Magical Girl Mechanical Heart

College is weird.

I was kind of expecting it to be high school, but like… again? And to some extent it is. I'm mostly just taking general required classes, the same math, history, and science stuff that I never really understood and don't deserve to be passing. But high school, for most people, is an obligation. When I ended up skipping out on classes to do Earth Guardian work, it was always a big production when I showed back up to class late. I eventually stopped doing it altogether, only going to classes that I could actually be there for the whole duration of, because when you walk in after the class has already begun everyone stares at you, whispers start, and sometimes the teacher stops everything to berate you. In college, though? Nobody gives a shit.

I think the difference is that college isn't an obligation. It's a privilege. Everyone other than me is paying to be here (I got some kind of mysterious scholarship out of nowhere, go figure), and that changes the dynamic of the classes a fair bit. Not completely, of course. There are still slackers, but the focus of it all has shifted. Everyone here is ostensibly an adult, being taught by fellow adults. If I don't show up to class, well, that might impact my grade, but it's my decision to make.

It's a weird feeling. I'm not used to being trusted by people in that way. Sure, as a team leader I know what it's like to have people rely on my judgment in combat, but being trusted to make decisions for myself as a human being? That's a new one.

Technically, you know what it's like to have people rely on MY judgment.

Minerva, you smug little… I make calls, too! You're in control with the team more often, but we still interact.

Hehe. I know.

Bah. You gremlin. I'm going to make sure you know what it's like to do all this damn homework!

Sure, bring it on. Are we… actually going to do it, though?

We should probably try? It's what Castalia does, and it would make Chloe happy if we did more normal-person stuff. Only if we have time, of course.

Of course. Protecting the city always comes first.

Trudging up the stairs to my dorm, I start to wonder if I should go to class in incarnate form just so I can fly up the damn things when I get back. Maintaining incarnate form is good training, too, and it's not like anyone pays enough attention to me to notice I have a different face in class.

What if I show up to class in incarnate form?

Please don't.

No promises!

Gahhhhh. Look, hanging out with Chloe is one thing, but college classes? That will get people asking questions. And I know you… wait. Wait, don't tell me you're fine with that…?

Kind of, yeah! I dunno, sometimes I just wanna tell the world "Hey! I'm here!" Gonna have to figure out a way to let Luna know, since we're hanging out together so much.

Oh my god, please don't. Chloe was super nice because she's always super nice, but Luna? Luna will have… opinions.

Boy will she. And I don't really wanna go through all the effort of being friends with her if she's gonna end up thinking I'm some kinda crazy person at the end of it all. May as well pull the band-aid off all at once.

"I guess," I mumble to myself, unlocking the door to our dorm and stepping inside. I find Chloe already home, where she is—to my surprise—practicing Mario Kart. I guess I can't blame her. We got absolutely thrashed the other day. Luna was merciless. At one point she got the lightning bolt item, drove all the way into first place, and then used it on the rest of us while we were behind her, just to flex. I think it broke Chloe a little.

It was fun, though! We got to use the lightning on her most of the time.

Well yeah, because we were in last the whole time. It is kind of funny that Castalia and Chloe put us on 'lightning duty,' though. If nothing else, we know how to do lightning duty.

"Eliza! Welcome home! Wanna train with me? Er, at Mario Kart, not the thing where you vanish for ten hours."

Do I really train for ten hours? That's pretty good. My stamina's been improving.

"Weren't we going to go, uh, shopping, or whatever?" I ask, plopping down next to her on the couch.

"Yeah, when Luna and Castalia get here. We can practice Mario Kart until then, though! We have to be able to at least pose a challenge next time!"

I shrug and gingerly accept her offered controller, doing my best to be careful with it so I don't break it. I can't say I really get this game, or games in general, but it's something to do, I guess.

Ask her if she thinks Luna will take it okay.

Ugh. Fine.

"How do you think Luna would react to meeting Minerva?" I ask. "You know, like, officially."

"Huh? Well, I mean she already knows about the two of you, right?" Chloe asks.

