2.43 Dear Abby for gods
Lisaykos' bedroom, 6th rot., 1st day
"Who's the kitty? Yes, cutesy-wutesy rolly-polly little kitty pooh, he likes his belly rubs, yes, he does!"
A woman's voice woke me up. I sat up to see Mugash herself at the foot of my bed, sitting cross-legged and scratching my cat.
I quickly bowed my head to my knees, "Divine Mistress." I hoped not too many in the shrine were awake. The presence of a god would affect any conscious silverhair.
"Not to worry, daughter," Mugash looked up and smiled at me. "We are currently isolated in time from the rest of Erdos."
I looked at my hands and was not surprised to see they were shaking. I could barely think straight through my fear.
"Is this better, dearest?" Mugash asked and waved a lazy hand.
My head was clear, and the fear was gone. I looked up at my deity, wondering.
"It's been forty-seven years since someone last cast a charm of peace on you, one that actually worked," Mugash looked pleased with herself. "Your will is almost as strong as little Emily's. The other solution to a mage's reaction to gods is to talk to you from within your dreams, but I prefer direct conversation when I can arrange it."
"You cast a charm of peace," I was amazed. "That makes sense. My will surely is not as strong as the will of a god."
"Yes, there are only a handful of mages who could make a charm of peace work on you since one must have a stronger will and at least as much magic," Mugash explained. It was enlightening because I believed no one could use that charm on me. The last time someone case it successfully was when I was thirteen.
"Who?" I was curious. I knew Aylem couldn't, even given her outsized power. My will was simply stronger than hers.
"Let's see. Of those you have met, only Ud and Kamagishi. The other three do not live in Foskos."
"Kamagishi?" That was a surprise.
"Kamagishi hides her strength. If we exclude Aylem, Kamagishi is the most powerful living mage. Your daughter is right behind her, followed by Fassex. Neither Fassex nor Katsa has a stronger will than you, and Fassex is not your equal as a mage."
"But Fassex's mind magic?"
"It's her best skill, and it is incredible, but her healing is merely adequate, and her mind's hand has pitiful range. She also lacks stamina, and her precognisance is poor enough that it almost kept her from enrolling as a trainee at the White Shrine. Her mind magic is so amazing that everyone forgets that, as a mage, she is badly unbalanced."
"Goodness," I was sure I was making a fish face.
"But I didn't come to gossip," Mugash was suddenly serious. "I am looking for another perspective on Aylem."
"What?"
"I have spooked Aylem. She won't talk to me like she used to. She needs love and reassurance right now, and I want to help her, but she has shut me out. Tell me, daughter, what can I do to regain her trust? I realize that I do not know a non-coercive way."
"There's a coercive way?" I had to ask.
"Yes. I could just make her trust me again, but I want and prefer for her to find new trust from within. Either way, I get what I want, but the non-coercive way has more integrity. Aylem values integrity."
I pinched my nose out of reflex because I felt like telling Mugash to leave poor Aylem alone. Her meddling had broken Aylem and delayed Emily's recovery. She could have done better with handling them. Galt, and sometimes Giltak, had much more empathy and understanding for mortal life than Mugash had shown. But how could I tell that to the god who's avatar I was?
"You can't anger me by telling me your opinion, Daughter," Mugash said. "Of all those under my care, you have the best right to share what you think with me. I am rarely angry, and I never hold grudges. That is part of my nature."
"Did you ever try to understand Aylem? Do you understand how you broke her?" Being under a charm of peace did not mean I could show any of my anger, so I kept myself polite.
"I thought I understood her," Mugash met my gaze. "I do, and I don't, know how I broke her."
"I do not understand your last statement."
"I know every knowable event of Aylem's life, but not the reaction of the ba that arises from the intersection of the soul with reality—that is what no god can experience without voluntarily incarnating. No god can predict that reaction for a sapient biological mortal in this reality. We do not know these things because we have chosen not to know them for the created work called Erdos."
Mugash's revelation matched one of Emily's more recent shocking utterances about the gods: that we had a certain amount of free will because the gods would be bored without it.
"Little Emily is very close to understanding that truth, though she did not exactly employ any tact in how she phrased things," Mugash sounded just a touch put out.
I couldn't help it. I snickered. Mugash sounded just like Twessera in one of her disgusted-with-Emily rants.
Mugash saw the reaction and sighed.
"My advice, divine mistress," I commented neutrally, "is to apologize to both Aylem and Emily. Then retreat without expecting a reply and leave them alone. If they want to talk, they will let you know. Otherwise, hands off. Some humans need time."
Mugash sat and thought. I waited. Then I added, "I know that Galt has apologized to Emily at least once for misunderstanding her."
She looked up at me in surprise, brows creased in a cavernous frown. "I did not know."
"Have you reestablished relations with Galt yet? You and Tiki might profit from making up with the gods currently managing Emily. You must do that soon if you want to preserve your agreement to work with the other gods and not war with one another."
"Emily has been talking to you," Mugash realized.
