pressed on, her tone even more concerned. "Toby, is something wrong? Do you want to talk to Mom Betty? Did you have a fight with Penny?"

I stared at her for ten solid seconds, dumbfounded. Ten. Seconds. She's ten years old, and here she is, playing protector because she noticed her big brother wasn't himself. God, that's cute. Girls are raised differently here. They're taught to protect and support their family, and I wasn't about to mess with that. Sure, sometimes it's unnecessary, even annoying, but hey—I'm in a new world now. I'm no self-insert Mary Sue bending the world to my will. I try to roll with it, be grateful, and not turn her into some future man-hater because her big brother was a jerk.

Smiling, I scooped her up, making her squeak in surprise, and plopped her onto my lap, hugging her tight.

"You're the best, you know that? My little protector. My favorite sister," I crooned, nuzzling the top of her head. "I'm fine, kiddo. Just a little stressed out today."

"Why are you stressed?" she mumbled, her face buried in my armpit, hugging me back.

"Well…" I hesitated. "Ginge, what do you really think of Penny?"

"Peeeeeeenny," she growled ominously from under my arm. "Did that curly hurt you? What did she do? Call you names? Did you fight? Or—wait, no… Don't tell me…" She gasped, staring up at me in shock. "Did she come onto you?! That's it! We're telling Mom Betty! Let's go, Toby! Don't worry, I'll handle it!"

I couldn't help but laugh as she tried to wriggle out of my arms, ready to storm off and exact justice on Penny.

"What's so funny, Tobias?!" she demanded, sounding just like Mom Betty. "This isn't a joke! We need to act!"

"Relax, sis." I hugged her tighter. "Penny didn't do anything. We didn't fight. I was just curious what you thought of her."

"And you're laughing because… Wait. No. No way!" She leaned back, eyes wide. Then her face lit up with a mischievous grin—a grin I see in the mirror all the time. "You're dating her, aren't you? You're a couple! Did you kiss? Did you tell the moms? What about her parents? And her sisters? Are they involved too? Spill it, Toby! Stop laughing! Tell me everything, you jerk, or I'll strangle you and tell everyone you were born this way!"

"Alright, alright!" I managed to laugh, finally catching my breath. No need to hold her back—she wasn't leaving until she squeezed every last drop of information out of me. My little fiery fox. "It was nothing serious. We just held hands, and I kissed her. That's it."

"NOTHING SERIOUS?! NOTHING SERIOUS?!?! WUUUU!!!"

And just like that, she rocketed out of my room at the speed of a meteor, screaming, "PARENTS! BIG NEWS! TOBY GOT HIMSELF A GIRLFRIEND!" Uh-oh.

Yup, it was a circus. Ten minutes later, my room was graced by a full-blown delegation from the women's party of our apartment: both moms and little G. All of them had these intense, self-important expressions on their faces. For an hour. They grilled me for a solid hour. What do I feel for Penny? How serious is it? What are her feelings toward me? What are our plans? What if? How? When?

When they finally left, Mom Betty sternly informed me that Penny was expected at our place tomorrow after school for a "woman-to-woman" talk. My desperate cry of, "We just kissed, we're not even officially dating yet!" was met with the classic "Moms know best." They even said they'd take time off work for this life-altering conversation. So: "Figure it out, Tobias, and if Penny wants to date you, she better show up tomorrow."

Screwed. Absolutely screwed.

I stared at my phone. Should I call Penny? Ugh. Too chicken. What if she tells me to get lost? No, tomorrow. I'll talk to her tomorrow at school. Face-to-face, she can't hang up on me. If she gets mad, at least I can apologize in person—and if she decides to slap me, well, I'll take it. Better she lets it out than bottles it up. Even if she dumps me, I still want to be friends. She's amazing. Alright. Tomorrow.

For now, food and homework.

Fueled up under the disapproving gazes of my moms—seriously, they hate when I eat like I'm still in boot camp in my past life—then cranked through my homework and crashed into bed. Took forever to fall asleep, though. My mind was racing with all sorts of stupid thoughts, most of them useless. Eventually, sleep won.

The next day started in a daze. I brushed my teeth, ate breakfast, walked to school, greeted Flash and Harry—all on autopilot. My heart was pounding like a jackhammer as I stood at the classroom door. When Harry asked, "You okay, Toby?" I just nodded woodenly and stepped inside.

And there she was, sitting at her desk. She looked… well, probably how I looked: lost, fidgety, her gaze a million miles away. Oh, crap. Bad sign. I walked up to her, and—

"Hi, Penny." I froze, staring at her. Tried to smile, but I'm pretty sure it came out more like a grimace. God, my fingertips were ice-cold. I probably looked utterly pathetic.