"She knows I am two different Earth Guardians. I don't know if she knows I'm two different people. I feel like that's kinda an extra leap to make."

"Oh, yeah, I guess so," Chloe answers. "Honestly, I don't really know. It's hard to get a read on that girl. She's kinda rude, but she's also considerate. I definitely don't think she's close-minded, though. I mean, I guess I don't really know a whole lot about her beliefs, but she's… uuh. Geez, there's not really a great way to say this?"

"What?" I ask.

"Well, she's disabled and gay," Chloe grimaces. "And she knows how to pick locks, like, terrifyingly well. And she clearly has a lot of experience cooking for herself… I don't really know how all the puzzle pieces fit together exactly, but suffice to say I don't think she's lived the sort of life that leaves someone inclined to view cultural outcasts in a traditional light."

"You've completely lost me, Chloe," I admit.

"I figured I might've, but that's okay," she sighs. "It's just some personal musings of mine. I guess, on a whole, I think the odds are in your favor with Luna? But this is the sort of thing that's always going to be a gamble. Pretty much everybody's raised understanding that more than one person in your head means crazy. Your average person never bothers to consider what the options are in a situation like that other than Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Even if she reacts badly at first, though, there's a chance she'll eventually come around to the idea. Sometimes all someone needs to get over their biases is to spend time with people, you know?"

"Uh, not really," I admit. "But I'll definitely take your word for it. Thanks, Chloe."

"No problem, uh… Fulgora?" she tries.

I smile.

"Yep, you nailed it," I confirm.

"Nice!" she says, doing a self-congratulatory fist pump.

We race a few tracks in Mario Kart, for a generous definition of 'race' on my end. I'm not really that invested in it, but it passes the time until I feel Castalia start moving our way and eventually knock on our door. We let both of them in, chat a bit, and eventually head outside towards the parking lot. Luna nudges Chloe and signs something at her.

"Oh, uh, I can drive," Chloe offers. "That way you can still participate in the conversation!"

Luna smiles and signs something that I assume is 'thank you' given her emotional state, and the four of us pile into Chloe's beat-up little car. I take shotgun, while Luna and Castalia head into the back. The whole car sags when they get in, the suspension probably not used to this many people. Then, we're off. It's a pretty short drive to the mall, and we're heading inside before we know it.

"Welcome to the wonderful world of shopping!" Chloe declares, lifting both of her hands towards the sky. "I hope everyone is ready for a Chloe-style makeover!"

"I am prepared," Castalia says seriously. Luna signs something. "Luna says she is also prepared."

Heck yeah I'm ready! Minerva chimes in from the back of my head.

"Ready as I can be, I guess," I sigh. "You know Castalia and I don't really have an income, right? Can you really afford all this?"

"Oh, Luna said she's buying," Chloe answers.

"Luna?" I say, scrunching my eyebrows together. "Can you afford all this?"

She nods.

"How?" I ask.

She signs something and looks at Chloe.

"Oh, um…" Chloe hesitates. "She says, 'Dead parents. You know how it is.'"

I blink.

"I… don't, actually," I answer. "My parents aren't dead."

A small burst of surprise emits from all three people around me. Really? Huh.

"Did you all just assume my parents were dead?" I ask. "Is this an Earth Guardian thing?"

"I… Eliza, you live with your brother. I've never heard you talk about your parents even once," Chloe says.

"Oh, I mean yeah, Jim's my legal guardian. Or… I guess he was before I turned eighteen? Man, that's weird. Being an adult is weird," I frown.

The surprise around me shifts towards concern.

"So… both of your parents are alive, but your brother is your legal guardian? Are they in jail or something?" Chloe asks.

"What? No! Of course not. Why would they be in jail?" I ask. "Or… I guess I assume they're not in jail, I haven't really talked to them for like… eight or nine years. I don't remember them all that well."

Everyone stares at me speechless, though Luna only does so for the usual reasons. She's signing furiously.

"Uh… Luna wants to know if you're comfortable talking about this with us," Chloe translates.

"I guess?" I shrug. "It's not really a big deal or anything."