"I'm the person who sees her first after one of her nightmares or flashbacks. We share a necessary room and bathing chamber. We talk."
"I meant for Emily to live at the Villa, under Aylem's protection. I didn't anticipate she would prefer to stay here," Mugash revealed.
"Aylem couldn't offer anything Emily desired more than her freedom."
"And you did?" Mugash asked with a little bit of a bite to her question.
"No, this shrine has been nothing more than an amiable cage, but we kept it with care for her. I also left the door unlocked. I have always tried to leave Emily with a choice. Neither you nor Aylem gave her a choice last year."
The crease between Mugash's eyebrows got even more profound.
"We did a poor job raising the talented and powerful Aylem," I admitted. "She spent her adult life hiding her loneliness and lack of self-esteem behind a wall of haughtiness. You undermined that self-esteem and destroyed one of her few sources of worth, namely her value as a mother. She needs time to heal, Mugash. Leave her be."
"I will try your advice," and then Mugash was gone.
Suddenly the utter quiet I had not noticed was gone. The noise of the world returned: the wind against the clearspar window panes, the wind bells on the north gate, the calls of carters on the south and east trade roads as they go to unload before the start of the work day. It must have been between the three-quarter night bell and dawn.
I couldn't get back to sleep after that. I sat in my armchair and watched the dawn out my window until it was time to engage the new day.
- - -
Usruldes, Ud's home under the Fenlands, 6th rot., 2nd day
"Oh!" Aylem rolled the brass shell between her fingers. She closed her eyes and concentrated for a moment. "Yes, I can replicate this." She put it down and picked up the other brass fireworks shell, "I can replicate this one too. This is easy."
*Excellent!" Ud enthused. *You've been wanting to get more practice.*
"Yes, when I can find the opportunities," Aylem said, putting the second shell down. When we unpacked the mortar to show Aylem, we found that Huhoti had packed all the pieces for fireworks shells. The two fireworks were unassembled, but all the parts were present, down to the fuses, solid propellant, and the thin copper ball on top of each shell that contained the powder-and-pine-gum fireworks charge.
"Emily, I can indeed make your fireworks for a show for Ud," Aylem decided. "From the markings that Huhoti left on the copper balls, we have orange and yellow. I can make the arsenic for light blue if you would like."
"No, you're pregnant. You should not even be looking at arsenic compounds. We'll stick to the alkali reagents and the non-toxic powdered metals like aluminum."
"Aluminium," Aylem corrected.
"Aluminum," Emily persisted.
"Aluminium."
"Aluminum."
*Children,* Ud was laughing in my head, *don't make me come down to the main cavern to sort you two out."
"Aluminum," Tom added. Aylem gave him a look of betrayal. Danasma laughed at the antics. She was beginning to relax around the Queen.
"Aluminium," said Asgotl.
"Traitor!" Emily accused.
I sat back and enjoyed the goodhearted bickering. I was struck by just how much the Queen had changed. She was relaxed and seemed to enjoy herself. I don't think I had ever seen her smile so much. She, Emily, and Asgotl appeared to have a camping-out routine established that was light-handed and just a tad silly. I think Asgotl and Emily behaved this way for the Queen's sake. They both seemed to devote some care to the state of the Queen's spirits. I, too, had been lectured by the Revered Lyappis about taking care of the Queen's mental health on her second unsupervised trip with diplomatic and political consequences.
Tomorrow's trip to Gangkego would be a test for the Queen since she would be the one to speak to whatever dignitaries would be willing to approach. Bringing Danasma home should be our foot in the door, but this will be the first deliberate visit by a Cosm to an Inkalem territory in centuries. Foskan couriers were restricted to the hill known as the unclaimed ground outside of the stockade around Tulleen, out on the edge of the sinks of the Salt River.
"They bicker like family," Ilsabess said to me. She was seated on the same bench carved from the limestone of the cavern. "Is this fireworks thing really all that impressive?"
"Holy One, I've been everywhere and seen almost everything there is to see on Erdos," I admitted. "Fireworks are more amazing than steel, at least in terms of wow. They are indeed impressive. Besides, the gods wanted Emily to introduce fireworks. One of the gods asking for fireworks was Erhonsay, who gave Emily a recipe for making light blue ones."
"I'm still having a hard time imagining what these things must be like," Ilsabess signed and shook her head.
"Just wait two bells," I promised, "it will be worth your while."
I was impressed, despite having seen the first fireworks display in Omexkel. Emily, Tom, and Twee set up their two mortars, and Aylem created fireworks in red, orange, yellow, and green. She would create a shell with her magic. One of the three would take it, and a second would light it. The first would drop it into one of the two mortars. They took turns at lighting and loading. Aylem would create the fireworks shells faster than the little ones could fire them.
The fireworks inside the enormous main cavern were eye candy. Ud dimmed all the light except the charm gem light that the mortar crew was using so they could see what they were doing. The reflections off the polished columns of limestone were a sight I will never forget.
Aylem and the little ones pleased Ud so much that she decided to come with us to Gangkego, "To smooth your negotiations," she said.