"Hi, Toby." Her voice—God, her voice—so beautiful, but that smile? It was like someone had a gun to her head and was forcing her to fake it.

I stood there like an idiot. Honestly, you could've heard a tumbleweed roll by. The whole class was staring. The awkward tension was unbearable. Fine, recess. We'll talk at recess.

"Penny, can we talk after class?" I looked her in the eyes, and when she nodded, a bit of the tension melted away. I think my smile became a little more genuine. I nodded back and headed to my seat. This was going to be the longest lesson of my life.

I won't bore you with the details of our recess conversation. Typical teenage overthinking. We'd both built up this massive storm in our heads, but three minutes of actual talking, and we were smiling at each other like idiots, holding hands, and gazing into each other's eyes.

"Toby," she started, hesitating slightly, "so, um… my dad came home yesterday. And we… well, we talked. And I kind of… told him that we might be… dating?" Her voice dropped into an apologetic whisper. "He… he asked if you could come over after school. Just to meet him. If you don't mind, of course! He's been wanting to for a while, and now he's really insistent. But… you don't have to! I'm sorry for springing this on you…" Her big, gorgeous eyes looked so guilty, I felt like a thief.

And then it hit me. One second. Two. Three. And I burst out laughing. Penny's eyebrows shot up in surprise, her face twisting in mild offense.

I waved my hands in surrender, trying to calm her down. "Hold on, hold on. Give me a minute." I took her hand in mine, stroking it gently to soothe her (and myself). After my laugh attack subsided, I quickly explained the situation with Gigi, my moms, and the "mandatory" talk they'd scheduled for her. Penny laughed at first, but her face soon paled.

Her expression turned serious as she said, with a hint of formality, "Of course, Tobias, I'll come. And after that… my place?" When I nodded, her radiant smile could've outshone the sun. The bell rang, and she kissed me on the cheek before dragging me back to class, still holding my hand.

There's something intoxicating about being the center of attention. As we walked down the hall, every single pair of eyes was on us. If this were Konoha, and the girls were all Uchiha, Penny would've been burned to ashes by Amaterasu right then and there. Speaking of which… if there's a Marvel-11, maybe there's a Naruto-11 too? Ten kunoichi for every male ninja? Ugh. Thank the Goddess I didn't end up there. What a mess that would've been.

All in all it felt like the school day flew by, except for the part where everyone kept staring at us. Harry and Flash seemed dazed, Parker was oblivious as usual, and that idiot MJ looked at me like I was trash. Typical.

Finally, the school day ended, and we walked to my place. No ice cream detour this time—better safe than sorry—but I still side-eyed the line warily. Once we arrived, my moms sat Penny down for tea, then shooed me and G off to my room while they had their "chat."

Remember how I said that lesson was the longest one ever? Nope. Total amateur hour compared to this. That hour in my room with Ji felt like a whole year. She squirmed from curiosity; I squirmed from sheer anxiety. I kept reminding myself that Penny was pure gold and my moms were sweethearts, but that didn't stop me from biting my nails like a neurotic teenager. Curse these damn hormones.

And now, here we are, standing at Penny's apartment door. The whole walk here, my Sunshine was beaming, chirping, giggling, kissing my cheek, and holding my hand. Every time I asked about the talk, she'd just wave it off with, "Usual girl stuff, Toby. Your moms just wanted to make sure I was serious. Don't worry, they're great." And then she'd flash me the brightest smile in all of New York. For me. No one else's opinion mattered

The door opened, and there stood Sophie, Penny's second mom—not biologically related, but all heart. With her French-American roots, she welcomed us warmly and guided us inside with a few polite pleasantries. We headed to the kitchen, where everyone was waiting.

And there he was. Penny's dad.

As I shook his hand and smiled, all I could think was:

A blank white void. Two tiny cartoon guards, an Imperium stormtrooper and a Krieg guardsman, screeching in high-pitched voices: "CADIA STANDS, YOU BASTARD! CADIA WILL STAND FOREVER! WOOHOO, MOTHER—"

So, what are the odds that this bald, one-eyed, charmingly grinning Mr. Joseph is NOT Nick Fury, Director of S.H.I.E.L.D.?

_________________________________________________________

The Original story named Gigi (Georgine) as Ginger (tr: Джинджер). Since I don't want the English-speaking audience to confuse her with a vegetable or assume her parents uncreatively called her Ginger just because she is a redhead, I changed her name to Georgine (or Gigi for short).