"Okay… Luna says that it's very difficult to get parents to lose custody of their child, so it pretty much can't be 'not a big deal.'"

I shrug again. I'm not really sure what else to do.

"It probably wasn't that hard. They didn't want me. Jim did. It was probably just a, you know, 'here you go, take her, bye!'"

The emotions around me only grow in strength. What did I say wrong?

"…I don't think it works like that," Castalia says.

"Why would they not want you?" Chloe asks, seemingly… on the verge of tears? Oh geez, maybe I shouldn't have talked about this.

Yeah we probably should have known that parents are a pretty big deal to most normal people. I mean, Chloe put all that time and effort into helping her dad, right? So she's probably… a parent person. I guess.

"I mean, like I said, I don't really remember them that well," I answer. "One thing I remember is that they really, really hated magic. It's apparently Satanic? But it didn't matter that much, I didn't see them that often after I became an Earth Guardian. I spent most of my time at base."

Luna signs a single word.

"Why?" Castalia translates for her.

"Uh… probably because my parents didn't like me, I guess. I don't remember, I was eight. Nobody remembers anything from when they were that young."

Chloe, Luna, and Castalia share a few looks with each other, and then Chloe walks up to me and gently grabs both of my hands.

"Come on," she says. "Let's go do something fun."

"Oh, I mean, sure, yeah," I agree. "That's why we're here, right?"

"You bet it is," Chloe says with a big smile, but for some reason she's still sad. I've never been great at knowing what to do when that happens, but usually I just do whatever she wants and she bounces back eventually. She's strong.

The mall is an interesting place. I've been here once or twice before with Chloe, though that was during the summer so it's a bit less crowded now, which is nice. Despite fewer people being here, we definitely get a lot more stares—hanging around with Castalia tends to do that, given her… everything. She floats slightly behind me, chatting quietly with Luna as Chloe navigates us to whatever stores she plans on leading us through. I'm just here to be along for the ride, really.

You could get some new clothes for yourself, you know. You've been wearing the same stuff for years now.

I don't see why I shouldn't continue doing that? Clothes are just clothes. I don't want to make Luna pay for stuff I won't even particularly like.

But you could find stuff you like. Like I did! I mean, it was mostly Chloe who helped me, but once I got into it it was really nice. I'm sure she'll be happy to do the same for you!

There's no point. Let's just let her dress up Luna and Castalia, instead. Castalia only really has like four outfits herself. I'm not even sure if her clothes are real or if they're just magical constructs, honestly. If anyone can just will her incarnate outfit into a tank top and jean shorts, it's Castalia.

It's hilarious how she still wears it in the winter. Because… yeah, I mean, it's not like below-freezing temperatures are going to do anything to her.

The weather is starting to cool down, finally. Maybe we can give it a shot, too.

Yeah! Incarnate casual clothing day!

We make it to the first of no doubt many stores for the day, Chloe immediately dragging Luna off to look at outfits while Castalia and I follow leisurely behind. The two of them chat away, Chloe as bubbly and babbly as always, and Luna presumably holding down her end of the conversation with her quick-moving hands. I'm surprised Chloe can keep up, even if she apparently has experience with the language. I wonder what the story is there.

We should probably ask. For such an open person, she's weirdly closed off about it.

Uh… maybe we shouldn't ask, then? Like, if she doesn't want to talk about it…

M-maybe? Talking about stuff like that is supposed to help, right?

Does it ever help us?

…It helped me. Talking to Castalia really helped me a lot. Even if I am a PTSD symptom, I'm not just a PTSD symptom. I'm me.

And if you're a PTSD symptom, I definitely am too. Or hell, maybe I'm the only symptom, and you're the real one. You're kind of a lot more functional than I am these days, especially when dealing with people. I'm just good for fighting, and I'm not even better than you at that.

Woah. Uh. What? No, Fulgora, you're fine. You can do all kinds of stuff. There's nothing wrong with you!

There's obviously something wrong with me, I just can't figure out what it is. It feels like every time I try to say anything about myself everyone just gets depressed and concerned and full of fucking pity. I just… I don't know. It's not a big deal. It shouldn't be a big deal.

Hey. Hey. It's alright.

It's not alright! I can't even function as well as the literal child that lives in my head!

Fulgora, no. I'm not 'someone else who lives in your head,' okay? We might be different, but we're still one and the same. Two halves of a whole. Everything we ever do, we do it together. We share our victories and our defeats. I'm not better than you. I will never be better than you, because I can't even exist without you. If I tried, I would be someone else entirely. Every good part about me is a good part of you, too. Everything you struggle with is my struggle, too. We're together, forever and always.

If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

I… just like that? I thought we were supposed to be different. Two separate people.

A team has more than one person, but they're still one team. They fight and live and die as one.

Our team didn't.

And we know to never make that mistake again, don't we?

…Yeah. Yeah, we do. Okay.

Between you and me, we don't have a team leader. It's just two partners. I rely on you for everything you're good at, and you rely on me for everything you're bad at. That's how it works.

But what am I even good at?

"Eliza! Hey! Do any of these look nice?"

Chloe's words pull me out of the internal conversation, directing my attention over to a collection of clothes in her arms.

"I grabbed these because I thought it would be more of Fulgora's style… you are Fulgora still, right?"

"Yeah," I confirm. "I don't really have a style, though."

"Er, well, I meant like how Minerva described your preferences. Pants, bulky tops, dark colors? That kind of thing."

"Uh. Yeah, I guess," I shrug. "I don't care a lot what they look like. I just like practical clothes. Cargo pants and stuff."

"How are these?" she asks, holding up a pair of black cargo pants. "I found them in the men's section, is that okay? Also, what's your size?"

"Uh, they're fine I guess. I wear a lot of men's clothes. And I don't know."

"No worries, we'll find out!"

I am rushed off into the changing rooms and forced through several outfits, which I just sort of let happen. None of it really matters to me, but it makes Chloe happy and I owe her that much. Eventually she's satisfied with something or another, and she moves on to Castalia, picking out a few colorful tank tops and holding them up for Castalia to judge.

"I am not sure these will work," Castalia says.

"Work?" Chloe asks.

In response, Castalia just wordlessly lifts one of the shirts out of Chloe's grasp and floats into the changing room with it, emerging with it… mostly on. The strap on her right side failed to catch on her missing shoulder and just hangs limply instead.

"Uncomfortable," Castalia summarizes.

"G-gotcha," Chloe nods awkwardly. "I'll look for shirts with straps closer to the neck. Actually, how do you feel about shirts with a strap that runs behind your neck?"

"Don't know. Probably fine," she answers. "I am used to wearing a necklace."

Yeah, I bet. Her transformation stone is always hanging proudly on her chest, gleaming a brilliant yellow. It's a heavy thing to always hold around your neck. Different Earth Guardians tend to keep their stones in different places, but I've always used a necklace too, just like her. Unlike her, I always keep mine hidden underneath my shirt. It's not even visible in my Fulgora transformation. Only Minerva lets it show.

I don't know why I'm so afraid to do so myself. It's the only thing I am and the only thing I ever will be. Why am I so uncomfortable with showing it?

Fulgora? You okay?

"Hey, Chloe?" I ask. "Should I try on some of these clothes in my incarnate form, do you think?"

Oh, heck yeah!

"Oh! Um, sure, if you want to! Give it a shot!" Chloe agrees.

I nod, bringing some clothes into the changing room and taking a deep breath. This feels… wrong. Why does it feel wrong, when for Minerva it felt so right?

"I Wɪʟʟ Nᴏᴛ Fᴀɪʟ," I incant, letting the magic wash over me. "Fᴜʀɪᴏᴜs Aᴠᴇɴɢᴇʀ Sᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴏʀ Fᴜʟɢᴏʀᴀ."

The aches and pains of my human form fade into the background, leaving the aches and pains of my incarnate form in their place. This isn't as bad, though. I'm still soothed by the relief of getting to be my true self at all.

Taking off my incarnate outfit to put real clothes on, though… that's a little weird. I've never done it before. I'm not sure I've even seen what I look like in my incarnate form without clothes on. But… well, there's a first time for everything. I gaze into the mirror, staring for a moment at the unfamiliar yet perfectly correct face. I don't really look at mirrors much in my incarnate form either, but this face isn't a bad one. Still has the bags under the eyes, but I guess even my truest self is always tired. I will most of my clothes away, leaving me in just my underwear.

Heh. A black sports bra and boyshorts. I like it. I don't have much in the way of breasts in any of my forms, but they are there and fighting would get painful if I didn't have something to hold them in place. The sports bra is tight enough to make me look almost completely flat, not that I really mind. I'm not exactly looking to attract a date. It's more convenient this way.

I've got some solid abs, though. That's cool. I don't really work out in my human form; it doesn't exactly carry over, but I'm always working hard in my incarnate form and it shows. I can be a little proud of that, I think. My whole body is lean and toned, just the way it should be.

Well, time to put some clothes back on, I suppose. In the same way that Castalia has no trouble wearing a tank top in the winter, there's nothing stopping me from wearing long-sleeved black clothing in the summer so that's what Chloe got me. Even my human form is hard to make too cold or too hot.

Hmm. Yeah. This hoodie is surprisingly comfortable. I step back out of the changing room and give Chloe a nod.

"How do I look?" I ask.

"Aaaaaaah oh my gosh you look great!" she squees. "Gosh, it's so weird that you look like a completely different person. I guess that's how you keep secret identities, huh?"

"Yup," I confirm. "It's convenient. Or it was, I guess."

"Haha, I guess so," Chloe says. "I bet it's also nice with the whole two of you thing. You each get your own face."

Oooh, I hadn't even thought of that. That's neat!

Ha. We don't look at ourselves much, huh?

We really don't.

"Hmm? Oh, hey Luna!" Chloe smiles as the mute girl walks up and pokes her to get her attention. "Yeah, this is Eliza. Or… Fulgora? Do you wanna be called Fulgora when you're like this?"

"Definitely," I confirm. Being called Eliza when I'm like this would just be wrong.

Luna signs a little more. I should really learn sign language if I'm going to be hanging out with her all the time, it's always kind of awkward. I've never been all that good at learning stuff, though.

"Oh! Uh… she's asking if there's any particular reason you go by three different names," Chloe translates awkwardly.

Well, if that's not a perfect setup I don't know what is!

Seriously? We're doing this already? I was kind of hoping for a little more time to mentally prepare myself.

Want me to do it?

No! I just got into my incarnate form, and I'm keeping the body. I just need to psych myself up a little.

Well, you'd better hurry up, because they're both starting to stare at us!

Gaaa! Fine, fine, I will!

"Uh… well, you know how I have two incarnate forms?" I ask. Luna nods. "Well, I'm sort of maybe two different people sharing the same body. Somehow."

Well, here it is. The moment of truth. How does she react? How does she feel about her new friend being some kind of crazy weirdo? I can't read her expression at all. Even her emotions are strangely inscrutable, almost like she doesn't even care. She signs exactly two words, causing Chloe to blink with surprise.

"Um… she said, 'Okay. Cool,'" Chloe translates.

"…Cool?" I ask incredulously.

"She says, 'Would you rather I think it's not cool?'"

"What?" I ask, having absolutely no idea how to respond. "It's just… Chloe said it's a PTSD symptom. Most people don't think PTSD symptoms are cool."

"She says… 'Well, that's rude of her.' What do you mean it's rude? I…" Chloe trails off, pursing her lips as Luna continues. "I… well, yeah, I guess I wouldn't want to be called a PTSD symptom, but…"

"But she's not one," I finish for her. "And I am. So it's a little different."

Luna actually has the audacity to roll her eyes at me. I almost snap at her, but she starts signing more so I shut up. Even I'm not mad enough to start talking over the mute girl.

"…She says, 'It doesn't matter why you were born or what you were born as. The only thing that matters is who you are right now.' And, uh, yeah, I guess I can't argue with that."

"She's right," Castalia agrees, floating over. "Loving and embracing yourself is the secret to strength."

Now it's my turn to roll my eyes.

"I'm not a yellow mage, Castalia," I remind her. "It doesn't work like that for me."

Castalia slightly scrunches her eyebrows together.

"…No?" she says. "I think it still does? I am… not sure how to describe why, but…"

Luna, for whatever reason, suddenly flashes through several different emotions when Castalia says those words, not that I can really parse what her deal is. Which is why it's all the more unexpected when she suddenly steps forward and gives me a hug. I go completely stiff, not having any idea what to do in this situation. What if I hug her back and I end up crushing her? I mean, I know how to control my strength, so there's no reason I would, but what if I did anyway?

She pulls away, hands on my shoulders as she motions with her head towards the checkout counter. I guess she wants to leave?

"Uh… sure," I agree, following her as she leads the group to pay for everything I've chosen. It's a little awkward leaning over to let the clerk scan the tags on the clothes I'm still wearing, but she doesn't seem to mind, and Castalia quickly pinches the tags and disintegrates them afterwards. The clothes are even more comfortable now. I hadn't really noticed before.

Luna starts signing things at the other two as we leave the store, but they both just nod along instead of translating so I tune it out. I wonder how long we're going to be here. I should probably be training instead…

"Maybe like, an outdoor supply store?" Chloe says out loud. Luna snaps her fingers and points at her, a gesture that I think might not be sign language and might just be a normal gesture for 'great idea!' Luna immediately turns and starts leading us off in a different direction, so I guess she knows where she's going? I just follow along like I always do.

Luna drags us into an outdoor supply and sporting store, leading me towards a selection of combat boots that I suppose I do need to admit are pretty nice. We didn't buy shoes at the last place so I'm back in my incarnate outfit's shoes, and… well, I mean, they fit great, but I'm not entirely opposed to having another option available. Minerva has her little pair of kid's shoes right behind our door, I guess I could get some of my own, too.

Luna, Castalia, and Chloe all team up to find me shoes for some reason, but I guess it does make the process go by faster, and it's… helpful to have other people's opinions to rely on to try and kickstart a few of my own. Without them pushing me, I'd probably not have picked anything or just picked the first thing that fit.

After we decide on shoes, Luna wanders off for a bit and comes back with a bigass pocket knife, wiggling her eyebrows as she holds it out to me. I can't help but smirk a little at her antics, accepting the blade for inspection. Hmm. Come to think of it, I ended up leaving my gun with my real body when I changed into my incarnate form, so I'm kind of unarmed right now… I mean, except for my incarnate weapon which I can summon at any time, but still. I like the idea of having a knife. I thank Luna and add it to the goods. She gives me a thumbs-up.

Yep, I like her.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not sure how I feel about her reaction to the whole 'us' thing, but it definitely could have been worse.

For sure! She seems pretty supportive. It's nice. We really lucked out.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess we did. I let a small smile touch my face as we head towards checkout.

"Oh gosh, are you sure, Luna?"

Hmm? Oh, Luna's nodding. I guess she's sure about something. Who knows what.

Everybody but us, I think. Because they all speak sign language.

Hmm. Yeah, what's up with that, anyway? Why do Chloe and Castalia know it? Like good for them or whatever, but it's a bit of an uncommon thing to know.

I dunno. You can probably just ask them.

Would that be rude?

I… don't think so? Why would it… well, I guess maybe it could be. Oh gosh, would that be rude?

That's what I'm saying!

"Uh, gosh, I mean, I'll ask her," Chloe says. "Hey, uh, Fulgora? Luna's asking if you're still sore all the time?"

"Huh?" I blink. Have I mentioned that before? "I guess kinda, why?"

"She's asking if you want to get a massage. There's a stall for it nearby."

"Uh, that's not really necessary," I say. I'm already wasting enough of her money.

"She says, uh… do you really want me to translate that?" Chloe asks. Luna nods rapidly. "Um, okay, she says 'Bitch if you don't get those knots out of your muscles I will judo throw you into the pretzel shop and bake them golden brown.'"

I blink.

"…What?" I manage.

"I am also sore," Castalia chimes in. "I think it would be fun."

"I… okay, fine," I sigh, letting the others drag me into it. There's no real point in arguing against it; I ultimately don't care that much either way. "I should learn sign language. How come you two know?"

"Oh, uh… I used to have a friend that was deaf," Chloe says.

"Thalia was deaf," Castalia says.

The two of them look at each other, sharing a moment of mutual suspicion.

"I… no, there's no way, right?" Chloe insists. "Thalia was your age. How old are you, twenty? Twenty-one?"

"I am twenty-four," Castalia answers.

"Wh—seriously!?" Chloe blinks. "Wait, but I thought you were in your third year of college?"

"I did not graduate high school, and was too busy for college until I retired," Castalia answers. "So I started college when I was twenty-two. I am very impressed with Eliza for managing to do her duties and her schooling simultaneously."

"Y-yeah, okay, well my friend was my age, not… six years older than me," Chloe says. "And as far as I know she's still alive? Gosh, I hope she's still alive."

"Wait, back up," I say. "Thalia was deaf? I know I didn't know you all that well back then, but I never noticed that."

"It didn't come up much while she was in her incarnate form," Castalia half-shrugs. "Her magic gave her enough power over sound that she could tell when someone was talking to her, and she was an adequate lip reader."

"Huh," I say. "I honestly never knew. Is that why she talked so weird?"

The slightest frown twitches on Castalia's face, and I have to resist an urge to step back.

"There was nothing wrong with the way Thalia spoke," she says firmly. "But sign language was her preference."

"Uh… yeah," I agree. "Right. Sorry."

I was pretty young when Castalia's team was still together. Thalia died when I was… what, twelve? But I still had a few years to get to know them, and they coached my team a bit from time to time. I was a pretty stupid kid, of course. I didn't really understand much of what was going on around me on a good day, and… I also had bad days. Castalia and her team were too old for me to be anything like friends with any of them. They were just people to look up to. Invincible warriors that we could always count on no matter what. And then, Thalia died, Melpomene betrayed us, Castalia stopped talking to anybody, and we were left entirely unprepared for taking over everything they used to do.

So my friends died next, and I just ran away and let it happen.

The memories push everything else away for a while, the rest of the world fading into the background as my thoughts drain into the past. Flora, our leader. Such a classic yellow mage, all smiles and confidence and perfectly curly blonde hair, the kind that makes you wanna grab it and stretch it out to watch it bounce back like a spring. Carmenta, our frontline. She was a red mage. Hated monsters, hated the dark world, hated all of it, but she was a good friend and a fearsome fighter. And Fulgora, the scared little green mage. The girl who stayed waaaaay far away from the fight, raining down lightning from a safe distance. Never wanting to get close enough to see the crystals growing out of the enemy's split-open skin. She called it overwatch instead of cowardice, and somehow her friends believed her.

And so, when the tide flowed too quickly, when the beastly legacy of the Antipathy overwhelmed what we had so foolishly considered strength, she was the only one to get away.

Something touches my shoulder and I jolt, my heartbeat screaming in my ears as I gather magic around my hand, about to swipe at my attacker in an attempt to destroy it before it tears off my arm. My other hand wraps around the new knife in my pocket, which… wait, why don't I have my weapon summoned already, what's—oh god!

I abort my attack at the same time that Luna takes a step back to dodge, the two of us staring at each other in mutual shock. Holy shit. Holy shit I almost killed her. Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god oh my god. Fuck fuck fuck fuck, how could I have… I can't believe I…

Luna waves a hand to get my attention and my eyes snap her way. She indicates herself and takes a long, slow breath. Then, she exhales just as slowly, motioning for me to join her.

"Oh. Oh! Y-yeah, oh gosh, deep breaths, Eliza," Chloe says. "You're gonna be okay. It's going to be okay."

I don't know what's happening. My heart is racing. Everything hurts. I can't even think, so there's nothing for me to do but obey, to do what I'm told and breathe in time with the person I almost just killed. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be in public. I should never use my incarnate form on Earth again.

Luna waves her hand a little to get my attention, returning my focus to my breathing. I follow her and do what she does, Castalia panicking a little nearby before calming down as she figures out what's going on. Not that I know what's going on, but everybody else fucking seems to, as always! It's all I can do to obey. To just keep breathing. Keep doing. Anything but having to keep thinking for myself.

After some time, I don't know how long, I realize it's over. My heart no longer feels like it's trying to drill its way free. My breaths are no longer in danger of accelerating all by themselves if I stop focusing on them. I blink a few times, and Luna notices, pointing at me, making an OK sign with her hand, and tilting her head questioningly.

"…Yeah," I confirm. "I'm… I'm okay."

She points at herself and nods, giving me a thumbs-up. 'Me too,' I assume.

"I am so, so sorry," I breathe. "I… that's never happened before, I swear. I just panicked for no reason and I… I almost hurt you."

Luna shakes her head, looking at Chloe and signing some words I can't even guess at.

"She says… it's entirely her fault," Chloe says, frowning. "She never should have touched you without your permission and should have known better. Nothing would have gone wrong if she hadn't invaded your personal space."

"That's stupid," I say without really thinking about it. But it sounds stupid. This was obviously my fault.

"Fulgora!!!"

What? That voice…

Oh no.

I turn towards the person shouting my name, praying it isn't who I think it is, but if god is real I've always known he must hate me. Sure enough, Anath stands in the middle of the mall hallway, pointing dramatically towards me.

"I finally found you!" she declares happily, her tail twitching with excitement. "It was really hard! But then you went incarnate form and it wasn't! That means you want to fight too, right!?"

Want to fight? Want to fight? God, I hate this stupid bitch. She's so sure she understands me but she doesn't get a single damn thing. Want to fight. If I wasn't so exhausted I'd probably laugh. But fuck it. Sure. Maybe I can beat just a little bit of the stupid out of her before I rip her transformation stone off her stupid choker and shove it down her throat for Uma'tama to pick out of a prison toilet!

"Fulgora, no, you don't have to do this," Chloe says, but I'm already marching over, summoning my staff to my hand.

"Oh! Are we fighting right here?" Anath says, putting up her fists in something almost like a real combat stance. "I mean, I figured you'd want to head somewhere with less people, but okay! I didn't even ask Jim where you were this time…"

How dare she even say his name. I feel the anger bubbling up inside me and I let it go, power pouring into my limbs. I must be even more pissed than I thought; it feels like the rage is filling the air, especially behind… me?

"Oh! Oh, uh, hi!" Anath says, and she's also looking behind me for some reason. "Hey, uh, totally normal girl I don't know. You might maybe wanna step baaaaaaAGHLBFLAAAAAA!!!"

Anath's confused words transition instantly into agonized screams as Luna stomps in front of me and shoves a can of pepper spray into her open mouth, unloading its contents directly onto her tongue. Anath collapses faster than when I shatter her spine, writhing on the ground and clutching her face as tears stream out of her eyes.

Luna is furious, more angry than I've ever felt from a normal person before, taking a moment to glower down at her incapacitated victim before turning back to face me, her rage washing away into exasperation in an instant. She holds out her hand, and lacking anything else to do, I take it. She gently pulls me away from the crying Corrupted and towards the massage therapy place.

"Huh?" I manage.

"Holy shit, Luna," Chloe hisses, quickly catching up with us.

"That was very dangerous," Castalia chides.

"Gosh, I really thought you were kidding when you told me about the giant blue and yellow squirrel," Chloe whimpers. "Are we really just going to leave her there?"

Luna looks back at her, nods, and hurries everyone away as an increasingly concerned crowd starts to gather around Anath. The insane girl's screams continue to echo throughout the mall.

I'm not sure what just happened, but I think I'm having a good day again.